"So we're just going to sort out the last of the stuff in the unit and most of it's going to the parish so it shouldn't take too long," explained Alison backing the car out of the parking space. Bucky nodded and tried to comfortable in the front seat. It was too close to the dashboard and he felt cramped.
"Oh on your right is a little lever and if you pull it back the seat moves back so you can have more room," said Alison. He reached down and moved the seat back.
"Thanks," said Bucky and watched as the got into traffic. Sam had been hesitant to let Alison drive alone with him. I ripped the steering wheel out of his car before. He had gone to pick up the truck they needed and Natasha was heading back to Avenger Headquarters so Steve could come down and basically keep an eye on him. He hasn't seen you in seventy some years so he might be a little scared to let you out of his sight, thought Bucky.
"So you lived with your fiancee?" asked Bucky. He couldn't imagine letting Becca live with a guy that wasn't Steve before she was married. Times have changed and you need to keep that in mind, thought Bucky.
"For about six years," admitted Alison.
"And he didn't marry you sooner….that was rude," said Bucky quickly seeing the brief look of hurt flash in her eyes. Rub it in that she could have been a widow instead Barnes.
"It's okay. Everyone sort of harped on us about getting married for the longest time. It was a lot stuff I guess. I wanted to be almost done with my degree before really settling down. He wanted to wait until he was sure about staying with the orchestra here. He had a lot of student loans that he wanted to pay down. My hours at work and school were really crazy and I didn't have time to plan a big fancy wedding. We treated each other like an old married couple so why did we need the paper to prove it to anyone," said Alison.
It sounded so odd to him listening to her describe all the reasons they didn't get married. He could remember guys marrying their sweethearts left and right before shipping out. They might not ever see each other again and they were still getting married. I'm sure I would have been one of them if I had found a girl I really liked, thought Bucky. He really couldn't remember feeling anything really special for any girl he gone around with before shipping out. If I could have gotten Georgina out I think I would have married her.
"You still there?" asked Alison.
"Um yeah. Sorry. That must be really annoying for you to have me zone out like that and not know who's coming back. I don't even know I'm doing it most of the time," said Bucky.
"Your brain is trying to cope with processing a lot of different things all at once. It's sort of like turning on every light in the house and running all the appliances at the same time and hoping you don't blow a fuse. It will get better in time," said Alison. "Do you wanna share what was going on up there?"
" What are weddings like now? I think I went to wedding before I enlisted and it was just in the church social room, " said Bucky. Their neighbors the McMillan's threw a wedding for their daughter. Invited him, Steve and Becca to come. Becca danced a little with Steve. Slow danced so he wouldn't have an attack. She even wore flats so she wouldn't be too much taller than him.
"Our guest list was pushing two hundred and that's considered small nowadays," said Alison.
"I don't even remember two hundred people," said Bucky. I can barely keep the ones I do remember straight in my head, he thought.
"Well my half of the list was kind of small. Mostly friends and people I worked with. Matt's family was huge and they took up most of the guest list. Aunts, uncles, cousins you don't see unless there is a family event or free booze," said Alison.
"The booze was free?" asked Bucky. We went outside and passed a flask around. Went back inside to dance and another group would sneak out and drink. No drinking in the church after all.
"Well for the guests at least. My grandfather refused to go to a dry wedding so his wedding gift was paying for the bar tab. Matt's parents picked up the food costs and we paid for the rest," said Alison.
"The bride's family is suppose to pay. I dreaded trying to get Becca married off," said Bucky. Who paid for her wedding? I bet she was pretty. What sort of man did she marry? Did he take care of her?
"Shit," he muttered realizing he had zoned out again and Alison was watching him out of the corner of her eye.
"You were thinking about your sister weren't you?" asked Alison.
"Yeah," he said. "She didn't have any family at her wedding. I just realized that...I missed a lot of stuff. She might have needed me and I wasn't there," said Bucky and he felt that horrible tightness in his chest and he looked out the window.
"She um...she has a picture of you, her and Steve at Coney Island. She said it was taken before Steve threw up on the Cyclone. Do you remember that?" asked Alison. She trying to distract me. It's working, thought Bucky as he recalled the day in question.
