Hi…oh man. I am one bad, bad, bad, author. But hey, school's out! I now have the whole summer vacation with nothing to do but update my chapters on time and upload more stories! Hooray!

I spent three days at an anime convention cosplaying Alvida! (A friend went with me dressed as Coby, we made for a cute little pair. I didn't find anyone dressed as Cabaji though.) And of course, I got lots of AlxCa fanart commissioned! (check out my new avvie!) I even got to be in a One Piece photoshoot, with some 25 or so other One Piece cosplayers, it was fantastic! (Boa Hancock and I got in fight over who got Luffy, it was great.)

So anyway…because I was a bad author and made you all wait here's an extra, extra long chapter to make up for it. Enjoy, because "The Fangirl and the Magical Paintbrush Fairy" will be coming to a close soon! *gasp!*

I don't own One Piece, Roy Mustang (he's back. I told you he would be.) Seto Kaiba, TenTen, or Kuroshitsuji, which is referenced mildly, (For those who might not know it's a Victorian set anime, filled with lots of frilly fancy dresses, which I happen to like, but my OC does not.) Lastly, I don't own "Pirate of Penzance" which is a Gilbert and Sullivan opera about pirates that sing, dance, and steal things. There are lots of songs, a flamboyant Pirate King, and lots of women in frilly Victorian dresses who behave like insipid little sheep. I like sheep.

Enjoy.


I ran down the hallway with Cabaji as Mackenzie hit the doorbell a third time.

"I know you're in there Grace!" I heard her yell from outside. "I just called you! Don't pretend you're not home."

"Wait here a moment." I said to Cabaji, leaving him in the hallway.

I flung open the door to see Mackenzie glowering at me with her hand poised over the doorbell ready to hit it a fourth time.

"What's the deal Grace?" she said, looking thoroughly annoyed. "Are you mad at me or something? You haven't called me in ages, then you say that you'd rather go to play rehearsal by yourself, and then when I show up it takes you forever to get to the door. What's up?"

"I'm not mad at you." I said, glancing behind me to make sure Cabaji wasn't hovering in the background. "Really."

"Then what's your problem?" asked Mackenzie, folding her arms.

"Nothing." I said, quickly turning back to her. "Everything's normal."

"Then why are you acting weird?" she said, raising an eyebrow. "You seem awful stressed out. What's going on?"

"Nothing's going on." I said unconvincingly.

"Spill it Grace." said Mackenzie. "What are you hiding?"

"Nothing!"

"Then why do you keep looking behind yourself like that? What is it?"

I took a deep breath.

"Mackenzie…" I said slowly.

"Yes?" she said, still glaring.

"You know how I said I've been occupied, and some unexpected things happened? And that I've had…company?"

"Oh no, Grace…don't tell me, don't tell me it's a boy!"

"Um…yes."

"NO GRACE!" Mackenzie practically screamed, grabbing me by the shoulders and shaking me. "No! You can't have-I mean…don't tell me that-?"

"Whoa! Chill out Kenzie!" I said, dislodging her hands from my shoulders. "Holy cow! It's nothing like that! You're way overreacting!"

"So you're still a virgin?"

"Yes! Of course I am! Jeez! Did you think I wasn't talking to you because I was sleeping around with some boy?"

"Well, when you didn't come to the door right away…" said Mackenzie.

"Do I look like I just crawled out of bed with a guy?" I asked.

"No." Mackenzie admitted. "But then what's you're excuse? What's been going on? I'm your best friend Grace. We don't keep secrets from each other."

I took another deep breath.

"You'll see why I kept this a secret." I said.

I turned back into the hallway.

"Hey! My friend Mackenzie wants to meet you!"

"Can I finally come out fangirl-chan?" Cabaji answered. "I was worried you were going to ditch me or something."

"Who are you talking to Grace?" asked Mackenzie, trying to peer over my shoulder. "And why does this guy call you fangirl-chan?"

"Because I'm his fangirl. And because he can't remember to call me Grace."

"What?" said Mackenzie incredulously. "You're his fangirl? I thought you a fangirl of that Cabaji guy or whatever his name is. The tacky one with the long hair?"

"My hair isn't tacky." growled Cabaji, looming over me.

Mackenzie looked up at him.

Her eyes widened in this amazing expression of shock and terror. And then she screamed.

