LIGHT AND DARK
Huehaudt told me that the dreams I've been having were fragments of my memory as Moirai. Most of them were devoured when Moirai jumped into the chasm, and the little that was saved was hazy at best. The most apt way to describe the sensation is like being underwater and watching what was happening to Moirai above the surface. I could feel what she was feeling at that moment, and I can hear what she heard, but I couldn't see clearly what she saw. There will be moments when the current shifts and I can make out a face or two, but only for a brief second.
This particular dream was no different. I first heard a faraway storm rumble, its soft sound echoing through the chambers of some room. Then came the anxiety – the kind that gnawed at your stomach slowly as you waited for it to eat you alive. Then Moirai opened her eyes.
I was in a large, cavernous room with high-vaulted stone ceilings and thick, strong pillars covered in ivy. It was a temple of some sorts that have since fallen to disrepair. An ache in my heart told me that humans have abandoned it when they lost faith in the gods. If only life could proceed without chaos, perhaps things would have been drastically different; however, that was not the course Fate will take.
It took me some time to realize that I had been watching a battle play out in the Reflecting Pool before me. Two armies clashed, each screaming hateful things at one another as they stumbled over the bodies of their comrades. It hurt me deep inside to watch and not interfere, but I couldn't look away either. It was only until I heard a voice behind me when I finally tore my eyes from the water's surface. However, I felt no surprise.
"Why do you remain, Lady Moirai?" It was the voice of a man – no, a god. His question echoed in the large chamber of the temple. My eyes rested on the god; he was tall, and I could see that he had long, dark hair and was dressed in black. However, I could not make out his face. There was something about his voice and his presence that was familiar to me, but there was also an incredible pain that made it difficult for me to identify who he was. Whoever he was, he was suffering. I felt my lips curl into what was hopefully an encouraging smile.
"It is my place to stay on Earth, my dear friend," I answered him gently, my skin glowing softly with divine light. However, I could not ignore the anxiety within me as I looked over him. "You, however, are destined to return to the Heavens." There was a small pause as I waited patiently for his response. I knew what he would say, but it was best I let him speak for himself – just for a moment.
"I cannot," he said, bowing his head. "Not with an easy conscience. Not while the others despise me for what I've done and not while mankind suffers from my mistakes." He took a breath to continue, but he stopped short when I raised a hand. Slowly stepping forth, I returned my hand to the grasp of my other and smiled at my friend.
"You are not to blame for the natural order of the universe," I calmly interjected. "There are universal truths that are greater than all of us – even the King." It was a bold thing to say that something was out of even the King's control, but I knew it to be true. However, I could feel my friend's disbelief and confusion.
"Forgive me for saying this Lady Moirai, but I do not understand," he said quietly. "How can the world be so inherently cruel? Earth was not always like as it is now..." I nodded in agreement.
"It was not – you are correct about that. However, the world is never inherently cruel, or at least not completely." I paused, thinking how to best explain what I meant. I snapped my fingers, summoning a perfect, stone sphere into my hand. I held it with my fingertips and brought my other hand close to it. The divine light from my skin lit parts of the sphere, creating a mix of light and dark. I smiled at him as he watched, saying,
"Remember that light always casts a shadow, and we would not know what a shadow is if there is no light. One cannot exist without the other, and the best we can do is to maintain balance between both."
For a brief moment of clarity, I saw a familiar pair of steely grey eyes.
However, Moirai turned away just then to look out the temple. The storm was quickly worsening, the winds whipping through the trees and the thunder booming. Lightning crackled across the sky and dark clouds churned about menacingly. I slowly closed my eyes as dread filled me.
The Dark King had arrived.
§§§
My eyes shot open and I realized that my heart was racing. It took a few seconds for me to calm down again, and when I did, I sat up in bed, rubbing my temples. I began to recollect my present memories; I was in the cabin at the Milky Way Village now on the stargazing trip and I got off the train before I took a nap. Got it. On the other side of the room, Zyglavis watched something outside the window. He didn't seem to hear me awaken, for he didn't turn around or react at all; his hands were clasped behind his back, his posture straight as usual. However, it seemed he did realize I woke up after all for he asked,
"How is your head now, Chiaki Ono?" He did not turn around, but by this time I was used to his callous nature, so it really didn't matter to me anymore that he didn't look at me while he talked.
