Co-Written by Neo H.B.B. Sam

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Coffee House

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[From: porkchops bitch sista]

[Hey may have u heard from Ed? Ive tried reaching him all wekend but he wouldnt answer]

[Message Sent: November 3rd, 2:05 PM]

[From: porkchops bitch sista]

[Uh hello were u busy in class or sumthing please answer May!1]

[Message Sent: November 3rd, 3:32 PM]

[From: porkchops bitch sista]

[God fucking dammit May r u givin me the silent treatment too!?1?]

[Message Sent: November 3rd, 5:46 PM]

[From: May]

[holly shit calm ur tits I was at work but yeh u desserv 2 b igored like wat mah boyfriend says]

[Message Sent: November 3rd, 7:58 PM]

[From: porkchops bitch sista]

[OMFG I GET FUCKIN PUKED ON N BY MY RETARDED BROTHER AND I DESERV IT!? WTF IS WRONG WIT EVERYONE!?11]

[Message Sent: November 3rd, 8:01 PM]

[From: May]

[do u even read wat u jus write? big ed is sooooo rite abot u sarah u reelly r a fuckin cunt!]

[Message Sent: November 3rd, 8:05 PM]

[From: porkchops bitch sista]

[STFU U WOULD BE PISSED 2 IF YOU LIVED WITH MY MOM!1! SHES BECAME FUCKING AWFUL SINCE SHE KICKED ED OUT! WHEN I CAME HOME SMELLING LIKE THROWUP I GOT IN TROUBLE BECUZ MY MOM TTHOUGHT I GOT DRUNK AT A GODDAM PARTY!]

[Message Sent: November 3rd, 8:08 PM]

[From: May]

[good abot tim u get scolded 4 actin liek shit allll teh time!1!]

[Message Sent: November 3rd, 8:10 PM]

[From: porkchops bitch sista]

[MAY U MORON I GOT HELD DOWN N BEATEN THEN TRHOWN IN EDS OLD ROOM ALL WEKEND!11! MY MOM LOCKED THE DOORS N WINDOWS AND ALL SHE GAVE ME WAS NASTY WINE SINCE SHE THOUGHT I WAS BECOMING ALCOHOLIC!1!]

[Message Sent: November 3rd, 8:13 PM]

[From: May]

[lol OK ten how com at shcool u loked fine?! saw u in theh alls erleier n u seeeemed decent]

[Message Sent: November 3rd, 8:16 PM]

[From: porkchops bitch sista]

[Wow you really do deserv to be with my idiot brother. My chest still fuckin hurts and it feels like my boobs are gonna explode!11! Im seriously scared when she gets home from teh community college later tonight. Id stay at Jimmys but hes busy with Felix and Fritz again as usual these days :,^(]

[Message Sent: November 3rd, 8:20 PM]

[From: May]

[wellll wut do u want me 2 to abut it!? u lie liek a car pet 2 gett atenton bitch i bet ur juss sayin tis 2 me so porkchop wont disown ur fatasss anymor evan tho u fucked up big tim]

[Message Sent: November 3rd, 8:23 PM]

[From: porkchops bitch sista]

[You dumbass do you want to see a picture for proof? And you're one to call someone fat since you've been getting a bit heavier yourself these days May!]

[Message Sent: November 3rd, 8:25 PM]

[From: May]

[noooooo way hoezay im nooo predo i dunt want 2 c ur small kiddy titties!1 also i jus told mah man abo tur texts n he says u r dead 2 him :^)]

[Message Sent: November 3rd, 8:27 PM]

[From: porkchops bitch sista]

[:,^( :,^( :,^( :,^( :,^(]

[Message Sent: November 3rd, 8:30 PM]

[From: May]

[btw u stewpid slut tat meanz ur dead 2 me 2 so u r now bloked :^)]

[Message Sent: November 3rd, 8:31 PM]

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GROUP – Cul-De-Sac Crew

CEOCa$h: well mah folks freaked out at ed

CEOCa$h: me mom wuz wored sick abot him n mah old mans havin ed werk his ass off at da dealership now

CEOCa$h: both of tem told me if ed pulls tat shit again theyre kicking him out

FullThrottleKev: damn well at least he didnt get fucking beaten liek rolf did by his parents

CEOCa$h: woah da fuck reelly? cheesus thats extreme

FullThrottleKev: I thik they threw out wat tech shit rolfs had too so hes outta a phone n comp

CEOCa$h: shit an I thot my parents wear harsh

SolidOak entered chat.

