Author's note: Sorry that I've been missing for a while. I will try to post more often. FYI, I edited part of the end of the last chapter. I hope it's better now. :)


She stepped forward, leaving a comfortable gap between themselves. "Look me in the eye and tell me it was all a mistake."

His jaws tightened but he raised his gaze and looked her straight in the eyes, bracing himself and pulling himself together. "I'm sorry but it never meant anything."

Hand gently cupping his cheek, her thumb lightly brushed against his sideburn. She moved even closer, closing their gap. Feeling her skin on his, he felt the urge to hold her like he did the other night. He felt the urge to lean forward and have her lips on his. He could feel the warmth of her breath on his cheek. He inhaled deep her scent. Eyes closed, he shut the world away. His lips parted slightly, he leaned forward and met her lips in a tender yet confident manner. He pressed his lips further against hers and he brought his hand up to cup the side of her face, gently. His fingers were assertive yet his touches were delicate on her skin. He felt her lips part just slightly; just enough for him to tug her lips gently with his.

The kiss was euphoric. The touch, the closeness, the tenderness, and the warmth of her skin on his. It was something he never felt before with her. It was even unlike the kiss they had shared before. He felt blood rushing to the tip of his ears. He pulled her closer to him then parted. He took in a deep breath and leaned against her forehead.

Caitlyn reached out for his hand, gently sliding her fingers between his, interlocking them together. She tightened her grip on his hand and raised her head to look him in the eyes. She took a deep breath before speaking up.

"Horatio, I've built a wall and I don't let anyone in because I'm afraid of commitment. I'm afraid of letting anyone near me because of my past. I've screwed up my relationship with a worthy man and now he's happy and I'm not." With tears on the brim of her eyes, she paused and blinked the tears away. She continued while Horatio focused on what she had to say.

Caitlyn continued, "But now I'm ready to make that leap. You said I've never showed interest but it's not that. I'm afraid of falling and crashing at the bottom and never able to pick myself up. I don't want to go through that again. I don't want to get hurt yet again."

Horatio let out a long sigh. His lips pressed tight. His eyes shut for a moment. "Caitlyn, I can't afford to fall in love and losing another person again. I just can't."

"What if we take that plunge where we'll either splatter into a debris at the bottom and never love again or…" She let go of his hands, leaned in into him and guided his hands around her waist as she braced her palms on his chest.

"Or what, sweetheart?" He looked her in the eye.

"Or we both end up in a bottomless pit. Together."


Chapter 9

Stepping inside, she didn't need to inhale deep to know the stench of stale bodies. The odor clawed at her very senses, causing her nose to wrinkle effortlessly. This, combined with the ladies' perfume in her surrounding confused her senses to the point of nausea. It was nostalgic. The years spent in school was memorable; both pleasant and not. Students walked in and out of their classrooms, with books in hand, rushing to their individual lockers then back in for the next class. In the middle of the hallway, she stood, staring at lockers; some decorated and some plain boring lockers. A particular one caught her attention with the "crime scene" tape taped across it.

"This is targeted at you isn't it?" the lieutenant stepped into her vicinity. She stopped observing her surrounding and focused at the man beside her. She smiled.

"This is our shared past. We are almost alike..except…"

"Except what Caitlyn?

"Except I was able to move on and he couldn't."

"But this could be a dangerous game you're playing and I can't allow that." His eyebrows furrowed with worry. He wouldn't allow anything to happen to her and he especially wouldn't allow her to get hurt.

"Horatio, I need to do this because I know he wants me to do this. If he wants to play this game, I'll play it with him. You have nothing to worry about. The FBI trusted me with a more dangerous case before this. I'll be fine."

Horatio sighed aloud. Being at a loss for words, he watched as she walked away from him. He knew she was a strong independent woman but he couldn't help but to worry about her. They were seeing each other after all and he cared about her but he couldn't stop her from doing something she liked. She was stubborn and unstoppable just like him and he didn't want to risk it. He didn't want to risk losing another person in his life. Perhaps giving them a chance was a bad idea.

