A/N: *hits submit button and winces* It's 6:50 am and I have been up all night.
Hopefully this one pleases. Goin' for some feels here.
Disclaimer: I own nothing BDS."I am in motion
I am blue
Love is an ocean
I'm anchored in you
And I am a dreamer
So you sent me away
Sometimes we dreamers
Just get in the way"
Chapter 9 : Anchored In You
"Amelia, gettup."
Murphy's voice roused me. I let out a groan and immediately remembered where I was. I didn't care though, I was comfortable and felt all warm. I felt as if I hadn't slept that well in years.
"C'mon girl, we got ta leave. Stuff ta do." The serious undertones of Connor's voice brought me out of my happy place quickly. I huffed and lifted my head from the raggedy pillow. I squinted and seen the sun's rays coming through the small dirty window of the holding cell. The boys were standing, fully dressed and waiting patiently for me. I took a moment and slowly started to stand. The pair sets of blue eyes seemed somber.
"Well ain't y'all just a lively bunch in the mornin'." I stated with a bored voice as I stretched and picked my sweater coat up. They brothers shrugged and Connor came up to me, messing with my hair. I didn't think anything of it until I realized I must be nasty. "I must stink." I mumbled as I watched Connor. He gave me a small smile and licked his index finger and thumb. A deep red blush settled into my cheeks when he began wiping something off the corner of my forehead.
"Well, ye might look like a daisy...but ye don' smell like one." Murphy chuckled at his brother's comment and looked at the clock on the wall. I gave up a smile, but couldn't rid the fluster they put me in.
"Gotta get ye home, t'en we need to go get some t'ings taken care of." Murphy added in and I nodded. I gave another look to Connor, by the expression on his face I guess he was expecting an argument. I personally didn't want to argue, but it was never really arguing with them anyways. Just me or them giving in to the other. On the way out of the cell, the boys walked ahead of me. I watched the way they walked, effortlessly falling into step with one another. They were always like this, but something was different between them.
When we rounded the corner and made it into the desk area of the station, we were greeted with hoops and hot coffee. I wasn't expecting any special attention, but surprisingly enough the cop Greenly passed me a cup.
"Mornin' sweetheart." He said and I smiled, taking it gratefully.
"Thank you Greenly." I said between blistering hot sips. He winked at me then turned his attention back to the boys. I took a step back and just watched them. Connor grabbed a pen and went to the phone on the other side of the station.
"Hey, check this out." One of the cops said, handing Murphy a paper. I took a step closer and peeked over his shoulder.
"The Saints?" Murphy seemed truly amused. I quietly read the heading. 'The Saints of South Boston'. I had to grin, these boys were saints. But they had a devil side too. I snatched it away from him and started skimming the text.
"Body of Christ...Body of Christ.." I glanced over and Murphy was splashing coffee on the guys, all of them laughing and enjoying some breakfast donuts. I turned my back and started reading some more. Then I seen it. My stomach dropped out.
"Murphy!" I reached behind me and yanked his coat sleeve. He slid over, crooked grin on his face.
"What tis is, love?" His voice was so soft and genuine it distracted me. My stomach fluttered, remembering out conversations from last night. I blinked a few times, just staring at him. His gaze was intense from under those thick lashes of his. Murphy must have known I was having a girl moment because he straightened up and looked to his coffee. "What's wrong?"
I swallowed the lump in my throat then cleared it. I took a deep breath and tapped the paper.
"Someone saw me." My voice taking on the seriousness of the situation. In an instant Murphy snatched the paper and read on.
"The two men, identity unknown, were spotted entering the department w'it a young woman in tow. Sources say te trio came in covered in blood and wounded. Are te Saint's a trio? Does her hands help bare te crosses t'ese men carry? Is she an innocent by standard?" His voice trailed off and my blood drained from my face. Greenly chose now to speak, unfortunately.
"Yeah, we seen that. S'not a big deal is it guys?" Murphy smacked him on the head with the paper.
"Aye, it's a big deal?" The dark haired brother looked angry and I felt worried. Murphy took a sip of his coffee and waited for Connor to get done. When Connor joined us, he motioned for us to get going.
"Thank ye boys!" He said cheerfully before both grabbed an opposite hand and led me out. I didn't have much time to say anything, they were going back and forth in their mother tongue. Damn them. One of these days I would get tired of that.
"So, we goin' to my place?" I decided to cut in.
"Yeah, we're gon' drop ye off and leave. We got some people ta see, but we'll be in touch. We will have ta sit down'n talk." Murphy said, squeezing my hand. I bit my lip.
"Are you guys mad at me?" I asked as we took a right and crossed a small road. As soon as we got to the other side, Connor stopped us and touched my face.
"No, Amelia. Not at all. Jus', somethin' has happened. It's a sit down type o' conversation. Not ye at all." His smile was genuine but short, and again we were moving. My head was swimming, what the hell had changed? I felt fear starting to close in around my heart, but Connor said I hadn't done anything. I would trust them. All the way home I was silent. I had a lot to process still and it hadn't yet kicked in. The Boys weren't talking either.
