Well, I'm a day late for the 1st anniversary of my SpongeBob SquarePants Funshots, but I had forgotten about the 20th anniversary of SpongeBob, too, so it's no surprise. Anyway, here's a haphazardly thrown together sort of flashback to Overdose Part 1 that I had lying around. Originally, these were two different stories, but I got lazy, and they somehow fit to correspond with each other. I just really needed to crank out something for the anniversary.
Thank you, my dear readers, for enduring my weird stories.
Earlier...
"I g-gotta have more," the hoarse voice of none other than Squidward Tentacles stressed. He was frantically digging through his refrigerator, searching for a drink. Over the past few months he had turned to alcohol to help him cope with his severe depression. Sure, it wasn't healthy, but frankly the octopus didn't care about the state of his health anymore.
Packages containing food were strewn about the kitchen, spongeBob empty bottles everywhere. Curses slipped past Squidward's lips when he realized he had previously drank his entire supply of Signature Algae Wine. He was desperate for a sophisticated alcoholic beverage.
A tiny bottle of brand name Pressed Kelp Beer rolled out from underneath the kitchen table. "Thank Neptune!" Squidward said tiredly. He gripped the bottle cap with his left tentacle, his right rapped around the neck, and licked his chapped lips as the cap loosened and the bottle hissed like a snake, bubbles rising.
He guzzled the intoxicating liquid, the fizz making its presence known as it sent waves of tingling sensations down Squidward's parched throat. Within a minute, the bottle was empty.
An unexpected laugh escaped Squidward's lips. He was drunk and he knew it, but he denied it. "Thah laugh," Squidward observed, hiccuping twice, "ihwas very, very d-drunk. Funnithing is, I-I'm still sober."
A wave of nausea washed over him and he clutched his stomach, praying to Neptune he wouldn't have to experience regurgitation like he did the last time he got drunk. It would leave him feeling sickly all over.
"Ah, N-Neptune, don't... don't lemme gessick." The spinning in his head only made the feeling of nausea worse. He heaved, vomit catching in his throat. He couldn't bare the sight, the smell of vomit, so he swallowed. The taste would have to be endured for the time being, because Squidward knew there was no way he was going to reach the sink without drunkenly tripping over a glass bottle first.
The octopus's large head throbbed, the veins pulsating, sending waves of heat through his body. Sweat dotted his forehead. He slumped against the kitchen counter in defeat. He accepted that he was inebriated, and the symptoms were quite evidently present. And as his back slipped from against the counter wall, and his backside hit the shard-filled floor, he screamed.
Ink shot from Squidward's duct. It coated the floor and surrounded the atmosphere. Drunk, he breathed in the chemical, choking violently as he did so. Ink was not a pleasant thing to breathe.
Again, he screamed.
Shards of glass were digging into Squidward's backside. Blood trickled down from the cuts. The pain stung like the tears that were streaming down his face. The saltiness of the tears dripped into Squidward's agape mouth. He had passed out from the overwhelming drunkenness combined with the moderate blood loss.
Suddenly, the front door of Squidward's house flung open. It was SpongeBob.
"Hey Squid, I heard a scream! Everything... al..." He stopped. Squidward lay looking half dead on the kitchen floor.
SpongeBob gasped, overwhelmed with emotion. "Oh my fucking Neptune!" He ran over to caress Squidward's head. "P-pardon my language..." he added. "Now, Squid, if you can hear me, nod."
No response.
"Darn, he's out cold." SpongeBob ran a comforting hand over Squidward's pale face. "You probably can't hear me, but if you can, I'm letting you know that I'm about to run some bath water to get you cleaned up."
Then the caring neighbor noticed the puddle of blood staining his drunk coworker's buttocks. "Holy kelp." He looked around to see the broken bottles and rubbish surrounding him. "He's drunk like me on a Triple Berry Sunrise spree, only he's done a lot more damage."
Cringe tainted his face when he noticed the shards of glass that were puncturing Squidward's skin. "I have to clean that up," he said. A medical kit was hung on the kitchen wall in place; quite convenient. Upon opening the kit, however, to his dismay SpongeBob pulled out a stash of painkillers. For all SpongeBob knew, his neighbor could be overdosing as well.
I wrote this one back in the winter, and it had a crazy plot line that there was no way I was going to finish. Anyways, hope you liked this!
Happy Anniversary to SpongeBob SquarePants Funshots! :)
(I could've chose it a better name...)