"Much better," I answered him. The god continued to look out the window, almost wistfully. Suddenly, I felt a bit guilty; I'm sure that he may have wanted to explore the place a bit, but he had to stay behind while I napped. I pulled back the sheets, hopped out of bed, and began tucking them neatly.
"Hey Zyglavis," I said as I straightened the pillows (to Zyglavis' satisfaction). "Thanks for waiting around for me – you didn't have to do that." The god let out a soft "Pfft," sound of amusement.
"I cannot shirk my responsibility as your guardian," he answered simply. Zyglavis finally turned to look at me, his face passive, though by now I can tell that his eyes were smiling – grant it, it was a derogatory smile.
"Besides," he continued, looking me over. "Any decent sentient would surely have taken pity upon you, the way you looked and sounded on the train." I could feel my face turn pink from embarrassment, but there was truth to what the god said. I have terrible motion sickness, hence why I walk whenever possible. However, I could not avoid the train ride to the Milky Way Village. Worse, Hiyori thought she would do me a favor and swap seats with Zyglavis so he could sit with me. So, for the three hours we rode that train, I was trying so desperately not to vomit on the god who already had such a low opinion of me. Thanks a lot, Hiyori.
So, understandably, all I wanted to do as soon as we reached the village was to lie down, and that's what I did. Zyglavis, of course, stayed behind with me. That's when I passed out on this bed and had that dream…
"Is something the matter, Chiaki Ono?" Zyglavis asked. I blinked and realized that he had walked over and was watching my face with cool, grey eyes. I rubbed my own eyes and gave him what was hopefully a reassuring smile.
"Just a dream," I answered, shrugging. "Or more of a scary memory." Zyglavis nods. I straightened out my t-shirt and smoothed my hair, looking out the window.
"Do you mind if we go outside? It's really nice." I asked aloud, glancing back to the god. I saw him raise his eyebrows just a fraction of a centimeter.
"We?" He asked. I blinked, realizing that I had said 'we' by accident. I ended up shrugging it off. "I mean, I'm guessing that you'd be coming along, no matter what. Might as well say 'we,' right?" I said. Zyglavis only nodded in response.
"Let us go outside then," he replied.
And outside we went. We walked about the park surrounding the Milky Way Village, bickering about insignificant things like whether to shower in the morning or at night and if a tree makes a sound if it fell in the woods with no one around. We talked about how come Zyglavis rarely ever used his powers in public, to which he explained that a.) It would be irresponsible of him as a god, b.) It would attract too much attention, and c.) It consumed his energy. We argued about how to properly run the planetarium back at home and, surprisingly, Zyglavis scolded (his way of encouraging) me for not pursuing my dream of being an astronomer. There was a lot of eye rolling and huffing on my end, but as we walked down towards the river side-by-side, I realized that I was actually enjoying myself. I don't know if that meant we were warming up to each other finally or that I have become so numb to Zyglavis' coldness, but either way, it was nice. I just hoped that maybe Zyglavis was enjoying himself, too.
"Do you make a habit of staring, Chiaki Ono?" He scolded, furrowing his brow in irritation. I blinked – I guess I was staring without meaning to. However, it wasn't like this was the first time he complained about me looking at him. Just to humor myself, I said dramatically,
"Yes, I can't take my eyes off of you, you handsome god." Zyglavis suddenly frowned and leaned slightly away from me. I couldn't help but burst out in giggles at his reaction.
"It's called a 'joke,' Zyglavis," I laughed. The god raised a brow at me before he turned away and shook his head slightly. However, I could have sworn he smiled.
"You tread dangerous waters, Chiaki Ono," he said loftily. "It is never wise to play jokes on a god." I let out another laugh.
"And what? Are you going to make a heavy book fall on my toe?" I retorted. Zyglavis glanced at me, turning his head just slightly with a smirk.
"Do not tempt me."
I was about to taunt the god some more when I heard a child crying. My head snapped around, looking for the source of the sound, when I saw two boys by the river's edge. One looked about four and the other seven or so; the four year-old was sitting on a rock with what looked like a scabbed knee and crying while the other boy was washing the knee with water from the river. Instinctively, my feet picked up into a jog towards them.
