Lucy wakes up first. She takes a moment to stare at Natsu's peaceful face. Slowly she strokes his cheek, causing him to grunt and move his head closer. Lucy pulls her hand away and slowly crawls down and out of his arms. She slips off the bed and walks into the hallways. It's quiet, a bit too quiet for Lucy's liking.
Lucy whistles nonchalantly as she peeks into each room. She's surprised to find that Natsu wasn't the only boy to sleepover. In their own respective rooms, Juvia is bear hugging Gray. Freed and Lisanna are cuddling cutely. Romeo is all gentleman like, sleeping on the ground and letting Wendy sleep in the bed. Probably because Carla would kill him if she found out the two shared a bed. Lucy almost rushes over to hug the cutie but restrains herself.
There's an empty room, which makes Lucy guess that Bisca went home. Evergreen and Elfman are sleeping with their backs turned to one another, as expected. Erza is sprawled across her bed comfortably alone. Cana is actually sleeping on the floor in a sitting position with her back against her bed, a barrel of beer against the wall. Levy is using Gajeel as a pillow which makes Lucy's heart warm at the sight.
In the final room, she only finds Laxus. Wondering where Mira could be, Lucy shuts the door and turns and nearly has a heart attack when Mira's face pops up. "Strange, isn't it? I was looking through the rooms too and only found Natsu laying there."
"I didn't mean to intrude, I was just curious." Lucy says with a blush. "But hey, if you were doing it too then that means we're both caught red-handed."
Mira smiles and heads down the hall. She opens the door to the empty room that would have belonged to Bisca. She motions for Lucy to join her in there. "I wanted to talk to you so I'm glad we're both awake. I don't want to wake the others up though."
Lucy nods and enters the room. Mira enters after her and shuts the door. The two of them take a seat on the bed. Mira smiles warmly. "Last night Erza told me you were curious about what happened to me. I thought I might as well tell you the whole story."
"I'm sorry Mira, I wasn't trying to be rude! I just wanted to know more about how you recovered. I thought maybe your story could help me in my own recovery. I should have just come to you in the first place instead of asking others." Lucy says quickly. She face-palms herself. "I didn't even think about if Erza knew or not! I'm so sorry!"
"It's alright, I'm not angry." Mira says comfortingly.
After Lisanna's death, I felt so wronged. I felt like the world was against me, that it was so unfair. I cried for weeks endlessly. It should have been me instead of her. I'm her older sister but I didn't take care of her and because of me she was dead. I felt like I'd lost my worth. I stopped fighting Erza, I stopped bullying people, I just stopped everything. And yet, I couldn't stop breathing.
Even with my new kind attitude I felt like it could never be enough to fill the void in me. In everyone. Everyone wanted Lisanna back. She was the kindest girl in the world. No one could hate her. She would do anything for everyone. Even sacrifice her life... *Mira takes a second to wipe away her tears. Lucy's own eyes flood to the brim with tears.*
I hated myself and everyone else. It only got worse when Sorcerer's Weekly wanted me to model for them weekly for their magazine. I had this sudden pressure on me to be perfect. Be skinny, beautiful, powerful, and kind. It sucked. Because they got me to model in swimsuits, I cut on my hips where it wouldn't be visible.
Every single day it was a battle in my head. I couldn't say anything to anyone. The only thing keeping me alive was Elfman. He lost his younger sister, what would happen if he lost his older one? I'm supposed to look out for my siblings and I let one down. I couldn't do it again.
Erza found out one day by chance. I was changing from my swimsuit into my clothes but I took that moment when I thought no one was watching to make a quick cut. To my surprise Erza grabbed my wrist and tore the razor out of my hand. She threw it to the side and started to yell at me, but I knew she was doing it out of love.
I started to cry. I begged her not to tell anyone. I was such a mess. It took Erza a while but she finally said she wouldn't tell anyone, but only if I stopped cutting. I promised I wouldn't. So she let me go, but not before breaking my razor into a million pieces with one of her swords. I couldn't stop crying at what I'd done.
It was okay for a while. I didn't cut. One night, though, it became unbearable. For no reason at all I held a razor in my hand. I was crying and trying to fight the urge but it happened. I cut again and cut some more. I thought of myself as a failure and cut more. I thought of Erza and my broken promise and cut even more. It hurt so bad to think of the betrayal I had done.
