I am uncomfortable with how awkward this chapter seems, so let's just forget about it, yeah?

Chapter Eight

It took a moment for Artemis to find his voice. "Mr. Pleasant…" He breathed, taking a step past the confused Butler to look closer at the tall, thin man. "I do believe you're merely bones… Perhaps that cookie was a good idea…?" Butler anxiously watched Artemis as the youth stepped around Skulduggery curiously.

Skulduggery tilted his skull, which seemed to glow in the light of the setting sun. "Looking for something?"

"Obviously,"

"Anything I can help you with?"

"An indication as to how you're a walking, talking, fighting skeleton."

"What are you thinking?"

"Radio controlled, perhaps… But the movements are too human-like. Motion Capturing software could simulate that pretty well, though…" He lifted Skulduggery's arm.

"What are you doing?" Butler became very tense. "Do you not remember what happened less than ten minutes ago?"

Neala scoffed at Artemis, who had pulled Skulduggery's sleeve up a few inches and was examining his wrist carefully and curiously. "You know it's pointless, right?" She demanded, keeping a comfortable distance from the group.

Ignoring everyone, Artemis ran his index and middle finger along the wrist bone. Skulduggery watched Artemis curiously as the youth proceeded to tap a finger against the bone. After a moment, Artemis stepped away. "Huh…"

"Satisfied?" Skulduggery asked, smoothing out his sleeve again.

"How are you walking and talking without muscles, lungs, sinew, nerves…?" Artemis breathed, his eyes alight with a hunger for knowledge.

"Magic." Skulduggery waved his hands through the air extravagantly. When Artemis shot a skeptical look at him, Skulduggery shrugged. "I actually don't know. I just woke up one day as a skeleton. Happy?"

"I'm not," Butler muttered. "Because now he's going to spend all his free time trying to figure out how you're doing this."

"Was that not the reaction you were looking for?" Valkyrie asked Skulduggery. "Did you expecting a lot more gasping and fainting?"

"Well, it would make it easier for me to bring them back to the Sanctuary…" Skulduggery turned back to Artemis. "Which reminds me – Are you going to come talk to us or—"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa…" Neala interrupted. "He's not going anywhere. You guys interrupted our little conversation. Besides… I need to ask him a few questions, too." She glared at Artemis. "Like why you lied to me about your name."

Artemis shrunk back against Butler. "We didn't lie to you…"

"So you lied to the Elders?"

The youth lifted his shoulders and held his hands out, one in the 'Just a little bit' gesture and the other in the 'I don't know?' gesture. "It was a white lie…?"

"Well, this is just painful to watch…" Skulduggery commented to Valkyrie, his silky voice laced with humor.

"So your real name is Artemis?" Neala continued, her eyes filled with suspicion.

"It—" Artemis glanced from Neala to Skulduggery and back. "Come on, stop this. I didn't lie to the Elders for malicious purposes… I only needed information on how to get to you."

"OK, there's your answer, Neala." Skulduggery clapped his bony hands loudly together. "Now we really should get going." He lifted his wrist, which had no watch on it, in front of his skull. "Look at the time – I think you've dragged on Twenty Questions long enough, don't you? Let's go get our own questions done and we can all go home."

Artemis hesitated. "What do you want to know?"

"Well, mainly why a child like you knows so much about the magic community, how you managed to get into the Sanctuary without being shredded to ribbons, and, most importantly, why you're here, trying to get her help." Skulduggery hooked a thumb at Neala, who frowned. "Nothing too taxing, I hope."

"Mr. Pleasant," Artemis narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "You're either a detective or a cop. That practiced tone doesn't fool me, however laid back it is."

"The fact you know what tone that would even be worries and, frankly, confuses me. Just a tad."

"I've had practice."

"That doesn't help your case." Skulduggery replied dryly. He nodded to Butler. "Can you please get your friend here to put the guns away so we can talk like civilized freaks instead of freaks who are constantly trying to kill each other?"

Artemis waited a moment, and then gently laid a hand on Butler's arm. "Stand down - But be ready." Butler hesitated, glancing at the newcomers and Neala, then back to Artemis. Reluctantly, he nodded and holstered his guns. He trusted that Artemis knew what he was doing.

"My name is Artemis," The youth started, purposefully omitting his last name. "I have a working knowledge of the magic community because it intrigues me. I don't know why I wasn't attacked in the Sanctuary. I'm here trying to get help from Neala because I have reason to believe someone wants to expose magic to humans." He straightened his back and kept a level theoretic eye contact with Skulduggery.

Valkyrie pulled a small black wallet out of her pocket and pulled a five Euro bill out, handing it to Skulduggery. "You called it…" She muttered, stubbornly stuffing the wallet back in her pocket.

Skulduggery took the money and pocketed it. He turned back to Artemis. "Your lies make me rich." He said happily in a sing-song voice.

Offended, Artemis screwed up his face. "What are you talking about? I didn't lie."

