Hello! I was really worried about the ending of the chapter because different people have different views about Ethan/Honey and Ethan/Lily. I hope you still continue to like it, though! (Putting this on all my stories so sorry if you've already read it) Considering I soon go back to school, I've decided to get rid of my updating schedule because I have my GCSEs this year and they really do take priority, so I don't want to have an update schedule to try and stick to. It also means there might be long waits in between chapters, but I'll try to update as regularly as I can. Sorry! Let chapter 9 commence!
Finding the Honey: Chapter 9
Ethan pulled away, thoughts racing through his mind. Did he just kiss Lily? Damn. He just kissed Lily. I just kissed... Lily?! What was I thinking? He truly didn't know. His heart hurt and his emotions were all over the place. He thought about Honey. The beautiful woman he was captivated with, who would make him tongue-tied, who would make his heart beat faster. The woman who he wanted to be with, who he wanted to go out with, who he wanted to spend (possibly) the rest of his life with. But then there was Blake. She was carrying his child! She'd been with him, been in a relationship with him, one which allowed them to make babies. She could have been with him before she came to Holby back in October. Who knows how close they were?! She could even like Blake more than she did Ethan. She might even want to be with him more than she let on. God, she might even want to marry him!
No, that's ridiculous. If she wanted to be with him, she would never have agreed to go out with Ethan, right? Or maybe Ethan was a rebound. Maybe Ethan was the rebound from the father of the baby Honey was currently carrying. How far gone was she anyway? Ethan needed to find out. It hurt to think he might be a rebound. He'd never had success with woman. They'd either meet him but go to his brother, or meet him and just not like him. The former happened ninety-nine percent of the time. Oh no. What if Honey actually didn't like Blake anymore, and wanted to be with Ethan.
Stupid! You messed it up again! He honestly didn't know what to do. He didn't know who Honey liked, what Blake's motives were, how long they were together for! It was such a big mess!
But, God! He kissed Lily! Lily, of all people! He didn't even have feelings for the person sitting opposite him. Oh no, he was so wrapped up in his own thoughts he forgot Lily was there.
"In your own world again?" Lily spoke knowingly, a smile on her face. Ethan's breathing hitched as he wondered how to approach this situation.
"Look, Lily... about the kiss-"
"-I know." Phew. Maybe this could all be sorted out easily enough. "And, if I'm perfectly honest, I feel the same way." Good, so she doesn't love me. That's a huge relief. "I've felt the do same way for a long time." She admitted. Stop right there. Is she talking about not loving me still? "I never thought you'd love me back." Damn. He'd messed up yet again.
"No, Lily, you don't understand," said Ethan carefully. He didn't want to upset her like he did to Honey.
She looked confused. "...understand what?"
"The thing is, Lily... well, I don't really know how to put this... I didn't mean to kiss you." He grimaced at the way his voice shook as he said it. It sounded a lot better in his head.
Lily looked taken aback. Taken aback and hurt. "So you led me on!" Ethan was about to speak but she cut him off. "You led me on, you made me think you loved me! Was it a dare or something? You take after your brother," she told him. Ethan's eyes widened.
"No, you don't understand! I'm not like Cal, you're my friend-"
"-both you and Cal are just the same. Cal did the same thing to me! It's a brother thing." Ethan could have sworn his day wouldn't get any worse. Lily shook her head, "don't talk to me. Don't even come near me."
Ethan watched in despair as Lily nearly jumped off the bench and stormed back to the ED. Oh God! His life was a mess at the minute. He picked up his significantly colder coffee that Lily bought for him and immediately felt guilt surge through him. He was never that good with the opposite sex. His horrendous day just further proved that. First Honey, then Lily. He needed to apoligise to Honey sooner or later, didn't he? He needed to save at least one friend.
Ethan slowly rose from the bench, picking up Lily's near to untouched coffee in his other hand and throwing both his and hers away, before making his way into Holby ED, the one place he hoped Honey would be. His eyes darted to the coffee shop, but Honey wasn't there- only a long line of waiting customers. Then his eyes darted to reception; where her father was. Ethan laid his eyes on her. Honey was talking to her father, and Ethan could see a tear roll down her cheek. He hoped to God (not that he was strictly religious, or an atheist... he decided not to go there) that he wasn't the cause of that. He would never forgive himself.
