(9)

As the weeks passed, Helena's bruises faded and she became stronger. She lost too much weight but there was still a gleam of determination in her green eyes as she struggled, legs braced, on a treadmill on its lowest setting.

John visited her often in Medical Center and on the third week of her recovery he helped to escort Helena back to her personal quarters. She felt more comfortable in her own space, amongst her books, pottery, and mementos. The change was apparent. In weeks to come she started to thrive.

After a month Helena was walking with crutches. She could now feel her legs but her feet and toes were still numb with an occasional tingle and shooting pain. She participated in physical therapy sessions, did exercises, and even made impromptu visits to Command Center that had everyone smiling.

Maya, of course, was delighted and they lunched often.

Dr. Vincent said she was doing famously and he would not be surprised if she did not completely recovered in two to three months. Helena agreed with that diagnosis, worked minimally in Medical Center, but she also became thoughtful. She was frequently fatigued and there was a chance that her health might never return to what it once was.

That was an unspoken possibility.

Also, she wanted to talk with John about something serious and hoped, in doing so, she would not trudge up some bad memories or cause him a relapse. Their relationship was still tenuous despite his assurance that they were in a good place.


She was sitting up in bed, dressed in her pajamas, massaging her feet, when he came to call. It was suppertime and she smiled, seeing that John had brought dinner for two on trays. It was Chinese – some form of almond chicken and egg rolls.

Instead of taking the food to her lounge, where there was a table and chairs, John laid everything out on her bed. It had become a lovely ritual between the two, a quietly intimate time together, and Helena appreciated his patience.

She was still too fragile for intimacy but John told Helena he could wait for however long it took.

"Are you still seeing Dr. Mathias?" she asked, referring to some on-going emotional issues John was experiencing since Fraiser's death. They started to plague him again. It was not as bad as before Irrigatea but he still had sporadic nightmares.

"Yeah." He said but did not elaborate as he ate. He changed the subject, "Still feeling foot numbness?"

"I can actually feel the balls of my feet now. I can walk on the treadmill without the braces but my toes …" she sighed, mournfully. "Hopefully soon."

"I have faith in you." He said, nonchalantly pushing a fork full of food in his mouth.

"Do you?" she suddenly asked, smiling gently and meeting his eyes.

He felt a little nervous, "Did I do something?"

She chuckled gently, "No – but we need to talk, John. And it's about something we've been avoiding like a plague. I know Dr. Mathias is making progress with you but still hasn't been able to make a breakthrough. I've had time to think and …"

"Helena …"

"Listen to me, John. I've had nothing to do but think since we returned to Alpha and I might have pin pointed your problem."

He inhaled and settled back on the bed. Carefully, he wiped his mouth with a napkin, "And?"

"What I could not quite understand was you reasoning, what was in your head at the time of your change, the way you were looking at Alpha and … us. As much as we loved Victor, even his death hadn't affected you so deeply." She gently bit her lower lip, recalling their friend and how his passing had grieved them both, then she continued, "And I also wondered if what happened to you and Bill in that Eagle was an excuse to finally call it off with me."

"Helena, I …"

"It wasn't an unreasonable thought, John. We've been together for a while, nearly since we left Earth orbit. For me our relationship was still great and I loved you a little more each day. But I had to wonder if I was enough for you; Just a boring Earth woman, a doctor, who loved you. There is nothing too exciting about me in the scheme of the universe. Perhaps, I thought, John Koenig - astronaut, adventurer, and the holder of Earth-life on the moon - needed more.

"That's not true, Helena. Even Seail saw how amazing you are, unique and …"

"It's okay, John." She spoke calmly, "I came to realize, and Dr. Mathias finally agreed with me, that it had to do with us as a couple but not in the way I initially saw it." Carefully, Helena took her tray and lowered it to the floor beside her bed. She watched as the Commander did the same with his. "John, you recognized something in Bill Fraiser. Like him you fell in love with a woman on Alpha and pledge to keep her safe and happy. When Bill died you saw yourself, then when Annette said the things she did, had her breakdown, you saw … me."

