Hello, readers! I'm sorry for not posting in so long. Life sort of got in the way. Anyway, I hope that this chapter is decent and makes up for it. Our favorite idiots just can't stay out of trouble!

Chapter 8: Loose Ends

Week 28

"I'm judgmental?" Clara snapped. "I wasn't the one shouting pop culture references! Jack, are you stoned or something?"

"I will neither confirm nor deny that accusation." Jack replied.

"Oh my god, you are stoned!" Clara groaned.

"It's not my fault!" Jack defended himself. "I ran into this very lovely man and he was friendly enough to invite me to-"

"We don't want to know." the Doctor interrupted.

Jack looked around at all the unconscious Gaga. "Well," he said, "we'd best be on our way."

"Yep." Clara replied. "To the hospital!"

oooooooooooooooo

The Doctor, Clara, and Jack sat in the waiting room. The Time Lord was rather anxious about what might be found in this ultrasound. What if something was wrong with his daughter? He didn't want to think about it, but he was the Doctor- not thinking was not something that he did. After a while, a nurse walked in and called out, "Basil Smith?"

Jack raised a brow, amused, and questioned, "Basil? Seriously, Doctor?"

The Doctor let out a huff and said, "I can't really go by John Smith now, can I?"

"There's nothing wrong with Basil." Clara said with a smile, placing a hand on the Doctor's arm.

The Time Lord couldn't help but smile at the mother of his children. She always had his back. Clara stood up and took the Doctor's hand. "Come on. Let's go." she said with a smile.

"Want me to go, too?" Jack asked.

Simultaneously, Clara and the Doctor replied, "No."

Jack shrugged and said, "Suit yourself. I'll just sit here and read the magazines."

With that out of the way, Clara and the Doctor followed the nurse to the examination room. After exactly fifteen minutes, a balding blue Gaga male walked into the room. "Helloo!" he said with a grin. "I am Doctor Boodle! You are here for examination, yes? I tell you about booby!"

The Doctor inwardly groaned. This was one of the Gaga who butchered the English language. The Time Lord looked outwardly calm when he asked, "Where is Doctor Flazen?"

Boodle, still grinning, said, "Doctor Floozen is home sick. Just me here!"

"Maybe I should come back later." the Doctor grumbled.

"Doctor," Clara said reassuringly, "It's okay. He's a bit hard to understand, but if he knows his stuff."

"We do ultrasoond now." Boodle said. "You want to leave soon. We get over with, yes?"

"Let's get this over with, then." the Doctor sighed.

Boodle led the Doctor and Clara to another room, where the Time Lord was instructed to lie down on the examination table. He lifted his shirt and some gel was put on his distended belly. The Time Lord glanced nervously at his female companion. With an awkward smile, Clara took his hand in hers and squeezed gently. The Doctor and the human female then looked at the Gaga. Boodle placed the doppler on the pregnant man's belly and moved it around a bit to get a clear picture. The Gaga grinned and said, "There is booby!"

"Is she healthy?" the Doctor asked, his voice tinged with anxiety.

"Yes. Is very heathy." Boodle replied. "All things work! Strange thing, though."

"What?" the Doctor asked, terrified. "What is it?"

"You say 28 weeks preggy, right? Well, booby is small for age. Might tooke loonger to develoop. Probably full term at 45 weeks." Boodle said.

"That's quite a bit longer than our first child." Clara said with a frown.

"Well, cross-species hybrid boobies different each time." Boodle replied. "Not always same."

"So she's going to be okay?" the Doctor asked. "The pregnancy will just be longer?"

"Yes." Boodle said. "Just loonger."

"Is there, ah, anything I can do?" the Doctor asked.

"Eat fysh." Boodle replied. "Good for booby. Foolic acid also good for booby."

"I already know that." the Doctor said crossly.

"In Gaga, alkeehool good for booby." Boodle said with a shrug.

"Oh, hell no!" Clara exclaimed.

The Doctor sat up and wiped the gel from his belly. "That's it." he said. "There is no way that I'm having my child at this hospital."

"Maybe we should get a second opinion from Flazen?" Clara suggested.

"Noo need!" Boodle defended himself. "I good dooctoor. This good hoospital."

"Clara, we're leaving." the Doctor said tersely.

The Time Lord required a bit of the human female's assistance, but he got down from the table. Grumbling under his breath, the Doctor headed back to the waiting room. The second he walked through the door, he felt the barrel of a gun pressed against his forehead. Rooland had returned. All around the waiting room, armed Gaga were holding the people in the room hostage. "You come with us." Rooland said calmly. "Your child will be our poop whether you like it or not."