You should hear Mackenzie scream. There's a reason she's an actress. She would have put every single one of the One Piece Otaku fangirls to shame. It is a truly horrifying sound that can shatter glass if no one stops it.

"Make her stop!" yelled Cabaji, his hands over his ears.

"Mackenzie, STOP!" I yelled. It had no effect. Mackenzie can scream for five whole minutes.

Cabaji slapped her. Not that hard, but enough to make her stop.

Mackenzie latched onto to my arm and stood trembling, staring at Cabaji.

"Mackenzie, it's okay." I said, gently. "You're cutting off the circulation in my arm."

Mackenzie just stared.

"What's wrong with her?" asked Cabaji, waving his hand in front of her face. She flinched and squeezed my arm harder.

"I think she's gone into shock or something." I said. "I'll go make her some tea."

I managed to escort Mackenzie into the kitchen, where I made green tea and Cabaji demanded toast.

"Are you for real?" Mackenzie managed to ask of Cabaji, once I had forced her to drink some tea and she had let go of my arm.

"What do you mean?" asked Cabaji giving her a quizzical look. "Why wouldn't I be real?"

Mackenzie looked at me.

"Grace, what's going on?" she said. "Why is there an anime character in your kitchen?"

"Anime? What's anime?" asked Cabaji.

"Come on." I said, standing her up. "I'll explain everything."

"You're serious Grace."

"Dead serious."

"No really?"

"Yes Mackenzie!"

"So you drew Cabaji, and Miss Goldenweek showed up and brought him to life?"

"Well, actually she called herself 'The Magical Paintbrush Fairy' but that's about the size of it."

Mackenzie looked as though she was about to explode with excitement.

"When I get home," she cried. "I'm drawing as many pictures of Roy Mustang as I can!"

"Great." I said sarcastically. "Just who we need. That sleazy manwhore-"

"Don't call him a manwhore!" said Mackenzie defensively.

"Then don't say Cabaji's hair is tacky." I retorted.

"But seriously Grace." said Mackenzie. "This is…incredible. You have an anime character living in your house. He's real. I don't know what to say. And what are you supposed to tell your parents?"

"I'm still working on that." I said sheepishly. "Right now my main concern is if he'll end up setting the house on fire while I'm at play practice."

"Bring him with us." said Mackenzie simply.

"What?"

"Bring him with us." Mackenzie repeated. "We're doing choreography today. You know, dance and stuff? Cabaji's an acrobat! He's probably pro at this sort of thing! Not to mention Ms. Lawrence would love him."

"That's a good point." I said thoughtfully. "You should see him play Dance Dance Revolution. Oh but wait, what about Shane?"

"Ah, who cares what Shane thinks." said Mackenzie shrugging. "I'll bet Cabaji's just as good as him, if not better."

"I suppose." I said thoughtfully.

"So bring him along!" said Mackenzie enthusiastically. "He can help choreograph stuff. I'm sure he'd have loads of good ideas. And not to mention the subject matter of our play." she added with a grin.

"It's not fair." I muttered. "Why do I have to be the ditzy female in the ridiculous dress?

"Ah, such is the price of being a main character." giggled Mackenzie. "You get to parade around the stage in a hilarious outfit while we ensemble characters laugh at you in the wings. I can't wait to see the look on Cabaji's face."

"Hey fangirl-chan!" Cabaji yelled from downstairs. "I feel like you're excluding me."

"Sorry!" I called back down. "We'll be down in a second."

"You better." said Cabaji. "I don't like being excluded. It makes me lonely."

"He's not quite what I pictured." said Mackenzie.

"Yeah, he gets these little OOC moments." I said. "I'm not sure why. But when he's watching Kill Bill… he's not OOC at all. And you should have seen him when we ran into the One Piece Otaku Fangirl Club. He nearly murdered them."

"I wish he had." muttered Mackenzie. "They're a bunch of freaks. There's a good reason I quit."

"Yeah, it was pretty amusing." I laughed. "He pulled his sword out of his throat and showed them the scars from his fight with Zoro. And then he told them he'd beat them up if they bothered me again."

"I'll bet Britney nearly went into cardiac arrest." laughed Mackenzie.

"Oh, which one was she?" I asked eagerly. "Zoro's fangirl?"

