Author's note: Thank you for the wonderful reviews. This is the last flashback, so chapter 10 will return to the present, it basically takes off where chapter 1 left off.

Violet Green: Should you happen onto this fic, thank you so much and I will address the key points you had on PUF the day I eventually update it.

Please for anyone reading PUF as well, this does not mean I'm also updating PUF today or tomorrow. It's not abandoned but I haven't had time to work on it.

Warnings: None I can think of except bad editing I guess.

IIII

All Dates Lead to Hell...

Seras no longer bats an eyelid at some of her master's bizarre if not ludicrous antics, but even she had to draw the line at some point. But one look at the murderous glint in her master's eyes and she knew she'd have to save that stand for another time. Her knees ached from having to crouch for so long a period, not to mention the blistering on her skin. Unlike her master she couldn't spend extended periods in daylight without suffering some degree of discomfort.

"This is ridiculous!"

Inwardly Seras rolled her eyes. Hidden as they were they could observe the unfolding lunch date undetected. Though Seras had a suspicion Sir Integra was well aware of the twin pools of anger directed at her forehead. But to her credit the young knight continued to converse easily with her companion, even offering small smiles in between.

From what Seras knew this was their second meeting or date depending on your perspective. The first, Alucard had only found out after the fact, her master had been merciless on their mission that evening. More so than usual, which taking into account his general penchant for carnage, spoke volumes. Their second date, being on Hellsing property was bound to attract Alucard's notice.

It wasn't long after George Archfield had sat down for lunch with Sir Integra that Seras had found herself being promptly dragged from the confines of her coffin for an impromptu stake out. "I agree, perhaps we should go back inside?" She suggested, glancing up at her master.

"Perhaps you should leave the smart suggestions to the master?" Alucard advised in a snarky tone. "After all this is all your fault."

Seras gaped at him. "How is this all my fault, Master?" she asked.

"You're the one that suggested the weekend from hell," he replied. "I wanted to give her the one gift she's always wanted."

"You wanted me to wrap you in nothing but giftwrap!" the young draculina exclaimed.

Her master shrugged, "I can't help it if I'm Integra's most coveted desire."

Seras snorted, turning back to the not so private lunch date. Though she'd never voice it out loud, she thought the young navy man wasn't too bad on the eyes. He had a boyish charm to him and despite his prestigious upbringing was rough around all the right edges.

"I didn't bring you here to moon after him, Police Girl," Her master said sourly, being privy to her thoughts.

She gave him a sheepish look. "Well he isn't really unattractive, Master... though I think his appeal lies mostly in his moustache." She commented. Was it so wrong that she had an almost uncontrollable urge to run her own fingers across George Archfield's upper lip?

Alucard scoffed, "I practically invented the moustache."

"You did not!"

"Well... I did for the moustache what that musician claimed to have done for sexy," her master claimed before extending his arms. "Look at me, Police Girl, does it look like sexy ever left?"

"Do I have to answer that?"

"Perhaps not, your taste leaves much to be desired," Alucard said with a sniff.

"This from a man in a red fedora...I feel insulted."

"You would be wise to curb that tongue Police Girl or I'll be forced to rinse out your mouth."

Seras huffed before dragging her eyes back to the duo feet away from them. "If this bothers you so much, why not just talk to Sir Integra?" she asked breaking the silence that had stretched for all but several seconds.

Her master sipped absently from his blood bag. Why hadn't she thought to bring something refreshing? Seras wondered regretfully.

"Because my little kitten," Alucard began, pausing to extract another blood bag from his endless pockets, offering it to her and receiving a beaming smile in gratitude. Sometimes her master could be almost caring. "That's exactly what Integra wants me to do."

"Uhm... and this is bad how?"

"Then I'll be playing right into her hand and she would have won."

All of this was seriously giving Seras a headache. She just couldn't understand why she had to be dragged into her master and Sir Integra's little game. "Would it be so bad if Sir Integra won?" she asked.

"Very bad." Was the firm reply.

/

"Don't you think you've taken this far enough, Integra?" Alucard asked the moment his master stepped into her office. He'd watched from her office window as she saw George Archfield out after he'd been forced to endure the longest and most tedious luncheon of his life.