SolidOak: wazzup guys?

CEOCa$h: not mucho jonny boy jus talkin bout ed n rolf

D-Squared entered chat.

D-Squared: Greetings gentlemen.

SolidOak: Heya Double-D! Did Plank say anything yet?

D-Squared: Sorry Jonny, but while Plank's been in my custody he's been giving me the silent treatment as well. This is far more serious than I initially imagined, but rest assure that I will formulate a theory after I finish running some hypotheses.

FullThrottleKev: wut the fuck r u goin on about double-d?

SolidOak: Oh Double-D's jus watching Plank for me right now no biggie.

CEOCa$h: dunt wanna kno dunt care

BlackBeltGirl entered chat.

BlackBeltGirl: Hey guys!

BlackBeltGirl: ...and Kevin

FullThrottleKev: u still bitchy?

CEOCa$h: knoc it da fuck off u 2 b4 i bash ur headz in

CEOCa$h: we got 2 talk bout ed n rolf fuckin up badd becauz rite now my parents grounded ed 4 bein a dumbass an rolfs comp n phone r busted at t3h momet

CEOCa$h: eds grounded an rolfs computer is busted atm

BlackBeltGirl: Yeah I heard about both of them crashing the dance after I walked out. What went down when they came home?

CEOCa$h: u havent seen maries vid of the entire thin yet?

BlackBeltGirl: Wait that bitch put a video of the dance up on WeTube? OMG I look like such a freak in that video fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

FullThrottleKev: at leas u didnt gett in troubel 4 anythin in it

CEOCa$h: ya half the team hatez me now sense i injured 1 of our own linebackers cuz he wax gonna try an fuk up ed.

FullThrottleKev: ye me n eddy had 2 run so much at practice 2 set a gud leadership exampel or sumething it was bullshit butt coach said it wouldve looked wron if we didnt

CEOCa$h: didnt help that me may jonny n u sockhead nearly got in troubel 2 jus fer bein there

SolidOak: Ya good thing u helped get our butts outta trouble, that could have been a doozey, Double-D.

D-Squared: There was no way I was going to get potentially denied of future scholarships just because we helped out Ed in his time of need. Thankfully I was able to use the Good Samaritan law to justify our actions, and to secure not getting in any trouble I threatened the school possible legal action if they decided to unjustly punish us. You would be surprised how quickly any school will go on their knees and beg once you bring up the word "lawsuit."

FullThrottleKev: well cuz of maries vid my dad told me this morning that the parents of thos sophomore girls i fucked aftr the dance r fuckin pissed

FullThrottleKev: thanks to my dads cop gf tho she reminded tem tat age of consent is sixteen in the state so i did nothin legally wrong

FullThrottleKev: butt now i cant talk 2 ether of tem again which suxz caus they were fun 2 fuck and my dad n his gf re prety disapointed in me to make shiit worse

BlackBeltGirl: Don't feel bad Kevin I'm always disappointed in you :^)

BlackBeltGirl was kicked by CEOCa$h.

FullThrottleKev: LOL U SHOWED THAT BITCH MAN!1!

FullThrottleKev was kicked by CEOCa$h.

CEOCa$h: no mor fuckin drama i swear

SolidOak: LMFAO!11! XD

BlackBeltGirl entered chat.

FullThrottleKev entered chat.

BlackBeltGirl: Okay I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that.

FullThrottleKev: how cum u get 2 kick people dorky?

CEOCa$h: cuz I made thiz group n am the boss boss boss boss boss

CEOCa$h: also holy fukk prinicipal wanted 2 slam me n may so bad cuz marie had a vid of tat sumer bbq we had at ur place jonny

SolidOak: What'cha guys do at my house to get the principal's panties in a knot?

CEOCa$h: we had sum buds n princeseepal wanted us in jail 4 it butt tooo much tim pased bi so jackshit waz dune abot it lol

CEOCa$h: fucker gave us eivl eyes n now me n may r getting watched by teachs big tim

SolidOak: So canwe all agree that Marie Kanker is a fucking bitch?

BlackBeltGirl: Seconded

FullThrottleKev: gotta agree with nazz fer once

CEOCa$h: ye n i know may n lee r getting real sick of her shit 2

SolidOak: What about you Double-D, youv'e been pretty silent for awhile.

