Chapter 9: Trust

Nothing belongs to me. Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer and Summit. This work is a tribute to her enormous talent. Stephenie invents worlds we'd like to see. Material is paraphrased or quoted from BD, Chapter 4.

'Everything I Do, I Do it for You', by Bryan Adams, belongs to its respective owners. Lyrics from wwwdotlyrics007dotcom.

With special thanks and credit to my surrogate Vampire Daughter, bananacupcake, who pointed out some things I decided to clarify, and who helped to define the importance of Esme to Edward. I added sparkly bits to this chappie thanks to you, kid. Young people are so brilliant these days.

Speaking of which, you can find 2005 slang at, wwwdotalphadictionarydotcom/slang/2005.

This chapter is connected to a conversation Bella had with Alice on the morning of the wedding (Prenuptual Posturing, Chap 22).

Patience, readers, you will hear from Jake in the next chapter. He's been escorted back to LaPush.

Edward's pov:

I felt sick.

I pulled Bella to the door, prepared to paste on a smile and return to the marquis. Jasper and Alice passed us. Jazz turned back to me, put his hand on my chest, and thought at speed. Talk to Bella, Edward. Now. I let my family file by us, including Charlie and the Clearwaters.

Carlisle and Esme were the last to pass Bella and me.

Bella reached out tentatively and touched Carlisle's sleeve. He drew in close to us.

"Carlisle? I'm so sorry. I almost blew the Secret. I talked about James. I don't know what came over me. Please, please forgive me," Bella said shakily. Carlisle put his hands under Bella's chin and tipped her head up so she would look in his eyes.

"No harm done, my child. We just needed to do a little fast thinking. All of us have slips. Even me. You're not to worry about it. I'm actually rather glad that Charlie knows part of your struggles. He's your father, and I can't imagine not knowing what was going on in my daughter's life. The Bible says all things happen for a reason. So don't fret. Have a little faith, and spend your energy being joyful today. You'll never fully comprehend how much you mean to us. You aren't in trouble." Carlisle kissed Bella on the forehead, and walked out the door to meet Esme.

Bella put her hand over her mouth and choked on a sob. Oh, boy. I carried her back to the couch.

"Hush! Hush, love. It will be fine, I promise. Jacob will be fine." I rocked her again, kissing down the side of her jaw.

Bella put her head up, and stared at me, open-mouthed. "It's not Jake I'm worried about, Edward. It's you." I was so surprised, I almost keeled over.

"Me?!" I asked.

"You. I know he upset you. I know you'll be doubting yourself now. And it's just unbearable, when everything's been going so beautifully. When I've seen you blossom, and laugh, and trust yourself. I don't want to go back to seeing you question everything you do, and whether you deserve what you've been given. I couldn't stand it, Edward."

"Bella ..."

"I couldn't stand it. And it would be my fault, for not putting Jake in his place hard enough, months ago."

"Bella, I-"

"Don't. Don't, Edward. You told me you don't like it when I excuse you when you're bad. Well, what I did was bad, and I need that acknowledged. By you. By my mate."

I looked at Bella. She was serious. I sighed. Bella was right, but opening my mouth to criticize my angel was next to impossible.

"It wasn't ... very nice," I admitted grudgingly.

"No."

"And it ... hurt me."

"I know. It was wrong of me to spend time with him. And now, he has turned out to be unstable."

I was about to defend Jacob Black. I must be a sappy date. "Bella, Jacob is young. Much less mature than you were at his age. I know how 17 year old bodies work, trust me. But I have over 80 years experience in this body, so I can usually control my impulses. Frankly, it is essential to everyone's welfare that I control myself. You've helped me be more spontaneous, but it's foreign to me.

"Jacob, on the other hand, is impulsive. And I never said anything to you, in case you were offended, but Jacob is ... somewhat emotionally damaged. He lost his mother when he was very young. Before puberty. Boys learn how to treat women from interacting with their mothers. I have always felt sorry for Jacob, because he didn't have that loving female influence when he needed it most.

"Soon after my mother was lost to me, I got Esme, who nurtured me in my mother's place. I still ... miss ... my first mother. And I was Jacob's age when she died. I had her during my formative years. Jacob, well, he missed out on that. And on top of that, Billy broke his back in the car crash, and Jacob had to start doing things to take care of him. Like a parent. Jacob's sisters were old enough to avoid being home, where the loss of their mother was felt most keenly. So there was nobody to really nurture Jacob.

