Maybe Monday
Maybe you'll wake up one morning, staring out your window and be able to see what you truly wanted, needed next to you that Monday morning.
Maybe the slight grin you gave that other passenger, that other being next to you on this trip to life will one day become a full toothy smile, your cheeks will hurt so bad that you'll feel that smile on your face even when you aren't smiling.
Maybe that Monday morning it won't be the cry of your child which will wake you up, rather the slight caress of fingers trailing down your spine, the wary morning light filtering through the blinds, dancing on your skin.
Maybe this Monday morning, I'll wake up with the heat of your body on my back, the slight tickle of your legs on mine, your arm wrapping around my waist, tucking me into you, making us one.
Maybe this Monday morning, I'll be able to look into your eyes, my eyes will water and I'll finally get out of my own personal hell, my own little dark corner of a room I don't recognize, the room I created but don't understand.
Maybe this Monday will be like those other days with you. Those days that made life feel like it made sense, as if we could fly rapidly through the ugly things and slow motion the happy moments.
But this Monday, I wake up, rapid shallow breaths leaving my lungs, tears streaming down my cheeks making small pools on my sheets, the curtains of my window dancing in the brisk, cold wind coming through my windows, the storm raging, racketing the beats of my heart as thunder dances across the grim sky. This Monday I don't feel the heat of your body or the caress of your fingers on my skin nor do I fly rapidly through the wake of this morning, I slow motion the light heart beat that lazily thunders against my back, the soft cheek resting on my arm, the fuzzy hair tickling my neck. I feel chubby little fingers fidget in his sleep.
Dropping on his hunches, he picked up the box from the floor, his name written on the box with capital letters. He noticed it had been sealed with duct tape, taking out his Swiss knife his pocket, he dragged he blade of the top and sides. Opening the flaps, he sucked in air when he saw the inside of the box filled.
Trinkets, Polaroids, two books, a trophy, and several other things filled the inside. But a long with everything, a small envelope sat on top, his name again written on it.
Ichigo,
When you read this it means the old man finally opened that the damn door and he's probably gonna sell the building.
I don't know how long it'll be til you read this but I hope it's not too long after I've left.
What happened today was something I didn't see coming, Ichigo. I won't lie and tell you that my heart will heal completely one day and I'll be able to forget my time with you. That will be entirely too impossible.
You see, Ichigo. I never considered the probability of us ever parting. That's my first mistake. Things in life end, they cease to exist at some point in time, even if time doesn't exist and its a construct of human kind. The experiences that are our own only extend to our lifetime then they are lost to the universe once we leave. We feel this need to perpetuate that which is important to us, the ones were we felt loved, happy, like we actually knew where we were going. The thing is what we had at the end was not love, it was attachment. Because love does not hurt, attachment does. You expected something in return because you 'loved' me and with love, there shouldn't be expectation nor retribution. I love you because I love you because the sole fact you are there filling space along with me on a planet that's so saturated with other individuals but the fact you chose to share that space with me...is enough for me to love you. So won't you dance with me? Won't you feel the space between, give yourself a moment, and let your body be?
No.
You chose to leave our small piece of space, the one we shared, the one I let you into. You chose to be selfish, I don't know why, but I know when I need to get out, and this is one of those moments.
I'm leaving these with you, Ichigo. They are a part of you and me. Also there is something that you didn't know was part of you and me. I will take care of this small something, it'll be my little piece of you in this saturated world.
You knew me better than anyone else, Ichigo. Thank you for allowing me to be myself around you, to find a bit of solace in a world I thought would never allow me to breathe calmly.
- Rukia K.
He dropped to his knees, his cry leaving his throat and the slip of paper fell from his hand, he looked on to the high industrial windows that were in front of him and closed his eyes.
