The weight of Antonio's arm was meant to make her feel safe but Nicole still lay awake at 3a.m. She was mentally recalling all the IM chats she had read; the intrusion on their private thoughts. They weren't just anonymous characters; they were the friends of her half-sister. It still hadn't sunk in. Jasmine who she knew so well on those pages was flesh not fiction. She already knew too much about her. Thinking about it enraged Nicole; that her mother had failed her child the second time around. "Nina" didn't know about Jasmine's escapades at night; sneaking out with Erica and hitching rides to the next town over. Just to fell connected with people they didn't know. Before this moment; her indiscretions were secrets of no concern. Now they were Nicole's responsibilities. Jasmine's naïveté was written in print; reminding Nicole of her own teenage vulnerability.

Her hands were shaking as she held the phone. The notes of the dial tone sounded years apart. She realised that this was the first time she had ever called her mother. They hadn't been in contact for six months since Antonio found her, and now Nicole was digesting the idea of a half-sister like bad special at Taco Bell. She took deep breaths; relax Nicole you're in control, she thought. Controlling, she remembered. She hadn't gotten over that either.

"Hello? Who is this?"

She gasped, "It's Nicole!" The cleared her throat. "I mean, it's Nicole. I know it's early,"

"You can say that again," Nina replied as she yawned. "I shouldn't have sprung that on you."

"No. You shouldn't have." Nicole answered, trying not to sound as bitter as she felt. "How is she?"

"Jasmine? She's fine. Why do you ask?"

Because someone has to care, Nicole thought. "Look, I'm on the case. That means I'll do my best to protect Erica and…you know."

"Thank you; you don't know what this means."

"I do."

"I was thinking that maybe we could meet somewhere, and talk."

"Nina, I don't want to be rude. The things we have to talk about involve the case. Beyond that…who knows if there is anything beyond that."

"Nicole before you go; Jasmine doesn't know about you."

At least you're consistent; at lying that is, Nicole desperately wanted to say.

"And, she doesn't know about me either. She doesn't know what happened."

Between her mother's irresponsibility and pleading tone, she put two and two together.

"And you want me to keep that from her. You never change."

Nicole slammed down the phone in anger; waking up Antonio. She was flabbergasted that her mother was enjoying the fruits of the façade. A middle-class home, a husband, a daughter; all the things that Nicole deserved. He called her name as she packed clothes into her gym bag and grabbed the car keys. His calls fell on deaf ears.

Before she knew it, she was on the way to Jess' apartment, still wearing pyjamas and slippers.

"What happened?" Jess asked, assuming that it was about Antonio.

"I'm on board."

"I knew you would be."

"I called her an hour ago. She doesn't even care."

"Are you disappointed?"

"I am but I should know better. It's the way that she treats me; sweeping my life under the rug and out of her family's sight."

"Nicole I'm sorry, but it's not your place to tell Jasmine that her mother was in jail. The truth will come to light on its own; nothing's hidden under the sun."

"She's getting away with it. She runs away and ruins everything. Now we're preserving her lie."

"How is Antonio taking it?"

"Terribly. All we do is fight. I want this to end; and not with Erica in Witness Protection or Antonio feeling vengeful."

"How?"

Nicole's cell phone rang.

"Nicole Scott,"

"…left home this morning and hasn't come back." Antonio's morning voice was laced with fatigue and grumpiness.

"Relax."

"We need to talk."

"I'll see you at work."

Jess scrambled eggs while Nicole blended their protein shakes, giving Jess a knowing look.

"What is it?" Jess asked, feeling under scrutiny.

"Every time I see you, there's something you want to tell me but you never do. It's all over your face."

"No, it's nothing." Jess shook her head and looked away, but she could feel Nicole's eyes bearing into her soul. She was expecting Nicole to persist through her interrogative style of questioning. Instead, Nicole put her arm around her.

"Let me be a friend. You've been under a lot of pressure lately and you took it like a champ; but don't be like me. I'm learning to share. So tell me; whatever it is."

"I keep having a fish dream. It's the recurring vision I was talking about."

Nicole stared at Jess in silence for a minute.

"So you think you're pregnant," Nicole mimicked a game show host to lighten her mood. Jess didn't react.

"No. And, Colin is undercover."

"He sure knows his way under the covers, alright." Nicole joked.

"I'm serious. I thought you were the pregnant one and I was the good aunty who threw baby showers."

"Well good aunty, that's not true."

"Also, I broke up with Colin a month ago but I've been with someone else." Jess confessed.

"Wait, you cheated on Colin and didn't tell me?"

"You weren't well."

"I would've healed quicker."

"I realised that Colin wasn't the one. Once you get over the sexy, bad boy image; the thrill is gone. I want more than that."

Nicole high-fived her. "I'm impressed."

"I hate myself for cheating."

"I've been there; on both sides. I'm not saying that it's right but it's also wrong not to go after what or who you want in life."

"I wish I could've done it without causing heartache."

"Unfortunately; pain is love. Looking at this case, I learn that more everyday."

"You have a good man, and it's going to work out." Jess reassured her friend.