"Doctor!" Clara cried, alarmed. Immediately, two of Rooland's men grabbed her and threatened her with a gun.

"You'd be smart to let us go and leave." the Doctor said coldly.

"You woon't be able to stop us." Rooland said with a menacing grin. "What can an unarmed pregnant man do?"

"I knew that I should have killed them." Jack groaned.

Holding his sonic screwdriver behind his back, the Doctor quietly pointed it at the desk. He had a plan. He was coming up with it as he went, but it sounded like it would work. Rooland's men grabbed the Time Lord and spun him around, pressing their guns to his back. He was able to pocket his sonic screwdriver before the men saw it. "You will come with us." Rooland said.

The men jabbed the Doctor's back with their guns, forcing him in the direction of the lift. He couldn't let them take him out of the room. It was time to put his plan in action. Clutching his bump, the Doctor let out a fake cry of pain and hunched over. "Doctor!" Clara cried.

"I think something is wrong with the baby!" the Doctor groaned.

"No!" Rooland cried. "Someone, get a doctor!"

Several of Rooland's men left to find a doctor, leaving less than a dozen men still in the waiting room. About five minutes later, they returned with Boodle. "Not him!" the Doctor groaned. "He's a terrible doctor!"

"I am not!" Boodle argued.

"Get another doctor, then!" Rooland snarled.

Five more minutes later, the men returned with a female Gaga with short, black hair. "You will help him." Rooland instructed angrily. "He can't lose that child! If he miscarries, I will kill you. Slowly."

The Gaga woman swallowed audibly and nodded before beginning her examination of the Doctor. The Time Lord winked at her. The Gaga woman raised a brow before turning to Rooland. "I'll need a portable ultrasound." she instructed.

"Take the other Doctor and find one!" Rooland ordered.

The men led Boodle away. Two minutes later, they returned with a portable ultrasound machine. The Doctor let out another very convincing fake groan. Clara looked on with terror in her eyes. The female Gaga doctor prepared the Time Lord for the ultrasound. Just as she was about to place the doppler on the Doctor's belly, the lift door opens and a large team of heavily armed Gaga police barged in. "Lower your weapons and let the hostages go!" the leader ordered.

Because there were more of the policemen then there were hostage-takers, the hostile Gaga slowly lowered their weapons and allowed the hostages to move to safety. Rooland was enraged that his plan was ruined. He quickly drew his gun and shouted, "I refuse to let you ruin my plans!"

The policemen quickly responded by opening fire on Rooland, much to the Doctor's dismay. "You didn't have to kill him!" the Time Lord said.

"He was armed and a threat." the leader of the police team said sternly. "The situation is being handled now." He turned to his men and said, "Arrest these criminals."

The police quickly handcuffed Rooland's men and led them away. Once they were gone, Clara rushed over to the Doctor and flung her arms around him. "Oh god, Doctor!" Clara cried. "I'm sorry!"

The female Gaga doctor looked up at Clara and said, "The baby is just fine. Your partner was just acting."

Clara let out a sigh of relief. Suddenly, she smacked the Doctor's shoulder. "What was that for?" the Doctor cried.

"For making me worry that you and the baby might die!" Clara snapped.

"Well, I'm not and she's not." the Doctor replied.

Clara sighed and was silent for a moment before she said, "Let's just get out of this hospital."

The Doctor couldn't agree more.

oooooooooooooooo

Week 29

The Doctor and Clara were sitting on the couch in front of the telly. The Time Lord was munching on a bag of Doritos. Clara, who was leaning into the Doctor's side, periodically stole some of the cheesy snacks. They were currently watching The Princess Bride and the Doctor claimed that he was bored, but he didn't look away from the screen. After a while, Clara said, "We really do need to make plans for where you're going to have the baby."

"I'll find someone qualified to deliver Clara Junior." the Doctor replied.

"Well, as long as it isn't Strax who delivers Margret." Clara replied.

"If I can avoid it, that potato won't be there when I have Clara Junior." The Doctor said, correcting Clara.

"I thought we agreed that we were going to name her Margret." Clara said with a frown.

"No, you agreed to name her Margret. I didn't. We're naming her Clara Junior." the Doctor replied.

"You can't name her Clara Junior." Clara argued. "It'll be confusing to have two Claras onboard. We should name her Margret."

"There is nothing wrong with Clara Junior." the Doctor argued back. "Human males name their male offspring after themselves. Why can't a human female name her daughter after herself?"

