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Sunny
"Want more?" Simon gave me a flirty look when I put the empty glass down on the table with a clank.
"Mmghm," I mumbled, realising that I'd already drunk too much alcohol. One more glass of whisky or whatever we're drinking and I'm hopelessly drunk. But telling my mind to shut up, I shoved the empty glass forward. "More, please."
To tell the truth, I usually don't drink alcohol. And I don't smoke. And I don't eat fast food. In fact I lead a healthy lifestyle. I'm an athlete after all and have to keep myself in a good shape. But today I unbearably wanted to get drunk. Just to get drunk and forget about everything. About my feelings for Tom, about Liz's feelings for Tom, about my sport career, about everything.
I took the glass which Simon had handed over to me and took a few swigs. We were in Liz's living room. Music blared; kids from my school and unknown teenagers were dancing. Simon and a few other boys were sitting around a coffee table, sipping whiskey, talking and laughing in loud voices. Liz wasn't anywhere in sight. I think she was sick of running after guests and confiscating bottles from them. Elmo was in the living room, too. He was sitting in the armchair, looking uneasy. Parties aren't his favourite things. He hates them. As well as I, though.
I drained my glass, shuddering at the taste of it. Shit! Why do people drink it!? A girl, probably from Raven Hill High came up to me and pulled at my hand.
"Let's go to dance!" she shouted over the terrible noise of music and laughter.
I nodded and stood up. Everything in front of my eyes was spinning around at an incredible speed. Driven by the girl, I stepped into the circle of dancing people. As I'd said I don't like parties and noisy places, full of drunken people. And I completely can't dance. It's just out of my nature. I prefer to spend my spare time in the gym, or jogging in the park or watching football games with my friends. But Liz's parties aren't like everyone else's parties. Usually they are calm, without alcohol, loud music and fights.
I don't know why everything went out of control today. Oh, God, Liz's parents would have a stroke if they saw their comfortable living room now, full of drunken, dancing, laughing teenagers.
Someone from behind me took my hand. I spun around to see Tom. He wasn't any soberer than I was. Quite the opposite, I'd say, he was completely drunk. Besides, Tom wasn't the best dancer in the world at all. Ridiculously waving his arms and jumping, he jerked, desperately trying to move to the music, but wasn't very successful in it. And all the same he was so cute…
I turned my back on Tom and moved closer to him. Tom didn't mind. He put his hands on my waist and we swayed in a passionate dance. Though I think we must have looked pretty silly, because as I'd already said, we both completely couldn't dance.
I turned to him again. He held a bottle in his hand. He took several gulps and offered it to me. I nodded and also took a few swigs. What it was I wasn't able to understand. Something bitter and brown; maybe it was rum, or maybe whiskey, or maybe cocktail. I'd been thinking about it for a while, then looked up at Tom. Probably I wanted to ask him or say something, but all of a sudden Tom bent down and kissed my lips.
I froze. How many times I saw this moment in my dreams. More than anything in the world I wanted to feel taste of his lips. But I promised Liz… I promised Liz!.. I shouldn't do it! I kept telling myself.
Impulsively I threw my arms round his neck and pulled his head towards me. I shouldn't do it… oh, who cares! I closed my eyes, melting inside the kiss.
Suddenly Tom arched back, and whispering, "Come with me!" he grabbed my hand and hauled me towards the staircase. We ran upstairs and dropped into the first room. It turned out to be occupied. A guy and a girl, whom I didn't know, were lying on the bed, kissing.
"Go away!" the girl shrieked.
Tom and I, laughing, leaped out of the room and slammed the door. Laughing like mad, Tom tripped over his own legs and crashed to the floor. That was too much for me. I was absolutely overcome by a fit of laughter. Laughing, I leant against the wall, wiping tears, which were rolling down my cheeks. Tom got up, opened the next door and drew me inside.
He locked the door, pulled me towards him and kissed. I threw my arms round his waist. He was passionately kissing my neck; his hands slipped up my legs and squeezed my butt. I felt a surge of excitement and passion sweep over me.