But in a blink of an eye, Zyglavis was there beside them and I skidded to a stop. I was absolutely dumbfounded by the surprising speed he got there and even more so when the god knelt down beside the four-year old and began talking to him in a gentle tone that I would have never imagined him speaking in. But there he was, talking softly to and smiling at the boys. Smiling.
"Hey buddy, what happened here?" Zyglavis gestured to the four year-old's knee. The little boy sniffed, calming down so that he could hear Zyglavis speak. I was absolutely amazed.
"We were jumping on these river rocks, mister, and my brother fell on his knee," the seven year-old piped up. Zyglavis nods to him before leaning over to look at the younger brother's knee.
"Does it hurt?" He asked. The little boy nodded and the god gave him a comforting smile.
"Here, I have a magic trick that will make the hurt go away," he said before lifting a hand. The boys stared at the god in wonder as he snapped with a, "Chi chi, pwi pwi!" The redness on the boy's knee was gone, and the skin had healed over.
"Ta-da," Zyglavis sang softly and the boys began to grin and laugh. Meanwhile, I was absolutely shocked and… Very, very impressed. I continued to watch with a strange feeling in my chest as Zyglavis got to his feet again, asking the older brother, "Where are your parents?" The boy pointed up the riverbank towards some trees.
"There!" He exclaimed. Zyglavis smiled at him.
"Can you take your brother to them?" The god asked and the little boy nodded enthusiastically. "Yes sir!" He answered before taking his little brother and shouldering him onto his back. The little boy clung to his brother, arms around his neck and grinning up at Zyglavis.
"Thanks Grandpa!" He quipped before the two hustled up and away. Zyglavis stopped for a second when he was called a 'grandpa,' but he let it go and waved them goodbye, not turning around until he saw them safely reach the top of the bank. When he did turn to face me, he noticed the look on my face.
"You look surprised," he observed calmly, his expression once again stoic. I threw my hands in the air and waved towards where the boys were. Zyglavis frowned.
"I know you can speak, Chiaki Ono. Please use your words."
"What was that?" I managed to blurt out. Zyglavis' brow creased slightly.
"What was what, Chiaki Ono?"
"All of that! What you did for those boys was super nice!" I exclaimed. Zyglavis looked at me for a moment, his bow still furrowed.
"And you find this surprising?" He asked. I stumbled over my words just then. Admitting that I was surprised to see him act nicely would imply that he was downright mean all the time – which was true, but I wasn't sure if I would make Zyglavis mad if I said that. However, at two-and-a-half seconds I decided that telling the truth would be better than him scolding me for not answering him in a timely manner.
"Well… Yes. It is surprising to me," I began before justifying my answer. "Normally, you are really stiff and never smile and most of all, only punish people. I actually thought you couldn't do anything else besides that. I was half-expecting you to punish them if not ignore them entirely." As I talked, Zyglavis raised his brows, seeming more intrigued than angry. He shrugged slightly, putting his hands into his pockets.
"I did what anyone else would do," he answered humbly before looking up with a thoughtful hum. "However, now that you mention it, those boys should have never wandered so far away from their parents. They are in need of discipline." He then raised his hand with his fingers poised to snap.
"No! How could you even-?!" Zyglavis lowered his hand when I cried out, flailing my arms in an attempt to stop him when I realized he was smirking. I stared at him.
"I believe it is called a 'joke,' Chiaki Ono?" He teased, his lips curling into an admittedly attractive half-smile. My moment of butterflies in my stomach ended in a second and it was my turn to frown.
"Bu-but you sounded so serious!" I stammered, "And your face was so deadpan!" Zyglavis let out an amused "Pfft" as he walked across the bridge.
"And you fell for it," Zyglavis mused. "Even a goldfish would not be as gullible." I quickly followed after the god, tripping over my feet and words.
"H-hey! It's totally believable!"
"So you believe I am a monster?" He asked, turning to look at me. I stopped.
"No, just… Just…"
"I feel wounded. How could you think such things, Chiaki Ono?" The god began, sounding rather somber. "After protecting you all this time?" I immediately began to feel the guilt.
