Hank walked out into the bullpen, and looked around at his team. They all stopped whatever they were doing and gave him their attention.

"Good job today," He met each of their eyes with a smile. But it faltered as he looked at the still-empty desk to his left. His team didn't miss the way his gaze lingered. He forgot whatever he had been about to say and settled with a light, "It's late, get out of here."

As the room emptied, he turned back to Burgess who had just finished taking everything down from the board.

"Have you heard from him?"

She looked at him sadly, "No, I haven't," the papers in her hands crinkled as she held hugged them to her stomach, uncertainty bleeding into her voice, "Do you think he's coming back?"

Hank bit at his lip, unsure. It had been just over three weeks since Sonny's death. Antonio had taken medical leave, but even when that had been used up, he hadn't returned to work. Hank kept telling himself he just needed time, but as one day passed and another, and another, the reassurance started to feel hollow. Even more so as he realized he was being a coward himself.

Maybe it was time he made this right.

"Get some rest, Kim." He gave her shoulder a squeeze and went to grab his jacket.


He drained his glass, inhaling roughly past the burn the liquor left in its wake.

He held up the glass, signaling for another before putting it down and prodding the glass to the middle of the bar. As the bartender came to give him a refill, a hand reached over and covered the top of the cup.

"He's good."

A new wave of heat, not from the alcohol, rushed up his neck and he kept his eyes trained on the countertop.

Finally, when he still refused to look up, his boss sighed, "Come on, Antonio. Let's get you home."

He gave up, nodding, and slid off the stool. His head was swimming and he relied, more than he cared to admit, on the guiding arm around his shoulders all the way to Hank's car.

The ride was quiet as he stared out the window. Hank didn't say anything either, just helped him out of the car to the door and waited patiently while Antonio fumbled with his keys.

The house was cold, dark and quiet when they walked in. Eva was at her mother's place, the door of her room left open. He flicked on a few lights as he went further in.

His sergeant lingered behind him as he walked to the kitchen. He didn't look like he was leaving any time soon, so Antonio knew he'd need a drink for whatever was going to happen next. Without a word, he grabbed two beers, opening both and setting one on the counter for Voight while he took a long swig of his own.

He still couldn't bring himself to look Voight in the eyes. It would be easier for both of them if his boss just came out with it, kicked him out of his unit, then left him to his misery. He hadn't been able to go back to work, couldn't bring himself to meet his coworker's looks, their questions.

He felt adrift. With Sonny gone, the last real connection he had to his old life had disappeared with him. Meanwhile, he'd probably ruined all ties he had with one of the greatest things he had in this new life.

"Let's talk," Voight's quiet suggestion broke his melancholy thoughts. He followed Voight to the living room, and sat on the couch while Voight took the armchair.

There was a pause as Antonio thought about what he should say, tapping his thumb against the beer bottle anxiously. Should he apologize? Accept what was clearly going to be the boot? Beg for forgiveness? All of the above?

Hank beat him to it, "I'm sorry about Sonny."

I am too. Antonio was supposed to help him. Protect him from Patriaka. Instead he got him killed.

"He cared about you, Antonio. Wanted nothing more than to get you back."

That was Sonny. Willing to risk his life for his family.

"About twenty years ago, my unit was tasked with stopping a robbery crew. Efficient, tight knit, dangerous," the words came pouring out without his consent, but he couldn't stop them. "Sonny was their leader," Voight's eyes narrowed at that piece of information, but he didn't interrupt, "They were a man down after a heist."

"My boss put me undercover to infiltrate the crew. It wasn't just posing as a driver and joining up for a rip. Sonny was my mark. I had to get him to trust me and accept me as one of his family, because that's what that crew was to Sonny: his family. Men he trusted more than anything or anyone."

"And you did." Voight guessed when Antonio paused.

"Yeah, But it wasn't just him who got roped in."

He took a drink from his beer before continuing, "From the night I met him, he saw me for the lonely, bitter, damaged kid I was. And I fell into this idea of family. He delivered, treated me as his brother, even saved my life."

"Then what happened?"

"The job was a job. I pulled a heist with his crew, and then, I pulled my badge and gun on him.

"I couldn't shake that case for a while though. And that wasn't the last I saw of Sonny. Later on, he had my back when I needed him, and has been there ever since."

Had been there. The lump was back in his throat now and pressure was building behind his eyes. He brought his beer halfway to his lips but his arm suddenly lost all strength to bring it any further. He dropped his head into his hand as his bottle was slipped out from his grasp. The couch dipped as Hank moved to sit next to him, placing a comforting hand on his back.

Tears fell as he reminded himself that Sonny was gone for good. And desperation surged in him as he realized he couldn't live with himself if he lost one more great thing in his life today.

Especially if it meant losing a team he considered family like he had lost his last one.

"I'm sorry," Antonio managed, shakily, "My past wasn't something I meant to hide from you. It didn't matter anymore. Jake Shaw is dead. I am Antonio Dawson."

He finally looked up at Hank, and the soft smile he saw there loosened the knot in his chest.

Hank gave a nod, "I know. Your past, who you were before this, doesn't change the man I know. You're still the man who puts on his badge everyday to protect our city. Who has given a lot to do the work we do. And you helped make our Intelligence Unit what it is today."

Antonio sniffed, tamping down the swell of emotions that arose in him with Hank's words. It was a relief to hear that Hank, at least, wasn't turning his back on him. Would everyone else be as forgiving?

As if reading his thoughts, Hank added, "They're waiting for you to come back."

"For answers," he knew he was being unfair, but better to accept the truth now.

Hank just shook his head and gave Antonio a quick squeeze on the shoulder, "They care more about you and how you're doing than they care about your past."

"They won't trust me anymore."

"I do. They will, too. Now, trust us."


As he passed the interrogating rooms, he heard Adam's loud bark of laughter echo from the bullpen.

The sound seemed to pierce through his chest, hope and apprehension fighting for his attention within him. But what he felt most strongly at the moment was love. And that gave him strength to ignore everything else.

He steeled himself and took a deep breath before taking a step out into the office.

The whole room went quiet as if a wave of silence had washed out over the room before him.

He gave a small wave, "Hey guys."

To his right, Hank came to lean against the doorway of his office and gave him a smile.

He was startled when Kim suddenly walked right up to him with an excited, "Welcome back!" And gave him a hug.

Al followed with a called out, "It's good to see you man." And the silence was broken as various greetings rang out.

"Kim, catch Antonio up on our cases, would you?" Hank said clapping Antonio on the shoulder.

"You got it," she beamed and led the way back to their desks.

He caught Jay's eyes following him as he sat, and gave him a small smile before he looked away as Kim began filling him in on what he'd missed.

He was gonna have to talk to his friends eventually, at least explain a bit. He owed them that much for saving him. But he felt as though a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders, and right now, this was enough.


Notes:

And we've made it! I'm thinking of expanding this into a series, that's why I didn't feature the team too much at the end. So stay tuned if you like this, we may see more of Jake's past revealed!