Nicole looked at herself; she was wearing Antonio's tee-shirt and Tweety slippers. "I don't think of costume when I make a dramatic exit. Do you mind if I have a shower?"

"Third door on your left."

"Just so you know; I appreciate you hearing me out. More importantly; I respect you."

Jess was left in contemplation as Nicole sashayed down her corridor.

Her first day back at work since the accident brought along a different kind of anxiety. Nicole refused to believe that she ever felt nervous; because nervousness was a wasteful emotion that wasn't of any use to anyone. It wasn't the work; it was the disconnection. She was on the outside looking in, due to her absence; that was not a position she was fond of or familiar with. The soundtrack of the Bureau played and she was out of tune. Lying in bed for 14 hours a day had given her some clarity; she dedicated her life to being an Agent because at first she had nothing else to hold on to. So it was an anchor that held her down and gave her purpose. But the emptiness of unfulfilment was still there. In every bust, every car chase, every escape of death; no adrenaline rush could solve that.

Something told her that her heart wasn't in it anymore. She knew where home was and felt like there was a place to lay her baggage; instead of being the carrier. Besides; her heart was somewhere else. She felt like a new woman and wondered if it showed. Finally, there was something that had more of her commitment than work. It was times like this when she wondered what it was like to have a functional family to she could call and tell how much she was in love with Antonio. Her mother was only a drive away yet she refrained from calling. Let alone seeing Jasmine face to face. It was envy that kept her away; the idea that someone else was getting what she deserved and; what was stolen from her the night her mother took the law into her own hands. If her mother would take their relationship in her hands then maybe she could save it. Nicole wouldn't be the one to; she knew better than to save something that was already dying. Or nearly dead. On the flipside of her envy was her concern.

The Gavensale community was suburban and gated. What appeared to be an exclusive "O.C." of Washington was actually a collective of rehabilitation and Witness Protection homes. Gavensale was a town like any other; except there were no telephones, no Internet and no post. It was cut off from the outside world. Young children played, unknowingly, at the local schools; but these were no cookie-cutting mothers. Wives of America's most wanted felons, families of informants who had testified in the biggest cases in the country and Politicians' children and other recovering addicts.

Adults went to work. Children went to school. Old people sat in disapproval of the world. It was the closest thing to normal but not normal at all. This was the price that some people paid for protection. Their lives. Nicole knocked on the heavy wooden door of a three–storey Victorian home. The brass door knocker was shaped like a lion.

"Who is it?" A voice asked as the camera over the front door zoomed into Nicole's face.

"It's Agent Nicole Scott. Special Agent for the F.B.I."

Nicole held her pass up to the camera then put it through the letterbox. She took off her shoes and rolled up her trouser legs. Slid her jacket through the covert cat flap that was never used. They weren't allowed pets. The door opened. Nicole walked through the metal detector and collected her things.

Nicole sat across from Erica at the dining room table. Erica pushed her plate forward.

"She's been having trouble keeping it down." Agent Thanh Lei-Huynh of the Department of Witness Protection Services informed Nicole.

"I hate beets." Erica said. "I'm not anorexic."

Nicole smiled. "Can we talk?" She asked Erica, who shrugged her shoulders. Agent Lei-Huynh left the dining room.

"I'm sorry about your parents but it's…"

"Not your fault." Erica interrupted, repeated the speech verbatim. "You are not to blame. There are some cruel people in this world and they will be brought to justice. It's just a shame that you parents had to DIE for that to HAPPEN!" Erica threw the plate into a wall and broke it. Nicole watched in silence for thirty minutes as Erica's face went from beet-red back to pale white.

"Well, since you don't like beets. Maybe we could get a burger nearby." Nicole suggested.

"Why?" Erica asked.

Nicole had learnt that confessions are icebreakers. "Look. Between us; my mother had a hit put on my father when I was a kid. So I understand,"

"No-one understands." Erica stated cynically.

"I promise you; no more pitiful speeches. I'm hungry and I know you can't stand being cooped up in here."

"They don't let us go anywhere. Or do anything."

"I'm Nicole Scott and I do anything I damn well please."

At the diner, Nicole learnt that coercing a teenager was akin to shooting hoops with Shaq. They play to win. Besides that, she was getting used to Erica's whining tone.

"It's like the Truman Show. No freedom of expression. It's like jail," Erica described Gavensale.

"Then you haven't been to jail." Nicole joked.

"Have you?"

Nicole thought back to the cosmetic surgery incident in Budapest. "Once. In Romania. It was an accident."

"That's what they all say. So are you taking me home?" Erica asked in a demanding way.

"Erica!"

"Where are my manners? So ma'am, may you take me home, please?"

Nicole laughed at her irreverent humour. "I never make a promise that I can't keep. I'm working on it. You have to stay strong."

"Just because I hated my parents, it doesn't mean I didn't love them. Everyone hates their parents." That, I can understand, Nicole thought.