"Not the whole thing was a lie…" Skulduggery started. "… But not everything was quite right, either…"

"Oh Gods, kid – Now you've done it." Neala muttered, turning away like she was unable to watch. "And so his ego inflates further…" She stared into the forest adjacent of her.

"Your full name is Artemis Fowl the II. You know so much about the magical community because you had to have this knowledge in order to steal gold from the People without a hitch." If he had a face, he'd be smiling. "But the one thing even you don't know, is that you weren't shredded by Cleavers because of the boring fact that your Given name is pretty much your Chosen name." Skulduggery paused. "Boring, right? And the only reason he wasn't shredded was because you were escorting him." He gestured to Butler. "And, FYI, Ghastly is a lot wiser than he looks. It's hard to fool him."

"I'm sure he'd be flattered if I told him you said that…" Valkyrie grinned, crossing her arms.

Artemis watched Skulduggery, wishing the man had a face so he could read it. "OK… So how did you find out?"

"You know, despite common belief, the Sanctuary isn't old fashioned… There are security cameras and a thing called 'cross referencing'… You go to a local private school, we—" Skulduggery cleared his throat. "—May or may not have hacked their systems and found your picture in the undergrad folder. Then all we had to do was…" He paused and turned around. "Am I going crazy, or do you guys hear that, too?"

Artemis strained his ears to listen. Butler had his revolvers already at hand, fingers ready on the trigger. Neala muttered darkly under her breath and unsheathed her swords. Skulduggery and Valkyrie turned to properly face the point of attraction.

Someone burst through the foliage, stumbling towards the group. It was a girl, maybe seven or eight years of age, with short brown hair. She was covered with scarlet liquid.

"Oh, Gods…" Neala breathed, quickly sheathing her swords and running over the small girl. "Oh, Gods, no…" She turned to Skulduggery from across the clearing, her face containing more emotion than Artemis had ever expected to see from her. "She's dying!" She called to the detective before dropping to her knees beside the girl and putting pressure on the wound.

Artemis started to go over, fully intended on helping, but was stopped by Skulduggery himself. "You won't be able to do anything. This isn't your everyday paper-cut…" The skeleton said quietly, letting go of Artemis when the youth pulled his wrist away. Butler quickly pulled Artemis close to him, not trusting the entire forest around them.

Neala continued trying to put pressure on the wound, but it was obviously too late. She stared down at it for a minute before placing two fingers on her shoulder and whispering something to the girl. Artemis had to assume it was 'momento mori'.

"It was a vampire attack," Neala called solemnly, not moving from her spot. "The wounds were far too deep for her body to handle. Some major arteries were hit… The little magic she has can't repair that."

"Vampire attack?" Skulduggery demanded. "Now?"

"I'll have Nia scout the area and…" Neala trailed off, her lips pursing.

Artemis didn't know what to say. He wasn't very good at comforting a troubled human soul, let alone a Dryud.

The clearing filled with an awkward, somber silence.

Unfortunately for them, it didn't last for long.

Where the little girl had burst through the forest, another person followed. This time, the person wasn't stumbling or hurt. In fact, they walked right in, turned to Neala and kicked her very hard in the face. The Dryud was sent sprawling and the new girl continued into the clearing. She stopped halfway between where Artemis stood and where Neala laid.

"Hello and greetings to all at the Demon Coterie camp!" A short girl with long, blonde locks of hair and green eyes exclaimed loudly. Artemis couldn't help but note how human (though she obviously wasn't, according to her kick) she looked. In her pastel-blue shirt under a brown leather jacket, a light pair of skinny jeans and a pair of shoes with large heels, she looked like an everyday run-of-the-mill teenager. "Really, the pleasure is all mine!" She smiled charmingly. This girl looked barely older than Artemis.

Neala was already getting to her feet, wiping away some blood that trickled from her mouth – That kick had more power behind it than it seemed. "What the hell are you doing here…?" She demanded of the girl, her eyes dark and wide with surprise.

"I'm just… returning something you may have lost." The girl didn't drop her smile. She gestured to the forest. "Come on out, Aine, don't be shy…" There was a pause of silence before something else stepped out of the forest.

"What is that…?" Artemis breathed, suddenly welcoming Butler's over-protectiveness.

"That," Valkyrie growled, dropping into a defensive stance. "Is a vampire." She glanced at Artemis. "Aren't you glad you decided to get into this?"

Artemis ignored her and stared at imposing monster that stood beside the young girl. It reminded the youth of a shaved troll, but shorter… It had long, jaggedly sharp tusks that dripped with saliva, its beady eyes watching the only humans in the clearing. Its long talons were coated liberally in congealing blood.

"This isn't right," Skulduggery muttered almost to himself and pulled out his revolvers, aiming one at the girl and one at the vampire called Aine. "I mean, other than the obvious… Something is wrong."