"Oh no, she's a Sanji fangirl." said Mackenzie. "Given how much she smokes at her age I'm surprised she can still breathe."

"Yeah, she looked like she was about to have an asthma attack." I laughed.

"I feel like you guys have abandoned me." Cabaji called from downstairs again.

"This is still so weird Grace." said Mackenzie, shaking her head as we walked downstairs. "I mean, he's kind of a violent character. What if he tries to hurt you or something?"

"Oh, he's threatened to break my arm once or twice, but he doesn't mean it." I laughed. "I know he seems like a violent character, but seriously, he's actually- "

"GET OUT! DAMN IT! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

There was a violent crash in from the kitchen, followed by more swear words that I'm not going to repeat.

Mackenzie and I ran down the stairs to the kitchen to find Cabaji throwing the toaster against the wall.

"SCREW YOU! YOU BETTER COME OUT OR I'LL-Oh hi, fangirl-chan."

"Cabaji, what are you doing to the toaster?" I said, bewildered.

"Oh, the toast is stuck in the toaster, I was trying to get it out." said Cabaji, as if this should have been obvious.

"Not a violent person." Mackenzie muttered to me. "Yeah right."

Surprisingly, Mackenzie and Cabaji got along fairly well.

"Seriously, you've got a set of lungs on you." said Cabaji to Mackenzie as we made our way to the theatre. "I've never heard anyone scream like that."

"Yeah, sorry." said Mackenzie sheepishly. "I tend to overreact sometimes."

"You'd give Alvida a run for her money, and when she's pissed she knows how to scream."

We made our way down the avenue to the Bijoux Theatre where rehearsals were.

"Grace! Mackenzie! Wonderful to see you! Right on time!" cried our amazingly eccentric director, Ms. Lawrence upon our arrival. She was wearing her usual long and ruffled skirt accompanied by four or so shawls of various colors. Her long brown hair was done up in two buns on top of her head. She might have resembled TenTen from Naruto, had there not been large sunflowers on top of the buns.

"Oh, and who might this strapping, handsome young man be?" she inquired, looking at Cabaji with a broad smile.

"This is my friend Cabaji." I said. "He is currently residing in my home after being transported here by a deity of art from another world.

"How fascinating!" cried Ms. Lawrence. You can tell Ms. Lawrence anything so long as it sounds extravagant. With her, the more outrageous the better. Not that she actually believes it, she just likes a good story.

"Grace. Why are you late?"

"Well Ms. Lawrence, there was a woman giving birth in the middle of the street, and on further inspection I realized she was my second cousin from Halifax."

"Goodness! Was she alright?"

"Oh yes! She had quintuplets."

"Wonderful!"

"Mackenzie, where is your script?"

"Well Ms. Lawrence, my brother went to the circus last night, and he won a free lion. And when he brought it home the lion ate the script."

"Oh dear. Hopefully you'll be able to retrieve it somehow. I would advise your brother to return the lion however. He should trade it in for a giraffe."

"Well now, you and Mackenzie go get changed into your costumes." said Ms. Lawrence. "A few of the other cast members are already changing. Cabaji, if you would like to observe our rehearsals, you may take a seat in the audience. And you have any questions, do not hesitate to ask."

"Um…what's this play called?" he asked.

Mackenzie and I grinned at each other.

"Pirates of Penzance."


Mackenzie emerged from the dressing room in a baggy ruffled shirt, leather vest ripped pants and large hoop earrings, looking every bit the role of pirate.

Whilst I on the other hand, emerged in a massive pink dress with a bustle and hoop skirt. And the entire thing was covered in rosemary…lace. I cannot stand lace. And to top of the ridiculous ensemble I had an enormous matching hat piled with ribbon and fake flowers all over it. And then there was the tiny little parasol covered in lace.

"Cabaji's going to laugh." giggled Mackenzie.

"Yeah, you've said that." I muttered. "Don't make me beat you with my parasol."

We walked out onstage amongst the other actors, comprised of mostly of pirates and ladies in large over-lacy Victorian dresses. The whole ensemble looked liked we'd stepped out of a One Piece/Kuroshitsuji crossover.

"You look lovely everyone!" Ms. Lawrence announced to us.

I looked around for Cabaji. He was arguing with one of the lead actors, who looked rather uncomfortable.