D-Squared: I can't deny that my patience has been worn rather thin by her recent behavior. Still, I like to think that there's still a glimmer of hope that Marie will outgrow her horrid antics, otherwise it will be the end of her.

FullThrottleKev: dunt get delushunal double-d that hoe waz troubel as a kidd and shes even mor trouble now

SolidOak: If I saw that bitch ever begging on the streets for mercy, I'd spit right on her!

D-Squared: I see, well, changing the subject back to Ed and Rolf, I've had to devote so much of my personal time to helping them catch up in their schoolwork while they've been suspended this week.

CEOCa$h: yh and my old mans makin ed put in mor hours at the dealership than my fuckin bro now like fuck mah dad kept ed till ten yesterday juss 2 sit in the corner

SolidOak: Wowzers that's a tight pickle Ed's gotten into. What about Rolf?

FullThrottleKev: well rolf's dad kicked his ass bad n ten threw out hiz tech so now hes got rolf workin his fingors 2 teh bone in teh feelds

D-Squared: I know that's just how people are punished in Rolf's culture, yet I can't help but find it barbaric and exceedingly cruel.

FullThrottleKev: both of em r also off teh team if you guys havnt herd

BlackBeltGirl: Everyone's knew about that for a couple weeks since you announced on MyBook.

D-Squared: I'm not surprised: truancy, being under the influence on school grounds and more was bound to get them in serious trouble. I'm honestly surprised they weren't flat out expelled.

CEOCa$h: mah mum said itz cuz of eds situation n rolf bein foregin tey only got suspended

CEOCa$h: also holy shit it sucked tryin 2 get ed home after teh danc

BlackBeltGirl: Let me guess Ed puked all over your backseat?

CEOCa$h: welll that n teh big babby blubbed liek a wuss all teh way bac cuz of teh shit that went dowon wit him n sarah

D-Squared: I remember us watching the incident from outside. Poor Sarah, while I know she's far from a nice person, getting doused in drunken bile and being disowned at the same time must have been incredibly stressful.

BlackBeltGirl: Wait Ed vomited on Sarah and disowned her? Like I knew they haven't been on good terms in years now but this is just wrong.

CEOCa$h: TBH im surprised lumpy didntd do it sooner i kno i woodave dropped that cunt liek a roc so qick if i had 2 b her brother

FullThrottleKev: damn abot tim ed grow a par n tell sarah off i mean lets be real here honestleey who could ever stand tat bitch atall?!

SolidOak: I heard rumors that Sarah was the reason Ed got drunk with Rolf and left down in teh first place!

BlackBeltGirl: Yeah, that makes sense! They couldn't have been mad at us for anything, right?

CEOCa$h: IDK i havent got a gud reason from ed abot it wut abut u kev?!

FullThrottleKev: rolfs wont talk 2 me about it either dude

CEOCash: huh so tat maks 2 of us then n also tat numbskul fuckin ruined mah rugg in puke

D-Squared: You know Eddy, if you don't mind I would be happy to clean your carpet for you.

CEOCa$h: no thxs its allreday trashed n i wuz thinkin to git a new car aneway ed jus gave me a new reson

D-Squared: Alright then...

BlackBeltGirl: You know its good to see you two talking again, even if it took Ed and Rolf going missing for awhile and coming home drunk for it to happen.

BlackBeltGirl was kicked by CEOCa$h.

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WeTube

NotYoHo,

Your account has been terminated due to repeated flagging on your videos. All of your videos have been taken down with extreme prejudice as well. You obviously violated community guidelines and/or committed copyright infringement. We're not going to look into this matter and you can go fuck yourself.

-WeTubebot1448

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Fumbler

In the first picture is Nazz giving an awkward smile in her room, the angle of the photo focused on her blond hair. Besides Nazz are four different bottles of hair dye on her dresser: hot pink, red raspberry, indigo and celadon. It was a chaotic mixture of colors, but each hue reflected Nazz's character in its own individual way. Yet all four dyes aligned right next to one another looked rather unorganized, hectic even as they wildly clashed.

"Hey guys todays the day I decided to make a fumbler blog! I've lurked around here for ages but I thought today would be a good day to finally sign up. Before I start reblogging a bunch of rad stuff I'm gonna put this up here first so I have something cool to contribute. Pic above is my old look. Yeah yeah its bland as fuck I know so that's why I'm gonna spruce myself up with these far-out dyes I bought. I couldn't decide on just one so I decided to use all of them! Credit to my mom for helping me so I didn't get my skinn super stained!"

