Title: Coming Back – 9/?
Pairing: Lee/Kara
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Anything up to and including Exodus, Part 2. It's AU.
Summary: Now that the Chief and Sam know they are Cylons, whose side will they be on? And what exactly are Roslin and Adama going to do to protect the Fleet?
A/N: Hi friends! Here is the next chapter. I think this story will finish itself pretty well, it's really just finding time to write it. This chapter is a little more plot-heavy than the others, but I realized that if this story was really going to have a satisfying ending, I had to commit to telling the whole story, not just the Lee/Kara bits.
I hope you enjoy this! Make sure to let me know in the comments!
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Chapter 9
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Saul Tigh had had his share of hallucinations. Drink enough of any type of alcohol and your mind will play tricks on you. After New Caprica, it had only gotten worse. Phantom figures that always seemed just out of his line of sight, shadows that disappeared the moment he turned to look them full-on. With his peripheral vision shot to hell, he assumed it was just something else he'd have to adjust to now, on top of the way the patch dug into the skin above his cheekbone or the tightness of the strap giving him a headache every other day.
But he'd never heard things before. Not voices or noises, nothing. And now he was hearing a full-out frakking song.
Saul lay on the couch in his quarters, one arm thrown carelessly across his face, while the other hung over the edge of the couch, knuckles almost touching the floor. Somewhere down there was an empty bottle of the Chief's rotgut moonshine, and broken pieces of another that Saul had hurled at a nearby wall in hopes of drowning out the melody.
It hadn't worked. And despite the fact that his brain was currently soaking in a few inches of alcohol, he was unable to pass out, unable to disappear into the oblivion of a drunken sleep and wake up in ten hours when this was all over.
Saul sighed heavily as his stomach tipped to one side, reminding his bladder it was full. Slowly, he sat up, even as every inch off the cushions brought a stabbing pain to his head, right behind his eyes. Once he was fully seated, he opened his eye and waited for the room to right itself. Only then did he attempt to stand.
He missed Ellen. This was the thought that followed him to the head. He missed his wife. Despite her traitorous final act and her inappropriate groping of men that weren't him, Saul had loved her. She'd been sexy as hell and fun and could drink him under the table. He had often wondered, especially early in their relationship, what an attractive woman like Ellen would want with a sloppy drunk like him.
As he zipped up his pants, he considered that maybe it was his drunken confusion she had liked the most. Certainly made it easy for her to sneak around on him. Gods knew, she had never been faithful.
Leaning heavily on the edge of the sink, Saul didn't bother looking in the mirror. He wouldn't like or recognize the man staring back at him. At least with Ellen around he'd always known who he was, before New Caprica he'd had some semblance of a purpose. Now, even though Bill had reinstated his commission, it didn't feel like it had before. Saul felt as if the entire fleet were simply waiting for the other shoe to drop, holding their breath and walking on tiptoe until whatever other catastrophe was going to befall them came along.
And he could still hear that frakkin' song. Whirling, he almost pitched to the floor, but kept himself upright with a tight grip on the sink. Eye searching the room, he looked for the telltale sign of a feed. The ship-wide speaker was silent, he'd already dismantled that a day or so ago when the song had first started echoing in his head. Saul had thought he'd already explored every seam and rivet in the room, looking for the place that had been tampered with by some enemy who seemed intent on driving him insane.
Stalking unsteadily across the room, he went to his footlocker and yanked the door open, reaching inside for another bottle of the chief's gin. Brushing his fingers against the back of the shelf, he glanced across something that felt out of place. Quickly emptying the shelf, Saul pressed on the metal at the back of the locker, finding it gave way easily, popping out with a soft snap, revealing a compartment. Little light could make it that far into the small space, but he reached back as far as he could, pressing his cheek against the metal. Finally, his fingers snagged the soft bundle at the back and he pulled it forward.
It was a letter. Saul was immediately disappointed—he had hoped to find a battery-operated radio back there playing that song. But revealing the secret space hadn't stopped the tune. If possible, it was louder now. Sitting down again, he studied the worn envelope. Ellen's loopy script spelling out his name was inked across the front. Praying for a distraction that would stop that frakking music, Saul opened the envelope carefully, unfolding the paper inside with a bit of reverence.
