Sorry for those who have been waiting for more chapters, as my house guests were more of a handful than I thought.
I appreciated the comments, and agree that I tend to get "wordy", so I'm trying to work in more dialogue, which is good practice for when Bella and Edward meet. When? Hopefully soon, as I am very excited myself to write that chapter. The following felt necessary for the Mike storyline and I really think Mike got the short end of the stick in the novels, as he seemed like a decent guy who just fell for the "wrong" girl. I honestly think he would have had a chance if not for Edward/Jake, so don't hate me if he's really sympathetic here.
I also hope to provide more chapters to make up for the lack of my updating.
Love the feedback, so be truthful but hot hurtfulJ
Chapter 9: The Breakup
"Ms. Swan?… Ms. Swan… Bella!" Mr. Christianson shouted from the chalkboard, clearly frustrated with my lack of attention.
"Umm..HERE", I absently responded back, turning my head away from the window that I had been staring a hole through.
"You sure about that", he acidly asked? "Ms. Swan, we were discussing whether Jane Austen's most classic novels could be considered both feminist and sexist and I had wanted your always deep thoughts on the matter". "Perhaps I should check back, when you are "HERE" both physically and mentally", he sarcastically added.
Turning my signature red, I flipped my hair to the other side and quickly glanced down at my notebook which was now covered in questions marks and random thoughts.
Mr. Christianson returned to the chalkboard and started up again with the class discussion. Advanced English lit class had always been a favorite of mine as we so often discussed and revisited stories and books I had read several times before. But not even the familiarity and escape my favorite books offered could detach me from the unanswered questions lingering throughout my body.
The entire morning had dragged along slowly, as if the day purposely wanted to keep me away from the night. Going from class to class, the noises and sounds that echoed around me began to all jumble together and all I could hear was the personal debate in my head. The scratching of the seat behind me pulled me out of my trance yet again.
Jessica was turning her chair around from the position in had been in. As she twisted her body and head to face the front of the classroom, she glanced my way, and I suddenly realized from the look in her eyes, she had been talking about me to the person behind her.
I smiled weakly at her, mouthing "Hi". In response she merely nodded her head and looked straight through me.
"Ugghhh" I groaned remembering another reason I had dreaded waking up this morning.
Ever since Mike's declaration that night, I understood that I would have to end our "romantic relationship" ASAP. We hadn't gone out since that fateful date and his constant work hours and demanding sports schedule had delayed the inevitable. I was going to have to "BREAK UP" with Mike Newton today.
I had tried to find a way to do it easy, simply tell him that he was more of a friend than anything else, but the execution of my plan worried me. Jessica's cold treatment to me, which began almost the exact moment I had agreed to go to the movies with Mike, was yet another weapon in my endless supply of excuses for my not wanting to date Mike Newton. I now just had to find a way to not be so hurtful.
The bell rang, signally the end of class, beginning of lunch, and the moment I wasn't going to enjoy. "All right, we'll pick up were we left off next class. Don't forget, oral essay presentations are next week. PREPARE!" Mr. Christenson shouted, trying desperately to grab a hold of someone's attention, as the students dashed out the door.
To avoid any conflict or embarrassment, I had planned to talk to Mike before we all made it to the lunch table. I REALLY didn't need any kind of audience. As expected, I found Mike at his locker, fumbling to keep all that he jammed there from spewing out.
"Hello Mike", I offered up. "Do you think we could talk just for a little bit? You have been so hard to catch up with these days and there was something I really needed to say", I blurted out.
"Oh. Sure thing Bella. I'm sorry I haven't been available lately but my parents needed me to work extra hours and I have had so many away games", he replied. I could tell immediately he was uneasy of what was to come. He searched my face looking for a sign, anything that foretold what I was thinking. I hoped he found it, maybe if he anticipated this, prepared for it, it would be easier.
"Let's go out to the breezeway. I could use some air, and not too many people hang out there during lunch".
He quickly shoved his books into his locker and slammed the locker door shut forcefully. I had turned and walked towards the door, when I unexpectedly felt Mike slip his hand into mine. NO! This was going to be harder than I thought.
We walked hand in hand into the breezeway that faced the trees and unspoiled forest that surrounded the area. I could feel the slightest hint of moisture on my palm, unsure if the nervous sweat came from me or the person I was about to hurt. Once we stood several yards from the entryway, I took a deep breath, unlocked my hand from Mike's and took two steps away from where he stood, trying desperately not to look away or break eye contact.
"Mike", was all I got out before he put his finger to my lips.
"Don't", he simply said. "Please don't say, what I think, no, what I KNOW, you're going to say". He waited several heartbeats before closing his eyes and saying "You just want to be friends, right"?
"Yes", I whispered.