The second picture showed Nazz with her new hair; the same style, but no longer the generic valley girl blond hue anymore. In front center was the raging red raspberry dye that transited to a hedonistic hot pink the further back it went towards Nazz's neck. On the left side of Nazz's hair was the intriguing indigo shade, and on her right the crass celadon tint. It was impossible to tell what her original hair color was now, but Nazz's cheesy smile remained the same as it did in the photo above. Although it did give off a very ruinous vibe, as an aura of abnormality radiated from the shiny new dyed hair.

"Out with the old Nazz and in with the new! I kind of dig this what do you guys think? I can't wait to see how people react to this at school. :^)"

Posted by pathfinderdestiny on November 6, 2014 – 25 notes

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-Plank Study-

November 7th, 2014

It has been one week since I've started monitoring subject "Plank" and began running multiple hypotheses. For hours I've examined Plank for anomalies, attempted to converse with it one-on-one, and even tried to record any sound this piece of timber could possibly make. I've come to this theory: the only rational explanation I have for Plank not talking to Jonny anymore is possibly due to him naturally growing out of his overactive imagination when he entered high school. Although from a psychological standpoint, this is illogical since such a drastic change in thought patterns would have had to of been triggered by some traumatic event. If this was a matter of Jonny having overactive imagination (or schizophrenia, but medical records state that he hasn't been diagnosed with this condition), it shouldn't have cleared up like this unless he was on medication, and based on Jonny's current medical records he is not being prescribed anything at the moment. How I have access to Jonny's medical files dates back to my time as an assistant to the school nurse back in junior high. Normally I don't pry around in the others' records as much anymore, but in this case I had no choice but to engage in every available resource I had at my disposal.

I'm starting to believe that maybe something more external is causing Jonny to not hear Plank like he used to. I might have to investigate Jonny's abode to see if his surroundings have changed over the past few years since I was away in Canada. I'll have to ask him and/or his parents if I could stop by for dinner sometime soon. Although with my current schedule the only available date I can arrange a visit will be on Thanksgiving day. Not that I had any plans with my family, both mother and father will be away as per usual on the holidays thanks to their busy work schedules. Although I did plan on having a video-chat with Juan and Rikki via Stratpe on the 27th, I suppose I can make time to have a Thanksgiving dinner with Jonny's family if possible. Alas, I'm getting too personal in what's supposed to be a scientific log, so it's best that I end things here and return to making progress on my homework.

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Lee Kanker's MyBook Chat

Lee Kanker 6:48 PM: ey dutch boy we gotta talk about a few things

James Clair 6:49 PM: Hello Lee Kanker, nice hearing from you again. To be honest I forgot you existed thanks to a combination of your sparse MyBook status updates, along with rarely if at all seeing you in person.

Lee Kanker 6:50 PM: yeh well thats wat workin 70plus hours a week does 2 yah.

Lee Kanker 6:50 PM: nyway first things first about marie

Lee Kanker 6:51 PM: she wont fucking stop bitching about u getting her wetube account taken down or sumthing

James Clair 6:53 PM: I wasn't aware that your sister had a WeTube account; much less that it's been terminated. Although knowing her, I'm surprised Marie hasn't tried physically assaulting me yet if she believes I'm at fault for her WeTube account being permanently banned.

Lee Kanker 6:55 PM: well thing is dutch that when shit went south a few days ago marie flipped the fuck out real badd. me n may had to rrestrain her with duck tape so she would stop recking up our place cryin her eyes out!

Lee Kanker 6:56 PM: i thought this would be good so marie might go n do sumthin real producktive 4 once. butt all shes ben doin is mopein around the house all depressed n shit. holy fucking shit i nevar thought id say this but i hate not seeing that devilish grin my sister gets at least i know shes alive n well when she acts all mischevious

Lee Kanker 7:06 PM: dutch boy u fuckin there?! i got my second job 2 skidaddle outto in half n hour dont waste my fucking time

James Clair 7:07 PM: My apologies, I had to use the bathroom.

Lee Kanker 7:07 PM: if u were jus laughin ur ass off this whole time jus tell me right now

James Clair 7:08 PM: Alright, I confess I did find the mental image of Marie having a mental breakdown over getting her WeTube account taken down as hilarious. But I really did have to use the bathroom as well; I couldn't ruin my new pants by wetting myself in laughter after all.