"Jacob has faults, like everyone, but he has strengths too. He's kind and well-meaning, as you said, and nurturing, and he was protective so I felt safe sending you to visit him. But he doesn't always have the social tools to achieve his ideals, Bella. He sometimes uses manipulation and force to get his way. That's one reason why I worried about your attachment to him."

"I'm so sorry, Edward. My loyalty to you should have made me stay away from him."

"Yes, but Bella, I didn't stop you from spending time with your friend. And I owed him big time for taking care of you when I failed to do so. So it's not all your fault. I didn't ... value ... myself enough to stop you. I was afraid you'd pick him over me, and my reason for living would be gone. My love of life would evaporate again. So I didn't stop you. And at times, like tonight, I failed to step in soon enough to prevent a tragedy."

"Whatever do you mean?"

Everything came pouring out. "Tonight, I saw Jacob losing it, and I was afraid to intervene. I didn't know what would happen if I touched him. I thought if I tried to remove you from his grasp, he might phase and seriously injure you. I thought he might attack me, and that you might get trapped in the middle. I thought you might get mad at him, or mad at me, or protective of me, or protective of him, and you'd be hurt.

"I couldn't know what I would provoke. So I let the argument go on too long, and then I let him hurt you. I couldn't get him to rein in his temper, but at least when I touched him he let you go. But he might have released you faster if I had touched him earlier. Instead, I stood by, and let him hurt you.

"I let Jacob hurt you. Right in front of me." The pain of it burst out of me.

And suddenly, I was clinging to Bella, sobbing, and she was clinging to me, and she was crying too. Crying my tears for me. Allowing me to share my pain, and not forcing me to man up and keep it in. After a couple of minutes, Bella pushed up on my face, so I raised my eyes to hers.

"Darling, we have two problems. The first one, we've talked about before. You can't protect me from everything. Without pain, we'd take joy for granted. Now I love that you are strong enough to save me most of the time. But, Edward, you aren't perfect, and neither am I. I've said it before, but I want to remind you that you are Edward, not God. We make mistakes, and sometimes we fail. The second problem upsets me more.

"Edward. You didn't trust me to love you best. Even with everything we've been through. Even though I married you, you still don't. I have given you insufficient reason to trust that. Yet, you settled for any love I gave you because you love me so much. You are never going to settle for anything again. Trust me: I chose you. You were my first, best, and only choice. I will always choose you. And you will honour my choice by acknowledging that you are worthy of my adoration.

"One more thing: you must always share your feelings with me. There is to be no more covering up. Now, tell me who I am, and tell me who you are."

I gulped. "You ... are my beloved wife. And you adore me, whether I succeed or fail. And I ... I have earned your love. And ... I ... I ... deserve you." Bella wiped under my eyes, as though she were taking away tears. She nodded vigorously at me, lips trembling.

"Yes, my love. Yes. And you are my beloved husband. And you adore me whether I succeed or fail. And I have earned your love. And I ... I deserve it."

"Yes, Bella. Yes." I kissed Bella's tears away. I felt like my chest expanded. The constricting fear was gone. "Carlisle would say, 'Perfect love casts out fear.'"

"Then, I think we are on the road to perfection. Thank you, Mr. Cullen."

"Thank you, Mrs Cullen."

"Edward? Talking to me? That was brave. I admire that."

"Thank you." I rubbed my hands over my face and cleared my throat. "Now, I think we should quickly write that letter to Jacob, and get back out to our party."

"You write it, Edward. You know what to say, and you can write it fast. Then, you can read it to me, and I'll see whether there's anything to change or add, and I'll sign it."

I pulled a piece of paper from Esme's desk, and quickly wrote the letter. Bella read it, and asked to add two sentences. She said nothing I wrote needed changing, I had worded things just right. I put the letter in an envelope, and Bella addressed it to Jacob, and sealed it.

I opened the door for Bella, and found Jazz sitting on the porch steps, looking at the stars. He stretched and turned to regard us.

"Well done, young ones," he said softly. "Now, you are One. That's what marriage is about. Not the promises you make, the promises you keep. Catch on?"

I stared down, open-mouthed with awe. "This is why you and Alice are so close that you almost read each others' minds? Because you ..."

"Make ourselves vulnerable. Yes. Love is all about risk, brother. Risk, and trust. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. And your very lives are in each others' hands. Take care of each other."

"Thank you, Jasper." I said.

Jasper stood up and clapped me on the arm, and then, he pulled Bella's face down and kissed her on the head. "You're the best thing that happened to this coven since Alice and I joined it," he said. "You make life here better for everyone. But I'll be glad when you're turned and I don't feel like I might kill you every five minutes. Turn her soon, Edward."

