A/N- A lot happens in this chapter and it moves the story along a few weeks.
Thanks for every single review, follow and favourite. A quick update, I know but the truth is I actually have the next chapter written and have already started the one after that. This story is really flowing for me at the moment and it's so gratifying knowing people are enjoying it.
Disclaimer- Downton belongs to ITV/Carnival/Julian Fellowes.
The phone call had been a living nightmare. Anna had decided to enter into it completely deadpan, to not be governed by her emotions but how could that be possible when almost every emotion she felt recently was at the hands on the man on the other end of the line. She told John everything, what Ryan was doing, what he wanted, what he expected of her.
'He isn't your keeper, Anna,' John had argued, Anna closing her eyes as she recognised his voice growing shakier as his pleading increased. 'He can't do this.'
'I have to take everything into consideration, John,' she said in response, looking out of the open living room door to the room where Milo was sleeping on the opposite side of the hallway. To say he had been unhappy about news of New York was an understatement. Was Madison coming too, he had asked. They had left on her putting him to bed and promising to explain in the morning. She couldn't help it then, allowing a whimper to escape her, her voice was desperate. 'He wants to take my baby away from me, John. And he means it. I can't let that happen.'
'Woah sweetheart, take a minute, breathe' John's tone calmed her somewhat, she choosing to sit down and cease her pacing of the floor. That word. Coming from him. Anna was beginning to realise it was one of the most blissful sounds she had ever heard. She would miss that. 'What did Ryan say to you exactly?'
'That his uncle said my taking Milo away would go against me in a court of law,' Anna explained before thoughts of her son finding out filled her mind. 'He knows now, Milo I mean. And he didn't take it very well.'
'What did he say?'
Pausing before answering, Anna inhaled a shuddering breath. 'He asked if Madison was coming, too.'
'Oh Anna,' John gasped, she could feel his despair just by his tone of voice.
'But I am in a no win situation, John,' Anna continued, trying to persuade him this was the right thing to do. 'Even if I were to stay here, Ryan won't let me be with you without going for full custody. So if I go to New York and Ryan gets what he wants in visiting once a month, at least there will be some distance between me and you which will make things easier.'
'Can't he see how unreasonable he is being?'
'No, that's the trouble with him John. He is unable of seeing anything unless it's through that twisted logic of his. He's afraid you'll take over his place with Milo.'
'I'd never do that.'
'I know that,' Anna sighed, thinking she had never known a man with a sweeter nature than John. 'But I can't lose my baby boy, John. I just can't live without him.'
'So this is it, then?'
Squeezing her eyes shut, Anna couldn't stop the tears that left them upon hearing his words. It was all so final. 'Please tell me you understand, John. That you would do the same thing.'
'Anna, it doesn't matter what…'
'All the same,' she whispered, 'I'd like to know.'
Hearing him sigh, Anna waited with baited breath to hear his response. 'I understand what it feels like to do anything to keep your child close to you, to love someone that much. And whilst I don't agree with what Ryan is doing, I do know you have to do what you have to do.'
'Thank you.'
'Do you still want the kids to see each other,' John stopped before explaining himself, 'outside of nursery I mean?'
'Maybe we could make some arrangements that Cora and my mum take them. Seeing you would be too painful and too risky. I don't want Ryan to get the wrong idea.'
'This is insane, Anna. I love spending time with you, you do with me, don't you?'
'Yes.'
'What harm will a few more weeks do, really? I am not going to form a father son bond with Milo in a little under three months, am I?
'Please John, don't,' Anna begged. 'I have to do this. Ryan is relentless.'
'Alright,' John backed down, 'I'll talk to Cora.'
Silence fell then, the only sound that could be heard was their breathing as both came to terms with the fact that this was it. Everything they had shared had evaporated at the hands of one man's jealous actions. And Anna hadn't prepared herself for how it would feel, how much it was hurting her right now. Is this what leaving him in March would have felt like? She hadn't expected it to be this hard.
'Thank you, John.' She prayed with every fibre of her being he understood how far her gratitude went. He had shown her how a man should treat a woman, how one should be made to feel. However, she wasn't sure any other man could come close to making her feel the way that John did.
'Goodbye Anna.'
And then he was gone. And Anna let the grief consume her, dropping her phone on the sofa beside her and hugging her knees tightly into her chest.
She would never know again the gentle yet confident touch of John's hands on her body, the sensation of him looking at her like only he could. And it made her feel nothing but empty.
John sat on the stairs of the Crawley's home, balloon in one hand, can of lager in the other. He hated the stuff, but seeing as Robert and his daughter's respective husbands and boyfriends had drunk every other drop of alcohol in the whole house it was all that was left. He had never been one for New Years, but his best friend had insisted John and his daughter join them. Once Madison had got wind there was party, John didn't have the heart so say no.
He pulled the brim of his sparkly green bowler hat over his brow, his attempt at 'getting into the spirit of things,' and closed his eyes. John had been hurting since that phone call with Anna, wanting to bury himself away from the outside world and deal with it in his own way. But being the father to a four year old girl such as Madison, it wasn't an easy task.
But he didn't want to shut himself away from his daughter, how could he when she had been his shining light for so long now? She made the good times even better and the bad times bearable. Knowing John would see Madison at the end of a long day made everything worthwhile.