Lee Kanker 7:08 PM: i apprecate teh honesty but u better watch it dutch. marie might b a pain in my ass these days but shes still family. dont fuck with teh kanker sisters if u know wats best

James Clair 7:09 PM: If that's the case then inform your other sister May that her and Ed need to apologize for giving Sarah a nervous breakdown last week. She hasn't been feeling too good either after being told that she's "dead to Ed", so if you could help mend Ed and Sarah's relationship, perhaps I can see if there's a way to restore Marie's WeTube account.

Lee Kanker 7:11 PM: i aint got time 4 that shit drama plus that brat deserves everythin she gets

Lee Kanker 7:11 PM: so ill cut 2 teh chase n tell u rite now that the junkyard has cameras

James Clair 7:13 PM: Why would I care if the junkyard has functioning security cameras?

Lee Kanker 7:14 PM: stop playin dumb dutch everyon knows ur a crafty weasel

Lee Kanker 7:15 PM: i seen teh footage this morning at work of u an those goons droppin that weird bald black kid off all hogtied up. pretty fucked up seein u sickos keep beatin em while he cant do shit and teh sticky wad of cash u crammed down his throat waz really over teh top. id go more in detail but i gotta congrats u on makin me uneasy considerin all teh shit ive seen n ben threw over teh yeears

Lee Kanker 7:16 PM: ive watched enough cop shows 2 know thats definit prison time n u scrawny twinks woud be jailhouse bitches teh moment u get booked

James Clair 7:19 PM: I bet you're bluffing; there's no way that run-down dump has cameras, let alone working ones. Plus do you really think my friends and I would bother torturing Jonny at all, let alone that late on a school night?

Lee Kanker 7:20 PM: yer sayin u dont give 2 shits if I hand this over 2 teh cops then? i will fuckin do it if u don't put up maries wetube whatever back up so shell go bac 2 normel

Lee Kanker 7:25 PM: well whats ur ansir dutch com on im waiting

Lee Kanker 7:30 PM: fuck it i gotta jet for 10 hours of movin palettes all night at want*more so im givin ya 24 hours to fix up maries wetube or else. hope yer do teh smart thin here dutch

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The sun was setting in the pinkish-blue twilight sky as a thirty-something man stepped into a phone booth on the edge of Peach Creek that hadn't been used in a decade. At the old payphone several vehicles drove by as Eddy's brother squished his face against the dusty land-line. Digging around his pockets he pulled out a few quarters, along with some used condoms and hash that dropped onto the dirty floor. Inserting the coins Bro pressed ten numbers, dialing up the person he wished to contact. Eddy's brother waited for what seemed like forever for someone to pick up. Then came a click and a greeting from the other end of the line.

"Hey, I know you're all business so I'm calling about your offer," Eddy's brother told the guy at the other end. "Tell me straight up, how much we talkin' here?"

After a short exchange Eddy's brother nearly dropped the phone, tossing around the handset as he barely managed to prevent it from colliding with the floor. He took a few deep breaths, trying to retain his composure. Eddy's brother couldn't fuck this up, he had to play things cool. This was serious business, and the tiniest mistake could screw him over.

"Sorry, got scared by some drunk behind a semi," he lied, sweating. "Still, with that much dough I could retire before my old man!"

The two continued to talk more over the land-line for several more minutes. On Eddy's brother's part was an exchange of confirmations as he yanked out a fancy broken-off chain pen and held it in his left hand. He leaned against the cloudy glass windows of the phone booth, resting the handset between his head and shoulder as he jotted some information down on his right arm. Eddy's brother made sure that his fine handwriting was small enough to fit everything he needed to remember on his arm, but big enough to be legible as well.

"Oh yeah, I got it all down," Eddy's brother informed the recipient on the other hand, his right arm now covered in ink. "Listen, I gotta jet right now, but I'll remember to keep in touch. Can't wait till you arrive with the goods in a month, shit's gonna be cash."

With that being said Eddy's brother set the handset back on the switch hook, clicking as it hung up. Exiting the phone booth slowly he began walking down the highway with his thumb sticking up. It was hard for him to hold back his grin; he didn't want to appear as a psycho to anyone kind enough to give him a ride back into town. Yet Eddy's brother couldn't help but be filled with hope now that it finally looked like he was dealt a good hand.