It was impossible to fall asleep. He kept imagining the harm Chloe had allowed herself to come to, fearing the worst and hating himself for not being able to do anything about it. He would have gone off on his own to be the Green Arrow (because even if he failed at being the hero Chloe had needed, he still felt the need to be the hero she had wanted him to be), but Clark had been adamant about him going home and getting much needed rest. For once, Oliver listened to Clark's reason.
He was just about to pour himself a generous amount of scotch or whiskey, or whatever it was he had stashed away in the bottom of his kitchen drawers, and drink himself to sleep when he heard sounds just outside his door. With a glance to the door, and then a glance to where the alcohol was waiting for him, he made the deliberate decision to ignore it. Against his wishes, however, the next thing he was aware of was a breeze pass by him and then suddenly the door was being opened from the inside. Victor and Bart stared at him, a case of beer under their arms.
Both of them looked at him with the same respect they had had when they first joined the team, but this time there was a sadness they couldn't keep from their eyes. Bart especially had the obvious signs of crying still on his face.
They didn't mention Chloe as they helped themselves to Oliver's game station that was stored underneath the TV, and took their place in their respective spots on his couch. When Oliver sat down among them, he was immediately handed a controller and a beer.
Oliver appreciated the camaraderie and he did his best to accept their brotherly comfort, but in truth it did very little to fix his depression, and the guilt, and the darkness that had settled within him.
Hours into the night, Bart crashed on the couch, Victor turned to him solemnly. The volume on the TV was practically silent and the empty beer bottles lined the glass coffee table. "She'll be back."
"You're right." Oliver did his best to sound positive. "She loves the team too much to leave forever."
Victor frowned. The lack of confidence in the other's voice had been all too obvious. "She loves you too much to leave forever." It was stated as if that fact alone would make things bearable, but it didn't. It made it worse.
Because the fact was, Oliver had spent months wondering if Chloe felt the same way about him as he did about her, hoping they were more than just a 'no-strings-attached" kind of deal. But in the past few weeks, there had been no need to wonder. It was obvious. Chloe had fallen for him. At the time, knowing that Chloe loved him with just as much fever as he loved her had been enough, even as she continued to vehemently declare that they weren't in a relationship.
But to have heard the words and seen the letter...it was now too much. Too much pain. Too much guilt. Knowing Chloe hadn't just done this because of the love for her team, but because of her love for him only, made it that much more horrible. What had loving him gotten her?
He couldn't stop thinking about how he had been saved because of her. In his darkest moment, she had been his lighthouse and had led him back to where he needed to be. All he had wanted to was to return the favor. But instead of being her savior, he had been her downfall.
The next day Oliver dragged himself to Watch Tower, ignoring the headache that had persisted into the morning. He positioned himself in front of Chloe's computers, going through the data that she had collected and had programmed to continue to collect as if it would solve anything.
That was how Jones found him - obsessed with looking for something he knew he wouldn't find. The Martian quietly made his way up the stairs so that he stood next to Oliver, peering over his head to the screens. "You here to try your hand at comforting me too?" The question came out harsher than he had intended.
Him and Jones had always gotten along, but Oliver never considered themselves close. Unlike Bart and Victor, Jones had only joined the Justice League because of Chloe. Granted, Jones had once included Oliver into his list of new family, but it was hard for Oliver to see the relationship as anything as close to what he had with the original members.
Jones said nothing. He just stared with an understanding gaze. Oliver redirected his attention back to the screens, calming himself, willing himself to accept whatever comfort anybody would provide. He knew it wouldn't necessarily help, but to turn them away would mean to go back to the way he had been before Chloe's intervention, and he couldn't do that. He couldn't betray her like that.
Many silent moment later, Oliver stated lowly, "She used Dr. Fate's helmet to find me."
"It had crossed my mind that was how she had done so."
"She risked her sanity for me." Oliver wasn't sure why he was divulging his thoughts. Maybe it was because it had been Jones who had been able to see Chloe's decent before anyone else, and had been able to the extent of that descent. "Out of everything that she could have done, why do something that would risk her sanity?"
"What else could she have done?"
"Not that!"
She could have chosen not to sacrifice herself, to not give up the one thing she had been terrified of losing. After seeing her mom, Chloe had once admitted in passing, she had feared the same would happen to her. Especially after Brainiac and Doomsday she had worried that she was beginning to lose herself.
After that, the agonizing hours continued to go by.
Oliver couldn't take it. Everyone around him was acting like Chloe's disappearance meant nothing. Even as they tried to comfort him he could tell they respected her decision.
"She'll be okay," Victor promised.
"Strongest and definitely the smartest woman I know," Bart reasoned.
"It was her decision," Jones stated later.
Even Arthur got a hold of him when he found out what had happened after the war against Zod, saying something along the lines of trusting those you loved.
Everyone seemed to be under the impression that just because was most likely safe that it meant everything was okay. They didn't realize (not even Clark) what exactly she had sacrificed to save him.
"It's just the way she is," Victor explained.
"She'd do anything for her friends," Bart told him.
"Chloe made her choice." Jones tried to make him understand.
He purposefully stayed away from Clark after he had informed Oliver about Dr. Fate's helmet, not wanting to hear any more of his platitudes. Thankfully, for the his part, Clark didn't seek him out. Like the rest, it would seem, that as long as Chloe was safe, her disappearance didn't seem to bother him.
Or maybe it did, and the reasons Clark didn't try to comfort Oliver was because he blamed Oliver for his best friend leaving.
Then, there was Lois. Lois, who didn't try to comfort him because didn't know the truth. It was her visit that finally broke him past the point of mending.
She informed him of the proof that Gordon had, and consequently the danger she had put herself in to get rid of it. Hearing her story, he was done. It was final.
Never again would someone sacrifice themselves to protect his secret. Never again would someone have to risk themselves to save him from himself.
So he told the world - or at least America - who he was, and he prepared himself for the onslaught.
