A/N: I am glad everyone likes this. I wanted to give a shout out to several reviewers who have been so consistent with their reviews… Slam2K, RnWhitlock, Shellebean, Oceanluvr, LunarEclipse1, missmaj… wait you know what? Just thanks to all of you. There are so many who have been so consistent and wonderful with your reviews. Everyone deserves a shout out!
Bella's POV
My eyes opened slowly, adjusting to the light of day. I did not recognize where I was, but wherever I was, I was comfortable. I stretched out my legs and my arms, rolling over. Then it hit me. I was in the cabin in the New Hampshire. Jasper must have brought me up here, because the last thing I remembered from last night was falling asleep in his arms. I sighed at the recent memory, relishing in it just for a moment.
The smell of bacon was wafting through the house and my stomach growled, reminding me I was human yet again. I got out of bed, placing my feet gently on the floor. I walked out the door to the top of the stairs. From there, I had a perfect view of Jasper pouring scrambled eggs out of a frying pan onto a plate. I sighed yet again. Jasper looked up and smiled.
"Morning sleepyhead."
"Morning." I replied repressing a yawn. I walked down the stairs and joined Jasper at the table. He had gone all out. Bacon, Eggs, Pancakes, Hash Browns, and cinnamon rolls. "You made all this?"
Jasper nodded. "I got done with hunting early last night, so I figured I would surprise you with a breakfast of champions."
I sat down. "Thank you! This looks wonderful." I eagerly dug in. For someone that could not eat, Jasper did know how to cook. After I shoveled in my third bite of scrambled egg, I slowed down and decided I should make conversation rather than just eating like a pig. "So how was hunting last night?"
He shrugged. "It was good. I found a moose."
I raised my eyebrows. "That does not seem very exciting."
"Bella, have you ever seen a charging moose? Those things are brutal!"
"I can't say I have." I ate a cinnamon roll slowly and stood up placing the plate in the sink. "So, what do we have planned for today?"
Jasper jumped down off the counter where he had been sitting, watching me eat and stood right in front of me, his golden eyes piercing right into mine. "Can't tell you yet."I let out a small breath as he closed the distance between us. We were so close, only inches apart. He then smirked. "But soon." He grabbed my hand and pulled me up the stairs. "You need to get dressed. All I can tell you is to wear some jeans and sneakers."
Well, that was easy. That was all I basically brought. After gently slamming the door in his face, I showered. I spent extra time in the shower, thinking about Jasper again. I thought about last night, his arms around me, his lips that had lingered by my ear, and the feel of his body against mine. I realized I had shampooed my hair three times already. He was very distracting. Just friends, I kept reminding myself as a mantra.
I dressed and headed downstairs. I had found Jasper outside, by the bike. We got in our familiar places on the bike and took off. I braced myself for whatever he had in store.
"Here we are. Surprise number one."
We had pulled up to a horse farm. "Horseback riding?" I sighed in relief, I could handle this.
Jasper nodded. "I thought you might like that. Have you ever been before?"
"In Phoenix. I am not a very experienced rider though."
"Well, I have a tame horse that I lined up for you to ride."
I raised my eyebrows. "And you?"
"I have a more challenging mare to ride."
Jasper walked into the building talking to the woman at the desk. The woman didn't even have a chance. Jasper gave her that winning smile of his and she was soon fawning all over him. She led pointed him to the horses in the barn. He beckoned me to follow.
I walked over to the red barn, just a few paces behind Jasper. He waited at the barn door entrance for me. The smell of hay and manure assaulted my senses, and my eyes adjusted to the dimness of the barn.
The horses started neighing when Jasper had entered. I remembered at that point that animals did not much care for vampires. Jasper walked over to a beautiful black one in particular who seemed upset. Jasper held the mare's head in his hands and began to lovingly stroke its head, whispering softly. "It's okay. I promise I am not going to hurt you. You will be all right. Be a good girl." I could feel the waves of calmness that Jasper was giving off. The mare immediately calmed down and nuzzled as Jasper fed her a sugar cube. "That's my girl. What a good horse."
My heart skipped a beat as I watched the scene unfold. Jasper was so gentle with the horse, so loving. I could tell at that moment how much he cared for the animal in front of him. As if reading my mind he quietly said. "I grew up with horses my entire human life. My father had taught me how to break them in and train them properly. Horses are beautiful creatures but their instincts correctly state that I am dangerous to them. I have to calm them down, make them trust me. Luckily my ability allows for that. It's not often I get the luxury of riding a horse. Alice and the others could never ride; the horses would literally die of fright."
