My December
A/N: And here's another update for you guys! It's super heavy, but super sexy as well. I hope you guys like it.
Setting: It's another Interlude, so we're back in the present. Hours have passed since the last one.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
~D*C~
Interlude Two: All I Know
Castiel's POV
"You'wre mad."
"Yeah, kid, I am."
Scout had come home a few hours ago, but only for a little while. Bobby was originally going to just drop him off, but when he saw the state we were both in, he decided he was going to keep Scout for the night.
I sigh as tiny hands wipe at the never-ending streams of tears that won't cease to fall. I offer him a watery smile, but he just continues to determinedly cleanse my face. His little face is so focused…
"I think you have a weak," he says as he sits back on his haunches. I can't help but laugh.
"I don't have a leak, Scout. I'm just really upset about something, is all."
"Daddy was bad, wasn't he?" he asks, disapproval written all over his face. Dean said Scout is ridiculously in tune with things, and now I believe him.
"If you wove him, you will tewll him. Peopwle who wove each other will communi-whatever. Do you not wove him?" My mouth falls open slightly at that. Damn…
"Where did you hear that?"
"Daddy," he says matter-of-factly, looking at me rather pointedly. I know Dean was talking about me, and I swear Scout knows it.
"Do you?" he pushes. I avert my gaze from his, not willing to lie to the child's face.
He huffs, crossing his arms and glaring at me before turning his back to me. I feel like shit when he does, knowing that I've successfully pissed off both father and son. Yay me.
Once again, I sigh. Dean and I hadn't spoken to each other after the 'incident' had occurred. I was beyond hurt. I've done some cruel things during my life, but that…that was just wrong on all fucking levels. He was so damn cold to me, not even bothering to acknowledge my existence. I had gathered what little dignity I had left and put myself back together. He never once looked at me, which hurt more than if he had flung insults and obscenities at me. I could have taken that a hell of a lot better.
"I shouldn't have cried," I mumble to myself.
I had tried to fight it, but the tears just couldn't be held at bay. The hurt was just far too great to hold in. I wanted to be mad at him. I wanted to yell and scream and rage at him about how truly fucked up that shit was. I just couldn't, though, not when I was faced with all of the things I had done to him. Hell, being left limp and broken on the floor is nothing compared to what how I left him. Two wrongs don't make a right, but with how shitty this particular situation is, normal rules do not apply.
"Singer! I'm weady to go!"
I jump at the sound of Scout's voice, having been lost in my own thoughts. He spares me a rather dark glare before huffing and turning back around. I look away as Bobby walks back into the room.
"Sorry, kid. Was attempting to get a word out of your father, but the idjit ain't budging," he growls. He looks at me apologetically for just a moment before focusing back on Scout.
"They are both stupid," Scout deadpans as he slides off my lap. Bobby and I both gawk at him.
He, however, ignores us as he tugs on his overnight bag and moves to the door. Bobby nods at me solemnly before heading out the door behind Scout. Before stepping out completely, Scout turns around and looks at me one last time…
"You both gotta make it wight. It takes two, you know," he shoots before stepping out and pulling the door closed behind him. I'm left speechless.
"He's right, you know."
I nearly jump out of my skin at the sound of Dean's voice. He moves slowly towards the couch where I'm sitting, looking a little worse for wear. I can only imagine what Bobby said to him.
He drags a hand down his face, haunted green eyes seeming even more weighed down than they were when we first saw each other.
"I'm sorry," he says after a while. The pain rasping his voice tears at my heart.
"I remember when I was a kid…well, a teen, actually. Mom's death was fresh on Dad's mind, and he had all but become a fucking vigilante. Unfortunately, I became the Tonto to his Lone Ranger. Anyway, one time, when I was out 'helping' him, I found myself cornered by some woman."
He pauses for a minute, focusing on the memory. This is the first time that Dean's shared his past with me, and it makes my heart hurt.
The day that I left, he was so happy before I dropped the proverbial bomb on him. I remember his smile, the biggest and brightest smile I had ever seen in my entire life. He had held my face in his hands, beaming so beautifully.
"I'm ready, Castiel Novak, I am so ready. We've got our future ahead of us, and I think it's only appropriate that I tell you everything. I'm going to share my past with you."
The way he looked when I told him not to was…it wasn't good. Even now, I can't stand to even think about it, let alone speak about it. I almost wish I would've left him then like he left me today. He could've gotten over that much easier.
I silence my thoughts as he begins to speak again.
"She was…beautiful, to say the least. I didn't know who she was or where she had come from, but I just knew that she was trouble. She was a predator, and I was about to become her unwilling victim. You see, my dad had left her one night, much like how you had left me. She hadn't told him, but he had been her first. Even then, I could definitely see why she was so pissed."
He looks me directly in my eyes.
"She had me pinned to the wall with my lower-half bared for all to see before I had time to think. She glowered at me with a sick mixture of pity and hatred. 'What I'm about to do to you is going to be horrible. You may never forgive me, but I'll never forgive me either. This is the only way I know to hurt him, though. If there's anything you'll take away from this, it's that revenge must be of equal or greater value for it to truly be revenge,' she had said. She then proceeded to take my virginity from me, marking me so that my father couldn't help but know what had happened. He didn't say anything, though. He just told me to get it together so that we could move on to our next 'job.'"
I keep my expressions and emotions in check, but it is so hard.
"I just did the same thing to you, minus the part about the v-card, and I shouldn't have. You didn't deserve that kind of treatment." I nod, but I honestly can't say that I agree with him on that.