I shouldn't do it! I shouldn't do it! A thought was pulsing in my head. Tom tore himself from my neck and pressed his lips to mine. Thoughts about Liz immediately disappeared. Now only Tom was in my head. I slipped my fingers into his hair, ruffling it up.
Tom lifted me and sat me down on the table. He quickly pulled off his T-shirt and unzipped his jeans. I wrapped my legs around his thighs, trying to press him to my body as strongly as possible.
"Sunny…" he was murmuring in my ear. "Sunny, sunshine… kitten…"
"Tom? Tom, why are you doing it?" I asked. I know it was a very stupid question in this situation, but I really wanted to hear what he thought about me.
Tom drew a bit away from me and looked into my eyes.
"Well I could say that I like you," he whispered, "but it wouldn't be true. You drive me mad. When you're next to me I'm not able to think about anything but you. Sunny, you're amazing… wonderful."
I closed my eyes. My heart thumped as he said these words. It was exactly what I wanted to hear.
Tom continued kissing me, whispering sweet, tender words. He pulled off my singlet, and was caressing my back. I kissed his neck. A very faint fragrance of perfume mixed with alcohol rose from him. It sounds strange, but I liked it. This fragrance was so… real… so male. I felt incredibly turned on.
Tom's hands were somewhere underneath my skirt, ready to pull it down. And I was ready to let him do it, when I accidently opened my eyes and saw a big white teddy bear, which seemed very familiar to me…
All of a sudden a bright light bulb switched on in my head. I myself had given this bear for Liz's birthday two or three years ago. Horrified, I realised that we were in Liz's bedroom and I was kissing with Tom, sitting on Liz's desk.
Image of Liz, dreamily saying how much she loved Tom and how much she wanted to be with him, appeared in my mind. Her bear was looking at me reproachfully. I couldn't stand it any more. I pushed Tom away and jumped off the table, pulling on my singlet.
"Sunny, what's wrong?" Tom asked.
"Nothing," I snapped, squeezing past him towards the door.
Tom gripped my hand. "Sunny, if you think that I've gone too far, I'm sorry!" he mumbled. "I just… I thought you wanted it…"
"No," I whispered. I tore my hand out of his grip and ran out of the room.
I sprinted down the stairs. The hallway was empty except for Liz's dog Christo, who was lying on his mat. I slowly lowered down on the bottom stair and buried my face in my hands. Oh, God, what am I doing?!
"Hey, do you feel well?" I heard a careful voice from above. I looked up and saw a guy who'd bent over me. Probably he was from Raven Hill High… or maybe not… oh, what's the difference after all.
"I'm fine," I abruptly stood up. Because of it (and mostly because of alcohol, I suppose), I felt a hammering in my head; there was a sudden darkness in front of my eyes. I rocked and grabbed the handrail, trying to keep my balance.
"You'd better go home. Come on, I'll help you," the guy said, taking my hand. I closed my eyes. Everything in front of me was swirling unbearably, I felt sick. Why did I drink so much?
The guy tore me from the handrail and led me towards the entrance. I don't remember how we reached his car; how he drove me home and how I got into my bed. I can vaguely remember how I was telling this guy, whom I didn't even know, about Tom and Liz, and I remember mum's anxious face when she opened the door. The rest – absolute blankness.
###
Saturday
I opened my eyes and found myself lying in my room. Thank God! I was in so terrible state yesterday that I easily could wake up in an unknown guy's bed. It would be the last straw. My room was spinning around in front of my eyes; my head was splitting with pain. Unable to bear it, I shut my eyes again. My stomach was lurching, I was unbearably thirsty.
I reached my hand to the bedside table, feeling for my cell phone. 10:30. Oh my God! I have to be in the gym in two hours. Groaning, I slowly sat up, rubbing my temples. Why did I drink so much yesterday?! How could I lose control?
Yesterday's events were gradually floating in my memory. Dancing, drinking whiskey with boys, dance with Tom in front of other people, then kissing with him in Liz's room. How could I do that knowing about Liz's feelings for him?
Hoping to stifle the memory, I climbed off the bed and wandered to the bathroom. After the hot shower I felt a bit better. I pulled on some clothes and even decided to go down to drink something. Luckily there was no one in the kitchen. Mum was working in her study; my sisters apparently were out. I made a cup of hot chocolate and sat down at the table. I still felt sick and couldn't even look at food, but hot chocolate I sipped with pleasure.