"No, I didn't mean it like that!" I said quickly, "I just… Look, I'm sorry-
I ate my words as soon as Zyglavis turned back around and let out a rare chuckle. He tricked me again! I thought I legitimately hurt his feelings and I felt so bad and now even worse that he made me feel that way for no reason. I let out an exasperated huff and stomped ahead of him, muttering, "Remind me to never joke with you again."
I pretended to be grumpy, but in reality, I'm starting to think Zyglavis is pretty okay.
§§§
Later that night, all of the guests and guides were gathered on a tall, grassy hill to watch the stars. I sat some ways away from the main group with my collapsible telescope, hardly paying attention to what was going on. Someone was talking, but, to be honest, this nebula interested me more than what he was saying. It was a new one to my star chart, and I wanted to plot it in and watch it. I was so absorbed that I hardly noticed someone approaching.
"The director said that they are cleaning up dinner in ten minutes," a familiar voice spoke. I didn't bother to look at Zyglavis as I answered, "I'm busy." There was a plaintive sigh and the rustle of grass as the god sat down beside me.
"Humans require on average 2,000 calories every day in order to function at full capacity," Zyglavis lectured. "You should eat, Chiaki Ono." I still didn't budge. I could go without dinner every once in a while – I've done it before.
"I'll be fine," I told him dismissively, finally removing my eye from the telescope to write some notes down. Zyglavis watched me for a few seconds.
"I had a feeling you would be so careless about your health," he said stiffly. I let out a sigh, just about fed up with Zyglavis' nagging.
"I said I'm – what?" I had turned to look at the god when I realized that he was holding out a bowl of rice and curry towards me. I blinked in surprise, words caught in my throat. Zyglavis stared at me flatly.
"It is food," he answered.
"Well, I know that," I snapped back before catching myself. I looked away, feeling a bit ashamed of myself. Zyglavis had done something nice for me and I was rude.
"Sorry," I apologized quietly. "Thank you for the food." Zyglavis only nods before setting the bowl beside me on the grass. We sat in silence for a bit, looking up at the vast array of stars. Before I knew it, my eyes were lost in them again. They were all so familiar to me, and it was so nice to see them again.
"There are so many stars," I thought aloud, propping myself back on my hands and wiggling my feet so that the toes of my sneakers tapped against each other lightly again and again. "You'd never see anything like this in Tokyo."
"Long ago, it was possible to see this many stars from anywhere on Earth," Zyglavis commented quietly. I blinked; I was somewhat surprised he didn't scold me for saying something so silly, or even saying anything at all. I looked to the god and saw that he was looking up at the stars as well. However, his face was a different kind of calm – not a carefully composed expressionless face, but one of a man who was in love with the world. There was something so gentle and sentimental about it that it made my heart stop. Seeing him like this, with his clear, grey eyes, was charming, in a way… I mean, what?
"Um… About what you just said," I began, pushing that thought of Zyglavis aside, "have you been to Earth before, Zyglavis?" Wow, that sounded really awkward – nice going, Chiaki. But, why should I even care what he thought about me? Worse, Zyglavis' expression darkens when he hears my question, and I quickly attempted to take back what I said.
"I'm sorry. I guess it's none of my business, right?" I watched Zyglavis' expression change with a resigned sigh. His brow furrowed and almost looked… Guilty?
"No…" The god finally said. "It would probably be best to tell you, Chiaki Ono." I blinked in surprise, not expecting Zyglavis to open up so easily. I watched him watch the stars with his grey eyes focused on the night sky above us, unsure what secret Zyglavis was about to tell.
"Millennia ago," he began, "gods and humans lived together on Earth."
"Together?"
"Yes," Zyglavis answered, nodding. "The gods did not always reside in the heavens as they do now." His expression softens and his lips smile slightly as he continued to speak. "Gods and humans lived in peace, sharing the Earth. However…"
Zyglavis' eyes dropped to the ground and the stars cast dark shadows across his face. "The humans were pure at first, but over time, greed began to take root in their hearts. They began to put themselves before others and began arming themselves with weapons in order to secure positions of power. And eventually…" The god paused for a moment, as though he were trying to force something painful. "They began to fight."
