"True heroism is remarkably sober, very undramatic. It is not the urge to surpass all others at whatever cost, but the urge to serve others at whatever cost." – Arthur Ashe
Chapter 9
O Captain, My Captain
Before he was going on rogue rescue missions in Italy and beating back Hydra bases in the south of France, Brooklyn native Steve Rogers hadn't thought he'd do much with his life. Back then, he was some skinny little kid with pennies to his name and a helluva lot to prove. When he was pushed, he pushed right back, and when he was down, he got back up – or at least he tried his damnedest to, anyway. His stubborn streak could only push his frail body so far, and more often than not either his lungs or his limbs gave out long before it was all said and done. Becoming stronger – being a soldier; a hero; Captain America – had been more than that skinny punk from Brooklyn had ever dreamed, so even if he didn't make it to the end of the war, he'd been grateful with that.
He had peace with that.
It's ironic – and so, so cruel – to find he was the last one standing in the end. Bucky, Dugan, Gabe, Dernier; all of them were dead and gone in what felt like a blink of an eye to him. Peggy–his best girl– was still here, but he couldn't even bring himself to find her and see what might have been – what he wishes he still had. They'd won the war and stopped Hydra and the Nazis, but for Steve, it hadn't really mattered. He was still here, still fighting a war, still so far from home – still Captain America.
Steve hadn't wanted to be a soldier forever – he'd only wanted to do what was right, to help people – but by now he wasn't sure he knew another way to live. Being a soldier – fighting the good fight and giving out orders, boots on the ground and shield in hand –was the only thing that felt familiar to him in this new age. The world had changed so much while he'd slept in the ice, but, in a lot of ways, not how he'd hoped. So he just kept fighting, like he always did, because he needed something that made sense – something that he could grasp to keep him sane.
And Captain America was one of the few things that still made sense.
So, when Director Fury had come to him with a mission, he didn't hesitate. He had a mission to complete, and right now that was all that mattered. Steve had arrived on SHIELD's state-of-the-art warship at mid-morning, not knowing what to expect aside from the familiarity of drill sergeants and combat fatigues. As he and Phil Coulson walked the battleship's tarmac, a woman with short red hair headed their way.
"Agent Romanoff." Agent Coulson introduces once they reach each other. "Captain Rogers."
"Ma'am," He greets with a nod.
"Hi," She returns.
Agent Romanoff was a different kind of soldier. Aside from Peggy, there hadn't been many female officers back when Rogers was serving seventy years (under a month) ago, but from the way this agent stood and the hard look in her eyes, there was no mistaking her for anything else. Yet, for all the familiar signs of a fellow veteran, Steve recognized there was more to her than that. Something more refined – something darker, more secretive, and lethal – than what was typical of army men lived in this woman.
Romanoff – cool eyes and thinly-veiled smirk– was a different kind, he had no doubts about that.
"Well, I'm needed on the bridge," Coulson informs and gestures to Romanoff. "Romanoff will help you get along, and make sure you don't get lost. I'll see you both in a bit."
Agent Coulson went on his way, Steve and the other agent moving on in the other direction.
"There was quite the buzz around here, finding you in the ice." Romanoff nonchalantly remarks as they stroll the ship. "I thought Coulson was gonna swoon. Did he ask you to sign his Captain America trading cards yet?"
"Trading cards?" Steve asks.
"They're vintage, he's very proud," Natasha replied, vaguely amused.
(Well, that was… nice for him.)
"But, Bruce! I want to see the planes!" A sudden voice whined.
Steve whipped his head around to find where the voice had come from. He knew what the sound was, but it couldn't have been what he thought. This was a secret military base, a dangerous SHIELD war vessel no less. There was no way it could possibly –
"Captain Rogers," Natasha catches his attention. "This is nuclear physicist, Dr. Bruce Banner."
Dr. Banner had his back them on one knee, talking quietly to–
…
(Was that a little girl?!)
"Oh, yeah. Hi." Dr. Banner quickly turns around and straightens up to greet him."I heard you'd be coming,"
"Dr. Banner," Steve shakes his hand, trying not look at the child peeking from behind him.
Dr. Banner didn't have the look of an exceptional man, honestly. He was on the taller side of average, with an ordinary build, graying dark hair, and the posture that made him look more unassuming than already was. Banner moved like a man completely out of his depth in the face of war machines – sidestepping and shrinking back from anyone that walked past. He wasn't a fighter, not really – he was just a man with knowledge and strong will. He'd known men like that during the war – men like Dr. Erskine and Howard– and Rogers knew the value in men fought with something other than guns and fists.
Banner seemed like a decent man, Steve decided, and it was a shame that most would probably never know it.
"Word is you can find the cube," Steve inquires.
"Is that the–uhm–only word on me?" He asks bit dejectedly, looking anywhere but the captain as he does.