"So, you're the Pirate King?"

"Um…yes that's my role."

"So you've found the One Piece?"

"The what?"

"You're the Pirate King and you don't even know what the One Piece is?"

"Um…no."

"Then how can you be Pirate King if you don't have the One Piece?"

"Umm…it's the way the play is written?"

"Well the play is wrong. Whoever wrote this play was an idiot. Honestly. The Pirate King has to have the One Piece to be Pirate King. Whoever wrote this play obviously had no idea what they were talking about. And where is this 'Penzance' place? I swear, no where in the Grand Line is there an island called 'Penzance."

"Umm…where is the Grand Line?"

"You don't even know where the Grand Line is?"

"It's not in the play…"

"So let me get this straight. In this play, you're the Pirate King, but you don't have the One Piece and you haven't even been to the Grand Line?"

"Er…yes?"

"You have got to be the worst Pirate King ever."

"Everyone!" Ms. Lawrence called. "I would like to introduce you Grace's friend Cabaji! He's going to watch us today!"

No one gave much of a reaction. We were used to random people watching rehearsals. And when you're into theatre, you meet all sorts of strange people. Long black hair that's shaved off on one side isn't considered all that exotic. I was just glad Mackenzie and I were the only ones who read One Piece.

Cabaji also gave little reaction that he was being introduced. He simply gaped at my dress.

"That dress makes you look like a cake, fangirl-chan." he said.

I blushed, while several members of the giggled.

"Fangirl-chan?" asked my friend Suzanne, who was also in ridiculous Victorian dress and looked like she could have been cosplaying Elizabeth Middleford. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"He can't remember my name." I said sheepishly.

"Ouch." said Suzanne. "Some friend he is."

"Now as you know, we will be continuing with choreography today." said Ms. Lawrence. "Now, as soon as Shane gets here-"

"I'm here."

We all turned to see our choreographer Shane making his usual dramatic entrance. He strode boldly down the aisle, long purple coat billowing out behind him and making him look like a Seto Kaiba cosplayer.

"Chop, chop everyone!" he called, clapping his hands together briskly. "Run it from the overture. Places everyone! Now!"

"I'm off to the wardrobe department!" said Ms. Lawrence, waving cheerily to us. "I'll come back and see the overture in about forty-five minutes! Break a leg everyone!"

I was happy I was not in the overture. I quickly hustled off the stage and into the wings. (Though it's hard to amongst the other actors when you're wearing a dress shaped like a cake.)

Our pit band began the overture. There was no real dialogue in the opening. Gilbert and Sullivan plays always start out with a big long musical number where no one sings or talks, which is typical of an overture. Everyone just kind of parades or walks around the across the stage doing what their characters do. The majority of the cast are pirates. So, everyone's wandering/dancing/fighting across the stage, looking for treasure, dueling, drinking, polishing their various weaponry, and goofing off. We actually worked in some gymnastics in the choreography, like tumbles and a few cartwheels. Stuff like that.

A group of "pirates" drifted onstage. They were consulting a map and pantomiming bickering about what direction to go. Mackenzie and Adrian crossed onstage and began locking swords. They both spun around, darting and parrying each other's blows and -

"STOP!"

Everyone froze. The musicians in the pit band stopped playing. Everyone turned to gape at Cabaji who was standing up in the audience.

"You!" he said, pointing at Adrian. "You're holding that sword all wrong. You're supposed to grip it like you're shaking hands with someone. But you're holding it like you just picked it up! It looks awful. And you-" he said, now pointing at Mackenzie. "Fangirl-chan's friend or whatever your name is. Your footwork it terrible. You wouldn't last five seconds in a real fight. When he thrusts to the side, you turn and parry to the left, not to the right."

"S-sorry." stammered Mackenzie. Adrian, who was shy and didn't always handle criticism well looked terrified.

"Excuse me." said Shane, glowering at Cabaji. "We all appreciate your suggestion, but as you are simply a guest here, I ask that you refrain from comment."

Cabaji rolled his eyes, and resumed his nonchalant position in the audience.

"From the top then, shall we?" said Shane, clapping his hands again.