His gaze took in hers.

"You were not consciously equating us with the Fraisers but deep down it was a factor. That is why I could not reach you. No matter what I said, how long we waited, how much I showed you love – you could not connect with me. You felt you had failed your people, Bill and Annette, and finally the woman you loved. Then those guilt feelings took you over, made you feel you could not command Alpha."

He was looking away from her, uneasy. Helena inwardly groaned. She knew he did not come here to be analyzed but this was important if she and John were to continue on.

Finally, Koenig nodded, understanding. "Bob said it would take time and he's right. I'm pretty much back to normal. True, some guilt feelings and bad dreams still persist but they always will." He gently grasped one of Helena's hands, "But mostly I feel horrible that my relationship with Tetia nearly got you killed." He paused, gathering himself. "Helena if anything had happened to you I think it really would have pushed me over the edge and I would never have made it back again. I'm not sure that has anything to do with Bill and Annie but it does make a sort of sense, doesn't it? Breaking it off with you, unable to love you because I didn't want to feel or see what happened to Annette happen to you – or me ..." He half smiled and shook his head back and forth, "I was like a child, running away from home, from the people who loved him. Subconscious or not, it's kind of cowardly, isn't it?"

"Human." Helena corrected. The breakthrough she wanted had happened and Helena smiled warmly at John, seeing that he acknowledged it as well. "It is hard living on Alpha; exciting but dangerous too. That said, together we are strong. Just remember that, John. And if one day you lose me or I lose you … " She reached forward her free hand and touched his chest, "… we will always be in each other's hearts."

Simple, honest, and natural. So Helena.

Very gently he leaned in and kissed Helena directly on the lips. John was surprised when he felt her melt into the kiss, Helena's arms wrapping about him. Parting, she whispered in his ear: "Ready when you are."

Stunned, he asked: "Are you sure?"

"Yes." Astonishingly eager, finding a fortitude she should not have had, Helena pushed the jacket off of his shoulders and kissed John deeply.


Later, the trays and dishes forgotten on the floor beside her bed, a soft ticking from the compost in low light, uniform and pajamas tossed awkwardly over the back of a chair near her writing desk, the couple lay in repose on her bed.

"That was …" he started.

"Yeah, it was." She chimed in with a large smile as she looked up at his relaxed expression. Helena hadn't seen John so content in weeks. Even when things seemed good between he and Tetia John still appeared somewhat anxious and thoughtful.

Their passion had been a much needed energizer for the soul.

One of her hands gently massaged his bare chest, her fingers softly raking through his chest hair.

"Helena, do you think we might have taken things too far too soon?' he wondered, considerate of her ordeal despite the fact Helena made the first move.

"No. Not at all." Her tone held a mischievous edge.

He was curious, "Why not?"

"Because …" she pulled back the sheet from their exposed legs and indicated her feet. "I can now feel my toes!" She wriggled them for John to see. "You don't know your own strength, Commander." She said, casually.

Stunned, he could only look from her lovely feet to Helena's amused expression. Both of them could not help the hilarious laughter that parted their lips as they kissed and cuddled closer.

Medical Center would need to know about this new development but the doctors could wait. Tonight was for them, intimate and special, and the future now looked very bright.


This would not be the first or last obstacle to come between loved ones on Moonbase Alpha. However, it was a lesson well learned. Where there was love and devotion there was hope. Miraculous things could happen in deep space, things normal Earthlings could not and would never understand.

But it was as it should be.

And for one couple who slept peacefully together, free of nightmares or anxiety, life was precious and so were the experiences that brought them closer.

Moonbase Alpha moved on.


THE END


Original story written in 1985.

Reedited: May-June 2016.

Chapter 9 written in June 2016.


Thank you everyone for your kind words and comments. Sincerely, Becky