haha this one is disgracefully long and also definitely not my best, but at least we're at number 9.


Farewell – Rihanna
And I know you're going somewhere to make a better life
I hope that you find it on the first try
And even though it kills me
That you have to go
I know it'll be sadder
If you never hit the road

When Arrow skips out on Council, Mika knows something is wrong before anyone else does. He knows it because Arrow's always enjoyed being at the Mountain with the only family he's ever known a hundred times more than he's ever enjoyed being out in the world, and because he would never miss their usual ritual of getting blind drunk on the first night and scaring the newcomers.

Through their mental connection, Mika locates him in Scotland, of all places, and not moving. He spends a boring two months at the Mountain without his brother for company, and then decides he'll see for himself what's been keeping Arrow away. It takes him weeks to arrive, and when he does, summer is ending and it's already turning cold.

It's only when he's outside, drawing up to the little cottage and frowning, that he bothers letting Arrow know that he's here.

What the fuck is this house? he fires across their link, knowing that Arrow will pick up his location immediately. Knocking is for humans. Have you gone soft?

It's a matter of seconds later that the front door flings open and there he is, grinning from ear to ear, completely filling the doorway with his impressive height and broad shoulders. As always, Arrow draws him into a mockery of a hug – it's more like a brief wrestling match as Mika tries to twist away – and then, seemingly remembering where he is and why Mika's here, his mouth turns down into a gentle frown.

"What's the matter?" he asks, straight to the heart of it as ever, and Arrow looks back at him and shrugs.

"Nothing," he replies, but he's always been a horrendous liar. They have been together in life longer now than they have been alone, and there is nothing, Mika fancies, that he doesn't know about his brother. He knows that when he's worried he bites his thumbnail, knows he loves animals because of that one time he wouldn't kill a fox even though they were extremely fucking hungry because it might have a family, and he knows that when he's keeping a secret his eyes always go down and to the left. Every single time, even over the most insignificant little thing – and, predictably, they're doing it now.

Mika fixes him with a look, and Arrow only sighs in response. He retreats back into the house, beckoning Mika along behind him. There's no evidence of a raid here, Mika notices, no corpses, no stench of blood. Arrow hasn't been keeping away on business. Arrow insists on taking a seat opposite the fireplace before he will hear any more of Mika's questions, and by the time they are there Mika feels almost ready to burst.

"What is this?" he asks.

Arrow sniffs. "I live here."

Arrow never has been a man of too many words, and so this bare bones response doesn't entirely shock Mika, but it still leaves him unsatisfied.

"Well, since when?" he quizzes. "And why?"

Arrow huffs, like he'd been hoping for more of a friendly chat than an interrogation, and Mika waits for Arrow to retort, because he always does, but this time he just sighs, rubbing a thick hand across his chin as if he's deep in thought.

That's never a good thing. Arrow doesn't really think – he usually just does things, works entirely on instinct, and if necessary, he thinks about it later, or ideally he gets someone else to think about it on his behalf. Paris always says that will be his undoing if he isn't careful.

Before he replies, Arrow averts his eyes and rubs his lip before biting his thumbnail idly. Mika narrows his eyes.

"I don't want to talk about it yet," he says carefully, that secret he's obviously keeping bubbling just beneath the surface. "I haven't made up my mind. If I'd known you were coming, I would have told you that before you wasted your time."

Mika glares at his brother, annoyed that he's insisting on being cryptic, but there's a twisting feeling in his stomach too, because this isn't the Arrow he knows.

"It can't be that bad," Mika assures. What he means is that it can't possibly be bad enough that Arrow can't tell him of all people what it is. He tries hard not to feel a little offended, but haven't they always shared everything? Why should this, whatever it is, be any different?

Arrow glances back at him thoughtfully, and leans back on his hands. Mika makes the sudden realization that this same man, who lived his entire life in the wilderness, looks distressingly comfortable in this very domestic setting, and perhaps that's what makes the twisting feeling close around his stomach even harder, like someone's got a hold of him and isn't going to let go until he chokes.

"I got married," Arrow blurts out, all in a rush, and for a moment Mika doesn't quite believe it. It's only when he glances accidentally at Arrow's hand and notices the thick gold band around his finger, and then the twisting feeling releases at once, replaced by an icy chill, as his worst fears are all confirmed.

"What?" Mika roars, only for Arrow to hold up both hands and motion for him to keep his voice down, gesturing at the ceiling.

"She's asleep," Arrow says, like Mika should have somehow known that before. "It's the middle of the night."

That feels horribly ironic, because they're vampires, of course it's the middle of the night – but Mika forces himself to take a breath and think before anything else comes out of his mouth.