"Wow…. "I let his comments linger for a little bit. "So, which one is my horse?" Jasper walked over the two stalls from where he was. He brought out a tan horse. Again, he started soothing the horse to calm it down. Once Jasper had the horse's trust, he handed me the reins. "This one is yours. Its name is Buttercup. When I arranged for the ride, the woman stated that Buttercup was the most gentle of all the horses."
"And what is your horse's name?"
"Blackjack. She was more recently broken in and has more spirit."
Jasper then assisted me with getting the saddles on the horses, since I did not remember how to perform that task properly. Once we led the horses outside we talked about where we would ride. Jasper advised that there was a trail that was along the property that afforded some nice views of the mountains once we reached a clearing. The owner had provided a map.
"You ready?" He asked.
"As ready as I will ever be." He smiled. I then found Jasper behind me suddenly. His hands went gently around my waist and since my shirt was riding up, his cool skin made contact with mine. I felt a jolt of electricity, which added to the butterflies that were already in my stomach. I instinctively leaned into his touch, wanting more. He paused, and I felt his thumb massage my waist for the briefest of moments. He then squeezed, hoisting me up into the saddle. I let out the breath I had not even been aware I was holding. That whole scene could not have lasted for more than fifteen seconds, but it felt like an eternity.
I looked down at Jasper would was already next to his mare. He hoisted up on the saddle effortlessly. These newfound feelings were so difficult to keep in check. I am now imagining things that are not even there with Jasper.
Our horses took off at a gentle trot into the trail on the woods. For the first few minutes we were quiet, but started to pick up conversation once the barn was out of sight. "Did you sleep well last night, Bella?"
"Yes. That bed was so comfortable. I am sorry you had to carry me up. I did not mean to fall asleep during your story."
"That's okay. It was rather longwinded."
"No! It was beautiful. I know you stated that your memories have faded, but I felt like I was right there, sharing it with you." I pulled my horse up next to his. "I felt like I was a part of it." I wanted to show him how much gratitude I had for him sharing that with me.
"Thank you, Bella."
Jasper POV
"Thank you, Bella." I had wanted nothing more at that moment then to feel her lips pressed to mine. But she wasn't filled with desire; it was gratitude at that moment. Unless I was certain that Bella Swan was interested, I had decided that morning that I could not, would not make a move. But if she did express an interest in me, I would make my feelings known and reciprocate. I would have to deal with the consequences of my guilt and my family later.
Bella asked me to tell her another story. I started by telling her a story involving Emmett and how he had decided a few years back that he would make a wonderful actor. "So Emmett decided that he would audition for an off Broadway show in Seattle. Rosalie was totally against it, but Emmett begged and pleaded. Rosalie really could never deny him anything. So she agreed to go with him to the audition. "
"So what happened then?" Bella was eager to hear the rest. "I mean, Emmett is not this world famous actor so something must have gone horribly wrong."
"You're right, of course. The producers hated him, stated that he could not act at all. The only producer who happened to have anything nice to say about him was the lone female. And that was more along the lines of an invitation for a 'private audition' if you catch my drift."
Bella had tears running down her face she was laughing so hard. "Oh, that could not have made Rosalie happy."
I grinned. "No, it did not. Especially, when Emmett did not understand right away what she was prepositioning and agreed to the private audition!"
"Oh no!"
"By the time they got back from Seattle, Emmett was begging me to please calm Rosalie down. I think he really thought he had met his demise."
"Poor Emmett! So what happened?"
"So imagine Emmett on one side of the living room, Rosalie on the other, glaring at each other. Emmett was like a deer in headlights; Rosalie was throwing poisoned darts with the stares she was giving him. I stayed far to the side, there was no way I was getting involved in this. But then here comes Edwar-" I stopped mid sentence. I was not going to bring him up. I barely had in the two months we had been hanging out. "I am sorry Bella."
Bella got really quiet. I felt nothing from her at the moment. "You can say his name, you know. It's not like I am going to break."
I did not want to have this conversation, but I knew it needed to happen. "Can I? Bella, you have not stated his name in almost two months. In fact, you have gone out of your way to avoid the topic of Edward."
She pulled her horse to mine. "I am over him Jasper. I don't need to say his name."
I looked at her. Well, there was no going back with this now. "No." I touched her hand. "You don't want to say his name. There is a difference."
She recoiled her hand from mine, annoyance filling her body. "Jasper, I am over him. That is final."
"No, Bella. You have not even asked about him at all. Since the moment you and I reconnected, I have been waiting for the day when you would ask me where he was, how was he doing. I know you and you are too caring of a person not to ask that."
