Disclaimer: Don't own anything! You all know that!
A/N: First of all I like to apologize for the delay, wasn't planning that even though I've written the upcoming chapters weeks ago. But it seems like my beta is in limbo and is busy! So this chapter isn't betaed either. I hope you guys don't mind and I hope my beta won't be so busy anymore! But I understand it if she's busy! Anyway, second of all, I was a bit disappointed by the lack of feedback for my last chapter, I understand it was a bad one, I thoughts so but it was sort of a filler with no content at all. It sorta flew that way and I couldn't change it! Anyway the next few chapters are hopefully coming out sooner if you guys will review. I know you're reading this because I get the story alerts but there is no review. Believe me, I rather update if you guys reviewed. Anyway, enough ranting, here comes the next chapter! Enjoy.
A Reason To Go,
Paul moved very slowly but maybe that only looked like that way because I felt everything was like a blur. Him moving into the house while I closed the door behind me. Him sitting down on the couch while I plopped down next to him. My voice was horribly monotone, like I wasn't putting any emotion into my words, like it didn't matter. But it did, I may not have showed any emotion but I sure felt it. On the inside everything was on overdrive. My whole mind was spinning and my stomach had formed a knot.
"When her parents came here they took her back home, thinking that my mother had taken care of her. My mother had, but they should've taken her to the hospital immediately. They shouldn't have waited a week. All the evidence was of course washed away and when Lily's parents had persuaded her to press charges they had no prove. The only prove they had, was me finding her and my mother, who had helped her with her injuries." I took a deep breath. I wasn't quite sure what I had told or what not. But somehow it wasn't like my mouth was connected to my brain and so on I kept talking.
"But I didn't testify." I felt terrible when I said this. The whole thing seemed treacherous and I felt like I had betrayed Lily over again.
"Why not?" Paul asked gently. He seemed quite mellow when I looked at him. Careful but still secure.
"Because my parents didn't want me involved with something this dangerous." At this point suddenly everything rushed back. Along with the tears. I inhaled sharply as I felt the betraying tears cling to my cheeks. I brushed them away but they kept coming. I had no control on them whatsoever.
"If only I had testified. At least Dante wouldn't have gotten away but I listened to my parents." I sobbed. "Oh gosh I was so stupid."
I hiccupped as more tears fell. I felt warm arms surround me. I felt like I was being sheltered and I wrapped my own arms around his neck pulling myself closer to him. His warm hands trailed down to the small of my back and settled there. I buried my face in his chest for the second time today and found comfort in his scent that had grown so familiar. It felt right.
"I'm sorry for all this."" I said, putting my hands in the air, motioning the whole situation. I had pulled away and tried to keep the tears away, but it felt like they had a mind of their own. It just kept flowing, I was surprised that it just kept coming, shouldn't I be dehydrated or something?
"It's alright." He mumbled quietly. He hadn't reacted like I had expected, I thought he would be angrier but he seemed a bit, I wasn't quite sure, but it almost looked like he felt defenceless. I wondered what it would mean, because Paul isn't the sorta person that would feel defenceless in the first place.
"I'm not sure." I replied honestly. "I don't feel alright." I shrugged in despair and had to refrain the urge to pull my hair in utter desperation. I felt helpless, what was I going to do to make this all go away? I wasn't sure, what to do. A little voice in my head told me that Paul could help, maybe physically he could keep Dante away but in my mind there is no inner circle to protect me. Because let's face it, I'm the biggest enemy I have and the one person I really should fear is me.
"Maybe you should go." I murmured quietly. I didn't want to hurt Paul but I needed to get away from him, his presence was starting to smother me and right now I wanted space, space to breathe and move freely. I looked at Paul and saw that he didn't look hurt at all, in fact, he looked like he agreed. He bended forward and pressed his lips on the corner of my mouth gently. His lips were practically half an inch away from mine and I could feel the skin he touch tingle and burn. I didn't know what to do and kept my eyes on my hands that were lying limply on my lap.
He didn't say anything, but his gesture meant the world. Sometimes words aren't enough to explain but deeds can do the trick well enough. The moment the door clicked closed the room felt cold. With Paul here it filled up the empty blanks and his warmth radiating throughout the whole room. But today his warmth smothered me and it felt nice to have the cool seep through my clothes. Even though I know I shouldn't let it get to me too badly.
