A/N: I want to thank again everyone who's following this story. I hope you enjoy this new chapter as much as I had fun writing it.
Emma's not expecting this. She knew he'd be angry if he were to find out she'd taken the wolf up on deck, but she'd expected him to write her angry missives instead. But this ...silent brooding is starting to worry her.
She had been surprised to not find a letter that first day, but after speaking to Henry and seeing the drawings in question, she understood. He was upset with her, and it was within his right; she just hoped he'd understand and let it go.
But three days later, they're still in the same situation. Killian is not talking to her, and she's starting to get miffed herself. Yes, she disobeyed him. Yes, she had gone against his wishes and taken the wolf outside, unchained. But didn't he see that he had nothing to worry about? Besides, it wasn't fair for her to roam free during the day, and for him to be shackled in the hold at night. Hawks are just as deadly as wolfs, thank you very much.
Sighing, Emma tries to decide if she should be the one to reach out to him. Killian's been nothing but accommodating so far, so maybe he deserve a bit of leniency. She just has to decide how to go about it. Placating someone who is upset with her is not something she's had to deal with often. She may have gotten into hundreds of scrapes while growing up, but her parents had never stayed upset with her for more than half a day. They had always talked to her, explained why she should not have done that or how she should have handled something better, and she'd always felt loved.
But this is new and it's making her feel rejected and off kilter. She doesn't like it one bit. It's not that she's sorry about it, she'd do it again, but she'd like to look into his eyes and explain her reasons to him, find a way to soothe him and allay his fears. A face to face meeting is out of the question for now, so she'd have to rely on words again. Which is not at all fortunate, since she's more of an action girl and words are really not her strong suit. Maybe some fresh air would do her some good.
It's oddly quiet on deck once she makes her way upstairs. Jamison's the only crew member she can see, so Emma heads towards the helm. It's easy enough; although the moon's waning, it casts enough light that she can proceed without any additional lighting.
The first mate nods to her when she's within reach, and Emma can't help but respond with a small smile of her own. "Good morning, Master Jamison."
The man chuckles; there's no "morning" about it, but it's their private ritual and he likes to indulge the princess. When he'd first came on board, to serve in the royal navy, he'd never have believed that one day he would forsake all that and follow his captain into mutiny to become a pirate. Or that he'd follow him a second time, now in a mad attempt to break a horrible curse, and end up harboring royalty on board. But Princess Emma is unlike any royal he's ever seen; any woman, to be more precise. She's been with them for a few months only, but already she's become an important member of the crew.
He'd do anything for her and the captain, Jamison muses. And he's sure the rest of the crew would, too. Since the curse, they've become a tight-knit family, so what affects one of them, affects them all. He glances at the Princess beside him, watching her in silence. She's quietly gazing at the sea, lost deep in thought. She's been like this ever since the captain found out about the freedom the wolf has been enjoying, and Jamison feels the need to do something to cheer her up.
He's got no ideas though, besides the small flask in his waistcoat pocket. But maybe that's enough. "Have a drink, milady. It will help ease some of your nerves," he tells her, handing her the decanter.
"What is it?" Emma eyes the flask suspiciously.
The man breaks into a small laugh. "This is the Captain's favourite drink, milady, and I assure you it's perfectly safe. It contains a special blend, made by me. The captain likes it better than most drinks found in ports, so I make sure there's always enough on board."
Tentatively, and eyeing him sideways, Emma takes a sip. The alcohol burns down her throat, but it has a unique aroma that makes it quite palatable after a few seconds. She can feel the fire spread through her veins and it's suddenly clear why Killian Jones prefers it. This beverage is better than anything to be found in her parents' wine cellar, to be certain.
"Hmmm, it's very good, Master Jamison," she tells him, licking her lips.
The man's eyes twinkle a bit at the praise and he bows his head to her. "I'm glad you like it, Your Highness."
They're silent again, and the man wonders if he should tell her what he's thinking. It's not his story to reveal, but maybe it's the right thing to do in light of recent events. Deciding to follow his gut, Jamison adds: "Please be patient with him, Your Highness."
She jumps a bit at the sound of his voice, clearly startled. "I beg your pardon?"