He had no idea what would have been so important or so damning that Ellen would have felt the only way to get him the information was to leave him a letter that he had about a ten percent chance of finding. Maybe she had intended to give it to him when she was alive. Maybe she just hadn't found the right time.
Regardless of her motives, he had the letter now, the secret was out.
My darling Saul,
I never knew quite how to share this with you, but I had hoped one day I could. However, by you finding this letter, hidden as it was, I realize that I am probably gone. And you are probably hearing the music.
He paused, a strange lump clogging his throat. How could she possibly-? He kept reading.
If you are hearing the song, then the others are as well. Tyrol, Anders, Tory. The song is your cue, you are being activated.
His nausea returned as the odd syntax Ellen had chosen started to make a sick kind of sense.
You, Saul, are a Cylon. Just as they are, just as I am. We are the Final Five.
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"Madame President."
Adama held the door open, allowing Laura to enter the room. She dismissed her guard, allowing them to wait outside, giving the two of them some privacy. Bill was grateful.
"Admiral."
She was walking slowly again, looking as unsteady as she had during her last bout with the cancer. Reaching the nearest couch, she sat down slowly. Bill watched her closely, noting the wince that the movement caused.
"Are you ill, Madame President?"
Apparently, rolling her eyes didn't tax her in the least. "Bill, please. We're alone, call me Laura. And I'm not sick, not in the way you mean." She closed her eyes briefly, releasing a heavy sigh. "But I haven't been sleeping well."
Adama could sympathize. "Can I get you something?"
"A glass of water would be lovely."
Bill moved toward the side bar, pouring a glass for her and himself before returning to the sofa. Taking a seat beside her, he initiated a small clink of their glasses before they both took a drink. A comfortable, familiar silence filled the space between them. Bill was hesitant to brook any conversation; he couldn't think of topic that wouldn't cause either of them pain, anger or despair.
"How is Captain Thrace?" she asked finally.
"I want to say better, but it would be a lie. She's with Lee, so that's something. But otherwise …" The image of Kara, frightened and trembling from a few hours ago would not leave him be. He couldn't even close his eyes without seeing the absolute terror in her face as she'd attacked him.
"And how is Lee?"
Bill smiled softly, sitting back into the cushions. "Worried, concerned, lovesick."
Laura chuckled once at the last description. "I wondered when you'd finally see that."
"I think maybe I always knew, I just chose to ignore it."
"Why? Because of your other son, Zak?"
The immediate answer of 'no' almost escaped, but Bill held it back, giving himself a moment to really form an answer. It was a question he had asked himself numerous times during the exodus, when Lee's mood telegraphed just how much leaving Kara behind had cost him, and over the last few months as he'd watched the two of them slowly bob and weave their way back toward each other.
"I think part of it had to do with Zak. I never had the chance to see Kara and him together. The first time I met her was the day before his funeral." The old memory didn't cause the normal gut-wrenching grief. He wondered if that was a form of progress or simply a sign that he was emotionally spent. "When I saw Kara and Lee interact that day, well, I wouldn't realize it until last year, but they had obviously had some kind of blow-up before the ceremony. Their behavior was so reminiscent of the few days following the groundbreaking."
Roslin hummed softly. "Yes. That was quite the night for everyone apparently."
Bill was far too old to blush, but he had the courtesy to take a well-timed drink. Laura didn't call him on it.
"These past few months, the past few days, I've realized how much I was ignoring. And how much they've both been hurting."
"They need each other, Bill." This time, he did meet her gaze, once again amazed at the level of empathy she conveyed. "I never believed in soul mates until I saw your son and Captain Thrace interact. I never truly believed it was possible for two people to complete each other. But what Lee and Kara have … not only is it rare, it's incredibly precious."
"Then why do they hurt each other?" Bill's discomfort at discussing the love life of his son and ersatz daughter was quickly displaced by his curiosity. "Laura, that morning after the groundbreaking, when Lee saw Kara and Anders … I've never seen him look so devastated. Never. And when she got back from the surface, not even when Zak died was she so bereft. I agree with you, they are two halves of the same whole, but I'm not convinced that coming together won't cause them to combust."
Laura's touch against his thigh was gentle. He offered her a small smile, before covering her hand with his and squeezing lightly. "Bill, I honestly believe everything happens for a reason. I don't believe your son and Kara were ready for a fully committed relationship all of those months ago. I think they both needed to experience a few other things before they could realize just what they had and how special it is."