And he would need to draw on all of the strength he took from his daughter to get through this. It would have hurt in March, he knew that but at least he could have begun to prepare himself for Anna leaving. This had seemed so sudden and it cut like a knife, especially after the day they had spent together with the children.
Lifting the can to his lips, he took a long sip before he saw a flash of movement to his left. The music from the living room sounded louder for a moment before descending into a muffle once again. His little girl bounded into view then, looking for him, he could tell. John couldn't help the smile that formed on his lips at the sight of her. She had insisted on wearing her best party dress, and he could see someone had jazzed up the bunches he had put in her hair before they had left the house. Over the years, John had become quite adept at doing her hair. Or so he chose to think.
'Psst,' he whispered, Madison immediately turning her head to see where the noise was coming from. John realised he was slightly out of view, leaning forward to look around the end of the banister. 'Looking for me, little one?'
'There you are, Daddy,' she said with a giggle in her voice. Madison began to skip towards him, John unable to avert his gaze from her as she sat on the steps beside him. She reached up to straighten his hat, causing John to smile.
'Thank you.'
'Why are you out here?'
'I just needed a minute to think,' John shrugged. 'What are you doing out here?'
'Uncle Robert said they are nearly ready to do the countdown to new year. I didn't want you to miss it, Daddy.'
'Oh right,' John looked at his watch, noting the time was nearly ten to midnight.
'Are you okay, Daddy?' Madison asked, wrapping her tiny arms around his forearm. John met her gaze. 'You have seemed sad today.'
God, she was so perceptive. John had tried to hide it, but evidently his attempts had been futile. 'I will be okay, little one. Don't worry about me.'
'Shall I bring you tea and honey like Piglet does when Pooh is sad?'
Laughing out loud, John placed a kiss on Madison's head before standing up, taking her hand in his. 'I wouldn't let you near a kettle my darling, but thanks for the thought. Daddy will be alright.'
They walked back into the living room, Madison running to sit with Mary and Sybil. John saw Robert walking, or rather staggering towards him before gesturing for John to follow him. Sighing, John followed his friend and back out into the hallway.
'Alright, what is it?'
'What is what?' John asked, closing the living room door behind him.
'You've been quiet this evening.'
John shrugged. 'I'm allowed to be, aren't I?'
'Is this about Anna?'
Releasing a heavy breath, John looked to the ceiling. 'I don't want to talk about it.'
'Has she ended things?'
'For God's sake, Rob,' John snapped, taking the hat off his head.
'Take it that's a yes, then. Why?'
Running a hand through his hair, John was resigned to the fact Robert wasn't going to let up until he had told him everything. 'Her ex, that's why.'
'Oh, she gone back to him, has she?'
'No,' John replied impatiently, shaking his head. 'He told her if she carries on seeing me, he will go for full custody of Milo. He's worried I am going to take his place.'
A moment of silence passed as Robert processed the new information he had been given. 'Well, she's going to New York anyway so it's probably the right thing to do.'
'Probably,' John replied none too convincingly. He looked up to meet his friends gaze.
'Look John, I want you to be happy but maybe ending it now is the best for everyone.'
'I can't get her out of my mind though, Robert. It's driving me crazy.' John rubbed the back of his neck before looking to the ceiling. 'Her ex is a controlling bastard, a jealous one at that. Like I could take his place in Milo's life. I am not even trying to.'
'It sounds to me like his biggest qualm is you seeing Milo, rather than Anna.'
'Maybe,' John answered weakly.
'So still see Anna.'
John's eyes snapped back towards his friend. 'What?'
'This ex of hers can't keep her under twenty four hour surveillance. Meet in secret. Cora is controlling the play dates now,' Robert rolled his eyes before adding, 'and now I know why, so there will never have any reason for him to suspect.'
'What you are suggesting is madness.'
'Yes, I quite agree,' Robert nodded his head. 'I think ending whatever is between you and Anna is for the best. But you obviously don't. And like I just said, I want you to be happy. I'd rather you had a few more weeks with her and few less of you wallowing in self pity.'
John looked away from Robert then, considering what he had just said. If they were careful, it could work. He was sure Anna would agree to it, it was just a matter of trying to convince her.
'How do I get Anna onside?'
'That my friend,' Robert said, patting him on the shoulder. 'Is where you must be creative. Come on, we'll miss the countdown.'
New Year had been a damp squib as far as Anna was concerned. Milo was with Ryan, and she had declined her parents offer of joining them at Elsie's sister's house in Bridlington. Ever since she had ended things with John, she had been living life in a blur, the only thing keeping her sane was her little boy, thus emphasising her belief she simply couldn't do without him.
As the clock chimed to midnight, and having already spoken to Milo to wish him a happy new year, Anna sat in the armchair in her living room, John's number selected and her finger hovering over the call button. She didn't know what she would say, she just wanted to hear his voice, if she was honest. Anna felt ridiculous, acting like some lovesick teenager. This was how it was going to be in a few weeks anyway, they were never going to be in it for the long haul. Just a short period of happiness before going off to start a new life.
