September 9, 1845

Dear Pam,

I'm almost frantic, I've lost my sketchbook and I can't seem to find it. I've searched everywhere! Where could it have gone? All my sketches, my artwork, even some paintings were in there. I seemed to have lost it after Mass the other day and I would ask around but I know very few people. Elsa has seen me distraught, but I won't tell her why. Its personal to me and I'm almost afraid of who found it. What will they do with it?

What if they use it to sell? Make money off of my work? I'd so hope not. I'd rather they burn the book or throw it out than sell it.

September 25, 1845

Dear Pam,

September 10, the day after my last entry, had started out like any other. The coal mines have always been brutal, it was assured that I'd probably die of lung disease. Though that day, somebody had hit the wrong place in the mine and it collapsed. 36 men didn't make it out, I was of the 22 that made it out injured and 49 are missing. I lost part of my left leg, they had only released me from the hospital today with a prosthetic. I'll have to adjust to walking in it. I'm in the Darlings living room and they insist on caring for me, Elsa insists on staying beside me.

And get this, Jay came by! I don't think I've ever embraced somebody like I've embraced him. He so discreetly walked in, sitting beside me and announcing "The first time I hear my best friend is finally in the same country as I and its after being blown to bits? You just can't give me a break, can you?" And we hugged for what felt like hours, ending up fighting each other. At some point he tossed me a lighter and made me light up a cigar for him, like I used to do back home. The sun is setting and he's talking to Terry and Carmine (who seems a little haught over me having another best friend, somebody much closer to me than he is) but I couldn't be happier. He told me all about that doll of a wife of his and how good life had turned out for him. He promised with all his might that he'd give me the best of everything as soon as I felt better. Jay ranted on and on about how it was unfair that I had to go through this and how I deserved better. At some point I started laughing and told him that he was more angry about my leg than I was. He told me 'Well if I'm not angry for you, you'd never be angry. Show some aggression about this, would you?' I told him it was at nobodies fault or not purposefully and he argued that purpose was not good enough, people were dead, people were hurt and people were never to be found. Purpose was not a good enough excuse to not be angry.

Elsa seemed quite keen on him. She said he was a 'colorful figure' and I had to agree. Jay had always been that way, loud and opinionated. His eye has been watching us all day, though her 'fiance' is coming over to visit soon. She's begged and pleaded, say's he's too old and far too perverted for her. I'd only wish her parents saw past their greed. There's nothing it seems I can do though.

September 27, 1845

Jay is staying the week and I can't say I've ever been happier. He's brought the light back into the house, though Carmine is jealous. I see it in the way his jaw locks when Jay kisses me on the head and acts like my mother or when we argue, then burst into laughter. I even brought it up and Carmine insisted 'I'm fine and have no reason to be jealous. I'm just glad your happy, okay?' and I reluctantly gave in and nodded.

Jay had pulled in a sum of money, said just until I can work again. This got me angry and we ended up yelling until I gave in. Terry is doing good in his schooling though and he's starting to catch an American accent. With luck, he'll catch one and go to secondary school than university. The chances I never had and I hope he does.

Jay came home before and said a man was looking for me, heard I was injured but wanted to talk. He told him that maybe he can pass by after church this Sunday. I asked Jay who it was and said the man had given no name. How strange, who could be searching for me? I couldn't tell you but it looks like I'll find out soon enough.

I'm almost able to walk completely on my leg. It is still very painful but I'm getting there. I feel as though Elsa's father is starting to suspect us though. He's starting to watch us more carefully and he checks up on us a bit too frequently when she comes upstairs to help me out while the other three are out. He almost caught us in a kiss yesterday, but thankfully he came in just a moment too late. By then we'd managed to part and she was changing the wraps on my leg. 'Imagine if women could be nurses, how nice would that be? I would make a great nurse,' she insisted and I laughed, agreeing that she would do a very good job. There was conveniently some tear nearby and I picked up the cup and fidgeted with the glass, blowing the steam away to cool it a bit.