"The Captain, milady. I know he can be rough sometimes, but he means well. He's been terrified of hurting someone ever since it became clear he was cursed. He tried to hide in the beginning, lock himself away. When it became apparent that we knew and we'd be by his side through this, we spent few nights in port. And always, always, the captain chains himself below deck at sundown."
"I know, Master Jamison," Emma sighs. She had deduced all this; she'd also seen it. "But the wolf isn't a threat to you. To any of you. And it's not fair to keep him locked up."
Now it's his turn to sigh. He knows all this, but he also knows Killian Jones. "I've been with him for many years. He's always been a good lad, milady. He's lost his way for a while, when his brother Liam died." Emma turns sharply to look at the man, taken aback. "Liam was all Killian had. But for all his years, Liam was a stubborn lad, just as bullheaded as his younger brother is. He died of poisoning; there was nothing Killian could have done, but he blames himself to this day for not saving his brother. You see, Your Highness, when Liam died, Killian lost his way completely."
Emma's heart breaks a little. She'd known he'd had a relative - some of the books in her quarters had belonged to a Liam Jones, but she never would have thought he'd had a brother. Or that he'd lost him so tragically. "What happened?"
"It's not my story to tell, milady, I've already said too much. But please believe me when I say that the captain only wants to keep all of us safe. He's never forgiven himself for not pushing the issue with his brother, so this is not a matter he will easily let go of."
Emma takes a deep breath and holds it in for a few seconds, eyes closed, trying to process everything she's learnt from Jamison. She thinks she understands Killian a bit better now, but she still won't let him have his way. The wolf deserves better and she'll make him see it.
"My dear captain,
I gather you're upset with me for taking the wolf outside, but I didn't do it out of any desire to go against your wishes.
I know the wolf won't hurt me, Killian. I've felt it in my heart the first night I saw you in animal form. So far, the wolf has never been anything but accommodating. It knows me, too. Even in that form, it - you know me. How could I let you stay in the dark, chained to a pole, when I've enjoyed nothing but freedom on your ship? And let me remind you that a hawk can be just as deadly as a wolf.
I hope you'll find it in yourself to accept this.
Sincerely,
Emma"
Killian can't believe what he's reading. The wolf, accommodating? A hawk just as dangerous as a wolf? Has she lost her mind? But it's hard to deny the logic of her words when Henry's drawing is seared into his brain. If he hadn't known any better, he would have thought that that was one of the gentlest beasts ever. But appearances can be deceiving and he knows even the most docile of beings can be deadly under the right circumstances.
He sighs heavily. He misses her, too much apparently. Since Emma's come aboard, they've never spent so long without talking to each other. But he is worried; and upset. And terrified that she might get hurt because of him. And that is not something he would ever want to be responsible for. He sighs again. Maybe Emma is right - he does have an uncanny link to the hawk; maybe it feels the same for her.
His brain wants to tell him it's not the same, but he knows it's not really true anymore. He's seen the wolf around the princess, and he's sure Jamison would not have allowed it, had he thought it to be too dangerous.
Killian's confused. There's also an odd feeling in his heart. It's like he can't help the warmth spreading through him whenever he thinks of it: Emma is comfortable around him in his animal form. And though he loathes the thought of her in any danger, he's also unbearably pleased to know she's accepted him, all of him.
Maybe he should take a leap of faith. After all, she's done it several times where he is concerned. It would be good form to return the favour.
To say she's surprised, is putting it mildly. She had hoped to get a reply from him, but she had not expected it. So to see a white envelope on their desk the following night, makes her heart beat wildly in her chest. She chuckles a little; not since her early days on board this ship, has she been so excited for one of Killian's letters. It's amusing really, she hasn't even met the man yet and he gets these reactions from her.
She practically tears through the seal, such is her hurry to read what Killian has to say. And it leaves her speechless.
"My dear Emma,
Please believe I have nothing but your wellbeing at heart, love. That being said, I have given serious thought to your letter. Maybe you are right. You've taken a leap of faith in trusting me, now it is my turn to prove that I do trust you. If it is your wish that I should roam the ship by your side, then so be it, milady.