I was so scared of Erza finding out. I pretended everything was okay, that I was better. But lying to her face made it so much worse and I cut even more. I felt so alone and angry. I'd never felt so useless. I just wanted someone to hold me and tell me it was okay even if it wasn't.
Then one night, due to an extreme amount of alcohol, Laxus and I spent the night together. When we awoke the next morning he saw them. They were fresh. He wouldn't let it go and kept asking me. When I refused to tell him he pinned me down and demanded I tell him. It wasn't like I was scared he was going to hurt me, I was just scared of how he would react.
I told him it wasn't a big deal and he freaked out. I thought he hated me, and he said he did. He couldn't believe what had happened to me. He was disappointed and I couldn't blame him. He talked about how the Mira he knew wouldn't do that. He even said that Lisanna wouldn't have been happy to know something like that.
At that point it was as if the world was over. I felt a part of me die. Laxus hadn't said those things to hurt me, he was just upset. I hated him for saying those words even though I knew it was true. Truth be told I always was quite fond of him but it wasn't anything big. After that night though, I thought I hated him.
I thought that maybe he was going to tell everyone. He didn't. Instead he watched over me like a hawk. I could feel him watching me from across the guild while I was working. When I called him out on it he got really defensive. It was annoying and I was so angry.
All of a sudden one day Erza pulled me into a closet room. She wanted to check on my scars. I was freaking out and felt so small. I knew she was going to see them and know that I broke my promise. Laxus entered the closet room, which confused Erza and angered me. Laxus said he wanted to see the scars as well. I told him he had no right. He got angry, then I got angry, and eventually Erza got angry. Imagine that, three S-Class mages angry with one another in a closed tight space.
Laxus ended up pulling my shirt up and pulling my pants down just low enough. I screamed but he covered my mouth. Erza didn't pull Laxus off. She nearly exploded in rage when she saw the scars. I can never forget her hurt face as she said I broke my promise. That I lied straight to her face.
I started to beg for her to forgive me again but she left the closet space. I almost went after her but my knees were too weak. Laxus hugged me for the first time that day. It was so weird to be in his arms, crying my eyes out when I hated him. He kept saying it was alright though. So even though I hated him, those were the only words I ever wanted to hear.
I thought Erza was going to tell everyone but she didn't. Instead she told me to try again and try harder. That she forgave me but next time I didn't stop, she was going to tell everyone. I agreed. I've always thought that it was Laxus who changed her mind. If it weren't for that second chance... I don't even want to think about it.
Slowly, I began opening up to Laxus. I let him watch over me. He even walked me home when work went late. Soon I was used to him being with me. It was natural for us to walk home together even when it wasn't dark out. He made me laugh sometimes, other times we were quiet. It was peaceful. I appreciated the company and realized to myself that I was glad it was him and not anyone else. I was finally feeling happy again.
Then his banishment happened. He promised he'd be back for me. I couldn't stop crying. After he'd become something so familiar to me, he was gone. At that moment I realized he had his own issues and not just mine to worry about. I had been so selfish. I never asked him about his past or anything but he knew everything about me. Because he asked.
Day by day it got harder. The urge was stronger. In Laxus's place was Erza, always worrying about me whenever she looked at me. But at that time Erza had her own issues with Jellal and she had her own life so I told her I was fine and not to worry. I hadn't cut since she found out in the closet room. Erza nodded and said she was proud of me.
A couple of weeks later I almost did it. I almost cut. I had a razor in my hand and I was crying on my knees. Erza was on a mission and Laxus hadn't sent any word of his return. I wanted to see him so bad. But this time I threw the razor out of the window. It took a lot of strength to not cut. I didn't do it because I knew how disappointed Laxus and Erza would be. That, and I didn't want Erza to tell the whole guild. Elfman... He would have been crushed. It wasn't worth it.
Then Lisanna came back! It was such a shock. That was probably the best day of my life. Life suddenly had colour again. There was reason to live. From ready to throw my life away at any second, I was greedy for more time. Time to catch up and time to make up for with Lisanna. Being with my siblings distracted me from Laxus.