He warily approached her, regretting every step he took. "Honey...?" He said as he finally stopped walking. Noel sent him an uncharacteristic glare and Ethan immediately knew he had caused Honey's state. He saw Honey turn to face him, her eyes squinting menacingly.
"...how could you?" Her voice sounded one of shock. Ethan just stood there. "You... you shouted at me then... then you kissed her. You kissed Lily," stated Honey accusingly. Ethan's mouth hung open. Did Lily tell her? How could she?! "Right there... in the middle of the bloody peace garden. Not exactly discreet, were you?! Anybody could have seen you. Including Blake, including me!" Ethan blinked rapidly, sending unwanted tears down his cheeks. "I don't see why you're crying. You had your chance with me. You blew it. Maybe I should go back to Blake. He seems like the perfect guy for me! I am carrying his child after all. Why did I even consider you?! I should have known your type. Nice and sweet but ready to betray someone the first chance they get." Ethan felt his eyes sting with more tears. He didn't mean to hurt her, he didn't mean anything. But that didn't matter; Honey didn't know. She just carried on her assassination. "Then you had a chance with Lily- a slim one, but still a chance. Though, I hear that didn't go too well. Well, congratulations, Ethan! You just blew your chance with two people. No wonder Cal gets all the women, even the ones originally falling for you. I can see why." She spat, voice raised. It felt like a knife had been plunged into his heart, but the last statement was the last nail on the coffin. Why did he keep being compared to his older brother?! Ethan felt a few more tears fall, and through blurry eyes, saw Honey step back slightly. She looked ashamed. "Oh God, I didn't mean..." Ethan felt his breathing quicken as he choked back a sob. He clasped a hand to his mouth as he tried desperately not to cry. "Ethan, I..." She had no words and Ethan just shook his head. He knew people could say things they didn't mean when they were angry, but she was right. Completely and utterly right.
Ethan heard a voice from behind him, then a person put a hand on his back. He turned his head shakily and saw Cal looking concerned. He must have been listening. He must think Ethan's a terrible person. He must agree with Honey. "Ethan, let's walk and talk, yeah?" Ethan felt more tears roll down his cheeks as he sobbed weakly into his hand. He brushed off Cal's hand, stole one last painful glance at Honey (who he noticed looked both shocked and abashed), then swiftly walked out of the hospital; intending on going home. He didn't care about his shift right now. Or Mrs Beauchamp. All he cared about was forgetting his massive failure. He managed to lose two friends; two close friends, he'd messed up his chances with Honey, the only person he seemed to like (not forgetting she, once upon a time, liked him back), and he felt torn in two.
I can't believe you was so stupid! Ethan berated himself in his head. You shouted at Honey, in front of Blake. You messed up once. Well done, Ethan. But then you had to be stupid enough to kiss Lily. On a whim! And both Honey and Blake saw you. But no, that wasn't enough for you, Ethan. You had to go and break Lily's heart. You just lost two of your closest friends. I wouldn't blame Honey if she never talked to you again. So what if you were a rebound. You could have had a proper relationship without Cal getting in the way. A proper relationship, Ethan. It could have been for real. You could have been happier once again; knowing you had someone as sweet and as caring as Honey in your life. It doesn't even matter that she was pregnant. You could have sorted things out with her. You could have been a gentleman about it if she wanted Blake back. And still you decided you would let your heart rule your head. It still wasn't even a proper rejection and you fell to pieces. Useless.
Sometimes Ethan wished he wasn't so stupid. He should be more like Cal. Instinctive as a doctor and able to be with women- and take rejection. Actually, that wasn't strictly true. Cal couldn't handle it with Taylor. But that was different. She was a con-artist. Honey was just a normal person. Ethan wished he could go back and sort everything out, but he couldn't.
The damage was done.