"Do I have to remember that he threw up on my shoes?" asked Bucky and he saw a glimmer of amusement in her eyes.
"Well yeah you do have to remember. It's one of things I'm supposed to help you with. It's a good memory and it's one you should hold on too. Did you guys go a lot or was it a special occasion only place?" asked Alison.
He had to think about it and it made his head hurt a little. Bucky could see her watching him out the corner of her eye. She was still a little scared of him and he really couldn't blame her. He had to give her credit for agreeing to be alone with him anywhere. You must have a brass set of balls lady. But the look was mixed was mixed with concern and hope. She wants you to remember the good things. It was good wasn't it...yes...there was a beach.
"The beach was free...we all went for picnics. Our moms would take us after church if we had been good during the week in the summer," said Bucky a little stunned at how clear the memory was. Alison gave him an encouraging smile.
"Did you swim?" she asked.
"A little. Steve couldn't though so we mostly stayed on the shore. He tried though and had an attack and his mother had to go in after him. Stupid punk," said Bucky softly and Alison burst out laughing.
"I'm sorry. I just never thought I would hear someone call Captain America a 'stupid punk'. Sorry," said Alison turning a bit pink, but the amusement though was still in her eyes. She hadn't been laughing at him, but with him. When was the last time we laughed with someone, thought Bucky.
"Well before he became Captain America he was the skinny punk too stupid to walk away from a fight and was getting his ass handed to him almost daily. Sometimes twice on Saturday if we went out and he timed it right," said Bucky.
"They neglected that part in history class," said Alison and Bucky shook his head. She had mentioned before how he and Steve had been taught to her in history class.
"So you really learned about us in history class?" asked Bucky and Alison nodded
"Yeah. It was little tidbits when we were in grade school, but when we got to middle school and up all the history classes I took covered the second World War and that part you guys had in it. The bombing of Japan is really the only part taught about the Pacific unless you take some special history classes in college," said Alison.
Bucky sat back in the seat and thought about. He. Bucky Barnes. The dock worker from Brooklyn. He had worked on the docks and would come home smelling like fish. Becca told him to shower with lemons to get the smell off. Was somehow a major part of history. He saw the museum display and thought it was only because Steve came back from basically the dead. But based on what she was telling him they had become something more. I mattered. I did something good, thought Bucky.
"I know that has to be really weird and probably really overwhelming for you," said Alison. They were stuck in traffic now and he shrugged.
"I mean Steve was sort of big deal back then. It makes sense that he would end up in history books. But me? That's where it gets weird. I was just the sniper. Jesus even over there I was still making sure he didn't get his ass handed too him," said Bucky. "Think they'll go back and add the part in where I became a brainless tool for Hydra?"
"Is that what you want to be known as?" asked Alison and he looked out the window.
"Not really, but it's what happened to me and history is supposed to be based on facts," said Bucky.
"Well they'll also have to put in how you were taken hostage by the Russians, tortured, broken down and given no options. Once they realized you were an American soldier you should have been sent home or at least given proper medical care. They shouldn't have hurt you the way they did," said Alison and he could hear the temper in her voice and he gave her a look.
"Why does it piss you off about what happened to me? You don't know me and don't give me the decent people answer," said Bucky. Alison leaned back in the driver's seat and thought.
"In my profession we're not supposed to cause harm and we're supposed to treat people with respect and dignity. When a doctor or nurse comes into a room the trust the patient gives is almost instant. They don't know us, but they trust us with their very lives. People like Zola and whoever helped him give us a black eye. It's crossing a line that we know we're not supposed to cross and they do it anyway." she let out a sigh. "Than again I'm really not one to be throwing stones about crossing lines right now."
"What do you mean?" asked Bucky.
" I'm really not supposed to tell you about my personal life because it creates an unfair balance between us. And well you know more about me than my former coworkers did after working with me for ten months. I really thought we weren't going to see each other again...at least not on a nurse-patient level. It's why I wrote you what I did. One last ditch effort to help you before I left," said Alison.