I sighed and decided to move away from the couch and as I ascended the stairs I dragged my feet, never really lifting my heels off the floor. I was glad my parents were away for the week. They were in New York, my dad had a lecture and my mother wanted to go with him so I made the decision for her and told her that I could manage things here at home.
As I moved into my room and opened the door that led to my bathroom I realized that I had to make dinner. Time had passed quickly and it was now six thirty PM. Time with Paul passed quickly and I didn't even notice. I opened the hot tap and the hot water cascaded on my shoulders. The hot water relaxed my muscles and soon I felt mellow again, calm, and somehow collected. But one thing remained the same.
What was I going to do?
*^*
I was always surprised how much noise a few students could make in only a half an hour. Today was no difference. The La Push school wasn't big, an estimated 239 students, including me. Most of the students weren't even in the cafeteria, yet it seemed so crowed. I was glad that everyone sat at the same table every single day.
"Seth, do I look bothered?" Summer said. Her aggravation showing clearly in her voice. I woke up from my reverie and pursed my lips, trying to keep my laughter inside. They were quite amusing today. Somehow they had put aside their differences and were bickering; only it seemed less personal and more amusing. I couldn't help but keep staring at them and I rested my elbows on the table we were sitting at.
"Well, no but-" Seth began. He had a clueless look on his face and was speechless.
"Than stop talking." Summer responded evenly.
"But-"
"No." Summer replied, looking at Seth. She held her small hand up and moved her face away from him. Seth looked befuddled as he constantly tried to say something but Summer was determined and didn't let him talk. Holding one hand up in the air, all high and mighty while the other grabbed a sandwich and she stuffed her mouth.
"Crap." Seth whispered and his shoulders slugged forward. Brady patted him on the back while he rolled his eyes and gave his sister a pointed look. Summer glared at her little brother and huffed before muttering something incoherently.
"So things are going better now?" I looked up startled and almost head butted with Paul who moved away quickly. A smile appeared on my face before I even realized it and I patted the seat next to me excitedly.
Good going Julie, you don't seem desperate at all.
Things hadn't been awkward at all since I told him, not even since the almost-kiss-which-wasn't-really-a-kiss-but-I-still-counted-it-as-one. I wondered how a real kiss would be with Paul, I mean, he must be a good kisser if he can give me butterflies with just looking at me.
As Paul sat down next to me I felt his arm brush mine and I felt the hairs on my neck stand up in anticipation. Gosh, it looked like I was seriously deprived or something, I was constantly reacting to every single thing Paul did. My body automatically responded to his and moved in the same direction when he shifted in his seat. Was that even healthy?
"Jules?" I looked up at Kim who was waving her hands in front of my face. I shook my head to clear my thoughts and looked at her while a sly smile appeared on her face.
"What?" I asked.
"There's a bonfire this Friday, to celebrate our holiday. You coming?" Next week we had one week off to study for exams but most of the students thought of it as skipping school for a week and not studying. I suppose the school knew as well, I mean how many kids would really study in that week? None, I'll tell you.
"She'll come." Paul stated putting his arm around my shoulder. I felt his woodsy smell and I bit my lip in response. Gosh I was about to combust.
"I will? I-I will." I stuttered. I picked up my bottle of water and took a sip hoping it would bring down the temperature down. I felt extremely flustered and couldn't help but shift my legs and twitch in my seat. Paul either decided not to react or didn't notice. I hoped the latter or else it would be quite awkward for me.
"Good." Kim said and Jared pecked her cheek. I felt the heat rise to my cheeks and shifted again, obviously uncomfortable. I decided to take a sip of my water again.
"Whatcha doing Jules? Why are you looking like something crawled up your ass and died?" Jared suddenly said and in shock to what he said I spit out the content of my mouth spitting it all over a grimacing Seth. He glared at me and he looked at his shirt in disgust. I smiled sheepishly and the table erupted in laughter. I wiped my mouth with my sleeve and distinctively ignored the burning present of one specific Quileute next to me.
"I need some air." I muttered dragging Summer out of her seat. Summer looked extremely annoyed but let me drag her out of the cafeteria. Kim was following us and as we opened the door the cold wind hit us and I hoped the temperature outside would cool me down. Lord knows I needed it.
