Omigosh, Omigosh, OMIGOSH! Finally, I get to be the narrator of the story! Not only that, but we're also gonna be super secret agents starting TOMORROW! THAT IS LIKE, SO AWESOME! But now's not the time to be fantasizing about such trivial matters, now's the time to begin our training regimen!
"Alright Kid and Squid, LISTEN UP!" I barked at both Gary and Roy. "This training facility will not only test your skills and strength as an individual, but as a team! I want the both of you to pull your weights once we get onto the battlefield, YOU GOT THAT!?" Omigosh, I was like the best sergeant ever!
"Hold on a minute," Gary spoke up, "Aren't you taking this way too far? I mean you do know that this is actually the basketball court behind the weapons store, and that we were told to wait here while they finished making the necessary gear for Roy." I thought about it for a little bit, but it wouldn't be fun if I wasn't acting like this. Plus, It'll help out the two, since they hardly know each other! "Alright," I told him. "As a good friend of yours, I'll try and keep it as easy as possible. NOW FLOP AND GIVE ME FIFTY!" Gary instantly shrank into a squid, already getting started on his squidups. I turned over to Roy, who was trying to hide his shyness under his helmet.
Regimen 1: Squid Form
I'm pretty confident that Roy can do it, just like everybody else! After all, he basically came from a time when he was the ruler of the world. He even managed to take several shots back in that one turf war without getting splatted a single time! Despite all those odds, he still wasn't willing to do his squidups. I sighed, this was going to take a long time...
I walked up to him and removed his helmet. "You can do it, trust me." I assured him. I took a couple steps back so he could watch me perform it. "Just follow me lead," I told him. He looked at me, ready to follow my movement.
"Step 1: Just breath." I stood there, closing my eyes and breathing deeply. I opened up a little just to see if Roy was paying attention. Sure enough, he was completely focused on me. Good job, rookie.
"Step 2: Think squid thoughts." I pictured myself squirming around in my ink, swimming about from place to place. And when my mind was finally all squiddy...
"Step 3: Let go of all your worries..." I leaned forward and felt my body falling. Just as I hit the ground, I instantly turned into a squid. Roy, still watching me, was rather worried. I picked up my body, instantly transforming back into my original form. "Alright, now you try!" I told him. Roy was sweating nervously, but I'm sure he could do it! He finally mustered up the courage to try it for himself. He closed his eyes, taking deep breaths. He released all his worries and inhibitions, and then leaned forward...
"Forty-eight... Forty-nine... Fifty!" Gary finally finished his squidups, completely tired from his regimen. "Alright, I'm done. How's Roy do- what the!?" He looked down at Roy, who was ACTUALLY doing the squid form! He was face-down on the ground, his body was completely motionless, and he's all relaxed! He's done it!
"Well done, Roy! Now all you gotta do is practice Step 2, and then you'll turn into a squid for sure!" I told Roy.
"...I don't think he's doing it..." Gary said. "...Nor do I think he ever will."
"Aoauoagh..." Roy moaned.
Regimen 2: Communication
"Alright, listen up chums!" I barked at the two of them. "Communication is crucial on the field of battle! If for some reason we are found in a dangerous situation or have found a point that others can take advantage of, you two clearly need to know how to ping others on the fly! As such, I am giving you two codes to work with: 'C'mon' and 'Booyah'!"
"Hang on a second..." Gary pointed out. "These are the same codes used during Turf Wars! Linny, I know you're excited about this, but we can't treat this like another game; we need to be serious about this." I was serious about this! These codes are important! "As our first exercise, I need Gary to walk behind the wall. Then shout out the phrase 'C'mon' to get Roy to follow you." Gary was a little hesitant, but eventually obeyed, walking behind the wall. After a few moments, a 'C'mon' bellowed from behind the wall. I looked back at Roy, who was looking right back at me. If he was waiting for orders, then that was his order. "Well?" I said to him, "What are you waiting for?"
Roy just stood there, trying to process all this information. Look Roy, it's not that hard. C'mon means 'come on', which means 'follow me', which means STOP STANDING THERE LIKE AN IDIOT AND FOLLOW ME! Roy just kept staring at me, as if awaiting more commands. I pointed at the wall Gary was standing behind. He only stood there, unaware of the task.
"OK, let's try moving on to the next code. Give me a Booyah!"
This time, Roy knew exactly what to do. Except he did it wrong.
"Tsuyah!" he hollered back at me. That prompts him a slap from my hands. "No, no, no! It's 'Booyah', not 'Tsuyah'! Try that again. BOOYAH!"
"Tsuyah!" he hollered again. We were going to be here all day long...
"Dammit Roy, give me a BOOYAH!"
"Tsuyah!"
"BULLSQUID, ROY! GIVE ME A BOOYAH!"
"TSUYAH!"
"BOOYAH!"
"TSUYAH!"
"Cool, a screaming contest." Gary peeped from behind the wall. You're not making it any better, Gary!
