Gah. I'm a horrible updater!


I'm gonna chase my dreams and catch up to them
I'm gonna find you some how, some way, somewhere, some day

'D-D-Dr Shepherd,' a nervous intern stuttered violently, from his office door.

Derek swung around heavily on his leather chair, to face the door. He was trying to check his emails, and…buy more groceries at the Food Emporium, but he was not trying to track his wife's credit cards.

He could smack himself. After they had gotten married, it had just been easier for them to keep their own accounts, for his pay to go into his account for day-to-day things, her pay to go into hers, and onto a card which they very rarely used, that she carted around for dire emergencies. He had never counted on one of those emergencies being 'fleeing the state from her husband'.

So he was back at square one. Again. He had to give her credit. She certainly had this planned. That's what disturbed him so much, had she thought about this, planned it out for months without his knowing. Was the Mina thing completely un-related? Had he been so distant that he hadn't noticed her scheming her own divorce?

He tried to imagine them lying side by side, him sleeping soundly, while she lay awake, in the dead of the night, making calls to real estate agents, and lawyers, drawing up secret divorce plans. Did she take off her rings, whilst she dreamt of a life away from him, and think of another, safer man that would love her wholly.

He winced at the thought of another man with his hands on his Meredith. He wouldn't be himself if he allowed that. She was his. He wouldn't lose her now.

Sighing heavily, he shook himself out of his thoughts, and focused back on the poor intern in the doorway.

'Yes, Dr Martin?' Derek said questioningly, turning to look at the younger man.

He shrunk away shyly, 'D-Dr Weller's…Weller wants you,' he mumbled.

'What for?' Derek moaned. He disliked the neurosurgeon attending who had originally been his main competition for head of neurosurgery when he first moved here.

'A uh…an ependymoma tumour in a young female patient. It's in a uh hard spot and…he'd really like you to uh…have a look,'

Derek nodded, swinging himself out of the chair. Meredith would…wait.

Had this been his mentality for the past few years? Meredith was second best to surgeries, to young women with tumours in their spines. Had he really been that guy?

'No,' he uttered.

The intern stopped halfway down the hall, where he had been scurrying back to his mentor.

'W-what?' the intern gasped.

'No. I'm busy right now. In fact, I'm so busy, I think I'm going to go back home,' Derek said, satisfied with his words.

'What am I…what am…' Dr Martin breathed, before turning his devastated stare back on Derek, 'What am I supposed to tell Dr Weller?'

Derek smiled slightly, 'Tell him, that if he was man enough to be head of neurosurgery, then he would do this himself,'

He backed towards his office, 'Hell, tell him that I'm just one guy, tell him to use his brain instead of mine for once,'

And with that, Derek shut his office door behind him, smirking at the sounds of the devastated intern sprinting back to Weller.

He turned to his desk, slinging his bag over his shoulder, grabbing his coat. Screw work today. He wasn't going to concentrate all that well anyway. He was going home. Early at that.

Something he should have done months ago.


'Is that her?'

'Nah, can't be,'

'Then who is it? Her twin?'

'She doesn't have a twin dipshit!'

'Exactly!'

'Should we go talk to her?'

'IT'S NOT HER!'

'Sssshhhh! She'll hear you,'

Meredith kept her head bowed as she listened to the hushed banter flowing between the two people who stood only five feet away. They weren't very good at being inconspicuous, standing so close and talking so obviously about her.

She was in the hospital cafeteria, clutching yet another manila folder in her hands. Yet again, she had found herself with a major decision in her hands, and she had to make it soon.

'I'm going to go see if it's her,' a lofty voice announced.

In one whole step, the other person was looming over Meredith, her shadow quivering in her presence.

'Uh excuse me, I'm so sorry but my friend and I…ah shit!'

The very feminine shriek was loud and head turning as Meredith lifted her head to meet the other girl's eyes.

Izzie Steven's hadn't changed even slightly in the past five years. Her blonde hair was still braided neatly down her back, her pretty blue eyes sparkling with the childish jubilance that Meredith loved to see.

'Meredith!' she squealed excitedly, 'You're back!'

And within a whirl of blonde and navy, Meredith found herself pulled out of her chair and into a tight hug.

'Oh god, how long are you back for? Are you planning on staying long? Oh you have to come to dinner before you go back to New York! How's Derek? Is Derek's good, I'm sure he is, being a hot shot and all. And how are you? You look good and you're…'

Izzie stopped to breath, releasing with Meredith. Her warm brown eyes swept over Meredith.