"Only word I care about," Steve replied easily.
Bruce visibly relaxes at the easy response and nods gratefully at the man with a tight smile.
You liar!" a small voice yells.
And Bruce's face instantly crumbles in irritation and exhaustion.
"Mitra!" He yells out in frustration.
Steve's gaze wanders down to the little girl next to the physicist. She's a tiny kid, skinny and barely reaching his hip. She's got dark skin and black hair – long, messy, and obviously needing a cut with the way it nearly covers her glaring brown eyes. The little girl gives him a once-over with hands set on her hips like his ma would when he'd come home with a black eye or busted lip and a story to tell. She acts as if she hadn't even heard doctor yell her name, sizing Steve up with a firm scowl.
"I'm sorry?" he asks, looking down at her.
The kid gives him the most condescending eye roll Steve's ever seen.
(He's kind of impressed.)
"You're not Captain America!" She crosses her arms and declares with the kind of conviction only a child can muster.
"Mitra…" Banner groans tiredly, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"Well, he isn't!" the girl– Mitra?– looks up at the doctor and insists. "Before, you said Captain America was coming, but he is not Captain America! He can't be!"
Rogers watches as the two argue and can't help finding it all a little funny. Being Captain America got him lots of reactions, most of which usually ranged from starstruck (which was a bit awkward) to admiration that bordered on intimidating (which was even more awkward). It was actually unexpectedly refreshing, seeing a little girl so unimpressed with him that she'd even question who he was. Steve kind of didn't want to correct her.
"And why do you say that?" he says instead.
She scowls like the answer should have been obvious.
"Captain America died one hundred years ago fighting bad people in a war–"
"Technically it's 70 years ago, Mitra." Bruce interrupts, sounding almost bored.
"And even if he wasn't," The girl said loudly, purposefully talking over the doctor. "He'd be old – really, really, really, old. So, you can't be him."
Steve bows his head with a silent laugh. Well, the kid certainly didn't sugar coat things.
"Fair enough," He replies, looking up with a playful smile.
The child is immediately confused, likely not expecting him to bow out like that. He bends down at the waist to meet the little girl's eye.
"Tell you what?" The Captain holds out a hand. "How about you just call me Steve? That's a common name, and you don't have to call me captain or anything. That shouldn't be a problem right, Miss?"
She looks distrustfully at his outstretched hand, arms still folded over her chest as she considers him for good long few seconds.
"Fine, Steve," She grumbles, reluctantly taking his hand. "My name is Mitra. I help Dr. Bruce."
His large hand completely covered Mitra's tiny one. The good captain held back a laugh – if he had to guess, Mitra wasn't type take his laughter kindly.
"Well, It's nice to meet you, Mitra." Steve smiles brightly at the little girl. "I hope we can be pals from here on out."
For some reason, the girl cringes at him, looking even more skeptical than before. She turns her head to face Dr. Banner.
"… Is this one of those weird adults you said I should not talk to?"
Steve's eyebrows shoot up to his hairline.
"OooKAY!" Quickly, Bruce turns Mitra around by the shoulders to face him. "How 'bout you go ask one of the pilots about the planes, ok?"
"But you said–!"
"Yup, that's what I said! Now please go try being polite for once, and ask the pilot about the plane!"
"Come on, Mitra," Natasha quickly intervenes to guide the child gently towards the hangar bay. "I can show you how the flight system works."
The men watch Natasha lead the girl away, and once Mitra is out of earshot Bruce heaves a loud and tired sigh.
"I'm sorry about that," Bruce combs back his hair with his fingers anxiously. "Mitra's – not great with new people. She's really a good kid though, once you get pass the… attitude…"
"No, no it's fine." Steve waves off his concerns without a second thought. "She seems like she's got a good head on her shoulders, and it's good that she listens to you about… that kind of thing."
"Listens to me?" Bruce chuckles and shakes his head. "No, no, Mitra's too stubborn to listen to anyone, and she doesn't like talking to people much either. You probably just caught her off guard, and she latched onto the first thing that came to mind."
"Is that right?" Steve warmly laughs. "Well, she's a good kid. You've done alright with her."
"No, that's…" Banner shakes his head. "I haven't done anything special, Captain. Really."
Rogers enjoyed moments like this, where he could talk about normal things – things he hoped to see through for himself. It helped him feel like a human being again (like he might just get it one day in spite of it all) and reminded him of things he was still willing to fight for. The calm moment was a small reprieve from the tension that was slowly building up around them all. Steve takes a hard breath as he catches sight of Mitra and Romanoff talking with an airman in the distance.
(Lord, she looked even tinier this far away. How even old was she? Did she have any clue what was going on?)
