A/N: Hello my bitches and hoes I'm back! Lol jk you guys I've lately gotten into the bad habit of swearing at everything and everyone, it's terrible but I can't stop…Anywhore let's skip the usual shit and get straight to the chapter 'aight?
Disclaimer: Does it look like I own -Man?
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Ch.9: A Hand To Hold
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After dinner Allen cleaned up the table and got Lenalee ready for bed before coming back down to the kitchen to wash the dishes. Dinner had gone without a hitch and he was surprised to find that his boss ate the meal he'd cooked without making any faces.
'I wonder if he went to bed already?' Allen thought as he made his way to the kitchen.
When he walked into the kitchen he didn't expect to see his boss standing behind the kitchen sink washing the dirty dishes from dinner.
"Mr. Kanda! You shouldn't be washing the dishes; I was going to wash them after I'd tucked in Lenalee." Allen said as he tried to push his boss away from the sink. "Please leave the remaining dishes to me."
"I wouldn't bother I'm almost done washing them." Kanda said as he placed yet another clean dish on the dish rack.
"You weren't supposed to wash them that's what I'm here for. How about I soap and you rinse the remaining dishes?" Allen asked almost pleadingly.
Kanda sighed slightly amused. "Fine."
For a little while they washed the dishes in silence both males not knowing whether or not to say anything.
"So...did you enjoy dinner?"
"Yes you managed to live up to your title." Kanda said with a small smirk.
Allen blushed and threw a few soap suds his boss's way. "Oh hush!"
Soap suds landed on the man's face making him look as if he had a beard. Allen laughed as he saw the older male with a soap beard.
"Oh do you think this is funny?" Kanda asked in a slightly teasing tone as he moved to take off his beard. Allen tried to shake his head in a no but couldn't stop himself from laughing.
"Let's see how you like it when you're soaped." Kanda said as he threw some soap suds Allen's way.
Allen managed to dodge the soap suds without much difficulty. "You're going to have to do a better job than that if you want to get me."
He didn't expect his boss to retaliate by aiming the water flowing from the drain. Allen yelped as he tried to protect himself from the cold water.
"You're right it is funny." Kanda said as he looked at his soaking wet assistant.
"Not as funny as this." Allen said as he grabbed the sink hose and aimed it at his boss.
They continued to splash water at one another not caring that they were not only getting each other wet but also the entire sink area. As Allen moved to get a better aim at his boss he slipped.
He closed his eyes and readied himself for the impact but before he could hit the floor he felt a pair of arms wrap around him keeping him from falling. 'Thank god.'
Mercury eyes met cobalt ones as Allen realized that his boss was the one to save him from hitting his head on the floor. It was then that he noticed that his body was pressed up close against the older male's. He blushed at their closeness and tried to unwrap his boss's arms around him but with no luck.
"Mr. Kanda?"
His boss wasn't listening and instead only seemed to be staring deep into his eyes. It felt as if he wasn't looking at him but somebody else. The older male moved their heads closer and closer until their lips were almost touching.
Allen needed to stop this. The man who looked like he was about to kiss him was his boss for Pete's sake! Before he could even think of a way to get the older male off he felt rough lips brush against his own.
He pushed against Kanda's chest hoping to get the older male off with no such luck. As he continued to struggle against the older male's arms he felt a tongue prod against his lips asking for entrance. He tried to keep his lips shut tight to keep the kiss from going any further; this had to stop right now. He gasped as his boss gently bit his lower lip, the gasp finally allowing his boss's tongue entrance into his mouth.
He didn't want this, this wasn't right. He could feel tears start to form in his eyes, he felt like he was betraying her. 'Please stop.'
When Kanda heard a small whimper underneath him he finally came out of the trance he'd been in up until this point and realized what he'd done. His assistant was shaking uncontrollably and his face was streamed with tears. He let go of the younger male as if he'd been burned.
"Al-"
"Don't." Allen said before he ran out of the kitchen leaving behind a confused and ashamed Kanda.
'What have I done?' Kanda thought as he leaned back against the sink staring down at his feet furious with himself for letting his emotions getting the best of him.
He'd ruined a fun moment between the both of them with a single kiss. The worst part was that when he'd kissed his assistant he hadn't meant to kiss him but someone else. He'd mixed reality with past memories and for a second Allen had looked like Alma, that shinning bright smile, almost same height and plush pink lips had made him believe that everything was right again.
He sighed as he rubbed his face trying to forget how stupidly he'd acted just a few moments ago. He needed to clear things up with his assistant, the hurt he'd seen in those eyes when he'd pulled away made knots tie in his stomach.
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When his boss had finally pulled away Allen did the only logical thing he could do. He ran away, he knew that in a way he was being a coward but right now he just needed to be alone. He let himself slide down the other side of the guest room door.