"And you think they're ready now?"
She nodded, another smile tweaking the edges of her mouth. "I do."
"Even now? After Anders?"
The light in Laura's eyes disappeared. "Even now," she said quietly, her gaze falling back to her lap as she took her hand back, clasping them both in front of her.
"I'm sorry, Laura. I didn't mean to upset you."
She waved it off, but he knew the damage was done. "It's all right, Bill. We do need to discuss what we're going to do next."
He sighed. "I know, but I was kind of hoping it would all go away if I ignored it long enough."
She smiled ruefully. "We don't get the luxury of sticking our heads in the sand until the storm passes."
"Have you spoken with the Chief or Anders yet?"
Roslin shook her head. "No. To be perfectly honest, I'm not sure I'm ready to." She paused for a moment, taking a deep breath and then added, "I just came from seeing Tory's body."
"I'm sorry, Laura."
"The time for sympathy is over, Bill. Now is the time to understand why and how. Why are they being triggered now? How is it happening?"
All good questions Adama had no answer for. "Neither Tyrol or Anders have any idea. They say it started with them hearing a song."
"A song?"
He nodded. "Yes. Anders doesn't remember much between hearing the song and kidnapping Kara. It was only after he woke up in Life Station that he realized something was truly wrong."
"And the Chief?"
"Pretty much the same. He insists he didn't know. Insists he never had any intention of harming anyone, but … Trust is a luxury we no longer have."
Roslin kept her silence for a moment and Bill drained his glass. He wanted another drink, but the effort of getting up and crossing the room to get it seemed too great right now. "But you do believe them? That they didn't know until recently?"
"I can't explain why, but yes, I do."
"I do, too. Does it strike you as odd that the three of the final five we know about were all huge supporters and organizers of the resistance movement on New Caprica?"
Bill paused. He had never framed it that way before. "I guess I never realized … what do you think that means?"
"I don't know. It could mean nothing, it could mean it's just another way for the Cylons to frak with us. It could be the reason why our efforts were successful."
"How so?"
"Maybe without even realizing it they were helping us stay one step ahead of the others. Maybe they knew, subconsciously, what moves we should make."
Something about that conclusion didn't sit well with Bill, but he still gave himself time to consider it. Just when he was ready to counter with a different idea, knocking began on his hatch.
"Enter!"
The door opened and closed revealing his XO looking highly agitated and, if the flush to his cheeks was any indication, highly drunk as well. "Saul?"
"Bill, I-Oh, hello Madame President."
"Saul." She gave him a quick once over, but didn't comment on his disheveled appearance or the stink of alcohol Bill could now smell as he approached them.
"What is it, Saul?"
Tigh pulled his eye away from Laura, swallowing visibly as he again met his friend's gaze. Bill noticed now that it was more than just unsteadiness causing his friend to shake a bit, there was fear in his features as well.
He swallowed a few more times before finally managing, "Bill, we need to talk. I have something important to tell you."
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Kara had managed to get a few more hours of sleep, and when she awoke again, it was a gentle return to consciousness, no night terrors or frightening images chasing her out of her slumber. Lee was exceedingly grateful.
She was showering now, dismissing his offer of help with a sharp punch to his upper arm and a sarcastic remark about his ulterior motives. Lee blushed, but didn't dispute her assumption that part of his motive was to see her naked; not when it was partly true.
He was trying to catch up on his paperwork, but his concentration was severely lacking. Aside from the fact that only a door separated him from a wet and naked Kara Thrace, Lee couldn't stop the instant replay in his mind of the past few days. Every time Kara woke up, confused and afraid, every time she spoke Leoben's name or the fear in her eyes when he'd found her in that supply closet. The way she had felt under his hands and mouth when they had kissed. The way his body had responded to her, the way his heart finally felt whole again after holding her while she slept.
The water shut off, signaling Lee that it was time to get his thoughts under control and his focus back. He wasn't exactly sure what his next move should be, but he knew Kara's recovery had barely begun. There was more work for both of them to do.
A knock on his hatch stymied that line of thinking. Assuming his father was back to check on them, Lee hurried to the door and opened it, hoping to reassure him and then send him on his way. He and Kara needed some more time alone to work through this.
