Arc 2: Nightmares: Chapter 2: Can you hold me?

[Hey guys, here is another chapter for today, It is based off the song

Can You hold me, By NF

Well sort of, I listened to this song a lot while writing this chapter, and while planning it. I would highly recommend listening to it while you read this or before you read it. To get you in the mood. Anyway, enough from me, thanks again for reading.]


Uraraka POV:

"Oh god, Deku," I say as I awake shooting up right sweat dripping everywhere. "I love you so much. I am sorry I couldn't save you." I say to my room, hoping maybe the Deku in my dreams can hear me. I watched him die over and over again. Unable to even comfort him, he just died screaming my name, watching me as I just stood there unable to move.

Then I hear footsteps coming towards my door, I roll over quickly knowing it is the teachers outside most likely. Even though my nightmare is fresh in my mind I would rather not deal with anyone right now, even though they could comfort me. Then the footsteps stop in front of my door. My heart rate increases,

What if they aren't the teachers? What am I to do?

"It's ok Midoryia." Mr Aizawa says,

Why is Deku here? In front of my door.

I hear the door slowly squeak open. I just hold my breath waiting for what is going to happen. I am sweating and I don't want Deku to see me like this.

"Now come here," Mr Aizawa says clearly opening the door some more, I can see more light on the wall in front of me.

"She's safe," I hear Deku say with relief,

Why wouldn't I be safe? Why does he sound so relieved to see me?

Then it dawns on me, the only thing that makes sense in this situation. He was having a nightmare about me. My heart breaks, knowing he is hurting over me, I just want to leap out of the bed and run to him. I only would want him to comfort me, only because he knows what I am going through. I know he won't judge me.

"Yes, she has me watching over her, same with the rest of the class. I won't let anything happen to them. So, sleep well knowing that she is only a hallway away." Aizawa says to Deku still in my doorway.

"Sir, thank you for this. I hope my nightmares will stop, at least for tonight. Knowing that at least Uraraka is safe." Deku says,

I am so sorry, your hurting because of me. I wish I could help you in some way.

"It's ok. Just don't let these fears consume you. Or let your nightmares get the better of you. Now go get some tea and then go to sleep." Aizawa says as I hear the door close slowly leaving me back in the darkness.

I just stay there in my bed, unable to move just staring at my wall. I remember my nightmares, watching him die repeatedly. It hurts, now knowing that he is hurting in my dreams and now in real life, my heart feels so broken.

I stand up and turn on my light, still trembling and I feel the sweat all over my body. I look in the mirror, I see bags under my eyes, my cheeks lacking their usual pinkness, instead, I am pale white like a ghost.

"I look like shit," I say to my reflection. "I can't let Deku see me like this. What if he hates me because I look like this?" I ask my reflection knowing I won't get an answer, but I try anyway.

He needs you. You need him. You need to take that first step, you know he is hurting because of you. Now you need to fix that, the only way you know how.

I think to myself, as I slowly feel control return to my body, I still can feel the fear, grabbing at the back of my mind. But there is only one thing that I need to do. I need to get to Deku, I need to make him feel ok.

So, I take a deep breath and walk out into the dimly lit hallway, travelling down the stairs at a steady pace. The Nightmares and fears still plaguing me but getting to Deku is more important so I forge ahead. I come to the bottom of the stairs.

The scene is straight out of one of my nightmares. Deku is just sitting there, on the lounge, his eyes locked onto mine. His eyes no longer filled with the bright green that I fell in love with. But darkness, sadness and despair darkening his eyes, so they almost look black. Even from here I can see he is slightly shaking, it just breaks my heart, knowing that this state is at least partially because of me.

His eyes are puffy as I see him starting to regain some functionality, his eyes changed still black as night but now they are filled with concern and worry. But below it all, I can see the fear, I can see it eating away at his soul.

I feel my nightmares fade to the back of my mind, my body just moves, slowly but it moves without me needing to tell it. I walk across the room, I sit down right next to him. No space in-between us, I want nothing to come between us. I need him to know, I am right here for him, I am not going anywhere.

I look up, I can clearly see him now, pale as a ghost with his freckles looking more like bad chicken pocks. His eyes still clearly black as night, fear clearly visible now. So, I hold out my hand towards him, silently. I reached it out so maybe he can feel comfortable, so he feels safe. My nightmares start creeping back in as my hand sits there empty. Without Deku's comfort.

I stare into his eyes; no words have been spoken but it feels like we have had a full conversation just with our eyes. I can feel his pain, coursing through my veins. It hurts like someone is stabbing my heart over and over again, without stopping, without mercy.

After what feels like an eternity, I feel something rough, I feel something warm in my hand. I look down, his hand covered in stories, covered in pain. Intertwined with my own. I feel, but as this happens, something is knocking on the back of my brain, a pain. Something I tried to hide from him, so I could be here for Deku.

My mind hurts as I try to push it down, the fear, the memories of when I was asleep. It feels like my mind is tearing itself apart. Finally, after what feels like a war and a half I stop thinking about the memories and I focus on Deku in front of me. His pale form, almost ghostly.

"Are you ok?" I ask, now looking directly at him. His face shows a spectrum of emotions at once, surprise, pain and finally fear. I can feel his body trembling through his hand.

"No." he responds, I can hear the agony in his voice. It hurts so much, I didn't know my heart could break into any more pieces, but I was so wrong, my heart should be dust at this point.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I ask, tightening my grip on his trembling hand.