Regimen 3: Shooting With Guns
"Alright maggots, final regimen! DO NOT FAIL!" Gary immediately pulled out his Charger, took aim at an inflatable dummy and popped it in one swift shot. Roy just stood there, quite amazed at Gary's amazing skills. Of course, I wouldn't expect less of good ol' Gary! "Your turn, boy!" I barked at him, "Show me what you've got!" Of course, Roy just stood there like the idiot he was during our previous regimen. I thought if I smacked some sense into him, he would finally understand that this is a serious training moment!
"Hold up!" Gary cried out to me, "His weapon is still being developed!" Such a lousy excuse for a warrior from the age of old! I was going to see him destroy that dummy, or else.
"Finished!" a voice suddenly cried from behind me. It was Sheldon, who walked over to Roy handing him what appears to be a pair of shoes. "One deluxe propulsion boot, complete with built-in cushion for your crippled friend! Now he can super jump without any problems whatsoever!" Roy looked at the robotic shoes, decked with amazing glowing lights, ink-tanks attached to the heels, and overall a cool design than the ones I see at Shrimp Kicks. Dang, now I want Sheldon to make me footwear!
"Don't be shy, put em' on!" Gary ushered Roy. Roy looked at both Gary and Sheldon, both looking back at him with anticipation of his new shoes and what they will provide him. Realizing this, (took him long enough!) Roy then took off his old shoes and got into his new ones. "Alright, now try jumping." Sheldon then told Roy. Of course, Roy couldn't understand a single word he was saying. Sheldon then tried jumping, as if teaching a baby squid how to jump. This was just sad...
"Linny, don't forget that he's still a foreigner," Gary told me. I guess he must have seen my sour side. And dang right he should; Roy's completely useless at this point!
Finally understanding what he needed to do, Roy then bent down. He was finally ready to start his very first jump. His boots started glowing rapidly and ink started coming out from the soles of his shoes. As he jumped he soared! ...5 inches off the ground. The shoe was a complete fluke!
"Gao... Maokigalod-GAAAAAAAAAAH!"
Suddenly, his shoes started gushing tons of ink as he was sent straight into the air. During his ascension, he was able to control where he would land by moving his feet in the opposite direction of the gushing ink. When the ink finally stopped, he was falling straight into the dummy! With one good kick, he completely gushed that dummy into pieces! Of course, the gushing from his shoes also sent him back against the wall. Jeez, that looks like it hurt.
Despite all that, he was still content with his kick. He gave out a weak "Ngyesh!" before collapsing onto the ground.
"Well then, I guess he won't be needing a gun then," Sheldon said, eyes widened at what he just witnessed. "Now... Moving onto the price..."
Suddenly, an Inkling with a beanie and sunglasses popped right out of nowhere and snatched Roy's shoes right off his feet! "I'll take those!" she gleefully said as she made her way back inside Ammo Knights. Roy instantly woke up and gave chase, completely ignoring the fact that he was barefoot!
"Oh jeez, this is bad!" Gary cried.
"Yeah," I added, "Without shoes, he'll suffer some serious foot damage!"
Final Regimen: Capture That Thief!
That shoe was expensive, and Roy was not going to waste my money losing it to some stranger! I decided to tag along with him on apprehending this cheeky thief! She dipped into the sewers, but there was only one place to go! She had nowhere else to hide! We followed her back into the valley and saw her throwing Roy's shoes into a giant kettle.
"Want it back badly? Come and get it!" she taunted Roy.
Roy, now more mad than that one time, dove into the kettle where his shoe fell into. The girl suddenly dusted her hands and walked away casually. "Mission Completed!" she said with a smile.
"WHAT THE HECK DO YOU MEAN 'MISSION COMPLETED'!?" a voice screeched from behind her. It was Lyra, standing with her arms crossed and looking more crossed than Roy could ever be. "YOU JUST STOLE HIS SHOES AND THREW HIM INTO A KETTLE! DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHERE THAT GOES!?" The hoodie Inkling smiled casually. "Just doin' my job!" she responded. An old man appears alongside Lyra and placed his hand on her. "Please forgive her," he told Lyra, "I kinda sent her on a mission to get yer cousin yesterday. See, I was so stoked I couldn't wait! So I sent my two other agents to get him ASAP!" The hoodie Inkling then frowned. "Really? So I had to bring him here, only to find out that he was ALREADY here? You really can't wait patiently, can you?"
"Hey speaking of kettles..." I then spoke. Lyra, Agent Hoodies, and Cap'n all look at me. "Where DOES this thing go?" Lyra then walked over to the kettle. "Cuttlefish told me about this... These kettles lead to underground facilities handled by Octarians. Without proper training, he's good as doomed." Well, good thing we went over training just now! I suddenly felt relaxed, now knowing that Roy grew up. He could finally take on the world with his little boots of his! My job here was done.
"You can thank me for all the training I gave him!" I bragged to everyone. "He'll be kicking their butts before you know it! Literally!"
"I dunno, lass," Cuttlefish then spoke, "No amount of training would ever prepare him for this..." He wiped off the smudge staining the kettle. When the kettle was finally cleared, there were words on it. The words read:
OCTOWEAPONS PROTOTYPE #1: THE OCTOSTOMP
Octoweapons? What ever that is, that sounds bad...