"If I don't know you how can I trust you?" asked Bucky and she looked over at him. "I...when I came to you before. I thought maybe you were with them. Trying to get me to come in so I could be put back to work. I was just so tired it and sort of wanted it over with. So yeah I understand about wanting to give up. It's just…" his words trailed off and he looked out the window. "It was nice to know I wasn't alone with Steve in the 'life screwed me over' game." He turned and gave her a small smile.
"Besides you know more about me than I know about myself so we're already at an unfair balance in this relationship. I'm pretty sure nothing about this relationship is going to be normal so why not swing for the fences?" asked Bucky and she laughed again. She has a nice laugh...It's laughing with me not at me.
"Well I know what Steve told me and I know what history has told me, but I think you still know a little bit of yourself. You just have to find it," said Alison.
…...
Sam was already waiting for them and he was pacing while looking worried.
"Sorry. We got stuck in traffic," said Alison unlocking the unit.
"I called you," he said and she winced.
"I must have left my phone at Stark Tower. Sorry," said Alison has she pulled up the door. Bucky looked at Sam who was watching Alison slightly relieved. She like he's Skinny Steve. She's his stupid punk. Bucky took in the storage locker that was full of stuff. She looked back over at him and looked a little embarrassed.
"I know it looks crowded, but most of it is just going to charity," said Alison and Sam unlocked the back of the truck and pulled out a ramp.
"We can just toss all the furniture in there. You said I wouldn't need any of it," said Alison pushing a dresser towards him.
"Stark takes care of the furnishings. Just bring your clothes and personal stuff. It's a little like a dorm, just not as smelly. Less vomit for sure," said Sam taking the dresser and putting it in the truck.
"I can help,"said Bucky watching her pick up a box and wince a little. He took it from her and it didn't feel heavy. Pots and Pans-Kitchen gadgets was the label on the box.
"I forgot we had cast iron stuff," said Alison picking up another box labeled-Glasses and coffee cups-do not drop! She put them near the front the truck and he followed. It was weird to him how two people could have so much stuff. He didn't remember having this much stuff when it was him, Becca and Steve. Different times, thought Bucky. A bed frame was tossed in along with three chairs and a sofa. He helped Sam with the large items and they were alone in the truck when Bucky spoke up.
"I guess I owe you an apology too," said Bucky has they tied down the sofa.
"We're cool about D.C. You weren't yourself than," said Sam and he went to leave when Bucky grabbed his arm.
"About Alison. You look out for her. The way I had to look out for Steve," said Bucky and Sam's gaze went to her in the storage unit digging in a box. She was wearing a scarf around her neck to cover up the marks. Mama trying to hid her black eye with more powder.
"She's my girl," admitted Sam and Bucky could sense he didn't mean it in a romantic way. It was a bond that few people would understand, but it worked for them.
"I didn't like it when people hurt Steve. I more or less ended every fight he started. Everyone left with a black eye most of the time," said Bucky recalling how his sister called them both stupid.
"Look you weren't yourself and you still might not be yourself for awhile yet. We've all gone through some heavy stuff and if Steve and Ally trust you it's good enough for me," said Sam.
"Hit me," said Bucky.
"What?" asked Sam.
"One free swing. I won't tell Steve and it might not even leave a mark. You've earned at least one," said Bucky.
"I am not going to hit you. That is a terrible idea. Ally," called Sam. She was behind some boxes and couldn't be seen. "Ally tell this fool I'm not going to hit him." She didn't come out and she wasn't answering Sam.
"Ally?" asked Sam and Bucky could feel the hair on the back of his neck stand up. Was she hurt? He followed Sam off the truck and started listening for the smallest sound. They found her staring at a garment bag on a rack and Sam shook his head
"Hey," he said touching her shoulder and she nearly jumped a foot in the air. "You alright?" Her face flushed and she shook her head no.
"Stupid. I should have known it would be in here. I just need a minute," said Alison walking away from both of them. Bucky looked at the bag confused and Sam sighed.
"Wedding dress," said Sam touching the bag. Bucky could remember seeing his clothes on that display in the museum and it made him feel weird. Those were mine and I'm not sure who that person was, is what he thought at the time. He still wasn't sure if he was that guy, but being slapped with who you could have been or who you used to be was the quickest way to cut a person to the bone.