"What is going on, here?" Neala demanded furiously, her swords at hand. "I thought you were both dead." Using one sword as a pointer, she jabbed at the air, gesturing to Aine. "I killed you! I saw to it myself! You're body was burnt and tossed into the sea!"

"Don't sound so upset – You'll make us cry…" The girl's face contorted in a look of mock disappointment.

"Right – And that would just send me into a pit of despair and self-loathing…" Neala growled sarcastically. "Get off my territory."

"Ah, ah, aa-aah," The girl chimed happily. "It's mine, now."

"Get off my territory," Neala repeatedly loudly. "And I promise that, when I kill you again, I'll try to only make it moderately painful."

The girl turned to Neala, her movements fast and strong. "You're not going to do anything until I say so, or I will have you killed." She shoved a finger at Neala's shoulder. "I'm in charge here now, and you'll do well not to doubt that."

"Oh, goody, this is exactly what I was looking forward to on my day off…" Valkyrie drawled sarcastically and angrily. "Two dead evil weirdos and three live ones."

"You, uh… girls… look remarkably well-fed for rotting corpses." Skulduggery added casually. "But, I must say, I don't envy you. I honestly am very attached to my slim figure…" He put a hand on his hip for emphasis.

"I see you're still harboring losers and humans, Neala." The girl grinned, looking over at the small gathering of people. "Can't say I'm surprised, though. I mean, you've always been a loser, yourself, so…"

"Oh, go die like you were supposed to!" Neala hissed through ground teeth, her blade flashing towards the girl's throat.

As much as Artemis didn't want to watch two people tear each other apart, he wanted to badly for Neala not to miss – Not for the bloodshed, but for the safety. Much to Artemis' dismay, the girl pulled her head away in time to let the blade whistle past her face. She caught one of Neala's wrists and bent it backwards. The sound of bones snapping could be heard throughout the clearing. "When will you learn to give up?" The girl snarled with a grin.

"Why aren't we doing anything?" Artemis whispered to Skulduggery, who had barely moved since the new girl entered the clearing. "Isn't there something we can do?"

"Where there's one Mother-of-All-Vampires, there's more. Just… sit there and try not to smell like a delicious sack of blood." Skulduggery didn't even turn his head. "The only thing we can do is wait for her wrist to set and bond before bursting into a fight that will inevitably fail."

"Fail?"

"Against a Dryud and a vampire with a no-doubt large and cumbersome group of followers? Not without a little back up – Or at least someone who can prove to be a good distraction."

"What is wrong with you, Caoilainn?" Neala demanded angrily, holding her wrist to her chest. "First you kill Chew, then you wrongly assume power of my Coterie, and now you break my wrist – Which, mind you, has done nothing but manage to piss me the hell off!"

"The only thing I wrongly assumed was that you were up for chitchat – I see you're still the same as ever, straight to the point. How dull." Coailainn sighed irritably.

"Yeah, no, that would be me." Skulduggery chimed in cheerily. "Speaking of which, how was your day? Did you sleep well last night?"

Coailainn opened her mouth to speak, but Skulduggery cut her off anyways. "That's great – So, how about you, Aine? You must have had a great day, since you're alive again and have just killed a small little not-so-child-thing, huh?"

The vampire, Aine, said nothing. Artemis wasn't even sure if it could speak. In fact, he didn't even know that it was comprehending words, right now.

"What about this little mouse, over here…?" Caoilainn purred looking at Artemis, snapping him out of his thoughts. The youth was sure that, if she wasn't under the guns of Skulduggery and Butler, that she would come a little closer. "We're talking about chitchat and this mouse has barely even squeaked…"

"It's nothing personal, I assure you." Artemis explained from his spot between Skulduggery and Butler. "I'm just letting the 'grownups' talk before I stop you and your silly little plan."

"Oh?" Caoilainn smiled at him. "You're going to stop me?"

"Well… Yeah. Not directly."

"And how's that?"

"With a simple Vatican Cameo, actually."

Before Caoilainn could even screw up her face in a look of confusion, Butler pushed Artemis to the grass, shielding him, and Skulduggery mirrored the actions with Valkyrie, who let out a yelp of confusion. Across the clearing, two beams of light from seemingly thin air knocked Aine and Caoilainn down, sending them flying and momentarily unconscious.

Neala quickly seized this chance and shot across the clearing towards Artemis and Butler. "You could have done that before she broke my wrist," She growled as soon as she was within earshot to speak under her breath and be heard. Louder, she asked: "Are you guys ready to go?"

"Where are we going?" Artemis scrambled to his feet.

"Out of here," Neala looked at Skulduggery and Valkyire. "You guys are on your own." The detective and his partner had no problem with this, as the quickly nodded and headed into the thick forest, disappearing from sight.

A then someone appeared beside Neala in the air, as if someone turned on the light and revealed them.

"You're not going anywhere with her." Captain Holly Short ordered, her mechanical wings keeping her afloat. "You're going with me."