Summary: Somebody has a very cruel sense of humor when it comes to Christmas gifts... Pity Cloud and Tifa! PITY THEM!

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, I don't own the song in its original form. I do, however, own this new version of it!

Queen's Quornor: Now we go for something off the beaten trail... You all can speculate as much as you want; I'm not going to be revealing a damn thing until Christmas Day/Yuletide Morning! Of course, I could be a devious Queen and never tell you who is sending them all of these things/people...

Day Nine

On the ninth day of Yuletide, someone evil sent to me...

The phantom gift-giver was getting smarter. Today, their presents had been laying outside on the stoop when Tifa had opened the bar, ribbons and card awaiting her as usual. The martial artist had no choice but to bring the gifts inside, where people couldn't stare at them.

Currently, all nine of them were sitting at the bar, drowning their sorrows in beer.

The giver had left them nine former SOLDIERs, all of whom were busy weeping, whining, or wailing their loss of humanity. Somebody had convinced these boys that they were no more than monsters, due to the mako and trace amounts of JENOVA cells injected into their bodies during their tenure in the military. They all might have been considered fearsome, but right now they were rather pathetic, especially dressed in their fatigues with their weapons resting on their backs as they were.

Wishing Cloud was here to help her deal with this, Tifa refilled one SOLDIER's shotglass and slid it down the bar to him. Yuffie had been drugged to keep her out of the way, Rude was passed out on Cloud's bed, Reno was playing with Axys, Marlene, and Denzel in the kids' room, Kadaj and Yazoo were wrapping gifts, Loz was napping, and her best friend/secret crush was out delivering things around town and to Kalm. He wouldn't be back until late.

"My wife won't lemme forget Joey!" one warrior sobbed. "Sez I'm the reason he died, since my career in SOLDIER made him get the stigma!"

"My wife left me when she found out I was with Shinra," another wailed, big fat tears rolling down his cheeks. "She took everything. Even my dog!"

The fourth on the bar gazed solemnly into his drink, his face sad. "My doctor won't refer to me as anything other than 'the Beast'. He says I deserve nothing less, since I'm not human anymore."

"We aren't!" the first lamented loudly. "Damn Shinra! They stole our souls when we signed those waivers!"

"It's our own fault," another declared softly. "We gave up our humanity willingly, for the chance to become faster, stronger. To become heroes.

"To become like Sephiroth."

A great wail went up throughout the bar, forcing Tifa to put down the bottle of vodka and cover her ears. She was making a lot of gil from these customers, but when she and Cloud found out who was giving them all these gifts, she was going to kick his or her ass herself.

It was always pathetic, seeing grown men cry like this.

...nine SOLDIERs moping, eight Vincent's coffins, seven kids a-hyper, six stolen weapons, five mastered materia, four Shadowfoxes, three Remanents, two drunk Turks, and a clumsy little thieving brat.