But it wasn't his father. "Lee, hi." It was Julia, standing with a hesitant expression on her face and Kacey on her hip. In contrast to the last time he'd seem them both, both girls looked well-rested and happy.
"Julia, hello. How are you?"
"Better, thank you. And Kacey has made a full recovery."
The little girl perked up at hearing her name, lifting her head from her mother's shoulder and fixing Lee with a toothy grin. He couldn't help smiling back.
"We actually wanted to check in on Kara."
"Kawa, Kawa." Kacey's chant tugged at Lee's heart for inexplicable reasons, but he ushered them both inside.
"Yes, of course. She's actually doing better. Although still not one hundred percent."
Julia frowned, apparently ready to say something else when Kara emerging from the bathroom interrupted them. "Adama, how in the frak did you get actual lotion?"
"Fwak."
Lee's went wide, but it was nothing compared to the look of pure surprise on Kara's face as she came around the corner, taking in the sight of Kacey and Julia.
"Kawa, Kawa."
The little girl raised chubby arms in Kara's direction the moment the two girls could see each other. Kara paused for a second and Lee watched her closely, looking for any sign that this little visit might be too much for her. But in a second, she was across the room, lifting Kacey from her mother's lap, despite the pain it must have caused.
Lee rose quickly and stood to her side, hand hovering against the small of her back. "Kara, are you sure you're okay to hold her?"
She didn't glare at him or offer some flip remark. Instead, she met his gaze over Kacey's blonde head and actually smiled. "Yeah, Lee, I'm good."
Julia spoke next, reminding them both that they had a guest. "I don't mean to barge in, but Kacey's been asking about Kara for a day or so, and we just wanted to see how you were."
"I'm better," Kara told her, rubbing a light hand over Kacey's back as the little girl pulled Kara's dogtags out from under her tanks and started jingling them while singing a nonsense song. "I'm a lot better, actually."
Lee was fairly certain Kacey's arrival was the cause of the smile on her face and the light in her eyes, but he would take it.
"Can you stay for a bit?" Kara asked, sitting in the closest armchair and adjusting Kacey on her lap. The little girl was still babbling nonsense, which Lee found decidedly adorable.
"Absolutely," Julia assured her with a smile resuming her seat. "It's so good to see you up and about, Kara."
Starbuck simply smiled shyly, dipping her head and coming face to face with Kacey. "Kawa better?"
"Yup, honey. I'm all better. Just like you," she added, giving the toddler a gentle tickle in the belly, eliciting a loud giggle that brought a smile to everyone present.
This started a few minutes of a tickle war with Lee and Julia as spectators. Lee didn't care. Watching Kara with that little girl in light of what he now knew was like a gift from the Gods. Seeing Kara that open, knowing what it cost her to accept this child as her own, what she had sacrificed as a result, was simply another reason why he loved her.
As minutes passed and it became obvious that Kara and Kacey spoke a language he couldn't possibly understand, Lee rose. "I'm actually going to run an errand, if you'll excuse me."
Julia nodded. He looked to Kara. "Will you be okay for a while? I'll be back in an hour, tops."
She smiled again, fingering one of the errant curls on Kacey's head. "I'll be fine, Lee. Go on."
"Hee?"
Kacey's question surprised all of them. Kara indulged the girl with a smile, before nodding and pointing a finger at him. "That's right, little Kacey, that's Lee."
Kacey turned in Kara's lap, wide eyes taking him in, pinning him in place. And then the girl grinned wide before clapping her hands and starting another chant, "Hee, Hee!"
Lee found himself smiling for a long time after he'd left the room.
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They hadn't spoken since Saul had been taken to the brig by an armed guard. Adama had simply told them that the XO was to be confined with Chief Tyrol and that should anyone have a question, they could report directly to him. The marines hadn't even blinked.
Roslin seemed to be suffering from as much shock as Bill. She had kept her silence once Saul had revealed his secret, only intervening when it appeared the two old friends might come to blows. At the time, Bill had been beyond angry, but he could see now how much worse things might look if his XO turned up in the brig with a black eye and a broken jaw.
"Bill? Say something."
He sat behind his desk, chin dropped to his chest, hands covering his face trying to order his thoughts. Trying to think about anything other than the ultimate betrayal by his oldest friend. So far, he'd been unsuccessful.