"What were they like together?" asked Bucky. Sam rubbed the bag and got a sad little smile.
"I never saw two people more in love than they were. I don't really believe in the idea that there is only one person for everyone, but they came close. They just clicked the second they saw each other. He would just walk into a room and her whole face would light up. He told me once he didn't think he would ever love anyone the way he loved Ally," said Sam.
Bucky eyed the garment bag. Who would she have been if she had gotten married? Would she have been out there last Monday morning giving him coffee or home with a baby and husband who loved her. She has the patience for kids, he thought. I think I liked kids...
The little girl tugged on his jacket and looked up at him with the biggest smile. He got down to her level and she hugged him.
"Come on," said an older woman and she said it in French. The little girl gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before following the older woman. Steve rolled his eyes looking at him.
"Really Buck. It's bad enough all the hearts you broke in Brooklyn when you left and now you have to add a French girl to the list?" said Steve.
"Ah you're just jealous I found the one girl who isn't crazy for you," said Bucky with a grin.
"Do you want me to get Alison for you?" asked Sam and Bucky shook his head,
"I'm good now," he said.
"I should go find her anyway," said Sam.
"I only went a few units down," said Alison rejoining them. Her face did look a little red and so did her eyes, but she had pulled herself back together.
"You don't have to give this away," said Sam and Alison looked at him.
"I'm not going to pull a Friends and walk around in a random wedding dress doing the dishes. I could have it cleaned and boxed, but…" she trailed off touching the bag.
"It hurts too much," said Bucky softly. Alison looked at him and nodded.
"I'm sure there is a poor, thrift shopping bride who really needs a size eight, strapless, lace, A line dress for her big day," said Alison.
"You know all that girly stuff you just rattled off makes no sense to either one of us," said Sam waving a finger between him and Bucky.
"I understood lace," said Bucky.
"See he got it," said Alison. She picked up the garment bag and put it in the truck
"Still don't wanna hit me?" asked Bucky.
"Don't tempt me," said Sam.
…
They finished the locker and Sam went to drop the truck off and Alison went to pick them up lunch.
"So do you like cheeseburgers?" asked Alison.
"I think I did," said Bucky. "Might have dug some out of trash can in the last year." Oh someone has a dark sense of humor, thought Alison.
"Well McDonald's doesn't have the best burgers, but they'll do in pinch," she pulled into the drive-thru.
"Welcome to McDonald's can I take your order," said the intercom voice.
"Hi, I need one number eight, one number three and six number one please," said Alison.
"Drinks?"
"Three cokes please," said Alison. She pulled up and paid for the order. The drive-thru lady told them to go wait in the first space. Alison parked and Bucky looked over at her.
"You really think I'm going to eat six of whatever you ordered me?" asked Bucky.
"I'm pretty sure you can. You and Steve both burn calories like it's nothing," said Alison. Sam had been hesitant to let her go alone with Bucky considering what happened, but she didn't feel right leaving him alone in the apartment and he did want to talk to her. That's sort of a huge leap for him, thought Alison considering where they had been a few days ago. His memories came and they controlled him. She need to find a way to get him to focus on memory and having him control it. The questioning seemed to help, guiding him to a memory instead of having it come out of nowhere.
"I remember that we got extra field rations because of Steve. He was such a picky eater before and suddenly he couldn't get enough food," said Bucky. Let's run with this memory, thought Alison.
"My grandfather told me the rations all tasted the same. Did they all taste the same?" asked Alison and Bucky had to think about it. She could see him trying to process the question, dig through layers of memory before finding and deciding it was what he wanted.
"It was better than going hungry. Before Steve joined up all it was a lot of C and K rations. After Steve joined up someone found the money to send us some B rations and a couple of times A-rations. That probably doesn't make sense to you," said Bucky.
"C rations were those ready to eat meals and K rations were also ready to eat, but weren't very filling. I gonna guess that A and B ration were really good," said Alison and he looked a little impressed.
"Not bad for a civilian," he said and he had that cocky little grin on his face. There is that ego his sister talked about. I can see why girls thought he was charming.
"Well you grow up around enough military talk it sort leeches into your brain," admitted Alison.