He looked away, trying to hide the tears that mingled with the hurt and anger on his face. I waited several minutes to speak, to give him time to recover.
"You are such a wonderful person and a terrific guy. It's not that I don't want to be with you or feel for you in that way…it's just that I can't. I look at you and see a sincere and genuine friend. I care for you…just not the way you need me to", I sputtered out.
"Feelings change. People change. I CAN change", he said, not looking at me but beyond into the forest.
"Don't you dare, Mike Newton. You are a great guy and I wish I could see you as more than a friend but deep in my heart, I know that won't ever happen", I cried out. It hurt me to see him in pain but I knew if I carried on pretending, it would be even harder on him.
"Is it because of HIM? You deserve so much better, Bella. I could never hurt you like that. If you let me, I'd make you my world and then give it to you. Isn't it worth a shot", he asked, looking deeply into my eyes.
The very mention of Edward made the pain in my heart swell, and I had to look away, not wanting Mike to think the tears that wanted to come were for him instead of Edward.
A gust of wind flowed through the breezeway, hitting my face and providing much needed relief. I quickly composed my emotions and carried on with the issue at hand.
"This is not about what's happened in the past. This is about us and making a decision that's fair for the both of us. You deserve to be with someone that can truly appreciate you and love you the way you need to be loved. You deserve to be happy", I answered, truthfully.
"What about you? What's going to make you happy", he asked?
"Knowing that I did the right thing, letting you go as a boyfriend and holding on to you as a friend. That…that will make me content and satisfied", I declared.
"If that what it takes to make you happy. Then that's what I'll do", he glumly responded. "But it doesn't mean I'll ever stop caring about you. I can be your friend without giving up on the hope that I can be more than that".
"Thank you Mike. For understanding and for being you", I said, not sure how I should respond from his last statement.
"Friends?" he asked, as he stuck his hand out in front of me.
"Great Friends", I smiled back, extending my hand and shaking his. He took that opportunity to pull me into a tight hug. With his arms around me, he whispered into my ear "You'll always be someone special to me Bella Swan. Thanks for making me feel good enough, if just for awhile".
He pulled away, still firmly holding onto my shoulders, and lightly kissed me on my cheek. He immediately let go of his hold and turned away.
"See you later Swan", he said, grabbing his bag and swiftly walking back to the door.
"See you Newton", I said, slightly waving to the back of his head. I stood there watching him walk away, knowing I had to do what I just done.
I strolled down to the picnic tables that rested just a few feet from the breezeway, taking a seat to on the bench farthest from the school. I didn't want to think anymore about the pain I was causing people. People who just wanted to care for me but I couldn't let them.
I shut my eyes, blocking out the sounds from the school and its inhabitants, and concentrated on the senses emitted from the forest near by. Though it had yet to rain today, the smell of the moist trees and moss that grew all over the ground entered my nostrils and along with the wind blowing, brought back a freeing feeling. The freedom I had felt with Edward when we would run through the trees, leaving the outside world behind.
Eyes still tightly closed, I started a one way conversation, saying the words that needed to be released.
"Edward. Where are you"? "I miss you every single minute of every hour, of each and every day. Everything I look at, hear, or think about reminds me of you. And I try…so hard to forget you but I wont let myself forget the greatest thing that ever happened to my life", I whispered, my voice breaking towards the end.
"Do you think about ME? Or are the distractions in your life able to erase the memory of me…us? Decades from now, when you're still 17, and I'm…will I matter to you? Even if I'm just an afterthought to you, the memory of you and the love I felt for you will stay with me till the day I die." I declared to the light wind that blew the hair around my face.
Mindlessly, I got up from the bench and walked towards the edge of the forest, stopping several yards from the massive trees. I again closed my eyes and wished for that sense of freedom to come back.
"Edward". The shrieking bell, signaling the end of lunch awoke me from my daydreaming. I turned to walk away and head back towards the never ending day, when I heard the snapping of wood and dry leaves behind me.
I quickly swiveled my head around, my eyes searching the woods for whatever lurked there. I scanned the area and came up empty for what hid in the forest.
"Just an animal I guess", I reasoned. The hunger in my stomach also had earned my focus, as I slowly retrieved my book bag and headed to class. I would most definitely need to grab something from the vending machines before the end of classes, as I had a full schedule that evening.
My desire to keep my mind off Edward had made me quite the joiner. I had a student council meeting at 4:00, swim practice at 5:30, and the pep rally, which I had promised Angela and Ben I would go to kicked off at 7:30. It was going to be a very long day.
The second bell, a five minute warning for all students still not in class, went off as I hurried to the door. I was so involved in getting to class; I never noticed the rustling of leaves and movement in the trees that occurred just behind me.