The musicians resumed their playing. Mackenzie and Adrian resumed their sword fighting. The others resumed their map-consulting. It was at this point the music picked up tempo, and more people made their way onstage. Some of them dancing, twirling their swords, staggering around drunk, stuff like that. I wondered what Cabaji would think of our gymnastics. My friend Diana skipped on happily and did a back spring clear across the stage and then -

"STOP!"

Everyone froze to see Cabaji standing up in the audience again.

"Alright." he said, glowering. "If you're going to do acrobatics onstage, you'd better do it right. First of all, you're not giving each other enough room. It's a big stage! So use it! Otherwise you're going to end up breaking each other's necks. And your form is dreadful. Especially you." he said, now pointing at Diana. "When you did that back spring, it looked more like some pathetic somersault. Your arms were way too weak. You need to spread them out a bit more for better support."

"Sir." said Shane, looking a little more than annoyed. "I am the choreographer here, not you. So I suggest you sit down and shut up or I'll throw you out."

"You're the choreographer?" said Cabaji, turning on him. "So you're the one responsible for this pathetic excuse for dancing? You call that choreography?"

Mackenzie shot me a look that clearly said maybe this wasn't a good idea…

Shane looked like was about to spontaneously combust with anger.

"Sir," said Shane through clenched teeth. "I have been to dance academies all over the world and have degrees from the best dance schools. And if you expect me to allow a mere amateur like you to criticize my -"

But Cabaji wasn't listening. He had jumped up onto the stage and was continuing his explanation to Diana, who looked positively horrified.

"Now like I just said." said Cabaji, still addressing Diana. "Spread your arms for more support. And when your feet are up, push off from your elbows, not from your wrists. You'll end up breaking them when you're trying to land."

"Get off my stage!" yelled Shane.

"Here, see if you can copy me." said Cabaji, paying Shane absolutely no attention. "Everyone move."

Everyone did move. No one seemed to want to get too close to Cabaji, so they spread out and gave him a wide berth.

Cabaji backed up, broke into a run, jumped and vaulted into an absolutely flawless back spring. It was simple perfection. Everyone gaped at him. Even Shane looked surprised.

"It's all in the balance and support you get from your arms." said Cabaji, straightening up and turning back to Diana. "See, it's easy. I could do back springs when I was like, seven."

Everyone was still staring at him.

"What?" he said. "It's not that hard. It's basic acrobatics. I just can't stand bad form. I hate watching someone butcher such a simple move."

"This is my choreography!" yelled Shane, regaining his composure. "Not yours!"

"Well I'm just trying to fix the mess you made of it." said Cabaji, rolling his eyes.

He made to walk off the stage, but caught sight of Adrian again.

"Hey you!" he said, rounding on Adrian. "What did I tell you? You're holding the sword wrong again! Hold it like you're shaking hands with someone! Here, give it to me!"

Without waiting for Adrian's consent, Cabaji grabbed the sword out of his hands.

"Oh man, this sword is a piece of shit." said Cabaji, looking it over. "It's completely blunt. How do you expect to kill anyone with a blunt sword?"

"Do you honestly think we'd allow a bunch of teenagers to have actual sharpened weapons?" yelled Shane. "And for the last time, get of the stage!"

"This sword is worthless." said Cabaji. "Even if the blade was sharp, the handle's all screwed up and bent. No wonder you're holding it wrong. Here, you can use mine."

He tilted his head back and reached into his throat, withdrawing his sword.

The entire cast screamed, Shane included.

"God, you're all as bad as those fangirl-freaks from the library." muttered Cabaji, but everyone seemed to be too much in shock to really care what he was saying.

He turned and handed the sword to Adrian, who simply gaped at him in terror.

"If you so much as dent, scratch, bend, chip, mar or break this sword in anyway, I will rip your arms out of their sockets." said Cabaji. "And you'd better hold it right."

Adrian gingerly took the sword. I was afraid he would pass out or something.

I heard Mackenzie whisper to him, "He's not kidding. You better hold it right."

Cabaji jumped off the stage and walked casually by Shane.

"Sir…I…I demand that you leave immediately!" Shane expostulated, positively fuming as he pointed a rigid finger at the door.

"Hey that's a nice coat." said Cabaji, looking at Shane's long purple Seto Kaiba-ish outfit. "I know a lady who's got one just like it."

There was a considerable "oooooo" from the actors, as the insult finally dawned Shane. (Cabaji was obviously referring to Alvida, though Mackenzie and I were of course the only ones who had made that connection.) Shane, looking positively mutinous, opened his mouth to retort, thought better of it, and closed it.