Antonio was alone in the cold, sterile and grey Forensics lab. A place feared by many for its corporeal scent and an undisclosed number of dead bodies, was his favourite place. He was dissecting the last part of the Jones' bodies. The remains were lowered into the ground while Nicole was in A&E. Pieces of the bullets were under the magnifier, coated by rotten flesh. By the time Nicole returned, he had made a shocking discovery. The bullets used were not made of lead; instead it was a metal alloy that could shatter under the heat pressure inside the body, causing tetanus. It came of no surprise to Nicole who sat down and readjusted her suit. Antonio tried to provoke a reaction.

"You came close." He said, but Nicole dismissed his warning.

"Please; I'm made of steel."

"But you're not invincible. None of us are."

"If you're worried about losing me, you never will."

Antonio exhaled with frustration and disbelief; those were the emotions he was caught between lately. Frustration over his domestic situation and disbelief in the reassuring words that Nicole would say. At least forensics was straightforward. The truth had no surprise elements. Antonio was painfully thorough; he had never let a sleeping dog lie in all his years in the Bureau. Nicole knew this, and offered an explanation to her abrupt exit that morning.

"All I know is change." Nicole explained. "My mother has knocked me for six this time and I'm trying to readjust."

"You're her sacrificial lamb, again."

"She's my mother. I want to save my family."

"Then save us. I'm your family. Nicole, she played house for 16 years without you."

Nicole sniffed. "You need to get back to those bullets instead of aiming them at me."

"I'm not against you. Purge your guilt. You're. Not. Like. Her."

The sound of patent leather squeaking against the floor filled the room. Pollock had entered and rendered them speechless.

"Agents? I noticed an abrupt halt to your conversation. What don't you want me to hear?"

"Chess. Agent Cortez was telling me about ways to defeat the opponent."

"My personal favourite is Killing the King, it puts an abrupt end to the game." Cortez hinted towards Nicole.

"It's called checkmate, Cortez." Pollock corrected.

Nicole looked away. Antonio stared Pollock in the eyes. "Yes. Eliminating the opposition will clear the way for Bishop and the Queen. The King dies; but they're still standing."

"In whose court?" Pollock asked, already aware of the undertone.

"Sensei's." Nicole interrupted. "The order will be restored. Every piece in its place."

"That's a promise." Pollock reminded her. "Then the Sensei is blind."

Pollock's mandate put Nicole and Antonio in a superior yet problematic position. Being granted the ability to do anything also meant you could be anyone. Even if it went against everything you stood for. Caught between indulgence and morality, they looked for a solution that wouldn't leave them with blood on their hands. It was one thing to kill; but murder would send them into a different stratosphere.

"Are we selfishly framing Darnell?" Nicole asked, echoing the conflict of her conscience.

"No, this is convenient justice." Antonio explained. "One less drug dealer on the streets. The ends justify the means."

"I feel so much better." Nicole said sarcastically.

"That's how you deserve to feel."

"I know. I can't take the pressure of not knowing if it will work out."

"Nic, let go. Hold on to me; I'm wide open."

"So why haven't you proposed to me?"

"I recall you saying No the last time."

"Quitters never win."

"We are married; living together, fighting."

"No. I want a ring. And a dress. And a bridal shower where my single friends resent me."

"Where do I fit in?"

"If you insist; I guess you can come." They laugh.

"If you insist I'll take you to meet my grandparents once this is over. Habián oido mucho sobre ti y no pueden esperar." Antonio said, testing whether Nicole remembered the Spanish he taught her in Phoenix. "They want to meet the woman who broke my heart in Phoenix and made me move back home."

"Good. I can't wait either."

Nicole pulled a shoebox out from under the bed and went through her diary.

"I knew it. This Saturday."

"That's what we told the DEA. They have every E. Ness on this case."

"I have a birthday party to go to."

"Whose? Nicole, this is the D-day…"

"My god kids need me. I told Janice that I'd come."

"Pollock's kids?"

"Naturally. They were the first happily married couple I ever knew."

"So why are they separated?"

"She wants him to be less absent."

Antonio stared at Nicole.

"Oh, enough said." she said on reflection. "If he would apologise; she'd forgive him."

"Sure." He replied, sceptical that any woman would be so forgiving. "What else do you keep in that diary?"

"Important dates. When Kelly had her son. The day I met you. That night that Jess took a bullet for me. Good times,"

"For an Agent. The first day we met you called me Tony, I'll never forget the look on your face when I tried to correct you. I tried everything; talking about guns, music, family and even…him. You wouldn't let me in."

"My job was to obtain more information than I gave."

"You were cold. When I told you that story about the guy and the gun; that was the first time I saw you laugh. Remember?"

"Yeah. I wasn't used to guys talking to me like a human being. Every guy I knew was trying to bone me. That day marked a change in my mentality. That I could go out to dinner without being the dessert. That I could be the woman on a man's arm; not just some bitch being yelled at in the car. I want to Jasmine to know that but I'm not her mother. I have to trust my mother to do the right thing. So do you."

"I'll try. I remember the day we first had sex, it was a sunny day; 84 degrees, cumulus clouds…"

"Goodnight, Antonio."