When we got to my stop, they walked me all the way up to the door. I dug my key out of my pocket. I couldn't help but feel the tension weighing down on us. I didn't mind being in their world, but I had a feeling everything was about to change. My world had already flipped upside down, but I had a bone deep feeling it was going to be turned inside out, too. My heart was going to get broken. I blinked as I stared at the single key in my palm. Mom always said I had a sixth sense sometimes.
I started thumbing the metal of the key, feeling it slowly heat up to match my body temperature.
"I'm scared." I whispered. I'm sure that was obvious. I hated to even say it, but it was true. The rock that was settling in my stomach made me want to...do something. I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing about this, but I knew I needed to figure it out. In all the conversations Mom would have with me about adult relationships and love, she never told me about this part. Nobody ever told me that caring about people hurt so much sometimes. Didn't tell me how lines could become so easily blurred. How confusing it was. What I do know, is that I need to be strong for them. Murphy and Connor can't be dragging around a girl who can't stop passing out or crying at the drop of a hat.
"Whatcha mean, Amelia?" Murphy asked. I closed my fist around my key and took a deep breath. I kept my voice low, and tried to sound strong.
"Somethin's about to change. I dunno what it is, but I have this feelin'." I looked up and seen their faces. They were staring back, attentive and serious. I knew they were really listening to me. I covered my stomach with my free hand and left it there. "I have this...unsettled feelin' that somethin' bad is goin' to happen. That scares me because I'm not strong. I don't know much about anythin'. My life experience is for shit and I don't wanna drag y'all down." I paused for another breath and leaned against the door. "I just still don't get why you keep me around. I feel useless."
They were quiet. I stared at my feet and was reminded of my uselessness. I had drops of blood on my leg, Connor's blood most likely. I shivered. Unlike before, they didn't reach out to me or offer up encouraging words. The silence stretched out for a few more seconds and finally Connor spoke.
"We know ye have been thrown to te wolves." He shuffled and looked to his brother for support. "We never expected this ta happen. But, sometimes in life ye get thrown a hurdle. We have ta play te card's God's given us." I nodded, noticing this was sounding a lot like goodbye. "You're nota child. 'Specially after yesterday, but ye are strong. I don' think anot'er woman would have been able ta keep'er shit together like ye." I finally looked up and their faces confirmed it. They both looked sad, and it staggered me.
"We wanta have you safe. We have ta do t'ings tha you don' need to be seein'." Murphy whispered. I tried to fight back the tears, but the warm liquid started blurring my vision. "Later we will explain, we promise. But for righ' now..."
"I need to stay away." I choked out. My heart was breaking. Breaking, no, it was broke. They didn't say anything, just gave a little nod and I bit my bottom lip. Connor looked away from me for a second, glancing down the stair case towards the door. I watched him try to avoid my eyes. Murphy seemed to be in about the same boat. I wiped my eyes with my dirty coat and tried to lose the lump in my throat.
"When Ivan had tha gun ta my head, I thought abou' Connor an' you. Thought abou' stupid arguments and an awkward, beautiful young woman who kept screamin' how much she needed me. How she needed us. She begged to be shot in m'place, begged God..." My eyes got wide and I felt like some intimate and private part of myself was under spot light. Had I actually screamed that? I blinked and felt my nose burning now. Murphy's dark blue eyes were raging storms, Connor put his hand on his brother's shoulder.
"It made us realize t'at you can't be risked. We need ye too, want ye jus the same. Ye don' know it yet, but ye got us Amelia. Call us dirty ol' bastards but we can't lose ye." Connor swallowed and I felt as if I had been shot. They both needed me, wanted me? I stood there, blinking and fresh tears. They were leaning on each other, both at peace with their feelings towards me. A weight lifted off me, but a new one took it's place. What now, they ride off into the sunset and come back later? Will I be presued by both? I can't deal with this right now. The scary emotional stuff can wait.
"Whatever you have planned, just be careful. I meant it, I can't lose y'all." I whispered back, suddenly paranoid Dad would hear us and come investigating. "I'll stay out of the way, but you need to touch base with me. Let me know y'all are okay." I conceded to them, voice cracking. I stood for just a second more before they pulled me into a tight embrace. "Promise me, damnit." I growled, gripping them both tightly.
"Aye, promise." Connor mumbled, burying his face into the side of my neck. His skin was warm and I missed him already.
"Geall, cailín álainn.(Promise, beautiful girl.)" Murphy's left me wondering, and I guess I made a noise and he gave me a chuckle. "Said 'I promise, beautiful girl." He too buried his face into the other side of my neck. We stood like that for a long minuet. I felt my throat closing on me again, and they pulled away. Their eyes were troubled, I'm sure mine were the same. Before they walked away, I took a second to appraise both of them. Murphy with his broad shoulders and the beautiful way he seemed to see right through me. Connor, not as broad but just as handsome. The sublty of his lips. Even their tattoo's held their own charm and appeal. I felt my stomach clench and I slid the key into the lock.
"Y'all need to go before I change my mind and permanently attach myself to the two of ya." I said between gritted teeth, trying to put on a smile for them. They too gave me smile, letting me go. As their backs turned and they went down the stairs, with every echoing thump...my heart shattered even more. I hastily swung the door open and shut it. Dad was either not here or in bed. I locked the door behind myself and went straight to my bedroom. I shut the door carefully and bent over myself, crying.
**Shaun Mullins - Anchored In You**
