"Oh, Bats. I never would've imagined you and I working together like this!"

These sardonic words came from The Joker, who managed to keep a smile on his face despite looking rather bluntly pained.

"Be quiet." Batman snapped quickly, walking ahead of Joker while trying to find a trail of some sort to follow so that he could find the Joker imposter and end this whole situation as quickly as possible.

He could barely handle one Joker. The last thing he needed to deal with that night was two Jokers.

"Come on, Bats; lighten up a little! I think you're the type of person to like it when it rains. You seem just sullen enough to enjoy it." The clown prince of crime replied, not missing a beat, while pointing up at the dark, overcast sky over their heads.

"You don't?" Batman asked, though he wasn't particularly interested in the answer.

"Me? Nah. Rain soils my makeup. Ha ha ha h-koff koff. Shit."

For some reason, Batman couldn't help but smirk just a little bit, though he quickly shook it off.

"So, anyway, Batsie... What brings you to Arkham City? Did you come here to beat Riddler's face against the wall? Or did you come here just to see little ol' me?"

Batman said nothing, and simply kept hunting for a trail.

"You know, I heard about what happened to that Bruce Wayne guy. Real shame he got locked up in here. Probably got ripped apart."

"Why would you care?"

Joker made a show of a nonchalant shrug. "He seemed interesting. I would've liked to play a little prank on him. He did basically want those other nutjobs and I free from this godforsaken place. He a friend of yours, Bats?"

"I've got something." Batman announced abruptly.

"Aw, don't avoid the question!"

"It's a footprint."

"Not of much use to you if the freak's wearing my shoes though, is it?"

"It's not from your shoe."

Joker's brow furrowed just a tad. "What do you mean, it's not from my shoe? What, did he take them off?"

"Maybe..." Before Batman could do anything more, Joker chimed in again.

"Then they must be around here somewhere. Why don't you have a look around? Why not in that dark alley with the suspicious dumpster?"

"No point."

"What? Why not?"

"These footprints are bigger than your shoe size."

"So he squeezed his huge feet into my shoes."

"That wouldn't be possible. Unless..."

Joker, realizing that Batman was onto something, tried to improvise a distraction. He started coughing as hard as he could.

Batman refused to look back until he heard Joker collapse. He walked over to the pitiful display and glared down at Joker.

"Get up," He snarled, "I know you're acting."

Joker snickered weakly. "You got me, Batman. But I -koff- think I messed myself up a little more than -koff koff- intended with that joke. Would you be so kind as to carry me again?"

"No." Batman swiftly turned around and started walking.

"Ouch. Cold shoulder, much. You can't just leave me here, you know that, right?"

"Give me one good reason why I can't."

"What if that hat freak gets me again?"

"Not good enough." Batman resumed walking away.

"What if riddleface gets me again and I let him tell me your name?"

Batman stopped.

Joker laughed. "I knew that one would get you. Now give me a hand."

Resentfully, the Dark Knight returned to the side of the Clown Prince of Crime and cautiously lift him. He barely resisted the urge to drop him when he stretched his long, scrawny arms up and wrapped them around his cloaked neck.

"Ooh, a bridal carry again? How romantic~."

"Don't test me, Joker."

"Don't be such a poor sport, Batface." Joker feigned a pout and released one of his hands from Batman's cowl to trace a spindly finger under his exposed chin. The touch was cold and damp due to Joker's gloves, though Batman tolerated it until the clown started 'walking' his fingers up towards his lips, at which point he decided to succumb to the desire to let him fall.

When he hit the cold hard concrete, Joker started laughing again. "You're so shy, Bats! It's adorable!"

"I think you can walk."

"Aww, c'mon, Batman. I'm sorry, okay? I really do need help."

Though Batman didn't trust him one bit, his inner Good Samaritan broke through, and he found himself holding the thin clown again.

Joker snickered and placed his hand on Batman's jaw, making him look straight at him, and then he purred, "Syke."

Next thing Batman knew, he had Joker's scarred, lipsticked lips pressing against his own, and for a short moment, his mind pulled up several blanks while trying to figure out what to do. In the end, his body simply decided to drop Joker once more...

... which, as it turns out, Joker was prepared for. As soon as he was released, he wrapped his arms back around Batman's neck, and his legs around the stronger man's hips, effectively making himself into some sort of clingy, human frontpack.

For a few long seconds, Batman struggled to get Joker off of himself the way one would try to remove themselves from a slithering parasite, but Joker was relentless and determined to stay on. His strength soon faded, however, and Batman shoved him off of himself and back onto the ground. With the back of his hand, he wiped the red lipstick off of his lips best he could and began spitting.

When he looked down at the clown, he was nearly confused with how giddy and amused the psycho looked.

"There's something new to cross off of my bucket list; kiss Batman." Joker giggled.

"You're sick."

"I am! Thanks for noticing!"

"In the head." Batman added.

"Says the person who runs around dressed like a bat! Ha ha ha!"

"You can solve your own problems, Joker."

Joker made a strange face in response to that statement. "... Hm. Well, that's not very funny at all."

Before Batman could counter this with the silent treatment, they both froze up a bit when they heard a beckoning call.

"Alice? Alice, are you here? I hear you!"

"Oh for fff... This weirdo just doesn't let up, does h-" Joker's complaint was cut off when Batman clamped his hand over his mouth and dragged him into the alley with the 'suspicious dumpster', perching behind it in a way that both of them were hidden.

To avoid Joker's child-like stare of fascination, Batman kept his cheek to the side of the dumpster.

Mad Hatter, a loose handcuff dangling from his wrist, stumbled into the junction Batman and Joker had just fled from. "Oh, Alice~! There's no need to be scared anymore; Hatter's here for you. Eenie, meenie, miney, moe; into which alley does Alice go? If there's laughter, find him so; eenie, meenie, miney... moe."

"You suck at rhyming, stupid," Joker tried to grumble, but he was muffled into silence by Batman's palm.