"I watched you, ask me why I couldn't save you." He mutters out before bursting into fresh tears, it comes out like. I react instantly, closing the little distance and wrapping my arms around his back and placing his head into the crock of my neck. I would be so embarrassed, but I can't. not while he is like this, not when he is this broken. "Then Bakugou asking why I was a hero? Then Todoroki, All Might and Eri all asking why I couldn't save them?"

Izuku POV:

I just broke, I could hear what little shell I had around me shatter like glass into a million pieces. Just the memory of it, I just couldn't take it, I just fell apart. All this pain, all my fears just came back all at once, I saw something in her eyes. I wanted to be strong I wanted to be there for her. But I couldn't that look was all too familiar. I remembered it from my dreams.

"It's ok Deku. I am right here." Uraraka says rubbing my back in circles, slowly calming me down.

"I feel so broken, I feel like I can't be put back together," I admit as I can't hold her eyeline any longer.

"It's ok, just keep going," Uraraka says as her voices forces me to gaze into her eyes, I can feel a little warmth there, I feel safer looking into them.

"People just came up to me, asking me why I can't save them." I cry out, "How can I be a hero? If I can't even save myself When I can't even get to sleep at night?" I just continue to cry, I feel no end to them anytime soon, the tears just keep rolling down my cheeks.

"Hey, well I can tell you now. You are still my hero. You already saved me over and over again. Don't listen to your nightmares. Know I am safe, know you save me every day by just being there." Uraraka says rubbing my back. It makes me feel a little better, like a little part of the dust of my heart is coming back together, slowly but I can feel it.

"Thank you Uraraka," I say crying out into her shoulder a little more.

"I was so scared, I was so scared that you were hurt. I was scared you were all alone. In pain and screaming for someone to save you." I say, admitting my inner thoughts to her.

"Oh, I am so sorry Deku." She says as she squeezes me a little tighter. "I am sorry I made you worry."

"It's not your fault, you couldn't do anything about it. You couldn't know, I didn't want you to know." I admit,

"Why. Oh, Deku." She asks almost hurt,

"I didn't want to make you worry. I didn't want to concern you with this. I didn't want you to hurt over me." I admit,

"So, you have been keeping this in all this time?" she asks less hurt and with more concern lacing her voice.

"Yes,"

"How long?" she asks using her hand to raise my eyeline to hers.

"Since you left from the hospital," I admit trying to escape the two traps staring at me, I try to look away, but I see pain, deep within her eyes.

"Oh Deku. Why?" she asks now very clearly hurt, "Why didn't you tell me or anyone?" she starts crying now, tears rolling down her own pale cheeks. "I didn't want you to suffer alone. I wanted to be there for you. I wanted to make sure you were ok." She cries out.

"Do you hate me?" I ask, concerned I may have hurt her worse than what I had already.

"No Deku, I could never hate you. Please just never do this again." She cries slightly hugging me tighter. But with that her tears stop, her puffy eyes now seemingly under control.

"Alright," I say caving into my crying best friend. It still hurts, knowing I hurt my best friend the way I did. It hurts just as much knowing that the nightmares will come back eventually when Uraraka leaves.

"What can I do to help you? I will do anything?" Uraraka asks, almost pleading with me. My heart caves in, my mind races back to all those times when she just held me, how safe I felt. How happy, I felt like nothing could touch me. Not the nightmares, not the pain.

"Can you hold me?" I mumble out into her shoulder, embarrassed about asking her to do this.

"Yes. I will hold you in my arms until you don't need it," she says while squeezing me tighter and wrapping her other arm around me bringing me into contact with her body, revealing how little separate our bodies, I can feel more than I should. I would get embarrassed usually about this interaction, the way it feels to have her body pressing against mine, but the pain is gone.

The pain has left me, the thoughts of the nightmares leaving me. She is squeezing them out of me, slowly but surely replacing them with warmth and comfort only she could provide. I feel safe so I do the only thing I can, I wrap my arms around her and tighten the embrace, I don't care her boobs are pressing hard against me almost like Mei's did when she landed on me. It only brings me more comfort knowing how close she is, knowing that she is here to help me, knowing that she is in my arms.

We stay like this, for what feels like hours, I slowly but surely stop trembling, I regain my thoughts and my sanity. I wish I could never move from this spot, if I was to die right now, I would die happily. Because I would die in the person's I love arms.

"If you ever need this, please just ask, I don't care what time of night. If I am with the girls, or asleep. Just come and find me and I will hold you. I will do anything to help you." She says squeezing me just a little tighter. I can feel that unfixable shell that I broke recently, I can feel it fixing itself slowly. Just being in her arms is fixing everything wrong with me.

Then I had a thought,

She came down here, scared and I saw in the back of her eye's sadness and pain.

So, I do the one thing she did for me, "Are you ok?" I ask as I do, she bursts into tears, crying her heart out onto my shoulder. I know now we are both a little broken, but maybe together, holding each other in our arms, we can be a little better. We can be alright.


[So how did you enjoy it? Did I make anyone cry? So anyway, I just wanted to let everyone know, I won't be releasing the next chapter soon, it may take a week or more just to write it. It will be a massive chapter, pretty sure maybe ten thousand words alone. This is the chapter that has been requested by many people. The Eri chapter, it will have fluff and try and lighten the mood a little, so it isn't all depressing. So, the title of the next chapter will be,

Eri.

So, thanks again for reading, please comment or review on the chapter! And Remember GO BEYOND PLUS ULTRA!]