I listened to him quietly and watched his face carefully as he continued. "The gods tried to intervene, but the humans refused to listen. As cultures developed, fighting worsened all over the Earth." I frowned a bit at this.
"Do you think cultures are bad?" I accidentally interrupted. I bit back my lip, feeling ashamed, but Zyglavis did not seem to mind. Instead of scolding me, he answered,
"Culture itself is not bad. However, while culture brought some people together, it also differentiated them from others. Somehow, it became important for humans to be 'right,' and they fought to dominate rather than bridge those differences." He shook his head slightly, still looking at the ground with his cool, grey eyes. "In one very large kingdom, two immensely powerful and aggressive factions began fighting each other on an, at the time, unprecedented scale."
"I… Tried punishing the leaders responsible," Zyglavis went on, narrowing his eyes slightly. "But another person would always appear to start more conflict. The fighting was constant. In the end, I resorted to punishing entire villages with plagues, volcanic eruptions, and other disasters." The shadows on the god's face seemed to grow even darker.
"I was determined to turn the humans away from fighting. I pushed myself to the limit by continuously punishing humans in order to warn and convince them to think better of what they were doing." As he said this, my whole view on punishment changed – what I thought was mindless cruelty was actually thought out and, by the look on Zyglavis' face, not enjoyable. Suddenly, I felt sorry for the god.
"And then what?" I found myself asking. Zyglavis glanced to me briefly before sighing quietly.
"After being punished with every possible calamity and disaster, the humans finally realized their own mistake and vowed to stop fighting." He said. "Temples and holy places were built all over the world as symbols of their promise to the gods." Something about what he said rang a bell in my mind; I'm pretty sure something like that or another was brought up in history class.
"That was when pantheons were formed, right?" I wondered aloud. "Temples, shrines, and the like were built to appease the gods – or at least that's what I learned." I said sheepishly, still tapping my toes together. Zyglavis looked to me again, raising his brows slightly. He smiled a tiny bit.
"You are a very learned human, Chiaki Ono," he remarked, and something warm bloomed in my chest. However, that faded when Zyglavis looked away again, grey eyes downcast. "Most modern humans have forgotten about the gods… They'd probably say wishing to the gods of the stars could never remedy their ailments. But at least in antiquity, we gods were much closer to humans that we are today." The god grew quiet then, most likely remembering the ancient times. He looked so… Sad.
"So," I began, breaking the silence, "was there peace on Earth after that?" Zyglavis remained quiet for a moment longer before shaking his head.
"People came to me every day, begging me to stop punishing humans," he said so quietly that I had to strain my ears to listen. "I believed that those people were worthy of my trust, and they regretted the evil they had done." He shook his head again, this time with a bitter expression on his face.
"I believed they would keep the promises they made. I stopped judging and punishing humans, despite the disapproval of most gods in the Heavens." Zyglavis closed his eyes and when he opened them again, they were steely and cold.
"However, no sooner had those promises been made, an even larger war began," he almost spat in disgust – with humans, I'm sure but I also felt it was with himself as well. Watching him made something hurt inside. "And, although they do feel remorse, humans have continued to repeat that same cycle to this day."
We sat in silence for another while longer, him looking at the ground and me looking at him. The way the god was quiet made me afraid to disturb his thoughts, but finally, I said
"Thank you for telling me all this, Zyglavis. I understand you better now." I gave him my best, sympathetic smile. However, Zyglavis continued to stare before him, his expression hardening.
"That is not all," he said.
"What do you mean?" I asked, surprised. The shadows over the god's face seemed darker than ever now.
"The Dark One appeared after absorbing the evil that lived in human hearts," he continued on. "The King of the Heavens fought the Dark One of the Under Realm on countless occasions. But even if his dark power is sealed away, so long as there is evil in the hearts of humans, the king of the Under Realm can never be truly destroyed."