Then I made another cup of hot chocolate, trudged up the stairs to my bedroom and crawled into bed again. I had about an hour before the training. Sipping coffee, I was sitting in my bed, thinking about yesterday's events. Tom was with me, not with Liz, and it means that… "It means nothing," I said angrily to myself. "I wonder what he thought when I ran away so unexpectedly. He must have decided that I was mad." I smiled. My God, he's so pretty and funny. And he kisses so well…
Unable to think of it any more, I curled up, pulled the quilt up to my chin and closed my eyes.
###
I must have fallen asleep, because when I opened my eyes again, there was dim in the room. I glanced at my bedside clock. 4:15. My God! I couldn't believe I'd slept so long.
I still felt a bit sick, but at least my head wasn't spinning anymore. I crawled out of bed and headed down to the kitchen, intending to eat something. Mum was sitting at the table, working. When I came in, she anxiously looked up at me and asked how I felt.
"I'm fine," I answered, avoiding her eyes. I expected her to give me a lecture on how alcohol was bad for young people, but mum just said that she had to work, but if I needed to speak, I always could go to her. After that she patted me on the shoulder and went out. Mum usually doesn't interfere into my life and sometimes I hate it. Sometimes I want her to ask about my relationships with boys or about my feelings or my life or my friends. But today I was grateful. The last thing I wanted at the moment was to listen to that alcohol is people's enemy and that it's better to keep away from your best friends' boyfriends.
###
I didn't go to the gym that day. Actually I didn't even leave my room. The whole evening I spent in my bed, reading a book and forcing myself not to think of what had happened yesterday. Although, I wasn't successful in it. From time to time I noticed that I didn't understand what I was reading, because I was thinking about Tom. Memories crawled into my head without my permission, one by one, making me groan and close my eyes with shame.
###
Liz phoned me late in the evening.
"Sunny! Where did you disappear yesterday?" she shouted as soon as I answered. "I'd been looking for you for all evening!"
"I felt… bad and went home," I faltered, feeling my cheeks getting hot. I hoped that Liz wasn't in the living room when I was dancing and kissing with Tom and that she didn't know about it.
"I know that you went home," Liz continued chatting. "A friend of mine told me that you went with Jimmie…"
Jimmie… It must be that guy's name. Thank you, Liz.
"Er… yes, he drove me home" I mumbled.
"Sunny, you won't believe," Liz was chattering. "When the party was over and all friends went home, Tom stayed with me and helped me with the clean-up. You know, he was so cute… but a bit drunk…Okay, he was very drunk," she laughed. "You know, Sunny, I think he likes me," Liz's voice was streaming through the fog in my head. I felt my heart filling with offence and jealousy. So he stayed with her? He was nice with her? But what about all those things he said to me? That I drive him mad and that he thinks about me all the time? And after this he stays with Liz and flirts with her?!
After talking with Liz, I put the phone down on the table and tiredly fell back onto pillows. I wanted to hide under my blanket and stay there forever. Or to erase memories of all people, who were at Liz's party. I was very ashamed of my behaviour. With horror I waited for Monday morning when I would have to face my classmates and friends.
Tom. What will I say to him? How will I look into his eyes? I closed my eyes and groaned, remembering his kisses, his hands on my waist, his body pressed to mine. How could I let him do that? How could I let myself betray my friend?
That night I lay in my bed tossing and turning. I dozed and stirred and dozed again. Every time I fell asleep I saw Liz, who was saying how much she loved Tom and how much she appreciated our friendship. I couldn't get that out of my head. I really wanted to, but over and over again my thoughts returned to what Tom and I were doing in Liz's room.
Sunday wasn't better than Saturday. All day long I wandered around my room, still thinking what I would say to my classmates. In the end I made up my mind that I should act as usual, that is I should be calm and reasonable whatever happens. After all there were a lot of other people at Liz's party and maybe I wasn't in the spotlight as I think. I just should pretend that nothing happened. That's what I perfectly can do.