"Cas, I've been seeing someone. A therapist, to be more exact," he mutters, looking away from me.
He stands up, moving across the room before leaning back against the mantle.
"I was going to tell you everything when you left. I was that ready to be with you, Cas. When you left, I became a total wreck. About four years ago, I decided to go see someone."
I frown before looking up at him curiously.
"Wasn't that around the time Scout was born?" He nods, and my frown deepens.
"That's another story for another time, Cas. Just know that I ended up seeking out a shrink afterwards. I've been seeing her since, learning to share my past so that I can have a future. We've gotten through it all, but you are the one person that I wanted more than anyone to know."
I move from my seat on the couch to stand before him. My heart stops as I see that he's crying. This is only the second time I've ever seen him cry so openly, the first being when I left.
"Tell me, Dean, share your past with me. I won't leave until you're ready for me to." He stares into my eyes, searching them for any sign of deception. He won't find any.
"Don't promise me, okay? Just in case," he whispers. I want so badly to argue with him, but I see exactly where he's coming from. I broke my promise the last time, so…
"Okay," I whisper back.
Before I know what's happening, our lips are locked in an extremely passionate kiss. My body sets ablaze as his deft hands find purchase on each and every inch of bare skin they can find. As his lips trail down me next, I can't help but let loose a loud moan of pure pleasure.
My legs automatically wrap around his waist when I feel his strong hands grab ahold of my ass, lifting me off of my feet. We continue to kiss as he moves us towards the dining table. The moment I'm perched on the wooden surface, I'm tearing off his shirt and showering his muscular chest in kisses. My own shirt never made it back on from earlier, so he goes straight for my pants.
"God, how I've missed this," he moans hotly in my ear as he works on removing his own pants. Soon enough, we're both naked and kissing like our lives depend on it. With one sweep, everything that was on the table is now on the floor, our bodies replacing it almost immediately.
We soon find ourselves completely drowned in pleasure, our bodies indulging in the familiar dance of wandering hands and lusting lips. It's almost like we never broke up…like there was never a gap in our coupling. However, there is just enough…something to remind us that we did in fact end…and badly.
Instead of the usual fiery drive to conquer one another, there's an apologetic undertone that is a firm reminder of just how we ended up here and why. I force myself to stop thinking and just feel.
I wrap my legs tightly around Dean's waist and pull him close, letting him know exactly what I want. He doesn't waste any time, lifting my hips and lining up with my entrance. We forfeit the use of protection and lube. I may be dating someone, but I'm not sleeping with anyone. I've denied myself that pleasure as a sort of penance, so to speak. And it's more than obvious that Dean hasn't been with anyone besides Scout's mother, whoever she may be.
"Oh Dean," I moan as he pushes deep inside of me, settling into a languid pace at first. Soon enough, however, he's pistoning in and out at a vicious pace. It's rough, aggressive, and purely emotional.
"Cas…so tight…oh so tight," he gasps out as we move together. I claw desperately at his back, pretty sure that I'm drawing blood. Neither of us particularly cares at the moment, though. It's all about the connection, the sensation of being together again after five long years.
"Cum deep inside of me, Dean," I cry out as his strokes begin to become more erratic. I always knew when he was getting close. I don't know exactly how I knew, but I did.
"I want you to remember this, Cas..remember me! No matter what happens after this, just please…remember me…" he whispers as he cums. His orgasm is intense, every burst of seed sending electric jolts throughout my body. I feel every bit of it.
As I look up at him, I see something swirling in his verdant depths, a want that shoots desire straight to my groin. He pulls out of me and rolls us over, never once breaking our gaze. He does just as I did earlier, using his legs to pull me in line with his waiting entrance. I almost want to cry because of the significance.
"You sure?" I ask softly. His answer is wordless, impaling himself slowly in one go. He wants this, his hole slick and welcoming with the sheer desire to be filled completely. Dean is in no way submissive, and I don't expect him to ever become so. This is his way of expressing his willingness to forgive. I too do not know what the future holds for us, but I know this moment here is paving the moment for at least a remotely positive tomorrow.
Like I said, Dean is not submissive. As such, it is not surprising at all when he starts all but fucking himself on my shaft. I push all thoughts aside and start meeting his movements with full-force thrusts of my own. As with before, it's not gentle, but that's what we both want. This is all about us, nothing more, nothing less.
"Goddamn, Dean, you feel so good," I rasp out. I pull my face down to his, kissing me with everything he's got, moaning when we part for breaths.
"Cas…fuck! I'm gonna cum again…" he lets out harshly.
"Cum, baby, I'm right behind you!"
As he clenches around me, I erupt, filling him with my seed. The feeling is unlike anything that I've ever felt, and I honestly don't want to let it go. Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end, right? Looking at Dean and I, the answer's more than obvious.
"I still love you," I say, pulling out and sitting on my haunches. Dean just looks at me for a minute. Under normal circumstances, I'd be appreciating the view, him sitting Indian-style and completely naked and all, but I can't look at him right now. He scoffs beside me.
"That goes without saying," he states plainly, eyes bearing deep into my soul.
"I'm sorry," I say. He shrugs.
"Don't be. Just remember what Scout said."
With that, I'm rendered speechless.
~D*C~
Okay, so it didn't turn out as heavy as I thought. I still like how it turned out, though. I hope you guys enjoy it. The next chapter is going to be…interesting. Review, please!