To that end, I have a proposition. We should share quarters - it's not as if we will ever meet. I hope we do one day, certainly, but you know what I mean. If you are amenable, then I do have one request, love, and that is you allow me the use of chains. I am not entirely sure how the transformation works and I would feel better knowing that you are not in harm's way, albeit inadvertently.
Yours,
Killian Jones"
It's a short letter, to be sure, but its contents couldn't have said more. Not only has he given up on his plan to keep the wolf chained up, but he's also taken one step ahead. And now that he's mentioned it, she's not sure why they haven't done this sooner. It makes perfect sense to share the same quarters.
It's a few seconds later that it hits her - this is a whole new level of intimacy he's proposing. Killian might have been using the quarters during the day to study, but the room had been hers alone. This arrangement he lays before her, although it doesn't actually change anything of what's already happening, makes her feel like they're heading into uncharted territory, advancing their relationship to a new stage.
She blushes a little at the direction her thoughts take next. She would actually share a room with this man; and not any man, but her True Love. A true love she hasn't even met yet. One she doesn't even know how he looks like. If the curse were to be lifted tomorrow, they might as well meet on the street, she would be none the wiser.
Maybe she could ask Henry to draw a picture of the captain. She's seen the boy's sketches and he's a very talented artist, capable of rendering very life-like depictions. Yes, that's what she's going to do. But first, she must tell the captain she's amenable to his proposal. If he thought to scare her away with it, well, the joke's on him.
When he'd thrown it out there, sure she'd dismiss it, Killian hadn't imagined the Princess would agree to his proposal. Once again, she's taken him by surprise. Not that he's sorry, mind you. Such a move would make things easier, especially for him, and he's oddly thrilled at the prospect.
In a way, it's comforting to know that tonight he'll sleep in his own quarters again. It's been so long, now that the possibility is here again, he's actually eager for the day to pass and night to fall. It's not until midday that he realizes what day it is - the winter equinox, when the day and night are equal in length. They've been sailing the south seas for so long, he'd become complacent in the warm weather.
It doesn't actually mean anything for them, but it's something he knows Emma would like to learn. So he tells her about it and he adds facts about the movement of the stars and sun, everything he can think of even remotely related to this phenomenon. Emma has grown to love astronomy and she's eating up any data he's willing to share with her. She's like a sponge and he couldn't feel more proud of her.
That evening, when he heads back to his quarters, he feels suddenly shy. The sun is low on the horizon, its last rays casting long shadows in the darkened room. The hawk is there, too, sitting perched up on the windowsill. For a second, Killian is unsure what he should do; for months, his evening routine had consisted of getting himself tied up and making sure the chains were secure. But he'd promised Emma. And although the hawk isn't conscious of Emma's desires, he can't look the damned bird in the eye and not keep his word.
The sun finally sets, the last traces of light still pouring in. He feels the first stirrings of the transformation in him, and a soft light emanates from his skin - what he's come to refer to as the glow of the change. He's gotten used to it by now; but what draws his attention from it, is the source of light by his cot. He raises his eyes to see what's happening and he's stunned.
There, on the bed, is a similar shape of light. One that is slowly growing to take the form of a human being. It doesn't last long - merely one or two seconds - but it's enough to catch a glimpse of her.
There's no turning back from this point. He'd known he was falling for the princess for a while, but seeing her in front of him actually makes him acutely aware of it. Everything that's good and pure about her, things he'd glimpsed in her letters, is clearly written in her features. And her eyes… There's not much he'll remember about her beyond her face, and it's not relevant. Everything he needs to know about Emma, he already knows. And the guileless way she had looked at him tells him the rest. She's so untarnished, he's not sure why he ever thought it was a good idea to bring her on a vile pirate ship. With a liberating feeling, Killian realizes he's willing to do anything to spare her any more pain, that he would go to the end of the world for her. And that's when he knows he's fallen head over heels for her.
Emma's heart hammers in her chest. Killian Jones had been in front of her! He had transformed into a wolf the very next second, but it had been enough to see him. He'd seemed taller than her, but not by much. He had a lean body, clearly muscular. Dark hair and clear blue eyes. Such blue eyes! It had been one second, but his gaze had pierced her straight through.