The tears wouldn't stop flowing no matter how hard he tried to stop them. He couldn't believe he'd let the older male get so close, he'd let the man kiss him. KISS him. He'd betrayed her.
He wiped his lips harshly trying to scrub away at them as if he could erase the events that had transpired in the kitchen. How could he have let his guard down?
Before he could continue blaming himself he felt a knock at the door. His heart stopped as he realized who was knocking on the other side. He didn't want to face his boss right now, for a moment he considered crawling out the window just to get away from him.
"Moy-Allen, can I speak to you about what happened in the kitchen?"
"There's nothing to talk about, please go away!" Allen shouted back, wishing that the man would just leave him be.
"Please open the door." Kanda said as he struggled to try to open the locked door.
"No." Allen said as he remained leaning back against the door.
"You and I both know that we need to talk about this." Kanda sighed as he leaned back on the door giving up on trying to open it.
"..."
"How about I talk and you listen?" Kanda said as he slid down the door and leaned back against it.
"I'm sorry," Kanda started out not knowing how to go about this. "I-You..." He sighed and started over.
"What I did was wrong, I shouldn't have done what I did-"
"But you did." Allen said barely loud enough for Kanda to hear.
"And I was wrong to do that," Kanda continued. "I let myself get carried away, for a moment it was as if it wasn't you I was looking at but someone else."
"But I'm not that person." Allen said softly.
"You're right you're not." Kanda replied back. "I'm sorry for kissing you and making you cry I didn't realize that my actions would make you so upset."
"It's my fault for letting you get so close." Allen whispered softly so that only he could hear what he'd just said.
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why did you cry?"
After a long moment of silence in which Kanda considered leaving since it seemed he wouldn't get an answer from his assistant, Allen finally spoke.
"I-I cried not only because you wouldn't stop no matter how hard I tried to push you away but also because when you kissed me I betrayed someone really important to me."
"Who?"
"My wife."
The moment he heard those words it felt as if Kanda's entire world came crashing down on him. He knew that the younger male might've been in a relationship with someone but he hadn't expected it to be true. The weight of what he'd done in the kitchen came crashing back down on him again.
"You're probably wondering where she is, aren't you?" Allen asked almost bitterly. "'If he loves his wife so much, then why isn't she with him right now? Why isn't he spending every waking moment with her?' That's probably what's going through your mind right now isn't it?"
"..." Kanda remained quiet sensing that the younger male had a lot of things he needed to get off his chest.
"Well I can't. I can't spend every single moment of the day with her, I can't wake up every morning next to her, I can't even kiss her goodnight when I go to bed or when I leave for work." Allen said his voice on the verge of hysteria. "Do you want to know why?"
"Why?" Kanda asked softly feeling the younger male break down on the other side of the door.
"Because she's not here anymore, she's gone. She left and there was nothing I could do to stop it. For once in my life I was happy because someone had come into my life and completely and inevitably flipped it upside down. She didn't look at me with fear or disgust, she was the first one to see me for me." At this point Allen smiled remembering every single little thing that had made him fall in love with his wife.
"But I guess god decided that someone like me didn't deserve so much happiness so he took her away," Allen said as fresh tears trailed down his face. "He took her away from me to a place that I could never hope to reach."
Kanda remained quiet on the other side of the door not quite knowing what to say.
"She's gone and no matter how much I beg and plead to whichever god is watching us she's never coming back." Allen said as he gazed miserably at the floor.
Both males stayed quiet afterwards, not quite knowing what to say next but both knowing that this conversation wasn't over just yet. There were so many things left unsaid, yet how many more things were they both willing to say to one another without saying too much or reopening any more past wounds?
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A/N: So how was it you guyz? Lol dear god someone stop me before I go full on stupid on my keyboard…Anyways what did you guys think? Love it? Hate it? That was pretty deep wasn't it? Anyways sorry for taking so fucking long I'm a terrible person and I didn't even wish you guys a merry Christmas or a Happy New Year…HAPPY NEW YEAR! Next time let's hope I'm not such a terrible hoe next year and update faster than 3-4 months. Keep your fingers crossed! Anyways thank you so much you guys for reviewing, favoriting, alerting this story and favoriting me I love you guys so much (even though I'm calling you my hoes and bitches but I promise you I say it out of love! I call my best friend a mothertrucker if that gives you any idea of how much I love you guys!) Take care and be safe you guys don't drink and drive! (this message was brought to you by AllenPimpWalker wishing you all a safe and happy new year) Dang this a/n was long…SEE YA'LL NEXT YEAR! (DEAR GOD MY TEXAN IS SHOWING…)