Anna was a woman with needs, she was quite honest with herself about that. She just hadn't expected to end up feeling for John quite as deeply as she did. So much so, she always stopped herself from admitting her feelings, as if pushing them away made them seem less real.
For the briefest of moments, she regretted suggesting their little arrangement in the first place, but just one thought of what they had shared and those regrets all but disappeared. It had been worth it. This pain she was feeling was worth it. And she decided she would do it all over again. Without question.
Looking at her watch, the time edging closer to one, Anna decided to call time on her own personal welcome for the New Year and head to bed. Finishing the remnants of her glass of wine, she stood up and noticed the television was on, having forgotten she had started watching it an hour or so previously to watch the countdown from London.
'Time for bed,' she said to herself with a sigh. If she could fall asleep, that is. It hadn't been coming easily for the past few days. Switching off the television, she trudged out of the living room and towards her bedroom, gearing herself up for another long night.
A couple of days later and Anna was back to work. Milo would be returning from the south coast with his Dad at the weekend, Ryan having arranged to have him for the first week of January. Walking into the reception of the accountants where she worked, she smiled at the normality of it all. Yes, normality was what she needed. Gwen, the receptionist, was sitting at her desk, working through a pile of folders.
'Good morning, Gwen. Nice Christmas?'
'Oh you know, the usual,' she replied with a cheery tone before running her left hand through her hair. Anna noticed a sparkle of something or other, before realising Gwen was wearing an engagement ring.
'Gwen,' Anna said sceptically, 'there seems to be something rather shiny, rather silver and rather expensive on your left hand. Either you've been treating yourself in the sales or I'd say Shaun proposed.'
'He did,' Gwen confirmed her suspicions, 'On Christmas Day. We took Tyson, his mum's Yorkshire terrier for a walk and he got down on one knee, right by the stream. It were dead romantic.'
'Sounds it,' Anna replied with a smile, stepping closer to her receptionist. 'Let's have a better look, then.'
Gwen happily motioned her hand in Anna's direction, she studying the jewellery closely. 'Oh Gwen, it's stunning.'
'Isn't it?'
Anna nodded before letting go of Gwen's hand. 'Congratulations.'
'Thanks,' Gwen smiled, the epitome of happiness as she continued on with her task.
'Any appointments?'
'Well, there weren't until this afternoon, but a local business owner called up asking about our services. I said he could come in and see you this morning. He'll be here by half nine.'
'Lovely,' Anna replied with a sigh. 'Ease myself back in. Just buzz me when he arrives.'
'Will do.'
Her place of work was down a little corridor next to the reception. Walking in and closing the door behind her, Anna looked around. She loved the privacy of it all. Her little office. A nice view of the Yorkshire countryside outside her window, people only allowed to enter her little cocoon if she gave them permission to. She had learnt her trade here, she had become excellent at her trade here. It was geeky, but Anna loved making books balance, she loved numbers and her job meant the world to her.
Taking off her jacket, she placed it on the back of her swivel chair. Straightening out the bottom of her blouse, she pulled her chair back and sat down. Releasing a sigh, she turned on her computer. Might as well try and work through what would have probably been a thousand emails before her first appointment. The plaque displaying her name and position that sat at the front of her desk caught her eye. At this branch of Miller's Accountants, she was the Financial Controller. However, in the New York Office she was to become the Chief Financial Officer, a position she had been striving towards for the past couple of years.
Dress for the job you want, not the job you have had been her father's advice when she set out for her first day as File Clerk here, the position Gwen now held. And she had carried those words with her throughout her working life. Being the Chief Financial Officer meant the buck stopped with you, any decisions you made on behalf of the company who had hired your services had to be on the money. And Anna relished the responsibility. She could do it, she wanted to do it.
Thomas Barrow, the Accounting Manager here had also applied for the position in Manhattan and it was fair to say he hadn't been the same towards her once Anna was given the job. Still, Anna wasn't here to make friends and she was proud to be making her way in a cutthroat industry which was primarily dominated by men. She supposed that was a major catalyst in her needing to follow this through, despite her relationship with John. She had been working hard every day to achieve her goals and now they had been realised she owed it to herself to follow them through.
'Anna.'
The buzz made Anna jump, having not been around it for a little over a week. 'Yes Gwen.'
'Your first appointment is here, can I send him through?'
Anna looked around her completely bare desk, save her name plaque and a picture of Milo. She had no equipment to make notes or anything having not yet visited the stationary cupboard. Remembering what she had in her briefcase, Anna opened it and placed her Disney Princess pad and Minnie Mouse pen on the table. That would have to do for now.
'Yes, send him through please, Gwen.'
Carrying on logging into her computer, Anna locked her gaze on the computer screen before hearing a knock at the door. 'Come in.'
The door opened and Anna didn't look up for a moment, opening the program she used to record information given to her by new clients. Once the window appeared on the screen, she averted her gaze from the monitor and was lost for words as she took in the sight of who was standing in front of her.
'Hello Anna.'
It was John, looking very smart in a black suit and red tie, a briefcase in his right hand. His hair was slicked back, he looked every inch the businessman. God, he looked gorgeous and she felt her stomach tighten as she eyed him from head to toe.
She looked absolutely stunning. John had always liked her in the clothes she wore to work, the way she took so much pride in her appearance. She was the consummate professional and it was one of the things he admired most about her.
