What's a new way I tell you to improve your lives today? How about this: always remember to update your drivers, because if there's one thing I hate in life, it's bad drivers, both on the road, and in my computer. Thankfully, bad drivers on the ol' PC can usually be fixed. Bad drivers on the road? Unless if you don't care about breaking laws, nothing short of putting 30mm autocannons on the front of your car is going to fix that.
But guess what? I have a new section! I don't know if it'll be permanent, but I have a new section, and it is called:
The Hall. Of. Shaaaaaaaaaaame!
The Hall Of Shame is where I forever enshrine stupid comments from people who have shamed themselves on my channel. This also applies to Rachel's channel.
Now then, there's a famous piece of internet advice that goes like so, "Don't Feed The Trolls." The logic is that is someone is posting something only to get a rise out of you, you should not respond to them, and they will eventually go away. This . . . sometimes works. This advice is certainly more effective online than it is in the real world, however, it is not fool proof. Even if you ignore somebody, it won't stop them from continually harassing you again and again. Sometimes, you gotta feed the trolls, but they never say what to feed them with. Personally, I like to feed trolls shit, shit laced with venom, with a side order of brutal vitriol. You think I'm bluffing? Watch and learn.
Someone who is obviously a troll has been harassing my fellow associate/rival blogger/pain-in-the-ass Rachel Alucard. He (we're assuming it's a he) has posted three times, all obvious troll messages. She erased the other two, perhaps out of pity, and she was about to erase the third message before I caught wind of it. I tweeted to her, "Don't erase that. Let me comment on him." After discussions, she agreed.
This troll lacks an account on our hosting space, which is always a good sign. On every instance, including the current one, he has not read past the first "chapter", as Rachel likes to call it. Then again, one does not even need to read the blog to post a comment. And you know what his posted name is? d. No period at the end, just the lowercase letter d. Not capital D, not D For Defense, not Deezy, just d. You gettin' an idea of what we're dealing with? And this is what he had to say to Rachel. Mind you, the only, only things I added were quotation marks:
"this fucking sucks dick die"
All lowercase letters, no punctuation, uses an outdated (in my time) slang term for PINGAS! (God damn word censor! . . . Hold on a second . . .) uses an outdated slang term for penis, and has the balls to try to tell an immortal to die. (sighs) It's so sad, seeing one who is as obviously mentally deficient as yourself trying to insult someone who, personal issues notwithstanding, is a lot more respected than you ever will be. Our hosting site allows comments to be eight-thousand characters long, you could print up a wonderful troll message even within that limitation. Watch, I'm gonna do one right now:
"Ask you a question? No way. You don't fucking deserve a message from me, you pretentious emo git. The only thing you don't suck at is Ragna's PINGAS. Maybe if you stopped printing livejournals, you might actually win the respect of Blaz Blue fans for once, you goddamn shitty vampire."
See that? See how offensive that message was, compared to your worthless-piece-of-shit troll message? Mine actually elaborates, and actually has punctuation, capitalization, why, you could actually visualize me saying that to her! Because unlike you, I actually know how to write! Why, all this talk about proper trolling, it's getting me hot! I . . . I better . . . stop . . . before . . . I . . . orgasm . . . .yeah.
No one is going to care about your beef with her channel. The only reason I'm even printing this is because it's fun for me. What's your reason for this half-assed trolling? You're not getting anything out of it. No one's going to get laid with you, just because you decided to yourself, "im too lazy to get an account but i still gotta write something to hopefully make rachel cry lolololololololololol" The only thing you're succeeding at is making a dumb asshole of yourself for everyone on the internet to see.
Part of my arrangement with Miss Alucard was that she preserves your current comment, as a shrine for everyone and their posterity to bear witness to your stupidity until the end of time. Now everyone will know what an embarrassment you are, even amongst other trolls. Know why? Here's my, other, piece of advice for you proper readers out there; go on Rachel's channel and mock the ever-loving shit out of our precious d. Oh, and also, Rachel's newest blog entry will re-direct her readers here, so that everyone will know about this. Of course, if you (d) try to comment on my channel, or her channel, I can't guarantee that any new messages from you will be preserved like the current one. I think one troll message is enough proof of your failure as a human being. After this rant, I will no longer comment on the diseased waste of pus that is d. He is too low on my shitlist to warrant anymore slandering other than this: please die already. Save society the trouble of preserving you. Your remains will make a fine meal for some fortunate Kaka, after all.
And so congratulations, d! You are the first to be featured on the Hall. Of. Shaaaaaaame! And guess what? Next episode, I have another asstard to induct into this most prestigious hall of douchebaggery! Oh, how I wish I didn't make up these comments! Moving on . . .
You know what's funny? I've gotten used to answering readers' questions. I wasn't planning on making it a regular feature, but now I've gotten to the point that even if I have no good questions, I can always make questions up just to maintain the format. Hey, I don't have standards like you-know-who. But anyways, here's a real question from a real reader:
"HELP ME KOKONOE!
I seem to have trouble figuring out if your ears are really just a part of your hair?"
No they aren't.
"But that's a different Question..
Now the main question here is this, Is Sector 7 a reference to anything? 'Cause there are a lot of Sector 7s!"
No, there's nothing symbolic about my benefactors being named Sector 7. At least, as far as anyone knows, there's nothing symbolic about it.
"Also Why does Tager have a jet mode? Did you dissect a Decepticon? If so then that's grim... You kindda remind me of 'Tarantulas' with being Scientists and all..."
Decepticon? Uh, in case you didn't notice, this isn't a crossover with anything, least of all Transformers. Also, "Tarantulas"? Scientists? I should ask Makoto what you're referring to, but I fear the repercussions of doing so.
"now for the final Question!
Why do you make candy and still be a scientist? DO you not see that your candy will make you the richest cat in the world!
That's all (Sergeant Kup)"
I don't make my candy. I buy it from vendors, just like everybody else. And I know nothing about conducting a business, least of all being a candy manufacturer. Wait, doesn't that involve making a river of chocolate? And hiring an exotic race for labor? And terrifying children with near-death experiences? Actually, that sounds like something I would do in another life! Imagine, my own army of Kakas, singing morality songs and manufacturing more sweets than I'll ever need! If it weren't for my obligations in life, this is what I should totally be!
Alas, I have vengeance to carry out instead. But I'll see if I can break into the candy business on the side if I can. Until next time, I am Professor Kokonoe.