'So, how are you?'

Meredith smiled softly, 'Yeah, I'm good,' she said.

The words fell out of her mouth instantly, engraved permanently on her lips for a question like that.

'That's good, good,' Izzie said, already twisting her body away from Meredith, 'Hey Alex! Get over here!'

Alex Karev wandered over to the pair, with his usual cocky grin in place.

'Grey,' he greeted cheerfully, 'Good to see you again,'

'Does Cristina know yet?' Izzie asked excitedly, 'And someone should call George!'

Meredith frowned, 'Call George? Why, where is he?'

'Mercy West,' Izzie said, shrugging off-handedly.

But Meredith had seen the shadow that had flickered behind her eyes as she said it. There was more to that story.

'Ok,' Meredith agreed.

'What about Cristina? Do I need to page her?'

Izzie had whipped out her Blackberry and her fingers were already poised over the keys, when Meredith replied with a no.

'It's ok. I saw her briefly, but she had to go to surgery. I told her that she could meet me here in a few hours,'

Izzie nodded, 'Ok, have you had lunch? You're very thin still,'

Meredith smiled. She had missed this, the maternal, mother hen Izzie, who had the need to fuss over anyone who would let her.

'Oh, I haven't eaten anything yet. Do you want to eat with me?'

She hadn't given Izzie or Alex a second thought in the past few months, but suddenly, she was so glad they were here.

'Oh, we can wait for Cristina,' Izzie replied at the same time as Alex said, 'Yeah, good would be good,'

They looked at each for a few moments, and Meredith laughed, 'Alex, go eat,'

As Alex darted off, Izzie and Meredith took their seats at the plastic table.

'What's this?' Izzie pried curiously as she reached for the manila folder in front of Meredith, 'Anything interesting?'

'Oh!' Meredith looked down at the yellow paper. Izzie couldn't know. Not yet. Not before she had made her mind up.

She slapped her hand down on it, 'Just…boring paperwork that I have to catch up on,'

Izzie withdrew her hand suspiciously, 'Ok…have fun with that,'

They lapsed into momentary, awkward silence, the only sound, Izzie tapping her scuffed shoes against the ground.

'So…' she began uncomfortably, 'What uh…what brings you out here?'

'Um…' Meredith searched for a good excuse.

Change of pace? New lifestyle? Fleeing her husband?

'Um, just a short visit,' Meredith lied quickly.

'Oh, that's a shame. But it's good to see you again,'

'Yeah, you too,' Meredith smiled, 'Tell me, what's happened in your life?'

She was very pleased with her deflection of all talk Derek so far. She didn't want to bring that subject up, until her mind was made.

'I'm great!' Izzie gushed, 'I'm engaged to Alex of course,'

'Of course?' Meredith cried, 'How come I didn't know this!'

Izzie let out a tinkling laugh, 'He proposed about four months ago!'

'Well,' Meredith demanded, 'Let me see,'

Izzie held out her long hand for Meredith to admire the beautiful ring on her finger. The diamond and sapphire ring in a flawless princess cut, that looked stunning on Izzie's finger.

Meredith felt an odd twinge in her stomach as she gazed down on the other girl's hand, thinking of her own bare left hand, buried deeply into her left pocket.

'It's amazing,' Meredith confirmed, 'Congratulations,'

Izzie beamed proudly, 'They'll never be as beautiful as that ring Derek gave you,' she sighed, 'That was so romantic, when he proposed,'

Meredith winced, trying to ward of the flood of images already. Derek. Tux. Turquoise silk dress. High heels. Knee…

She felt the tears burning her eyes. Crying for seemingly no good reason would seem stupid. She couldn't cry…not…

'Yeah, it uh…was,' Meredith said quickly.

She had thought he was the most amazing man on this planet. He had been the best thing that had ever happened to her for as long as she could remember. But she was mistaken. Derek was…something else. Something bad. He had forced her to this very spot she was today. She wasn't going to be pushed around any further.

She pulled the manila off her lap. That was her mind made up. She grabbed a pen out and scribbled her name on the bottom of the page.

'Izz!' she excused herself, 'I have to go see Richard. Can you wait here, and tell Cristina I'll be down soon, we'll have lunch together,'

With that, Meredith darted away. She was on a mission.


Derek groaned raking his hand through his hair. Stupid silence. Stupid house. Stupid solitude.

The house was too quiet, the couch too uncomfortable. The TV was too unintelligent, the presenter's too fake.