I felt anger begin to bubble over in Bella. It was the first time I had ever been the direct target her anger was focused at. "Listen Jasper, and listen well. Edward abandoned me. Left me. In over five years he has never once tried to contact me, or send someone out to see how I was doing, or anything. So why should I extend the same courtesy to him, what should I care what he is doing in his afterlife anyways! Fuck him, Jasper. Fuck him and Fuck You for thinking just like Edward that I am a fragile person who would break at the mention of him name. I have survived all these years without him and my life turned out pretty damn fine if I do say so myself. I am happy." Angry tears then began to fall from Bella's eyes.
I chose my words carefully. Even though I knew that Edward's misguided action had good intentions, I was not going to try to make excuses for him or explain away what he did. Bella deserved more than that. "Bella, look to me." She had turned her head towards the forest, ignoring me. I jumped off my horse and walked over to her. When she would not respond, I lifted her off her horse, into my arms. She punched her arms against me in protest. I stated more firmly. "Bella, listen to me."
I sent a wave of calm to her and she gave me a reproachful look. But she muttered. "Fine".
I then placed her down on the ground so she was looking for me. Her eyes were beautiful even as red rimmed as they were at the moment. I could get lost in those eyes, I decided. I was getting sidetracked. "Bella. First of all, I am sorry. I was not trying to state or insinuate that you were fragile or needed protection in any way, shape, or manner. Especially when it comes to Edward. The second thing is that you are right. You are happy and it should not be expected that you are going to look after him, wait for him. I know that you are stronger than that. I have seen it firsthand. All I can say is that I am really, truly, sorry." I wrapped my arms around her in a big hug. I didn't want us to fight, especially over my brother, over him.
I felt Bella eagerly return my hug. She sniffled into my chest. "I am sorry too. I shouldn't have told you to fuck off. I did not mean that Jasper."
I quietly stated. "Yes, you did. But it's okay. I deserved it somewhat." I pressed my lips to the top of her hair, leaving them there a little longer then I should have. I took in her scent again and enjoyed the moment. "So... are we okay?"
Bella pulled away slightly, looking upwards. "Yes, we are okay. The truth is, I am curious about Edward, but I don't really need to know, if that makes sense."
"It does. Do you want to know?"
She nodded. "How close are we to the clearing that has the view?"
"Pretty close, I believe."
"Well, why don't we get back on the horses, I will have lunch when we get to the clearing, and then we can talk."
We got back on the horses and rode up the trail in relative silence. I would tell her everything I knew if she wanted me to, even though the information will be over a year old. When we arrived at the clearing, I set up a blanket and some sandwiches for Bella. We tied up the horses and then sat down.
After Bella took a few bites of her lunch, she looked at me expectantly. There was no anxiety or worry coming from her, just anticipation. I sat across from her. "So what would you like to know first?"
Bella thought for a moment. "I guess let's start off by what is he doing now? Is he happy?"
I pursed my lips. "I'll start with the first question. I can obviously only answer as recently as one year ago. Last time we had heard from him, he was in Europe, England to be specific. He was going to school in Oxford for musical composition. He was content. I wouldn't use the word happy."
She furrowed her brow. "You wouldn't?"
I shook my head. "No." I grabbed her hand from across the blanket. The next words were now going to be very difficult for me to state but she deserved the truth. "He is not happy because he never got over you Bella. He is still as in love with you as the first day he met you."
Her eyes widened. She wasn't happy, but she was surprised. "Really? In five years, he has not gotten over me? But he left me."
"Yes. He had left you, but only because he thought you were safer without us. He thought you were in constant danger with us around." I added. "With me around."
Her voice was flat with the next comment. "So he lied to me. He told me he was leaving because he did not love me anymore and could not be what I needed him to be."
I couldn't believe my brother sometimes. Why would he have not told her the truth? "Apparently so. Edward is… how shall I put this? An idiot?"
She smiled. "Yes. A first class idiot."
I looked at her concerned. Her emotions were in check for the most part. But still. "Do you have any other questions?"
"I do, but I don't want to ask them, and I don't want answers to them. They are not going to change anything. I do wish he was happy now. I hope he finds someone he can feel is his equal, someone that he feels he does not need to protect all the time."
"It took a hundred years to find you."
"Well, hopefully it won't take him that long to find his next Bella. I am not going to go back to him. I don't want to go back to him."
It was my turn to ask a question. "Do you still love him?"
She was quiet for a moment. "A part of me will always love him, just as a part of me will always mourn him. Am I in love with him is probably the better question, and that answer is no. No, I am most definitely not in love with him anymore."