He still had the blisters to show for it too.

"Am I supposed to know what you are talking about?" Integra asked, retrieving one of her prized cigars from its casing. Her expression was one of mastered disinterest.

How one woman could be so arousing in her passiveness never ceased to amaze him. It was no surprise he was constantly and unashamedly lusting after her like a dog in heat. In some of his more contemplative moods even he was somewhat worried about his behaviour. "This game you're playing, it's not going to end well," he said ignoring her attempt at feigned innocence.

Integra arched a lone eyebrow. "Is that a threat, Alucard?" she asked, her voice tinged with amusement. "Because than I might have to refresh your ailing memory, least you forget who is the master in this relationship."

"Your attempt at distracting me with erotic foreplay isn't going to work."

"Alucard, don't make me hurt you," Integra warned.

He was already shaking his head, but paused when her words sunk in. "Not that I'm getting side tracked, but what would this hurting entail exactly?" he asked, suddenly less interested in his earlier enquiry.

Integra walked up to her desk, coming to a stop before him, where he sat in her chair. She splayed her one hand on the surface, leaning towards him. "I will soak that chair with your blood," she stated.

Alucard swallowed, lips suddenly dry, leaning towards her as if being pulled by an invincible string. "And then?" he asked huskily.

If he leaned closer he could almost lick her face. The mere thought alone had him feeling uncomfortably hot.

Integra smirked at him and he allowed himself to believe she was going to give in, but then she straightened up- widening the distance between them.

"And then nothing," she said with a casual shrug. "You seriously need to get a hobby, Alucard. You are too old to be stalking me..."

"But stalking you is my hobby."

"Hence why I said get a new one... whether you like it or not you are going to be seeing quite a lot of George and there is nothing you can do about it."

He could sulk but he seriously doubted it would get him very far. He watched as Integra busied herself with clipping before lighting her cigar. "Is this what menopause looks like?" he asked, hoping to get a rise out of the ever stoic Sir Hellsing.

To his satisfaction Integra visibly bristled at the remark but kept her silence.

"Did you hear that?" Alucard asked, leaning forward with a hand to his ear. "It sounded like the dying chimes of your biological clock."

His master matched his stare. "Really?" she questioned with a saccharine smile. "Because to me it sounded like 30 days worth of solitary confinement."

"You would leave me to my own devices for 30 days?" he asked with a chuckle. "And who would go about handling your vampire problem... surely not the Police Girl?"

Integra stared at him for a moment as he smirked up at her pleased with himself. Then in a blink of an eye she had her gun aimed at him, had he been human he probably wouldn't have even seen the moment she'd pulled it out. "You forget, Alucard. I am quite capable of handling any problematic vampire myself," she said removing the cigar from her lips with her other hand.

Alucard rose, the gun pressing into his neck. He was taking liberties and wondered how far Integra would allow him to go. "Even me, Master?" he asked huskily, holding her gaze.

A long silence stretched between them with his body pressing her against the desk and the gun digging into his skin.

"Integra?" he prompted, allowing his hand to brush against her throat as he leant forward unafraid of the gun pressed to his throat.

Integra craned her neck and for a breath stopping second her warm lips brushed against his cool ones before she pulled away. "Even you, Alucard," she said with a smirk, lowering her gun and turning her body away from him.

"Sometimes I wonder who is tempting who my master," Alucard said before phasing through the floors of the mansion and straight to his chambers.

Smirking to himself he unceremoniously dropped into his throne chair, crossing one leg over the other knee. So his master wanted to play did she? Well he was nothing if not a master at strategy games. He could let her continue this little childish charade with that navy brute, but then he'd be playing fair which was simply against his very nature.

No, if Integra was willing to bring in a third unwanted agent into their little game than it was up to him to remove the unwanted third party. But killing him would be too easy and absolutely no fun. No, he wouldn't kill George Archfield but maybe he could have a little fun with him. Alucard's smirk turned into a full blown malevolent grin.

Yes... a little fun, something to pass the time.