'John,' Anna gasped, slowly rising to her feet. 'What are you doing here? I thought the surgery had an accountant?'
'We do. I'm not here for that,' John shook his head. ' Or rather, officially I am here for that if your receptionist is asked. I told my partner I had an appointment with the headmaster of the school I want Madison to go to. I needed an excuse to see you.'
Anna simply stared back at him, her face etched in confusion. 'I don't understand.'
He placed his briefcase on the sofa in the corner of the room. Their gaze locked before John began to move closer to Anna. He knew what he wanted and knew it was what Anna wanted too, deep down. He just needed to convince her. 'I have missed you like crazy. Do you know that?'
'John, don't,' Anna pleaded, closing her eyes.
'Don't what? Tell you that I have been going out of mind, that every time I close my eyes all I can see is your face. That at night all I want is to feel you beside me.'
Her voice was weak as she spoke. 'John, we agreed…'
'We agreed to something that is so completely ridiculous I can't even put it into words. I won't be dictated to by a little boy who thinks he owns you, Anna.'
'John, I can't risk…'
He was standing beside her now and having him so close was intoxicating. His smell, the sound of his breathing, it was all too much. Then he began to whisper in her ear, only a sliver of daylight between them and Anna was rendered helpless.
'Ryan's main concern is my forming a relationship with Milo? Well, although it pains me to say it, we have eliminated any chance of me seeing him properly with Cora now taking Maddie to their play dates. So as long we are careful, I don't see why me and you can't carry on seeing each other in secret.'
'What… what,' she stammered, unable to cope with the sensation of his proximity. John knew what he was doing, Anna was sure of it. 'What if Ryan follows me? What if someone sees us?'
'He can't watch you twenty four hours a day. He's away with work a lot, isn't he?'
'Yes.'
John placed his hand on Anna's cheek, stroking her jaw line softly with his thumb. 'Then I suggest we be vigilant, never be seen together at each other's homes, and meet in places where he won't even think about looking.'
'Like where?'
'Hotels. We could drive somewhere. Just any place we can be alone together.' He moved his head to look at her. 'That is if you want to, Anna. I know and understand how important Milo is to you but if we are careful, I can't see anything jeopardising your arrangement with Ryan. All I know is this is too good to throw away.'
'And what about when I go to New York?' Anna forced herself to concentrate for a moment. 'We will just have to say goodbye all over again. Why not just end things now and give ourselves more time to get over it?'
'There's a difference between being ten minutes away from each other and having a ten hour flight to contend with. I couldn't let this lie, not knowing you were so close.'
She released a shuddery breath before John lips found her neck. Anna was suddenly finding another reason to be thankful for the privacy of her office. 'God, John.'
'Tell me to stop,' he growled in her ear. 'Tell me you don't want this. And I'll leave right now.'
His movements stilled, his touch on her ceased and Anna felt her whole body go cold instantly. She wanted John, she couldn't deny it. He had shaken her down to her foundations with a just a few kisses to her neck, with his whole demeanour since he had arrived. In that moment, she didn't care if what he was proposing was completely wrong. If it was utter madness. All she knew was that she wanted him. Right here, right now.
John felt her tug on his tie as she guided him back towards her desk. She sat on the edge of it and John found himself between Anna's legs before he could even catch up. She was kissing him with such aching need he could feel himself harden instantly. Anna wanted him here and the notion thrilled him beyond all coherent thought. Shrugging his jacket from his shoulders, Anna broke the kiss to remove John's tie before tossing both the items of clothing behind him.
'Here?'
All he could manage was a choked syllable to make sure this was what she wanted. Anna locked her gaze with his and nodded, her eyes half lidded with desire. John smirked at her before resuming the kiss they had been sharing before, increasing the intensity if that was at all possible. He was running his hands up and down her back, trying to get as close to her as he possibly could. The thud of her shoes hitting the floor echoed in the room. Anna's skirt was bunched up around her hips, the only barriers between them a few pieces of cloth. Pulling away from her, John's trembling fingers found the top of Anna's tights and the waistband of her underwear. She lifted her hips to help him in guiding them down over her thighs, removing them completely.
'Multi-tasking,' she gasped, tangling her hands in his hair. 'I like it, Mr Bates.'
'You are such a gorgeous woman, Anna,' John said in response, brushing his lips roughly against hers, taking her bottom lip between his teeth before kneeling down by the desk between her legs. He tested her with his index finger, feeling how wet she was eliciting a groan from him. Without saying a word, he took Anna by surprise by breaching her folds with his tongue, lapping at her as she collapsed back against the desk in complete ecstasy.
'Oh my,' she could barely remember her own name, let alone his as he tasted her, brushing his tongue against her core and driving her to the edge. It was too much, all too much. How could she have even contemplated being without this? She needed to feel the intense pleasure only he could create. But most of all, at this very moment, she needed him inside her. She needed to be connected to him. John felt her hands at his scalp and lifted his head to meet her gaze. Anna didn't need to use words, the look in her eye told him everything. Weeks of learning about her in this way had seen to that.