"I probably should have told you before," Arrow continues, having the grace to look a little embarrassed. "But it's –"

"Yes you probably should have," Mika interrupts in a low hiss, thinking probably might have been entirely the wrong word to use. Definitely, absolutely, without a shadow of a doubt – that would have been more appropriate.

Arrow flushes, because he knows he's in the wrong – but he shrugs his shoulders.

"It happened pretty quickly," he explains. "I was going to tell you, once I'd had chance to think about what I'm going to do next."

Mika launches into a round of quick-fire questions without listening to that part, among them the predictable what possessed you to do something so stupid? Mika doesn't bother asking the normal questions – what's her name, how did you meet, do you love her? – because he doesn't need those. All he really needs to know is that Arrow's been made wayward because he's met a little human who is turning him away from everything they've built together.

"Have you thought about this at all?" he asks, with cogs turning in his mind, wondering how difficult it can possibly be to change Arrow's mind. He's infamously stubborn, but he can be led, Paris proved that. He just needs to be sure he's being led in the right direction. "Charna's guts, Arrow. How do you think she's going to feel when you tell her you're a vampire?"

Having answered everything else with such patience, Arrow chuckles at this one, and actually begins to look a little smug.

"I've already told her."

Mika feels the blood drain out of his face. "You've what?"

Arrow stares him down confidently, looking like he's got it all figured out. "I told her when we met," he says proudly, as if by doing that he's broken the most important barrier. "She's alright with it."

For once in his life, Mika is rendered speechless. There are hundreds more questions that he wants answers to after that, but Arrow interrupts his train of thought.

"I don't want you to tell anyone yet," he says, and Mika feels a foolish little flutter of hope – it's only now that he realizes how desperately he doesn't want Arrow to leave, and perhaps if he doesn't want anyone to know that's because he isn't going to. "I'm still not sure if I can keep this up."

Mika frowns. "If you weren't sure," he says, in disbelief. "Then why in the name of Petra Vin Grahl did you marry her?"

Arrow gives him a long, strange look after that, and this is one of the only times that he has ever been unable to read him. Mika stares back, and wonders whether he doesn't know his brother quite as well as he always thought.

"I didn't mean I'm not sure about this," he replies, and he presses his lips together, voice soft. "I meant I'm not sure how I can reconcile staying here and being part of the clan. I'm not sure if I can."

There it is, that's what Mika's been expecting deep down since he arrived. The fact that he'd subconsciously known it was coming doesn't make it any easier to hear.

"It'll be difficult," Mika hears himself say, and Arrow nods.

"Dangerous, too," he says, chewing his thumbnail again.

The General-in-training wants to know if it's possible that he can have it all – keep his place in the ranks and keep his new human life too, but keep the two completely separate. Mika knows, without a shadow of a doubt, that such an arrangement will be an impossibility. He'll never have the best of either of the lives he wants to live.

Mika decides not to tell him that. He imagines that Arrow's coming to that conclusion slowly on his own.

"So," he says, all forced nonchalance, ignoring the fact that he feels like he's being stabbed in the back. "If it comes down to it – and I'm not saying it will – what would you choose?"

Arrow says nothing for a long time, and then sighs deeply.

"You're not going to understand," he says quietly, and Mika automatically bristles, because they're supposed to share everything. "But I think maybe being a General isn't what I always wanted. I think maybe it's finding someone I love and settling down and –"

"You gave that all up when you gave up your humanity," Mika argues immediately, and Arrow stares back at him with a look in his deep brown eyes that says I knew you wouldn't get it. But Mika does get it. He knows better than anyone that deep, deep down, Arrow's always wanted the family he never had. He just always thought that was him.

"You're a fool if you throw it all away," he says, a grasping, last-ditch attempt to undo this.

Arrow only smiles. "I love Sarah," he sighs, and it's the first time he's said her name. Mika can't help but respond to it – how ordinary, how human, how boring. "I'd be a fool to throw that away, wouldn't I?"

Mika knows automatically that this is going to be the impasse between them. He's known for a long time that he has never loved quite like other people do, and knows that he won't be able to understand if Arrow tries to explain it. He knows without a shadow of a doubt that he could never be happy without the clan, without purpose. He supposes his biggest mistake was assuming that Arrow was the same way.

Mika gathers himself up and announces that he's leaving, and Arrow doesn't tell him that it's almost dawn and that he ought to stay the day. He only nods, clenches his jaw and sees him out.

"I'll be in touch when I've…" he waves one hand, as if he can't find the right words. "Decided. I just need some more time to think."

Mika smiles sadly in the doorway. Because he knows this is going to be the last time for a long time, maybe forever, he reaches out and clasps Arrow's shoulder.

"You've already made the decision," he says, swallowing down the lump in his throat – because he's Mika Ver Leth and he's never needed anyone and he's going to be fine, and no matter how much it stings now it's going to heal. "Good luck."