On Tenroujima I would have thrown my life away for Lisanna. When I first laid eyes on Laxus I was so completely shocked. It was weird and awkward. I didn't know what to do. He was with the Raijinshuu at the time and they were all over him so we didn't have any time for ourselves. I was sure Laxus forgot or didn't care, because he hadn't even looked at me.
Before Acnologia came, Laxus was playing around with Lisanna. After making sure it was the real thing he pulled me into the woods and hugged me. I was surprised. He said how proud he was of me and that he was so happy I had Lisanna back. I told him he had nothing to be proud of because he didn't know whether or not I had cut while he was gone. He just smiled and said the Mira he knows is strong.
After the time gap I was so completely grateful towards Gildarts for bringing Laxus back as a member of the guild. With the three months of training for the GMG, Laxus and I met up from time to time. I had a cut from one of Cana's cards and he was worried because he thought it was from me. I assured him it really, really wasn't. He believed me, thankfully.
I started to realize I hated being away from him. I hated that I depended on him so much. Needed him. But I did. So I told him how I felt. He just laughed and kissed me, which was unexpected. And I guess after that we were in a relationship. Ever since then I haven't had a sad thought. I set my priorities straight. My siblings come first, then my significant other, then the guild. I'm sure Laxus had the same mindset because the Raijinshuu are like his little siblings too.
Lucy sits in a pool of tears. She pulls Mira into a hug and cries. Mira feels a few tears drip from her eyes as well but easily wipes them away. Lucy pulls away but can barely speak due to the tears. "I'm so sorry Mira. I didn't know."
Mira laughs. "Lucy, you have nothing to be sorry about. Listen, it's not worth it. Trust me, I've been through it. You'll realize it when the time is right. It's not worth it to cause yourself harm. Because you're not only hurting yourself but the people who love you most."
Lucy nods. The tears continue to fall as she shakes with tears. Her heart hurts from the pain. She can feel the pain Mira went through. It brings hope though. Hope for recovery, hope for a future that isn't so bleak.
Mira grabs Lucy by the shoulders. "Listen Lucy, I know you're probably upset that everyone knows your secret, but you're lucky. I kind of wish I told the whole guild. It would have been nice to have some support when the two people who really supported me through my situation were gone.
"But I'm happy because Elfman doesn't know and that's better than anything else. Don't take anyone or anything for granted alright? You're loved. We all love you. So much. We're all here for you so don't cry anymore, okay? Everyone is just looking out for you and wants the best for you."
Lucy pulls Mira into another hug and sobs loudly. Mira giggles and hugs the girl back. A knock interrupts them. Laxus appears at the doorway. "What's going on? You're gonna wake everyone up."
Lucy jumps up and tackles Laxus in a hug. Laxus stands there shocked as Lucy continues to cry. Mira giggles at the scene. Laxus shakes his head and hugs the girl back. Lucy pulls back with a smile and a pat on Laxus's back. "Laxus you really are a man, huh?"
Laxus blinks multiple times and tries hard to remain cool. He's obviously confused. Lucy laughs and waves at the couple as she exits the room. "I'll just leave you two to your cute coupley self and go make some pancakes, okay? Bye!"
"What was that about?" Laxus asks.
Mira laughs and shakes her head. "Lucy knows."
"Oh." Laxus doesn't seem to care all that much. He moves past Mira and lays on the bed. He pulls her down with him. "Don't think I don't know you slipped away from me. I couldn't sleep when you left, so you have to make up for it."
"But I'm not sleepy." Mira complains teasingly.
"I don't care." Laxus says. He pulls her close and holds on to her tightly, making sure she won't leave him again. Mira smiles as she shuts her eyes. She wasn't planning on it anyway.
A/N: Omfg, so you can say I'm a Miraxus shipper, haha. I was dying to write this chapter. I know it's quite a long chapter but I got so caught up in it I just typed without stopping. Did you guys think it was good enough?
I cried while writing this ugh!
Next chapter includes pancakes and NaLu, so be ready for that. ;)
Sidenote: Thank you guys so much for the 100+ reviews. It means a lot. I didn't think a story like this could be so popular because it's so different. I'm so glad you enjoy this story and continue to follow it. I appreciate every single one of your reviews, favourites and follows. Thank you. :)