"Uh, ...thanks? Jazz," Bella said.

"S'alright sister. Now Edward, there's someone else here tonight who is suffering."

"Billy," I stated.

"Billy. Go and talk to Billy, Edward, and give him some hope."

I escorted Bella back to the marquis, which was emanating light and laughter. The young people were line dancing to some country song. All was cheerful, except for the corner where Billy sat with Seth. Seth had liberated one of my t-shirts from my room. I was surprised he could tolerate my scent. All the other wolves complained about us.

Billy was dejected. Bella and I pulled up chairs, and I offered Billy my hand. I didn't expect him to take it, but he did. He didn't even shudder. I put my other hand over it.

"I'm sorry, Edward. It's my fault. I guess I didn't raise him right."

"Aw, Billy, if it's anyone's fault it's mine and Bella's. We should have sorted this out a long time ago. Now just you listen. Seth, you are going to give a message to Sam from me. Jacob is not to be harmed in any way. Make sure he understands that that is the Cullens' edict. I want mercy for the young wolf. But Sam should forbid him to run away, or this plan won't work.

"Jacob needs help to learn social skills and coping skills, and you're going to get him that help, and we are going to keep the pack accountable. Jacob is a good kid, Billy, and he's gone a little nuts, that's all. He made a mistake. Happens to all of us. Luckily, no serious damage has been done. So you make sure Sam knows all this, Seth. And Billy? No hard feelings." Seth ran off, presumably to phase and deliver his message.

Billy blinked his eyes repeatedly, trying to be tough. "I was afraid you'd show no mercy. I thought you'd take my boy away from me. I told you we'd honour the treaty by acceding to your wishes and enforcing your rights. I said it to protect the Quileutes and the Cullens from a bloodbath. But I didn't want to lose my son. He's my son. My only son." Billy's face crumpled, and he sniffled quietly.

"I know that, Billy. I know you love your son. Jacob is not incorrigible. He deserves a fresh start. A good life. Let's make sure he gets it, okay?" I patted Billy on the shoulder. Then, I drew the letter out of my pocket and put it on the table in front of Billy.

Billy drew a big breath in, and released it. "You're a good ... person, Edward Cullen. Bella was right. I don't understand. You don't fit any tale we've been taught. You act like you have a soul."

"I don't know for sure that I have one, but I like to think that I do. I like to think that what I do is more important than what I am."

"The Creator will value that. About the treaty, Edward. We know you plan to break it."

"Reluctantly, Billy. But yes, if I must."

"We will find a way to keep the truce, Edward, no matter what concessions we have to make. You have shown us mercy, so we will return the favour."

My head bowed as I realized the gift I was to be given. I would bite and turn Bella, and there would be no war. My voice was husky as I thanked Billy. Seth came back in the tent, eyes shining.

"Sam says 'okay', Edward. And Jake's behaving himself. Sam wants me to be at his place tonight so the pack can get together in the morning. I'm so tired I'll probably fall out on Emily's rug. Leah is picking me and Billy up in a little while, okay?"

"Fine, Seth. You were indispensable here today, you know. A big part of making this day happy for Bella and me."

"Hooyah. Thanks, Edward. It was a totally shiznit party. And my gifts? They must-a cost a grip. You really shouldn't have done it.

"Well, pretty soon you have to pick up a job so you have your own mail. The girls like guys with scrilla, you know, even though that's not what's really important."

"I'm not looking for a shorty yet, bro. Don't jump off the couch."

"Yeah, you take your time kid. But hone that talent now."

"Okay. Hey, you think we can have a brodown when you get back?"

"Sure, kid."

"Coolio. Oh, here comes Leah." Seth bounded up to Leah, and ran off, presumably to retrieve his gifts.

I looked around the table. Bella, Billy and Sue were looking at me like I had six heads.

"What? So I know the slang. Awful, isn't it?"

"I dunno, I've never heard you conversate with your bromance like that, Edward. It's just ... surreal," Bella said.

"Can we talk normally now?" I huffed.

Bella snickered. "Sure. How long 'til we have to leave?"

I checked my watch. "About 15 minutes."

"So where's my dance, Mocha-chino?"

"What would you like to dance to, Minx? I'll make a request. Last dance, probably."

"Surprise me."

I pondered a million choices as I walked over to Eric. I thanked him for doing a great job, and asked for more Bryan Adams. A better song, this time. Then, I went over to Bella and extended my hand. She got up and took it, and I swung her out to the middle of the floor.