"Dr. Banner, I have to ask," he says, shaking his head and speaking strongly. "Mitra – she's a kid. You have to know this is dangerous for her. What exactly is she doing here?"
("What is she doing being with you?"
Steve doesn't say that –wouldn't say it. He wouldn't be needlessly cruel to this man.)
Something about the physicist shifts in that moment. The captain could see the weariness and deep scars, so well hidden till now, reflected in the other man's eyes. Bruce smiles faintly at him, bittersweet and hollow.
"Believe me, Captain Rogers. More than anything, I wanted to keep Mitra away from all of this," He stretches his arms out in enthesis and lets them fall back to his sides. "She doesn't deserve to get roped into all this insanity because of me. If I'd know this would –"
He cuts himself off, clearing his throat and awkwardly straightens out his blazer, and Steve gets the feeling this isn't the first time Banner's had thoughts like this.
"Nothing I can do about that now." The doctor says gruffly. "Mitra's not going anywhere anymore, I know that much. We've just got to adjust and keep moving."
(And, wasn't that just the definition of easier said than done?)
Steve didn't ask him anything else. Clearly, the poor man didn't need his continued prying.
"…it–uhmm–must be strange for you, all of this." Dr. Banner remarks, changing the subject.
"Well," The captain gazes over the ship, watching the soldiers work all around them. "this is actually kind of familiar."
A moment later, Romanoff returns with Mitra, who is happily stumbling along with an adult sized pilot's helmet rattling around on her head. She looked like a bobble head doll.
"Gentlemen, you may wanna step inside in a minute," She warns. "It's gonna get a little hard to breathe."
Suddenly, the ship begins to rumble under their feet. Mitra's new helmet begins to shake on top of her head, and she struggles to keep it on and out of her field of vision.
"Is this is a submarine?" Steve asks with disbelief.
"Really?" Banner quipped, looking around. "They want me in a submerged pressurized metal container?"
Mitra quickly takes his hand, using her other hand to keep the helmet from shaking.
"What wrong, Dr. Bruce? Do suber–arines make you jumpy like loud noises?" Mitra asks innocently.
He doesn't have time to respond, as the shaking worsens, and before long the small group can see parts of the ship begin to reshape before their eyes. Mitra shouts in surprise at the display, while Steve and Bruce to look on in utter, Mitra runs past both men to get a closer look at the edge of the ship. Steve and Bruce quickly follow, and the doctor manages to grab the back of the girls' jacket before she can speed off over the edge. Four huge lift fans mounted on the sides of the craft start to lift into the air in vertical flight, the massive craft lifting itself from the ocean in a slow ascent skyward.
Steve and Mitra, still held tightly by the collar of her coat, both watch with nearly identical expressions of awe at the scene before them. Banner, on the other hand, smiles in dry humor.
"OH, NO. THIS IS MUCH WORSE!" The scientist exclaims over the large fans.
"THIS IS SO AMAZING!" The little girl beside him shouts in exhilaration.
Clearly, they saw things very differently.
Title Details: The title of this chapter is from the famous poem, "O Captain! My Captain!" by Walt Whitman, though you may also recognize it from the movie Dead Poet's Society starring the late Robin Williams. The poem is about the death of a captain just before he reaches home, and his crew mourns his loss as they reach port. I felt this fit Steve, who helped win the war, but never got see the end for himself.
Notes: One big criticism The Avengers franchise has gotten from fans over the years is that the characters are not given any depth to their personalities and not given the chance to be more than ridiculously strong superhumans or other. Steve was found in the ice approximately three to four weeks before the events in The Avengers movie begins. He is still very much struggling to cope with his new circumstances and is not doing it in a healthy way (because, in general, the Avengers are just disasters at dealing with shit). I wanted to show his perspective and where he is mentally when we first meet him, as well as what he thinks of his teammates. And on that note, don't kids say the darndest things? Mitra is such a know-it-all, and Bruce is just done.
(Not-so-fun fact, Mitra doesn't know how to deal with people who are just nice for no reason, and it made me really sad when I realized it.)
I had a whole other first scene involving the plane (or "quinjet") ride to the ship (helicarrier) where we get to see Mitra being very excited about her first plane ride, and Bruce getting caught up in what's happening, but cut it because it wasn't relevant to the story. We have more talks with Nat and Bruce and mostly it's Bruce telling her the Avengers Initiative is a disaster waiting to happen in no uncertain terms. I worked really hard on it and rewrote it at least three times, probably more, but I still had to cut it and yes, I am very unhappy about it, thank you. I will be posting that on Idle Hands along with another thing I'm working on. it will be a behind the scenes bit, if you will, for Coulson and Fury – because unseen issues need to be dealt with and all that.
Wow, what's this issue their dealing with, I wonder?
See you next chapter! all support is much appreciated. Thank you so much for reading!