Standing up, he undid his belt buckle and trouser fastening. Anna sat up and then John was inside her, buried. Both released groans at the divine sensation coursing through both of their bodies, to be joined together when they thought it would never happen again was overwhelming. A beat passed between them before John was speaking.
'I've missed this, sweetheart,' John rumbled in her ear. Anna couldn't help the involuntary moan that escaped her at hearing the sound of his endearment once more. 'I've missed you.'
'I've missed you too, John. So much.' Anna was clinging tightly to his shoulders, revelling in having him so close, his heavy bulk leant up against her. Where he belonged.
John was rocking his hips now, slowly building up a steady rhythm, Anna keeping up as best she could but the control of this particular tryst was all John's. He placed his hands on the underside of her thighs, pulling Anna's legs more tightly around him as he moved inside her. She felt so wonderful and tight around him, so lush and hot. It was going to be too much longer before John was spent.
'How close are you?' John murmured, resting his forehead against Anna's.
'Hmmm, not far.'
'I want us to come together, Anna.'
'Yes.'
'That hasn't happened yet,' he continued, increasing the pace of his hips as he spoke. 'Getting closer?'
'Uh huh,' she gasped, 'close now.'
'Good,' the tone to his voice made her desire increase rapidly, 'because I am ready to explode, Anna.'
'Oh God, John.'
The candidness to his words and him uttering her name at such a time was enough to edge her closer, she could feel the gentle throb at her core growing ever stronger. He was thrusting into her hard now, Anna struggling to think or feel anything other than John all around her. His hands had moved to her bottom, John was practically lifting her off the desk as he pushed up into Anna as far as he could.
'Come on, Anna,' and with one last jerk of his hips he whispered, 'now.'
And then it happened. The groan that escaped John at that moment was unlike any Anna had ever heard before and she was right there with him. She was clenching all around him as he emptied inside her, both of their haggard breaths filling the air as John gently rested her on the table again, his arms now wrapped tightly around her waist. His head was buried in the crook of her neck and she could feel him shaking. Nothing before could ever compare to how that had just felt. If that was what people meant by the Earth moving, then that was certainly what had just happened. Mind-blowing.
Anna felt John kissing her shoulder through her blouse, then slowly moving his head to kiss her cheek before meeting her eyes with his own. She could do nothing in that moment but press her lips to his, kissing him languidly as they both struggled to recover.
'Bloody hell,' he sighed, causing Anna to chuckle. 'It's never felt like that before.'
'Oh, not for me either,' Anna agreed, running a hand through his dishevelled hair. 'Me either.'
'I take it you agree to my little proposal?'
Against her better judgement, she did. 'Yes.'
'Thank you,' John replied, then he placed a light kiss on her forehead. 'I promise we'll be careful, we won't get caught. It's just, I'm not quite ready to say goodbye to you yet.'
They helped each other restore their clothing, John grateful he put a comb in the breast pocket of his jacket. Once satisfied they looked presentable, John took Anna by the hand.
'You are quite sure about this, Anna? I don't want you to do anything you might not feel comfortable with.'
'As long as Ryan doesn't find out, it is fine with me.'
John nodded. 'When are you free next? Shall I make the arrangements for our next meeting?'
'No need, Milo is away with Ryan until next week. Maddie is with Cora overnight on Thursday, isn't she?'
'Yes, but isn't your place too risky? We both know Ryan is prone to turning up out of the blue.'
'Good point,' Anna sighed, folding her arms before meeting his gaze. She was smirking and John couldn't help but do the same. 'Meeting at a hotel seems terribly naughty. Wicked even.'
'It doesn't just have to be meeting up to make love,' John explained as he stepped closer to her, taking a strand of her hair between his thumb and forefinger. 'We could drive somewhere and have dinner, or go for a walk. I've said this to you before, this isn't just sex for me, Anna. I want to know you, all about you. Before it's too late.'
'Well, I want to get to know you too, Mr Bates,' she said, her tone holding a slightly seductive lilt. 'But I wasn't saying meeting up to go to bed together was a bad thing.' She straightened his tie. 'Just naughty, that's all. I can do naughty. We can talk afterwards.'
'That sounds like a wonderful suggestion,' John squeezed her hand a little more tightly. 'Shall I book a hotel for Thursday night then?'
'Yes. Somewhere far enough away so as not to not arouse suspicion but close enough so we can get to work in the morning.'
'Consider it done, I know the place,' he said before stealing a kiss. 'I best get going.' Anna followed him to the door, John picking up his briefcase before placing his hand on the door handle. Anna rested a hand on his forearm from behind him. 'Everything alright?'
'I just wanted you to know I have never made love with anyone in my office before,' she whispered in his ear. 'Or indeed on a table.'
'I haven't either.'
'Something else unique to us then, Mr Bates.'
She drew out the vowel in his surname, causing him to gasp. John looked at her over his shoulder. 'You'll be the death of me.'
As they reached the reception area, Gwen looked up to see them say their farewells. Anna noticed Thomas was in the building now as well, doing some photocopying in the corner of the room.
'Thank you Mr Bates, I do hope you'll recommend us to your business associates.'
He half smirked at her words, raising an eyebrow before offering Anna his hand, she clasping her fingers around his. Even the touch of his hand sent electricity jolting through her.
