MEANIE PIXIES' QUEST FOR NARRATION

Chapter 7: Last One Out of the Marrissaverse


The trip to Candacension's office was neat and we were in a glass elevator (just like Willy Wanker's one but cooler since it was from an alien planet because as a matter of fact we are still on an alien planet) in a glass shaft in a glass building with distinct colored lights that were not made out of glass so besides those lights we could see everything in Nemiga City. Its trolls were probably minding their own business and looked at the details as being a boring part of everyday life but as Altair itself was new to me I was as excited as ever.

I admired the beauty that the Altairan people had created even if they kept being boring but then I realized that there was something wrong with the way i perceived Altair. With how we focused on these two teams of twelve trolls Belarus and Altair always struck me as rural and yet as of the first trailer of Hiveswap they were proven to have booming cities and train stations and ports and airports and spaceports and everything therefore some time must have passed.

We finally arrived at the very top of the highrise which was where Candacension's office was and we sat down in coutches made from the blood of culled wrigglers and some grownup trolls as well. Candacension was kind to explain to me "Ever since that first kill when I as a distinct being came to life I've always felt the need to kill. I have no idea why and just so my killing doesn't get out of hand I asked for the trolls to gather numbers and reproduce and make cities so that when my thirst for blood is satiated we still have a civilization around." And then I thought the need to ask "Wait, how old are you?"

"Well, Bertha, it has been 388 solar sweeps since we last met and Meanie/Janet was already like 26 Earth years old when Skepness Man and Flashlight Girl died which is 12 solar sweeps and before that Meanie still had 13 solar sweeps so I guess around 413 solar sweeps" and we both giggled because it came so nicely to an arc number even after all this math but then Candacension got serious. "There is no time pointing out numbers that were inevitably going to occur; there is a much more pressing matter we need to discuss" and I got serious as well and therefore I let Candacension begin.

"You see, during this time I had been preoccupied with more than just mindless killing. Killing is fun, but not having an alive population to kill subtracts from that fun, so instead I searched for other things to occupy my time with, and eventually I discovered a passion for reading. Meanie, on her own, could never read more than a single pesterlog, but since I am much more than Meanie ever was, I was able to read big and relevant texts. Such as Enchiridion Marrissa and Additional Discoveries on Marrissaverse History" and I nodded because I agreed that those were the two big, relevant books that you should read as well. But then Candacension continued.

"But there was more to it, even in Skepness Man's own bibliography (which is a word I picked up from the MarrissaTheWriter Wiki and I still have no idea what it means). Such as The Blueberry's Child. And then, there were stories that Skepness Man didn't write, like ITS MY LIFE! and THE MARRISSA GAMES." I o-mouthed because these two names were unfamiliar even to me (well at least THE MARRISSA GAMES was because ITS MY LIFE! is a name in the subtitle to Enchiridion Marrissa) and that meant that there must be a writer other than Skepness Man around!

"As I read more and more, I began to notice a distinct trend: that there are certain moments that are captured within these words and everything else must be derived from them. I, for one, have never found a story which would feature me as the main character, or even a character that appears. Well, except for my Meanie Pixies days, but those are long in the past and I do not feel unity with whoever Meanie Pixies was, so there." It was at this point in the conversation that I had to switch to an entirely different way of thinking to get what she was saying.

"You think that I want and that Meanie wanted narration for selfish purposes, and you are right. But before you smile again or laugh at my words, I think I should point out that I realized that you are only partially right. Making your own mark in history is selfish, yes, but it also helps in providing everyone with an objective view of the world which I have come to known as the Marrissaverse from everyone's point of view, and that means that no one should be excluded." Yeah, well, if you think that you will trick me into thinking I am contributing to some ulterior cause by giving away the narration, you are wrong.

In fact, I will probably make you go on a quest for narration, just like the title says. Also, quests are a thing that common citizens do and by making you go on the quest, you will learn what it means to be a common citizen. Maybe then you will stop being such a meanie (LOL) and stop killing people just because you can and just because that means that you can take their psychic powers. (Bertha's note: Yes, that was important enough to be a whole paragraph. Also, I just realized that I can write like this to mean an author's note or whatever a serious writing note is.)

"It seems that we will have to approach this from an entirely different angle, Bertha Boombooms." Candacension said and instead began to tell my life story. "After all, stories are set in stone and you cannot change their words. And since I also read HARRY POTTER AN THE KILL OF SNAPE, I know how you will end up. You will end up practicing bulimia and then getting exposed in a pony scandal and losing all followers and sewisiding."

"Yeah, well, I don't care about myself anymore. I know that once this story is over, my spotlight will also be over." I said.

"But there must be someone you care about. Such as Chell Junor Roberts" she said, not realizing that she was now Chell Joy Roberts "and Louise Boombooms, trapped down in the streets without a viable time machine to get back to their own planet." I did wonder what was going on with them and decided to switch my point of view to them but only then realized that this was my goof and that Candacension had tricked me.

Damn you, Candacension.

TO BE CONTINUED