"What do you want to do?" Laura's question was soft, but insistent and Bill knew he should answer her. He simply had no idea what to say.
"I have no idea, Laura. I truly don't."
He finally met her gaze, her eyes telegraphing her sympathy. He knew that out of anyone on board, the president would have the best idea of what he was feeling right now. She had gone through the same thing not more than twelve hours ago with her assistant.
He watched as she rose, crossing the room with a measured step. He expected her to take a seat across the desk, but instead, she rounded the corner, leaning against the side, and placing a warm hand on his shoulder. As she gave it a squeeze, she told him, "I know how hard this is, Bill. But it appears the situation is far worse than we originally imagined. I fear the Cylons might actually be working on a plan to infiltrate the fleet again."
He shared her fear. Nodding once, he reached up, giving her hand a gentle pat, before rising and straightening his suit jacket. "You're right, of course. I think it's time we got some more answers."
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He found that a day of distance hadn't lessened his anger. In fact, Lee had almost turned around the moment he'd entered Life Station, worried that he'd face brig time if someone happened upon him beating Anders' face into a bloody pulp. But he forced himself to stay, forced himself to take a deep breath and walk to Anders' curtain, pulling it aside and entering the space.
Anders was awake. Eyes fixed on the ceiling, there were no outward signs that he was anything other than Sam Anders, former captain of the Caprica Buccaneers, Kara's husband, and well, human. The right side of his face was still swollen, but the bruise around his eye had faded from black to purple. His shoulder was wrapped and padded with extra gauze, protecting the bullet hole Lee had graced him with.
The minute he heard Lee's approach, Sam's head popped up, sharp blue eyes taking in his visitor quickly, before he fell back against his pillow in silence.
Lee took a breath. He'd expected Anders to say something, at the very least plead his innocence. Wisely, he'd kept quiet.
"Why?"
Anders' eyes slanted to the side, taking in Lee again, before resuming their perusal of the ceiling. "I don't know."
Lee bit back a flash of anger. Slowly approaching the man's bedside, he stood at his head, making sure he was in his line of sight, before saying, "Not good enough. Why?"
This time Sam sighed heavily, closing his eyes as he answered. "Why what, Apollo? Why am I cylon? Why didn't I know? Why did I try to kidnap Kara?"
"Why did you marry her in the first place?" Lee asked instead, not surprised when the question got a puzzled look from Sam.
"Because I love her." He spoke as though Lee were a five-year-old who hadn't quite grasped the concept of logic. "Why else would I have done it?"
"So, it wasn't to frak with her head? It wasn't to serve her up on a platter to Leoben?" Lee didn't believe Anders' feigned innocence.
"What are you talking about?"
Lee felt a sick spike of pride that Kara hadn't confided in Anders the way she had in him. "On New Caprica. That place where you found, Kara? Leoben was holding her there. Trying to play house. He told her Kacey was hers." Leaning forward, Lee placed his fists at the edge of Anders' pillow. "So, you mean to tell me this wasn't part of your plan? Marry Kara and then turn her over to your brothers?"
Something suspiciously similar to horror crossed Anders' features. "I had no idea, Apollo, I swear. I had no idea where she was those four months. I certainly didn't let her get taken."
"No, you were just conveniently sick, in and out of consciousness. And then you miraculously recovered." Lee realized the accusation bordered on ridiculous, but he could only see evil intent when he looked at Sam.
"Believe what you want, Apollo, but I was sick on the surface, you can ask Cottle. And no one quite knows how I got better, but I did." He swallowed, taking a breath before adding, "And I would have gladly giving myself up, let them take me instead, if it would have kept Kara safe. But the Cylons didn't give us a whole bunch of choices."
Pushing off the bed, Lee took a few steps back in frustration. Despite his very deep desire to blame Anders for everything involving Kara and her current emotional state, he didn't sense any sinister intent from her husband. It was infuriating; he was running out of people to blame.
"At least I didn't abandon her at the first opportunity."
The accusation hit Lee right between the eyes and he inhaled a sharp breath. "What?"
"Kara told me what happened. She was on the comm with you that day, when the Cylons showed up. And in minutes you and the rest of the fleet jumped away. You left us there. You left us there knowing what we were facing. And you didn't give a damn."