'Your service is certainly,' John stopped to find the right word before continuing, 'thorough, Miss Smith. I'll be in touch.'
Seeing that Gwen was now looking at her computer screen and the man in the corner had his back to them, John offered her a wink before smirking. Anna blushed at his actions before shifting from foot to foot. With a nod of his head, John turned on his heel and left the room.
'Blimey, he was a little bit tasty, for an older man I mean,' Gwen remarked once John had left.
Anna turned to regard her receptionist before shrugging her shoulders nonchalantly. 'He's not bad, I suppose.' She walked back in the direction of her office. 'I don't want to be disturbed until lunch time, Gwen.'
'No problem,' Gwen replied as she typed vigorously at her keyboard. It was a good thing too. It would take Anna that long to recover.
And meet up was what they did. For the next few weeks Cora and Elsie were the co-ordinators of the children's play dates, although it pained Anna not to see Maddie, and John, Milo. But that was the way it simply had to be. Ryan had made his demands and if Anna was to keep her son safely with her, then John absolutely couldn't be seen with Milo.
Madison and Milo's friendship was still as strong as ever. Both were sad Milo was leaving, but neither really understood the sheer magnitude of what was about to happen to them. Neither of their parents had the heart or the right words to explain to them they would probably not see each other again. They would just have to find out when the time came.
January passed by so quickly, as did February. Anna and John didn't just sleep together on their secret trysts, although more often than not their meetings would result in one or both of them finding pleasure in one way or another. There were drives to the coast, meals in country pubs, walks hand in hand through the countryside. Just simply enjoying being together whilst they could. Both made a pact to not mention New York, and both had stuck to it.
John was more or less ready to tell Anna he was in love with her when March arrived, and if circumstances were different, he would have told her. Anna was much more guarded with what she admitted to herself. She knew she had never felt this way before, that she had already come to terms with. But voicing her feelings to John, and worse still, hearing he reciprocated them, would make leaving so much more painful. It left any admission out of the question. She had decided it was better for those things to be left unsaid.
Having found a spare couple of hours, John had rung Anna to arrange an impromptu lunchtime meeting, a week or so before she was due to leave for America. He had managed to secure a room at what was fast becoming almost their second home, Downton Abbey, a five star hotel some half an hour drive from Anna's office.
There was a back entrance where John met Anna, meaning their reason for staying was never speculated over, he checking in on his own. In their meetings here, Anna had got into the habit of having the radio on as they lay together. It had been the catalyst for many a conversation about each other. Someone's music taste went a long way to telling you about them as a person. Or so Anna believed, anyway.
'Never had much faith in love or miracles, never want to put my heart on the line,' came the lyric from the radio. 'But swimming in your world is something spiritual, I'm born again every time you spend the night.'
'Trust this song to come on at this point,' Anna murmured, rolling her eyes as John covered her naked body with his own. If she was hearing correctly, John was singing along to the radio. She searched for his gaze. His voice was modest, to say the least but Anna didn't mind that. Not in the slightest. 'I never had you down as a Bruno Mars fan.'
'Cause your sex takes me to paradise, yeah your sex takes me to paradise,' he sang under his breath, smirking that smirk, running a hand over her breast and watching her nipple harden in response to his touch. 'And it shows, yeah, yeah, yeah.'
'John,' Anna was half laughing, half groaning with desire as she brought both of her hands to rest at the back of his neck. He balanced himself slightly above her, both of his arms on the pillow beside her head, taking strands of her hair in his hands. He carried on singing, looking deeply into her eyes. And all of a sudden, the situation became slightly more serious.
'Cause you make me feel like, I've been locked out of heaven,' John placed a kiss on the tip of her nose, 'for too long. For too long.'
She couldn't help reaching up and covering his lips with her own. He slipped inside her, Anna's legs moving to wrap around John's waist. The roll of his hips was slow as he rocked against her, she taking him as deep as he could go and then he withdrew, as if he was keeping in rhythm with the beat of the song as it played on. There was nothing intense or frantic about it, just two people enjoying the sensations only being joined together in this way could bring. Anna's climax built slowly within her, starting as a small wave before engulfing her and spreading pleasure from the hair on her head to the tips of her toes. John was seemingly in no hurry, keeping his movements slow although he had recognised Anna had reached her end.
'Can I just stay here, spend the rest of my days here?' He resumed his singing, still pushing himself into Anna, his breathing harder with each stroke. Anna wondered how he was doing it,singing and keeping up his ministrations. 'Can I just stay here, spend the rest of my days here?'
'I wish,' Anna said in response, causing John to chuckle. In the next moment he was releasing a rasping moan, meeting Anna's hips one more time before ceasing his movements completely. His whole body collapsed against her, his voice was muffled as he spoke, resting his head face down on the pillow beside Anna. 'Oh, I needed that. That was nice.'
She was laughing again and it was sweeter music to John's ears than anything that could be played on the radio. 'It was. As was your singing, John. I never knew you had it in you.'
'Sorry, I couldn't help but sing along, corny I know but it felt right.' John made his apologies, although there was no need to.
'It was lovely,' she tangled her fingers in the hair at his temples, as she had loved to do so many times before. 'Another memory I shall treasure.'