"Is it wrong of me to be turned on because you displayed compassion, Mr. Cullen?"

"Nothing that turns you on to me could possibly be wrong, Mrs. Cullen."

Look into my eyes - you will see
What you mean to me
Search your heart - search your soul
And when you find me there you'll search no more

Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for
You know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you

Look into your heart - you will find
There's nothin' there to hide
Take me as I am - take my life
I would give it all - I would sacrifice

Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for
I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more

Ya know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you

There's no love - like your love
And no other - could give more love
There's nowhere - unless you're there
All the time - all the way

Oh - you can't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more
I would fight for you - I'd lie for you
Walk the wire for you - ya I'd die for you

Ya know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you

By a couple of lines into the song, Bella was kissing me again. Grr. And soon, we would be en route to our honeymoon. And everything was going to be good, I was certain of it. I fell into Bella's heartbeat. We pretty much stopped dancing and snogged. I explored Bella's mouth with my own. My hard on was back. I didn't care. Other guys dancing around us had the same problem, and they weren't worrying about it. Personally, I was going to suspend my worry for the next couple of days. Days with new boundaries. Days where carefully constructed barriers would be knocked down.

I was just considering whether one more dance would be feasible, when a certain irritating pixie got in my way.

"It's time," Alice declared. I ignored her. I kissed Bella harder, and enjoyed feeling her heart rate pick up. Bella's scent deepened. I am the man, I thought.

Alice stepped right up into my face. "Do you want to miss your plane?!" she asked angrily. "I'm sure you'll have a lovely honeymoon, camped out in the airport waiting for another flight."

I turned my head slightly, growling a soft warning. "Go away, Alice." I resumed kissing my wife. Bella was as engrossed in the kiss as I was.

"So help me, Edward, I'll tell her where you're taking her."

I froze, and glared at Alice.

"Do you know you're awfully irritating for someone so short?"

"Come on. If you don't move it now, you will miss your plane. And then, your first time will be in a seedy motel room next to the airport."

I pinched my nose, then shrugged. "Fine! We'll say goodbye now," I barked.

Esme came over, holding hands with Renee, their menfolk tagging along behind. The mothers were soggy again. Bella was making promises to call, and trying not to get soggy too. Renee expressed an interest in knowing where I was taking her daughter, but I wouldn't spoil the surprise. Alice promised that she'd tell Renee where we were going, the minute we left. Bella looked a little miffed. Too bad, I chuckled to myself. For once, I would have my way.

We said goodbye to the 40-odd individuals who were left, and got kissed by Ang and all the siblings and parents . Except Charlie. He was hiding out in the living room with red eyes. I sent Bella in to say goodbye to him. I hoped we would see him again. A couple of minutes later, they came outside and Charlie hugged me and wished us a good trip. I thanked him again for giving me his daughter.

I kissed Bella on the porch steps. Then, the crowd surrounded us and hit us with birdseed as we made a dash for the car. I heard Bella spit some out. Emmett had pinged it off my back and hit her squarely in the face. I glared at him, and he guffawed. Bella needed protection from this lot.

I threw Bella, squealing, over my shoulder, realized too late that I was putting the goods on display, and deposited her in the flower-covered Guardian. God help Alice if the paint was damaged. The car was on loan. Oh, hell. Why was I worrying about this now? No reason to fret.

I walked around the back of the car to reach the driver's side, and nearly tripped over a pile of Manolo shoes, tied to the bumper. At least Alice provided pairs, I reasoned. Whoever saw the shoes abandoned in the airport parking lot would be able to steal them and put them to use. Oh, but they'd probably be ruined, being dragged along the road.

Why was I worrying about this crap?

Bella rolled down the window and waved to everyone standing on and around the porch. "I'll call," she promised the parents. "Love you! Bye everyone!" she waved happily.

There were answering waves and whistles and shouted goodbyes as I pulled out and down the drive.

"I suggest you try to have a rest, Mrs Cullen, because you might not be getting much sleep during the next 16 hours. Your blanket and pillow are in the back."

"What would I do without you, Mocha-chino?" Bella said, yawning and stretching languorously.

"I don't know, my love. Let's keep it that way."

"You're so thoughtful."

"Because I love you, Minx."

"That's why we're here, Beautiful."

Wave goodbye to Bedward: Review. We're visiting Jake's head next. Then, stick around the Cullens' place to see how they, ahem, clean up after the party. Ooh, yeah. Grr.