I am soooo sorry that this took so long! I was on vacation for two weeks and had absolutely no time to write an update! That being said, I still am unsure about where I am going with this, so bear with me for the next few chapters as they might seem like filler. I promise more C/B action coming soon!!
Thanks so much for all the reviews and favorites and alerts, you guys keep me writing this!
Chapter Nine: Story Time
The next morning, I woke up a little lateāthe events of the night before still fresh in my head. My five year old daughter knows my past with Chuck Bass.
I got up out of bed, took a shower and got dressed for the day before heading downstairs. Walking in to the kitchen I found Dorota making breakfast.
"Good morning, Dorota. Where is Amelia?" I asked grabbing a glass to mug to fill with coffee.
"Amelia still sleeping, Miss Blair," she said. "I go wake her now," she said as she put down the spatula she was holding.
"No, it's okay. I'll get her up," I said as I walked out of the kitchen, coffee mug in hand.
I walked into Amelia's room to see the penguin on the floor and her arm hanging off the side of the bed. I laughed as I looked at how much my daughter had moved around in her sleep.
"Amelia, sweetie, time to get up," I said as I sat on the edge of her bed and rubbed her back.
"Five more minutes, Mommy!" she said as she lifted her arm to brush me away.
"Come on sweetie, it's already ten o'clock. Time to get up," I said still rubbing her back.
She moaned. "Okay, fine," she said as she slowly sat up, yawning and rubbing her eyes.
I smiled as I watched my adorable daughter slowly waking up. "So what do you want to do today?" I asked her.
She sat and thought for a moment. "I want to talk," she said matter-of-factly.
I couldn't help but giggle. This was such an adult thing to say, and here I was listening to my five-year-old daughter say it. "Talk about what exactly?" I said smiling.
"Well, Aunt Serena told me about Chuck, but I want you to tell me the story. The real story," she said.
I immediately lost my smile and looked down at my hands. "I don't know if that is such a good idea sweetie," I said softly.
"Why not, Mommy? You always say that we are supposed to tell each other everything. That's what mommies and daughters do," she protested.
How did my five-year old daughter become so mature? She was a schemer that was for sure. She knew exactly what to say and how to say it in order to get her way. I think she got it from me. No, I know she got it from me.
"You're right, I did say that," I said hesitantly.
"Good. So come lay in bed with me and let's do story time," she said as she sat up, scotched over to the left side of her bed and reached her arm out to tap the right side of the bed where she wanted me to sit.
I realized then that there was nothing else to do but comply. I walked over to the other side of her bed, lifted the covers and scooted in next to Amelia. I took a deep breath. "Where do you want me to start?" I asked.
"When you first met Chuck," she said.
"Okay, well, I first met Chuck when I was about your age, on my first day of kindergarten. Aunt Serena and I had already been friends, but that first day I met Chuck and Uncle Nate."
"You met Uncle Nate the same day you met Chuck?" Amelia asked.
I nodded. "Yes, I did. They were best friends, just like Serena and I were. After that day, we all became friends, always looking out for each other."
"Did you love Chuck in kindergarten?" she asked innocently.
I laughed at the somewhat blunt question. "No, sweetie. I was only five, just like you are now. Do you think you could love a boy now?" I asked her teasingly.
"Ew, no. Boys have cooties," she said with a disgusted look on her face.
"Exactly. I thought the same thing when I was your age. When I got a little older, I actually thought I loved Uncle Nate," I explained.
"Uncle Nate? But he loves Aunt Jenny," she said confused.
"Yes, now he does. But when we were in middle school and for most of high school, your Uncle Nate and I were in love, or at least we thought we were." I thought about that last part wondering for a moment if it was true. I shook away the thought almost immediately knowing instantly that it was. I was never in love with Nate Archibald, even if I had spent most of my young adult life believing that I was. I realized over time that I loved the idea of Nate; I was never in love with him. I couldn't really explain this to Amelia, maybe one day when she is older.
"Because you loved Chuck, right?" she asked.
"Sort of," I hesitated before continuing, not knowing how to answer in a way she would understand. "It's complicated. I didn't know I was in love with Chuck until my seventeenth birthday. And after that, there was really no going back. I tried to make it work with Nate, but ultimately I knew he wasn't right for me."
Amelia was quiet, so quiet that I was unsure if she understood. "Why don't you love Chuck now?"
I felt my chest tighten and my heart pound at this question. How do I answer this? Do I tell her the truth and tell her that I am still and will probably always be in love with Chuck? I cleared my throat. "Well, sweetie, Chuck and I dated for a while and we were very happy. But then Chuck had to move to France and we knew we couldn't stay together. So we ended things, I kept going to school, met your dad, had you and I couldn't be happier to have you as my daughter."
Amelia didn't say anything at first. She reached over and laid against me, wrapping her arm around my waist; pulling me into a hug. "I'm sorry, Mommy," she finally said.
"Sorry? What do you have to be sorry for?" I asked her confused.
"I'm sorry my Dad didn't love us, and I'm sorry you lost Chuck," she said.
I pulled her up so that she was facing me. "Amelia, that isn't your fault. You have nothing to be sorry about." There was no way I was going to let my daughter feel any sort of guilt for the way my love life turned out.
"I know, I'm just sorry for you," she said, and looking into her eyes, I don't think I could love her any more than I did in that moment.