And with those words, John's world suddenly turned grey again. He couldn't let Anna know that though, kissing her lips before moving to lie beside her. She rested her head on his chest, John taking her into his embrace and clinging onto her tightly. He would never get enough of the feel of her skin on his.
'He misses you, you know.'
'Who does?'
'Milo,' Anna replied, tangling her fingers in the hair that was drizzled generously on John's chest.
'It wasn't my choice, Anna.'
'I know that.'
'I miss him too,' John said, his tone dripping with sincerity. 'Madison asked me the other day why you don't come and see me. She asked why we weren't friends anymore.'
'Nothing gets past them, does it?' Anna remarked, John shutting his eyes with the prospect of sleep on the horizon. Whenever he was with Anna in the afterglow, it was the most relaxed he had ever felt in his life.
'No,' he agreed groggily. 'Nothing.'
'Mr Bates, you can't fall asleep. We have to go back to work this afternoon..'
'You best think of some ways to keep me awake then, Miss Smith.'
In the next moment, Anna was disappearing under the covers and soon sleep was the furthest thing from John's mind.
And then the day arrived. Their last rendezvous. Time to say goodbye. John had booked a room at Downton Abbey, with Madison staying at Cora's and Milo with his grandparents, Anna telling them she was having a farewell night out with her colleagues. John had arrived first, waiting at the back door of the hotel that lead onto the patio. He was devastated to have to be saying goodbye. But this is what they had agreed to. Tonight was always going to happen.
A rush of noise behind him made John look over his shoulder back into the hotel. There was a wedding reception taking place this evening, and three of the guests were heading his way, to get a breath of air, no doubt.
'Alright mate?' One of them asked, taking in the appearance of John in his suit. 'The party is in there.'
'Sounds like it,' John smiled, hearing the vibrations of the music from the large room on the other side of the hotel lobby. 'But I'm not a guest at the wedding. Have a nice evening, though.'
'Cheers,' one of the men said, before he and his companions took a seat on a bench situated in the middle of the patio.
John chanced another look at his watch, he had booked a table for dinner at eight and the time was now five minutes to. Then he looked up, and coherent thought was fruitless, taking a breath was proving difficult. Anna was walking towards him across the patio, looking absolutely flawless in a knee length red dress, her long blonde hair bouncing on her shoulders as she walked. Meeting her gaze, she smiled upon seeing him and John felt his knees go weak, how he was still standing upright, he didn't know.
'Sorry I'm late,' Anna said, kissing John on the cheek once she had reached him. 'Milo wouldn't let me leave then there was traffic. I left my bag in the car so we can put it in the room after dinner so we aren't late.' John remained silent, simply taking in the sight of her from head to toe. She furrowed her brow, laughing slightly. 'Everything alright?'
'What?' John gasped, before shaking his head in an attempt to focus himself. 'Sorry, you just look.' He took her hand in his, entwining his fingers with hers. Savouring every touch. Every moment. 'You look beautiful.'
'Thank you,' she replied, running a hand over his jacket sleeve, squeezing his forearm. 'You don't look too bad yourself.'
Dinner was a jovial affair, John and Anna trying to put the inevitable to the back of their minds and enjoy their last evening together. The conversation got onto weddings they had been to, with what else was going on in the hotel that evening. Then both told tales of their children, which was always a favourite topic of conversation. Towards the end of the meal, Anna had begun to tease John by running her foot along the bottom of his leg, his mind soon drifting to taking her upstairs to bed.
But once the bill was paid and it was time to leave, Anna suddenly wanted a walk around the gardens outside. John wasn't in a position to deny her, the way she looked tonight and the way she held him spellbound, John knew he would follow her over the edge of a cliff if that was what she wanted. Once outside, the music from the reception was clearly audible now one of the doors to the main hall had been opened. It was half past ten and the party was in full swing.
John and Anna walked for a little while before Anna took hold of John's arm, causing him to come to a stop. 'Can we stay here, and listen to the music for a little while? We have all night. It's just so peaceful out here.'
'Apart from the disco going on in there.' John pointed to open door.
They sat on one of the many benches on the patio, the trees systematically dotted around adorned with tree lights. It was a perfect atmosphere that surrounded them. Anna was with him. Of course this was perfect. The sound of the DJ talking soon filled their ears as they sat beside each other, John's arm resting on the bench behind Anna.
'And now, the bride and groom would like to invite you to share the last dance with them before they leave. So grab the one you love, and join them on the dance floor.'
The opening bars of a song Anna vaguely recognised began, before she clicked her fingers as what it was came to her mind. 'Westlife.'
'What about them?'
'This is them,' Anna said, gesturing towards the wedding reception. 'The song.'
'Oh right.'
An idea was playing over in Anna's mind, a memory that could be created. Something else to treasure. She stood up before turning around and offering John her hand. 'Dance with me.'
'What, here?' John looked around them. They were on their own, but he wasn't party to dancing. Never had been, never would be.
'Sorry guys,' John looked over to the door as the music stopped and the DJ began speaking again. 'We are just starting that song again. Seems the groom couldn't be located but we've found him now.'
'Please. Before the song starts again,' Anna pleaded. John exhaled a deep breath before looking into Anna's eyes, noting the look he found there. She really wanted this, how could he really say no? On tonight of all nights. He was on his feet and accepting Anna into his embrace, resting his hands on her waist as she wrapped hers around his neck. 'Thank you.'