"Well, I guess you have a point." Clara sighed. "We're still naming her Margret, though."

"She's going to be named Clara Junior and that's final." the Doctor said firmly.

From outside the room, the arguing couple heard a familiar voice shout, "You could always name her Jack!"

Simultaneously, Clara and the Doctor shouted, "Shut up, Jack!"

Jack huffed loudly and said, "Jack can be a girl's name."

"Don't you have random men to shag?" Clara asked.

"My schedule is remarkably free right now." Jack replied. He then walked in and plopped himself down on the couch. "Princess Bride, huh?"

"I'm being forced against my will to watch it." the Doctor said brusquely.

"Please." Clara rolled her eyes. "You know every line of dialog by heart. Well, hearts."

"It's a stupid movie." the Doctor huffed. "I have no interest in it."

"It's such a good movie." Jack replied. "Can you honestly say that you've never become emotionally invested in a movie?"

"Of course not." the Doctor scoffed. "They're just movies."

Clara rolled her eyes and said, "So says the man who always cries at the end of My Girl."

"They were tears of boredom!" the Doctor argued.

"You also cried when Mufasa died in The Lion King," Clara continued.

"I did not!" the Doctor snapped.

"and when you watched Marley & Me." Clara finished. "Let's face it, Doctor: you have emotions just like the rest of us."

"Emotions or not, I do not cry during movies!" the Doctor argued.

"It's okay to cry when you're pregnant." Jack said. "Hormones and stuff."

"He did it before he got pregnant." Clara pointed out. "He even did it before I got pregnant with John."

"Can you both shut up?" the Doctor snapped. "It's the iocane powder scene!"

"Ooh, I love this scene!" Clara said with a grin.

Jack simply rolled his eyes and watched the movie with his friends. Slowly, he began to reach for the bag of Doritos, only to have his hand smacked by the Doctor. "Mine!" the Time Lord snapped. Jack didn't argue. If a pregnant person didn't want to share their Doritos, he wouldn't try to steal them again. Maybe next time they landed, he'd get his own bag of Doritos. All he could do was hope that the Doctor didn't steal them from him.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooo

30 Weeks

The absolute worst had happened. The TARDIS had landed herself outside of Clara's father's home. When Dave Oswald saw his daughter standing outside, he immediately invited her in. The Doctor begged her not to go, but he was forcefully dragged in as well. That was how he came to be seated on the couch with a cup of tea in his hands. Dave eyeballed him and said, "You've gained weight, Doctor."

"How astute of you to point out the obvious." the Doctor said dryly.

Clara nudged the Doctor lightly in the arm and said, "Behave, Doctor."

The Doctor frowned but didn't say anything. Linda eyeballed the Doctor with even greater suspicion than her husband. "If I didn't know better," she snarked, "One would almost say that you look pregnant."

And that was how, quite suddenly, a verbal avalanche tumbled from the Doctor and Clara's mouths. Clara explained that the Doctor was actually an alien and that he was the naked young man that had shown up at Christmas not long ago, but he had died and changed faces. She explained that she travelled time and space with him and went on adventures of all sorts, though they had lightened up on the adventures since having John. The Doctor explained that he was indeed an alien and that he was pregnant with Clara's child due to an alien medical mishap and that he was essentially her life partner. He also mentioned that he didn't see himself as Clara's boyfriend because 'boyfriend' was too insignificant of a word to describe his feelings for Clara. Dave Oswald was silent for a moment before saying, "If this is true, you've been together for almost ten years, you take my grandson on dangerous adventures, and my daughter has somehow gotten you pregnant."

"That's about the gist of it." the Doctor replied.

"I have just one question." Dave said coolly. He then glared at the Doctor and asked, "Are you out of your fucking mind?"

"Yes, very much so." the Doctor replied. "It's not a recent thing, though."

"You put my grandson in danger on a fairly regular basis and you're running around putting yourself and my future granddaughter in danger by running around on insane adventures while in your third trimester!" Dave said angrily.

"We've been making sure to avoid planets that want to kill us." Clara said reassuringly.

Dave sighed and asked, "Are you being careful?"

"Of course." Clara replied. "The Doctor and I would never knowingly put the baby in danger."

Dave frowned and said, "All right, then." He looked directly at the pair and asked, "Have you chosen any names yet?"

At the same time, Clara said, "Margret Eleanor Oswald." and the Doctor said, "Clara Oswin Oswald, Junior."

And with that, the argument about names began all over again.