"We left so we could return and get you all back!" Lee's voice sounded loud in the quiet space. He forced himself to breathe evenly, forced himself to get his emotions back under control. But his fists were still clenched at his sides, fingernails pressing so hard into his palm he knew he'd have marks in his skin. "If we'd stayed, we would have been destroyed. You may not understand much about the military, but I have to believe you can do simple math."
"I'm not talking about everyone else, Apollo." The disgust in Anders' tone might have been offensive if it had been coming from anyone else. "I'm talking about Kara. You left her behind. How is that betrayal any worse than what I did?"
"How can you even compare the two?" Lee demanded. "You lied to her. She's been beating herself up thinking she must have missed something, some clue that you were a machine. She's disgusted with herself, knowing she slept with the enemy."
"I never lied to Kara," Anders said adamantly, the conviction of his statement obvious in the set of his jaw. "I never did anything but love her as best as I could." He hesitated for just a moment and Lee tensed unconsciously. Then, he added, "Can you say the same?"
The urge to hit Anders came back tenfold, but even as Lee felt the anger work its way up his gut, he felt another familiar feeling accompany it—shame. Anders had proven he couldn't be trusted, that he was indeed the enemy, but it didn't mean he might have a point.
"You don't … you don't know what you're talking about," Lee defended lamely, even as the thought of that night on New Caprica flashed through his mind. Of course, the blush of the memory was followed closely by the ultimate despair of the next morning, when Kara had left his side to marry him.
"I know enough, Apollo. I know she ended up married to me."
Lee took a breath. He felt a thousand excuses rushing to the forefront, a thousand retorts that all ended with him telling Anders to mind his own frakkin' business. No one understood Lee's relationship with Kara; he didn't understand it most days. He wasn't going to give the cylon the satisfaction of knowing he'd actually made Lee doubt himself. The truth was, he had hurt Kara—they had hurt each other—numerous times. Up until about three days ago, it seemed to be the only thing they were truly capable of sharing—the ability to destroy the other with a word, a look, a well-placed pop to the jaw.
"I don't have to explain my relationship with Kara to you. We've been through more together than you could ever comprehend," Lee told him, his voice low. He approached the bed again, making sure to catch Anders' eyes. "I'll admit, I made mistakes. Kara and I both did. But you know what, even when things were really bad, when we could barely stand the sight of one another, Kara knew I'd have her back. And I knew she'd have mine."
Leaning forward and dropping his voice to a whisper, he added, "And I can promise you, pneumonia or not, I would have died a thousand times on that planet if it meant keeping Kara from that psychopath."
"She didn't give you the chance, Apollo." Lee had to admit, Anders willingness to bait him was admirable, if stupid. "She ran away from you the second she could."
Lee snorted, fighting down the bile rising in his throat. It was the truth, and from an outside observer, like Anders, it did look like Lee and Kara did everything but care for one another. "She might have married you and she might have marked you," Lee said, motioning to the tattoo still emblazoned on Anders' arm. "But Kara and I together are so much more than you will ever be."
With that, he turned to go, unwilling to give Sam the satisfaction of watching him shake. The minute he was beyond the curtain, Lee headed for the nearest bathroom, managing to lock himself inside a stall before emptying the contents of his stomach.
He knew he needed to eat, which was probably contributing a bit to his upset stomach, but more than that, Anders' words had made an impression. He couldn't deny that he had made some monumental mistakes where Kara was concerned. And he would never deny that she had hurt him. And, in a deep, dark place he didn't like to go, he could admit to a voracious fear that once Kara was feeling better, once she again felt like herself, she would realize all the many ways Lee had failed her and leave him alone once again.
He would fight her, fight her until he had no fight left. Lee knew now, had seen over the past few months and even more over the past few days that the most important thing he could do for Kara was stick it out. He had run too many times, he had allowed his pride and her brash persona to act as a deterrent to something lasting and good between them.
But Lee had seen Kara now, seen deeper into her soul even than on the night under the stars. And Lee had the faith now, in Kara, in himself, to know that they belonged together. So, she could push and fight and kick all she wanted, but Lee wasn't going to let past mistakes and past hurts keep them apart any longer. It was time they stopped hurting each other, he had told her that just a few hours ago. They both had to remember that.
Lee was willing now, more than ever before, to remind her should she forget. And he believed now, with all that he was, that they belonged together. He wasn't going to falter again.
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