Caitlyn browsed through the file in her hands, looking for vital details about the crime scene. So far, there was nothing much except for the fact that the M.O was the same. The victim was killed by carbon monoxide and the ace of spades was there to mark the killer's trademark. Looking inside the empty locker, she was reminded of her own locker. Years may have passed but she still remembered clearly this particular locker. The lockers may have changed but the positions have not.

She glanced back at her file. The victim was squeezed and stuffed into the locker. Fragile and small. It reminded her of the days Timothy Harris was harassed and bullied in every way possible. Perhaps if she had stepped in to protect him years ago, then maybe these teenagers would still be alive. Perhaps if she had not left him when he needed her, he would not have turned to this horrible act. Both of them may have had an abusive past, but she managed to get out of it when her father left her mother. But Timothy on the other hand, apart from an abusive school life, he had it worse at home.

"How's your past connected to his?" Horatio approached her once again.

"Could we not talk about this now?" she replied but her eyes focused on somewhere else but him.

"I need to know how. How is it that he's able to find you here? You told me you were born and raised in New York."

Caitlyn turned to face him and reached out to the lapel of his jacket, slowly running her hands down his chest. "Horatio, you need to stop worrying about me. Worry about yourself. Take a break from this case for a while."

"Take a break?" Horatio furrowed his brows. "Kate, you're the one he's hunting. And I can't let anything happen to you," he gently grabbed her wrists and held it close to him.

"How about I explain it to you some other day. Just let me do this. I will be fine. I need to make up to him."

"This doesn't sound good. I don't want you to get involved." Worry in his voice, he frowned.

"Just please let me make my own decisions. I need this."

Lifting a single eyebrow, he cocked his head. He stared at her blankly then nodded silently as he slowly backed away from her, letting go of her hand. She was right. It was her decision to make and he didn't have the rights to stop her. The only thing he could do was step away from her; to step away from a tragedy waiting to happen. He probably had already known the ending of this story. He could probably lose her to this killer or she might get into trouble along the way. Especially just being with him. He couldn't risk it. Not again.

"Then I'm sorry about us."

"What do you mean?" Eyes narrowed, she wanted an explanation from him. She was curious and confused as to what he meant by that apology.

"What I meant was…" he took a breath, "you can continue doing what you want—"

"I hear a but coming," she cut him mid-sentence.

"But I refuse to stay. I refuse to watch you destroy yourself. Or even us. I can't watch another person disappear from my life again," before Caitlyn could say anything, Horatio reached into his pocket to answer his ringing phone. "I'm sorry. I got to go." Not given any chance to reply him, Caitlyn sighed, knowing that he just ended their new relationship.


The staggering smell of stale liquor mixed with the metallic odor of blood surrounded the moment he walked out of the elevator. Horatio Caine walked with heavy footsteps, passing the detectives and his CSIs. He acknowledged the officers on duty, flashed his badge and entered the dimly-lit room. His eyes immediately focused on the body, lying on the bed in her own pool of blood. The big Texan man then got his attention by stepping by his side.

"Joanne Garner. 24. We found her ID on her dresser." Horatio tilted his head slightly and his eyes wandered off to the coffee table on his right. His mind still processing the information Frank just told him. Shattered glass from the liquor bottle were scattered all over the floor and the liquor had already seeped through the faux fur rug.

"This doesn't look like the Ace killer," Horatio looked back at his sergeant.

"Nope. No card. And definitely not slashed or poisoned with carbon monoxide." Horatio furrowed his eyebrows towards the Texan.

"And you know that how?" Knowing that his M.E was still on her way, Horatio Caine was confused as to how his friend knew the cause of death.

"Just a guess. There was no pinkish complexion on her skin. Throat was clean." Horatio nodded then made his way to the Cuban who was still collecting the shattered glasses and random samples of the liquor that was contaminated with blood.

"Hey Horatio." The red-head turned, watching his second-in-command tip-toeing across the room, towards him, avoiding the blood pools. Holding up the evidence bag, she continued, "I found a colt in her hand and a bullet hole in the wall. Clean one. So I doubt it was the bullet that went through her brain."

"Alright. Check who the gun belongs to and follow up with me okay?" Calleigh nodded then bagged her evidence up before leaving the crime scene for the lab. "And Calleigh…" the blonde turned back to her boss, "Where are Miss Boa Vista and Mr. Wolfe?"

