"I cheated on Callie, and I hate to say it but…it probably would have went further than a kiss. Well it did but after we broke up." Arizona replied, Callie looked at her wife in shock.
"Care to explain." Dr. Alexander replied and looked between the two.
"I…after the crash I felt ugly and disgusting. Yes, over time I started opening up more but I still felt…broken. I wanted to feel like myself again, you know I wanted to be hit on again and I wanted to be the pretty and perky one again. I know that sounds selfish but, I missed the attention. Callie before you say anything it was nothing you did, you loved me and you did make me feel beautiful every day but in public I felt like everyone knew I didn't have a leg and everyone instantly shunned me. When Lauren flirted with me it felt like I was my old self again." Arizona begun letting her emotions go.
"It was like I had my leg again, I was the perky, blonde again! But when I kissed her I didn't feel it, I didn't feel that electricity all I felt was regret and shame. I felt myself wanting to punch myself for what I had done. And I don't want you to think Callie that I am telling you to forgive me or anything, I just want to explain and now that I am talking I can't stop. I just don't understand what is going on inside of me!" Arizona stood up and started to pace as she let her emotions go, every once and a while pointing at Callie or yelling then at the very end sitting back down as she sobbed.
Callie sat motionless; Arizona had just unloaded what could be added up to months of emotions. She sat trying to process all of it, and then suddenly Callie got out of her chair and kneeled down in front of Arizona who was sobbing to the point where you couldn't even hear her anymore. Arms wrapped around Arizona as Callie held her tightly; nothing needed to be said in that moment the hug said it all.
Later that night after both women got done with their surgeries they went to Callie's apartment and ate pizza while Sofia slept; Arizona sat quietly then decided to speak.
"I know that things are really screwed up, no they are fucked up." Arizona stated sitting up further in the couch Callie looked at Arizona showing her that she was listening.
"God, Callie things have gotten so fucked up I let everything pile up and pile up, I pushed things into closets, drawers, under rugs and into boxes but that storm it brought everything out. I was so angry at you, at myself at everything that I just needed to lose control and the way Lauren talked to me I couldn't help but feel something. I am so sorry Callie I have made everything so screwed up! I should have talked more, I shouldn't have kissed Lauren and I should have told you what she was doing but I just…I felt that I deserved it!" Arizona let out as tears ran down her face.
"Arizona…"
"I am so angry all of the time, I'm angry at Lauren for what she has done to me I am angry at myself for doing what I have done, I am angry at you for my leg! I am just so fucking pissed off!" Arizona yelled out as everything hit her like a ton of bricks.
"I might not understand what is going on inside with you but I am angry too, I am angry that I couldn't save your leg when I made that call I…I froze." Callie replied.
"What do you mean?" Arizona asked confusion sitting in.
"I had promised you that the leg wouldn't be taken and I tried everything I had everything that could have been done, I thought you were fine when I had left you, you were fine so I went to do Derek's surgery I was in there looking at his hand but I was thinking about you and that is when Karev came in and told me you were septic and were going to die. I asked him things repeatedly but I knew there was nothing that could be done, the only thing I could think about was waking up next to you and that I would rather wake up to you next to me without a leg then not wake up next to you at all. Telling Karev to take your leg was the hardest, but yet the easiest decision I have had to make." Callie cried out all of her regret and anguish spilled out as she took Arizona's hands in hers, Arizona took in Callie's words and found herself frozen.
"You…you didn't cut off my leg?" Arizona stuttered.
"What?" Callie asked in a rough, cried out voice.
"You…didn't…cut…off…my…leg?" She enunciated every word.
"I made the call I did cut if off because I made the call."
"You didn't hold the saw to my leg, you didn't cut it off! Karev…Alex…he cut off my leg." Arizona replied and stood as she started to take in the new information, Callie all this time had been taking the blame, but in fact it had been Alex Karev who cut her leg off. He held the saw, he is the one who cut it off she had forced him to stay and she had taken his seat on the plane. Turning around Arizona looked at Callie no emotion on her face.
Arizona walked over to the small table by the door and grabbed her keys as she walked out of the apartment, Callie stood up and went to go after Arizona but realized she couldn't Sofia was asleep. Groaning in frustration Callie debated on waiting for Arizona, waiting for the police to call, or waking up their daughter and follow her. Taking a leap of faith Callie went into Sofia's room and bundled her up for the walk across the street, when she finally arrived at the hospital she spotted Miranda and immediately ran up to her.
"I need you to watch Sofia for a second, where is Karev?" Callie spouted out as she handed a sleeping Sofia over to Miranda, the smaller woman becoming flustered.
"Torres, what the hell?"
"Miranda, where is Karev?"
"The same place I told Arizona, he is on PEDS!" Miranda hissed quietly trying to not wake Sofia.
"Oh God why did you tell her that?" Callie turned and ran towards the stairs hoping she could get to PEDS quicker that way.
Once on the PEDS floor Arizona walked in calmly all of the medical staff started watching her walk past, it might have been due to the fact that she was in pajama shorts, a tank top, a pair of flip flops and her prosthetic on full display or it could have been her hair that was messy and the bruises. In fact it was all of those reasons everyone watched her walk past including the determination and anger that was radiating off of her, stopping Arizona saw Karev checking up on babies in the NICU. Tapping on the glass gently she put on a fake smile, Alex turned and smiled at Arizona looking down at a baby one last time he made his way out.
"What are you doing here? Is Sofia okay, is it Callie?" Alex asked concern in his voice.
"Sofia and Callie are fine but my leg is not." Arizona replied, silence filled the floor as everyone watched quietly.
"Huh?" Alex was confused.
"My leg, see my leg is gone I've known that for a long time now, along with that I knew I got it from a plane crash a plane you were supposed to be on but you had to piss me off and instead I went! On top of that I blamed my wife, my incredible wife for taking off my leg I mean why wouldn't I she is an Orthopedic Surgeon that is what she does! Do you know what else she does, Karev?" Arizona stepped forward causing him to hit the wall behind him.
"I asked do you know what else she does?"
"What?" Alex asked figuring it might be best if he does respond.
"She lies; she lied this whole time to me! Do you know what she lied about?" Arizona's face was unrevealing and that scared Alex, he was never afraid of her, and never got afraid very often but in this one moment Alex Karev was a scared man.
"She lied about cutting off my leg, this whole time she has taken blame for it, has taken me telling her no, yelling at her for cutting off my leg when you were the one with the saw! You were the one in the OR hacking off my fucking leg!" Arizona yelled as she pushed Karev roughly against the wall and hit him as hard as she could. "You did this and I hate you!"
Callie ran through the doors and stopped when she saw her wife punch Alex straight in the face, without stopping Callie ran up behind Arizona and wrapped her arms around her waist and pulled her away, Arizona didn't go without a fight though she kicked and punched landing a few on Alex.
"You did this! How could you do this to me! I hate you, I hate you!" Arizona screamed as she tried to get at Alex again, Callie held strong though realizing Arizona was going to continue attacking she surprised everyone and pinned Arizona against the wall.
"Arizona, look at me right now!" Callie screamed causing Arizona to freeze and look at Callie in shock, her chest moving up and down quickly.