He had finally taken the 'grand gesture' and knocked off work early. He had taken the time to come home…to an empty house. He was months too late. He should have done this in April, not August.

And now he was alone, without a wife, without a clue to where she was. Because he hadn't taken time off before today.

Wasn't time off meant to feel good? A time to kick back, catch up on the episodes of General Hospital that you had missed in the long hours that you worked every other day?

So, why was he sitting in his office, Googling his wife's name? He had no idea what good typing Meredith Grey, into Google would do, but, he felt as if he was helping in some way. He had given up on tracking her through the banks…maybe he should hire a private investigator…

Derek sighed, manoeuvring his mouse to hover over one article.

Mt Sinai's Latest Addition:

Standard staff email, just announcing the 'Shepherd's' arrival in New York.

The Grey Method; Ellis Grey

Half of the article he clicked on was predominantly about Ellis Grey and her surgeries. Most of them didn't have anything to do with Meredith.

SGH: It's a Happy Month…

Derek had no idea what that site was doing up here. Richard had posted it on the staff news page soon after they got married. Sharply he clicked on it, waiting for the page to load.

Slowly, the page revealed a few photos of him and Meredith on their wedding day. The same one that hung on their wall. Beside that was Callie and George, with their brand new daughter, Jessie. He smiled fondly. They had been in Fiji, on their last day, when they got the call from George. Callie was in labour.

They had flown home as soon as they could to see the little girl. She had been a beauty, a lot like her mother. He remembered that day, knowing that he had to have children. Seeing little Jessie's dark eyes, and her small fingers curling protectively around her mother's, Derek knew right then, that he wanted children with Meredith, more than he'd ever wanted them before.

That had been a good month.

Slowly, the smile slid from his face. Now he'd never have children, because he screwed up, big time.

He logged off his computer, his heart heavier than it had been before. He trudged into the lounge and settled on the couch, his mind still full of the children that he would never have…


'It's really finally,' Richard sighed, 'You're serious,'

'Yes,' Meredith said confidently, 'I'm serious. I've made up my mind and there's…there's no turning back,'

'It's sad, to see you and Derek end like this,' he said wisely.

They sat in his office, the manila folder now in his hands. Meredith stood opposite him, her shoulder's back and her head high. She was going to be okay.

'Well, don't they say all good things come to an end?'

'I was hoping this wasn't one of them,'

Meredith allowed a wry smile onto her lips, 'Me too,' she sighed, 'Oh well, can't change what happened now,'

He glanced down back at the papers, 'You're sure?'

'Certain,' Meredith replied.

She couldn't believe she was doing this. Sealing her fate. Right now. Here.

'Ok then,'

Richard bent down, scrawling out his signature beside hers. And then he straightened up and smiled, extending a hand.

'Meredith Grey, Head Of Neurosurgery,' he said admiringly, 'It has a nice ring to it,'

Meredith smiled lightly, 'Yeah, I guess it does,'

'Welcome back to Seattle Dr,'

First day of the rest of our lives, I miss you already
Last time I saw that look in your eyes, I miss you already


A/N: I'm like…the worst person ever. I had planned to post a chapter by Thursday, because I was busy Friday. And then, somehow, I wound up, dancing for twelve hours straights. And trying to write after that…well, you don't want to see my shitty, 'Hehe, I've been awake for 26 hours!' writing. And then…it was a case of 'Holy Shit, I have five assignments due in the next fortnight'. So, it was delayed again…and then, Tuesday came around, and I had finished one of those drastic assignments, and…NCIS was on, so I couldn't possibly spend my night writing. And so, now I'm writing. I'm sorry that I made you wait this long and then gave you this lame filler for a chapter. I know I'll probably disappoint many of you, but a new chapter should be pretty soon. And look on the bright side, I have three weeks off in three weeks. Yay for regular updates! Anyway, she hasn't told Cristina, Izzie, or Alex yet. Because, she's afraid of their reactions. Their reactions will be next chapter, I just want to make sure I get it right. George may or may not be a backstory depending on a) how many people actually care or b) whether or not I think I'll be able to fit his story in.

You may be able to pick up on the parts I wrote before I was fully functional, because it makes no sense, but right now I don't have the energy to re-edit it. Next chapter will be a lot, lot better, I promise. I'll post another chapter hopefully very soon, and people who know a lot more about grey nurse sharks will get updates faster. Hehe…

So, anyway, press the pretty purple button, please?