"You told Steve your grandfather was a Marine," said Bucky and he held up the tags she had let him keep. "Your dad was in the Air Force."
"Yeah. So you weren't sleeping then," said Alison recalling she had told Steve that while they thought he was sleeping.
"Sleeping is weird for me. I mean I do sleep, but it's not very restful at times. Sometimes I'm not even aware that I've gone to sleep. Everything just sort of blends together if I don't pay attention," said Bucky.
"Well you really didn't sleep for seventy years. I'm still reading up on cryo freezing. If I understood the notes it shut your body down, but they were still having you learn stuff while in stasis. Your brain really didn't get the rest it needed to process stuff. Your brain is trying to catch up with a lot of missed sleep. It's one of the reasons you zone out," explained Alison.
What she had read about the cryo sleep reminded her a little of the end of the original Nightmare on Elm Street. Towards the end Nancy gets so tired that the dreams and the real world blend into one for her. They stopped his body from aging, but they were pumping a stream of knowledge into his brain at least once or twice a year for 'learning purposes'. Sometimes they would 'wake' him up for a mission or an update, but it was only for three or four days at a time. No longer than a week or else he started going off. His brain trying to regain control. Notes were missing though, a huge chunk for the 1980's seemed to be gone. Steve and Tony had guessed the notes had gotten lost in translation or someone was sloppy during that time, but it didn't make sense to her. You don't spend all that time and energy on a project to lose the data, thought Alison.
"I sort of remember waking up from cryo freezing. It was like the world's coldest shower. They had medics on hand to make sure I was alright-they would warm me up. I never felt really warm though. I was also sort of groggy until the briefing happened," said Bucky. There was a tap on the window and Bucky looked startled. A kid was holding two bags and a drink carrier.
"Thanks," said Alison taking the food from the kid and sitting it on the floor by Bucky. "Can you hold these?" she handed him the drink carrier and he looked at it puzzled. She drove off and Bucky was quiet for awhile before speaking up again.
"A handler got me a shake from McDonald's. I think it was vanilla. I did a good job," said Bucky and his right hand shook on the carrier. Snap him out of it and do it fast, thought Alison.
"So Steve told me you were one hell of a dancer. Where did you learn?" asked Alison and he came back to himself.
"I think...my mom...she liked to dance," said Bucky and he was starting to zone out again.
"Let's take a break for now," said Alison seeing that he was starting to look even more confused than before.
"You don't want me freaking out in the car," said Bucky dryly.
"I don't want you to feel pressured or stressed out when we talk. If you do it's alright to say so," said Alison.
"None of the other medics wanted to talk to me. I missed having you talk to me about stuff. It's another reason I wanted you to come back," said Bucky looking out the window. He was grown man, but he looked so much like a child to her in that second it pulled at her a little. If I don't know you how can I trust you? He hasn't been able to trust anyone or talk to anyone in years. He really can't even trust his own memories. Does he need a nurse or friend more? Maybe some lines need to be crossed for his sake.
"I wasn't born in New York," Alison blurted out and he looked at her puzzled. "I was born in Texas and moved here when I was about five or six." He gave her that cocky little grin again.
"Oh so that's why you sound odd sometimes," said Bucky.
"What?" asked Alison.
"You have a bit of southern twang in your voice sometimes. Say route," said Bucky.
"Route," said Alison and he kept grinning.
"It sounds a little funny when you say it," said Bucky. "It's how you say your R's."
"It's not as bad as when I was a kid. It drove the old man nuts," said Alison.
"It's not that bad," said Bucky. "It's just certain words." He still had that dopey grin on his face. If I didn't know any better I say he was flirting. You still have a hint of that swagger that I've heard about.
"Well at least it's a not a Jersey accent," said Alison. He actually gave a small shudder at thought.
"Steve would never hire me a Jersey nurse. It would be unforgivable," said Bucky. "Just because I tried to kill him doesn't mean I deserve that form of torture." And Sam thought I had a dark sense of humor, thought Alison. Although a Jersey girl could be considered torture in the eyes of a hard core Brooklyn boy. She couldn't help snicker a little bit and to her amazing Bucky let out a small snicker of his own.