"I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry that any of that happened, because if it didn't, then I wouldn't have you. I love you Amelia Marie Waldorf."
"I love you too, Mommy," she said as she sat up and threw her arms around my neck to hug me fully.
For the next hour, Amelia asked me to tell her stories about Chuck, so I did. I told her about our first kiss after Victrola, but didn't go into any more of the details. I told her about my seventeenth birthday, and about the necklace. I told her about what he did for me at prom, making sure that I was prom queen and that I had the perfect night. I told her about the day he told me he loved me. I told her all about how Chuck visited me at school while he worked for Bart. I even told her about the last day Chuck and I saw each other. She told me that was her least favorite story, and I had to agree. It was one of the worst days of my life.
"Mommy, I'm hungry," she said after being satisfied with everything that I had told her.
I laughed. "Me too, baby. It's time for lunch. Why don't you take a bath and get dressed and I'll have Dorota make us something to eat?"
"Okay," she said as she finally got up out of bed, grabbed her towel and headed into the bathroom.
I followed her in to get her bath ready and then left her to get ready. I headed down to the kitchen to find Dorota already cooking something.
"Dorota, is that lunch?" I asked sitting at the bar counter.
"Yes, Miss Blair," she replied. "Miss Serena call when you were upstairs. Says to call her back."
"Okay, I'll go do that now." I walked over to the living room and grabbed the phone on the counter. I dialed Serena's number and sat down on the couch.
"Hello?"
"Hey, S. It's me," I said.
"Hey B! Thanks for calling me back," she responded.
"Oh well you should be thankful, seeing as how I should be extremely angry with you right now," I said slightly curtly.
"What? Why, what did I do?" she asked clearly confused.
"Well, I had an interesting chat with my daughter last night, and this morning. You see, it seems that somehow, Amelia knew all about Chuck before she had even met him. Doesn't that sound strange to you Serena?"
"Look, B, I'm sorry. But she asked me and what was I supposed to do. She showed up with that picture of you and Chuck in Paris and asked me all these questions. I knew you weren't going to tell her, but I couldn't lie to her. Not when she had already found the picture. I'm really sorry, B, I should have told you," she pleaded.
"Yes, you should have. It would have saved me from being blind sighted yesterday. But I guess I understand why you did it. I'm not mad. The truth is I shouldn't have lied about it in the first place. I told Amelia I wouldn't keep anything from her and I was being the biggest hypocrite. And now that Chuck is back in my life, I guess it's good that she knows the truth."
"Well I'm glad you told her. And Chuck is back in your life, huh? Anything you want to tell me," she began to say slyly.
"No, Serena. We are just friends. He brought Lucas over yesterday and he and Amelia really hit it off."
"Lucas and Amelia or Chuck and Amelia?" she asked.
I laughed. "Well, both actually. S, she really likes Chuck. I mean the girl will not stop talking or asking about him."
"Well, Waldorf women do seem to have a weakness for that particular Bass," she said jokingly.
"Shut up, S. I'm serious, what do I do? It's hard enough having Chuck back in my life. And now Amelia is attached. What if he leaves again, S? How would Amelia take that?"
"Blair, I don't think we are talking about Amelia here. I think that you are afraid to let him back in because you're afraid of ending up back where you were when you were nineteen," Serena said.
I sighed. Serena knew me better then anyone. "S, I don't know what to do. He's been back for what, a week? And already my heart beats faster and I feel like I can't breathe when he's around. How is that possible?"
"Blair, I know it's been seven years, but I think that you never really fell out of love with him. You guys ended so abruptly and for a reason that I still don't fully understand. It makes sense that having him back feels like the opportunity for a second chance, an opportunity to pick up where you left off."
"So you're saying that I'm still in love with him and that I should give us another shot?" I asked her.
"I'm saying that yes, you are still in love with him, but I'm not sure about you guys getting back together. He's only been back a week, and who knows if he really is going to stay? He hasn't even called me or Eric, or Nate for that matter to tell us that he's back. The only reason I know is because you told me. Why hasn't he come to talk to his oldest friends after all of this time? Be careful, B. It's hard to tell where his head is at," she said.
"I don't know what to do, S. You're right, it's obvious that I still love him and probably always will. But I can't risk him leaving again. It's better if we just stay friends,"
"B, I'm always here to talk if you need it." She replied.
"I know, S. Thank you. So, why did you call in the first place. We got a little side tracked didn't we?" I asked laughing.
"Yeah I guess we did," she said helping to bring the mood back to light. "I actually called to see if you wanted to meet me for lunch tomorrow. Maybe you could tell me all about your play date with Chuck and Lucas."
"Lunch sounds perfect. I'll call you when I know more on my schedule tomorrow," I replied.
"Okay, great! See you tomorrow, then. I love you B, stay strong. Call me whenever you need to talk," she said.
"I love you too, S. Thank you," I replied before hanging up. I thought about what Serena had said. Why hadn't Chuck called Nate, or Serena or Eric letting them know that he was back? Why didn't he want to see his best friend? Or his step brother and sister for that matter? Was he hiding something? Now that I think about it, there wasn't even any mention in the papers about Bart retiring or Chuck returning. I decided that I would call him tomorrow and ask him to meet me to talk. I wanted to find out why Chuck Bass was keeping his return to New York such a big secret.
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