"What are you doing Jules? You're acting off." Summer said looking at me.
"I like Paul." I mumbled. Summer gave me one hard stare. Her green eyes narrowed in slits while her dark hair was tucked behind her ears aggressively. She raised her hands in the air and than crossed her arms giving me a silent glare. I didn't understand her behaviour, she seemed quite hostile, I knew she could be distant but never hostile, at least not towards me.
"Guys, what's going on? Why did you run?" Kim's voice rang in the air and I turned to my left seeing Kim running towards us. I smiled and she looked at me expectedly before her gaze settled on Summer.
"What's wrong with her?" Kim demanded. I shrugged wanting to know the answer to.
"Why don't you ask little miss sunshine over here?" Summer said pointing at me. I frowned, her hostile demeanour didn't make any sense and she was getting on my nerves.
"Julie?" Kim asked looking at me.
I rolled my eyes. "I told Summer I like Paul." Kim's reaction was what I was expecting. She started to squeal and before I knew it she had smothered me in a bear hug effectively pushing out every ounce of oxygen I had left in my body.
"I knew it." Kim exclaimed.
"Can't breathe." I choked out. Kim let me go immediately.
"Well I didn't." Summer exclaimed.
"What's your problem?" I wondered. I crossed my arms and looked into her eyes. I knew that I sounded hostile as well but I was merely giving her what she just gave me.
"You know what, never mind, if you're going to make a mistake, go right ahead. But when you get hurt, don't come crying to me." Summer cried out, her anger showing on her face.
"What are you talking about Summer? You're making no sense." I responded.
"I'm talking about Paul, don't act stupid Julie, it doesn't suit you." Summer spat. I narrowed my eyes at her. There was no need to act like a bitch and I voiced that thought.
"Summer, this doesn't sound like you. What's wrong?" Kim asked gently.
"You know what's wrong Kim, and I think it's time that Julie knows to. After all she deserves to know what Paul truly is." I frowned. What were they talking about? I couldn't decipher anything about their silly conversation and decided to butt in.
"I don't understand, both of you aren't making any sense. What about Paul?" I demanded forcing myself between them.
"Summer, this doesn't concern you, stay out of their lives." Kim spat looking at Summer with true anger in her eyes. Kim never really got this hyped up during a fight. She would argue for a while but give up eventually. But now she didn't back out.
"Of course it concerns me. Julie is my friend." Summer said.
"Start acting like one and let Paul tell her in his own time." Kim responded.
"Guys! Tell me what?" I urged. The whole situation was starting to get on my nerves and I wanted to know what the whole fight was about? Because I was feeling quite clueless now.
"That Paul isn't what you think he is." Summer responded looking at me. I felt the colour drain out of my face and I could see in my peripheral vision Paul, Jared, Seth and Brady move in our direction. I turned my gaze towards Paul before I turned to Kim and Summer again, who were still arguing.
"What do you mean with that Summer? What don't I know about Paul?" I asked, my voice quivered and I realized that something was going with Paul and that it was really important for me to know. But Kim cut me off before I could even continue asking.
"Summer, for once in your life stop thinking of yourself!" Kim shouted at the top of her lungs. "This isn't about Julie or Paul for that matter but about you and Seth. So drop the whole thing right now! Don't you dare force Julie into making the same mistake you made. Don't you stoop to that level. You made a choice whether you should or you shouldn't react to Seth's feelings and I will simply refuse to let your prejudices corrupt Julie. It's her life and I'm not sure if you realized but she made her choice already and she chose Paul." Kim's breathing was hard and her chest was moving with the intensity of her shouting. Summer had grown pale and she looked at Kim with tears in her eyes and I knew that whatever they were hiding it involved me to, because I was the one that didn't know.
"I'm asking you to walk away." Kim said harshly and before I knew it Summer had made her way past us while she bumped into Kim's shoulder. Her loud footsteps somehow echoed in my ears and as she swiftly passed Seth I didn't miss the twinge of guilt and pain that crossed Seth's face.
"What just happened?" Jared demanded when he saw Kim, who was obviously upset.
"I think you know." I said steadily, looking at Paul.
A/N: You know the drill!