"Right then." said Cabaji, sitting back down, and kicking his feet up. "Let's take it from the top."


Cabaji spent the entire next hour "fixing" all our choreography. He even cut out some of Shane's work and made up completely new choreography for it on the spot. Most of it involved dangerous flips and highly complex acrobatics, but he was more than glad to attempt to teach everyone. By the time Ms. Lawrence got back, our overture looked almost completely different, not to mention way better.

"This is incredible Shane!" said Ms. Lawrence, as everyone tumbled about the stage in perfect acrobatic coordination. "But I think we're going to have to tone it down just a bit. This is Pirates of Penzance, not a production of Cirque du Soleil."

Shane, who had been slumped in a chair and somewhat in shock, now mutely shook his head and pointed at Cabaji.

"You did the choreography?" said Ms. Lawrence, staring at him.

"Yeah. I guess so." said Cabaji, shrugging.

"Amazing!" said Ms. Lawrence enthusiastically. "You're familiar with dance and choreography?"

"Uh…I suppose." said Cabaji, looking a little taken aback by Ms. Lawrence's praise. "I mean, I'm an acrobat, so I know this kind of stuff."

"An acrobat?" said Ms. Lawrence, raising an eyebrow. "Have you ever worked with Cirque du Soleil?"

"Cirque du what?" said Cabaji blankly.

"Cirque Du Soleil!" cried Ms. Lawrence. "They're only the greatest acrobatic circus in all of Canada!"

"Uh…I've been in loads of circuses, but definitely not one called 'Cirque du Soleil." said Cabaji, still looking somewhat confused.

"My goodness!" cried Ms. Lawrence. "You've never heard of Cirque du Soleil? You're clearly not from around here, are you?"

"Can't say I am." said Cabaji, while Mackenzie and I giggled at this.

"Grace!" said Ms. Lawrence. "You will have to show your highly acrobatic friend here just how spectacular Cirque du Soleil is!"

"We'll check it out on YouTube tonight." I said, happy I wouldn't have to spend another night watching bodies get torn apart in Blu-Ray high definition.

That night I managed to bring up YouTube on my painfully slow computer and we watched clips from dozens of Cirque du Soleil performances.

Mackenzie called us at ten o'clock in evident distress.

"Grace!" she said desperately. "I've drawn exactly twenty-four pictures of Roy Mustang and nothing's happened yet!"

I didn't want to tell her that I wasn't sure if Miss Goldenweek came to characters of other manga, or if Mackenzie's drawings were just so bad that it was impossible to recognize them as Roy Mustang. She did have a thing for bulging muscles and lots of hair, which was probably why her drawings usually ended up looking like Chopper's heavy point form stuffed into a state alchemist uniform. I assured her that hopefully something would happen, and promptly hung up to return to watching Cirque du Soleil.

"This is amazing." murmured Cabaji, as we watched trapeze artists launch themselves from chandeliers in a scene from Corteo. "Absolutely amazing."

"It's even better live." I said, grinning. "I've seen Corteo, Allegria, and Kooza."

"You've seen them live?" asked Cabaji, sounding distinctly jealous.

"It helps when you have a French teacher who's good friends with the manager." I said, recalling my old French teacher, Madame Frances. "She used to get take classes on field trips to see them.

"Amazing." repeated Cabaji, staring in reverent awe at the performance. "Absolutely amazing."

That night, when Cabaji had finally fallen asleep, I made a phone call.

"Bonjour, Madame Frances? Oui? C'est Grace. Ah, oui…ça va bien. Toi aussi? Bien. Écoutez, est-ce que tu connais encore le directeur du Cirque du Soleil? Vraiment? Ah…c'est fantastique! Peux-je demander pour un service…?"


My French skills aren't exactly fantastique, but if you really want to know what Grace was saying the translation is roughly: "Hey, what's up Madame Frances? Do you still know the director of Cirque du Soleil? Awesome. Can I ask a favor?"

If anyone is better at French than I am by all means point out any grammar mistakes you find.

I know I've been a bad author by not updating and I don't deserve reviews…but perhaps you could find it within your kind and forgiving hearts to press the little purple button anyway? Please? Please?