"So, because there will always be negative human energy to fuel him, the Dark One can always be resurrected?" I found myself asking him. Zyglavis nods once. As terrifying as the thought was, I was somehow not surprised. For some reason, I believed that there will always be evil as long as humans exist and something at the back of my head reminded me that was natural…
"My own foolishness is to blame. I believed the humans and stopped punishing them," Zyglavis' bitter voice cut through my thoughts. "That's why this negative cycle continues today. Had I punished all of the evil until there wasn't any left, the world wouldn't be like it is today." Zyglavis then looks up at the starry sky with such sad eyes that I thought he might actually start crying. To my own surprise, I almost reached out for his hand to comfort him, but I fought the urge back. Instead, I watched him with an ache growing in my chest as he continued on sadly,
"And now… Because of my foolishness… The Dark King is going to be born into this world again. It's almost as if I created the Dark King myself…"
No… A voice inside my heart wanted to shout at the god, tell him he's wrong. It wasn't his fault for something that was natural. Suddenly, I was reminded of a very vague memory.
"I don't think it is your fault that there is evil in the world, Zyglavis," I said aloud. "It's only natural, I think." I furrowed my brow, digging deeper into my memory when I finally remembered a handful of wise words Moirai said in my past life.
"… Light always casts a shadow," I continued, struggling to find the words again. "And we would never know what a shadow is if there is no light. One-
"One cannot exist without the other, and the best we can do is to maintain balance between both," the god finished for me. It was in that moment when I realized that the friend in my dream earlier today was Zyglavis.
Zyglavis…
The thought that, millennia later, Zyglavis still felt the same regret and shame when we spoke then saddened me so much that I knew I would start crying if I weren't careful. Before I could find the proper words to comfort the god, Zyglavis gave me one, long look before saying,
"It is true, what Moirai said. Humans are born with the potential to do both good and evil." He looked away from me and I could almost feel the quiet pain that was inside him. "I understand that now. However, I learned too late how to maintain the balance between good and evil." He clenched his fists.
"It is so easy for all but the most disciplined of humans to wander form the path of righteousness. Evil is seductive and easy, and very tempting to humans." He said angrily, mostly to himself. Sadly, I couldn't argue with him; even I made excuses to take the easy way out of things all the time without really thinking about it. I watched the god, realizing that Zyglavis was hard on humans who sin because he regrets for what happened in the past, and is trying to make up for it by keeping them from going further down the path of evil…
That's probably why he punishes people again, and again, and again – as many times as it takes to get them back on the right path in life. All those days I've listened to him snap endlessly with such a composed demeanor and all this time I thought it was all so mindless. It wasn't. It never was all along.
"I naively underestimated evil's appeal," he said softly. "I was never as thorough as I should have been. As a result, I have failed to maintain that balance. Humanity was almost annihilated, the Dark King born, the Heavens divided, Moirai killed. And now it's threatening to repeat itself again..." The god paused and finally turned his head to rest his sad grey eyes on me. I stared back in silence, unsure what to say anymore.
"You should eat," Zyglavis said suddenly. He gestured to the now cold bowl of rice and curry beside me, smiling wryly.
"O-oh, right…" I picked up the bowl beside me and began to spoon food into my mouth, not particularly caring for the taste. Only then I realized how much time has passed – everyone else had already returned to their cabins, leaving us two sitting on the grassy hill alone. It seemed that Zyglavis noticed too, for he suggested quietly, "Shall we go?"
Something in my heart wanted to say no so that I could spend a little longer with Zyglavis because… Because I really wanted to. Did I want to try and cheer him up? Yes, but that wasn't the only reason…
"… Okay," I said, in spite of myself. It was the responsible thing to do, after all. Zyglavis nods and we both rose to our feet, Zyglavis helping me with my telescope since my hands were full with the bowl. Together, we walked back to the cabin with the god leading. I never paid much attention to how he walked since he always followed me or walked alongside me like today, but looking at him from behind, I realized that despite his perfect posture, he looked so lonely walking in the dark.
I now understand why he acts the way he does, and I couldn't help but be in awe and in anguish of how calmly he takes it all – all the punishments, all the ridicule, all the regrets. He puts up a façade to hide how he actually feels.
I really wish he didn't have to. There has to be some way some way for him to reconcile with what has happened, some way for him to trust humanity again, some way to bring balance into his own life. Whatever it is, I was determined to help Zyglavis find that way.
Somehow.