The commencing of the song coincided with their beginning to move together. John had rested his forehead against Anna's before closing his eyes, the feel of her in his arms was always overwhelming, but especially tonight. Knowing their time was running out. The lyrics began and John found himself listening to them, finding their meaning hitting a little too close to home.
'So here we stand, in our secret place, where the sound of the crowd is so far away.
And you take my hand, and it feels like home. We both understand it's where we belong.
So how do I say, do I say goodbye?
We both have our dreams, we both want to fly.
So let's take tonight, to carry us through, the lonely times.'
Christ. Of all the songs to choose to share their first dance to, and it was one with words such as these. The next thing John hard was the faint sound of Anna singing along to the chorus. The words escaped her in whispers, and his could feel his heart beating faster upon hearing them. He wanted to tell her. He needed to tell her. Whether he rose, or whether she shot him down in flames, it needed to be said.
'All of our tears will be lost in the rain, when I find my way back to your arms again. But until that day you know you are,' Anna continued to sing, John's breathing coming shorter as she did so. 'The Queen of my heart. The Queen of my heart.'
He was moistening his lips, trying to form the words but his mouth was so dry. They continued to move although it was like an out of body experience for John. He was moving, but he didn't know how. The only thing he could comprehend were the three words reverberating around his head. The three words he wanted to say to Anna.
'So let's take tonight, and never let go,
While dancing we'll kiss like there's no tomorrow…'
Almost as soon as those lyrics had been sung Anna had placed her hands on the back of John's head, bringing him closer to her. She covered her mouth with his, seemingly as lost in the moment as he was. They had stopped dancing now, the kiss becoming deeper as the music travelled into the night around them. She pulled away from him, her mouth not a few millimetres distance from his, their forehead's resuming contact and it was then he said it. He couldn't help it. It felt right.
'I love you.'
It was done. She had moved her forehead away from his, her hands had moved to rest on top of his shoulders. Time was standing still as she looked deeply into his eyes. John held her gaze, but as another second passed, and another, a feeling of dread washed over him. A sense of sinking, below water. Unable to rise to the surface. She was moving away from him. John couldn't define her expression, but he definitely didn't feel comfortable.
'John, why?' She finally spoke, placing a hand on her forehead. 'Why did you have to say that?'
'Because it's how I feel,' John shrugged before placing his arms by his side, his hands hitting his legs with a gentle thud. 'In that moment it felt right to tell you. Dancing together, the song. The words. I love you, Anna. I have done so, for so long now.'
'No, not now,' she had begun to pace, her heels tapping the concrete beneath her feet. 'This wasn't meant to happen. We weren't meant to feel like this.'
'So you feel something for me too, then?' John asked, stepping closer to her. She didn't answer, looking at him before bowing her head. John detected a tear on her cheek. Something Robert had said to him, at Christmas, came to the forefront of his mind. 'How was I not meant to feel anything for you, Anna if when every time we lay together, I am giving you a piece of me?' He rested an index finger on one of her forearms as they lay crossed across her body. 'When I make love to you, I am not only giving you my body, I am giving you a part of my heart and soul as well.'
She closed her eyes at his words. Why here, why now? Why did he have to say anything. And why did what he was saying have to be so damned perfect? Anna knew she couldn't stay here tonight because it would end with her admitting something she really wasn't in a position to admit. Her flight to New York left in two days. Her belongings were already in Manhattan. Her flat had been sold. The move was on.
'I have to go,' she whispered, brushing a strand of her hair out of her face.
'Anna, please,' John begged, taking her hand in his. 'Don't do this. You don't have to leave. I know you feel the same about me, I can feel it and I think we will both regret this if I let you walk away. Please Anna.'
'I am leaving with my son for New York in two days,' her tone was colder than she would have liked, but she needed to be like that. Letting down her guard would just result in her ending up in John's arms. 'I am sorry things had to end this way, truly I am but we both knew what we were getting into.'
'Anna.'
He grabbed hold of her arm as she tried to walk away but any attempts now were fruitless. She was going, and he would be left here alone. That was how tonight was going to play out. He met her eye, and he couldn't help the shimmering of tears in his that he was sure she could see. She was crying too, why couldn't she see it didn't have to be like this? They could be together. They could find a way. John would fight tooth and nail to ensure Milo stayed with his Mum. He'd fight anyone to ensure Anna's happiness.
'Goodbye John.'
Removing his hand, John let her go. She was moving away from him at pace, and he was sure he could hear her whimper. God, this hurt. It hurt so much all John wanted to do was roll up in a ball and forget about the world. He had told her he loved her, and she offered nothing in return but regret about her feelings. The world was black, John could feel his heart aching in his chest.
For the first time in his life John was in love with someone. And she was gone.
A/N 2- Songs quoted in this chapter are 'Locked Out Of Heaven' by Bruno Mars, and 'Queen Of My Heart' by Westlife, which I heard playing in my Mum's car the other day and the little scenario I wrote was born.
You didn't really think I could leave the months between Christmas and Anna leaving smut free, did you? Now let the angst properly begin.