"They're back at the lab. Ryan is working on the empty glasses found earlier and Natalia, she's working on the blood sample collected," Calleigh explained the whereabouts of her colleagues to her boss.

While Calleigh stepped out of the room, Alexx Woods walked in with her kit and her two assistants. Horatio made way for them to get closer to the body. Both her assistants assisted her, lifting the body into the gurney. Alexx on the other hand, watched her other colleagues question some of the neighbors. Then she watched the red-head lieutenant fiddle with his sunglasses, eyes focused somewhere distant and nothing in specific. He was far away from being in that room.

"Horatio," she called out but he wasn't responding. His mind was somewhere else, she thought. "Horatio," she called again, walking up to him and tapping his shoulders lightly. He snapped out of his other world.

"I have to bring the body back to the morgue to confirm the cause of death but I can tell you the estimated TOD. From the liver temp," Alexx poked the thermometer into the body, "I can tell you that he most probably died about 6 hours ago."

Horatio lifted his arm slightly, pushed his sleeve back a bit and counted back from the current time. "So she most likely died at 5am."

"Yeah," Alexx nodded in agreement.

A glimpse of white caught the lieutenant's attention. He walked towards the opened closet and took the jewelry box down from the top shelf. He furrowed his brows. He wondered if it was a suicide not. If it was, why would it be far away from the body. If it wasn't, what could it possibly be. He opened the box and his guess was right. It was a suicide note- except the handwriting didn't look like it belonged to a woman. It was scribbled to the point of illegibility. He carefully bagged the piece of paper into the evidence bag he took from Eric's kit then handed it to Eric to bring back to the lab.


With heavy steps, Horatio walked towards his own office; the place he always found peace and solace. But now, as he neared the little steps leading into his office, he dreaded going in. Men in suits along with their so-called consultant were in there waiting for his arrival. He swung open the glass door only to see Caitlyn staring back at him with a fierce look on her face.

"We brought the protective details as per requested. We managed to pull them out for a while. So ask them whatever you need," the older McCarthy spoke up. Horatio nodded and took a seat opposite those men. He watched as Caitlyn stood on her feet then walked towards the whiteboard. Horatio leaned slightly into the couch.

"How was their relationship as a family?" Horatio looked at them and noticed the look of dismay on their faces as he asked the question. One of the men spoke.

"From what we observed, they weren't exactly much of a family. Most days, Sarah spent her time either in school or outside with her friends. She rarely stays home and for Mr. and Mrs. Daughtry, they're usually out on business trips. For as long as we were with them, we've only seen them at a dining table together, once. And that was because there was a business dinner."

"So we can somehow come to a theory that the killer targets families who are not together as a family. A dysfunctional family," Caitlyn stated her theory. Realizing that it was somehow a pattern, she flipped her file open and looked at the rest of the cases. She read the latest case where the victim was stuffed into a locker.

"The victims. They either had divorcing parents, single or negligent parents. Is there any chance the Daughtrys fit the bill?" Caitlyn asked the protective details.

"Like we said, they weren't much of a family. I think that clearly fits the bill."

"So they were all from a dysfunctional families," Horatio turned to look at Caitlyn. "Dr. McCarthy, I'm sure you know a little about dysfunctional families, care to enlighten us and give us some opinions?" Caitlyn noted the condescending tone in his voice. She looked up from the files and glared at the red-head.

"I would love to offer some insights but I have questionable judgments."

"And given your past relationship with a psychopathic killer, I'd agree," his tone cold and distant as he leaned on the couch, legs crossed at the knees and arms crossed across his chest.

Her steely expression explained her anger. Without saying a single word, Caitlyn McCarthy grabbed her handbag and file on the table roughly, stomped away and shoved the glass door of the office violently, causing a loud thud. Horatio eyed on her as she walked out of his office, towards the elevator. His office was in complete silence that they could have heard a pin drop. He saw his team popped their head out of the labs to see what the commotion was about until Alexx Woods came around to his office.

"Horatio, I know this is a bad time but I need you down at the morgue." Horatio nodded.

"Gentlemen, I'm sorry for this interruption. I think that's all we need from you right now. If we have any more questions, we'll get back to you," Horatio stood and reached out his arm for a handshake. As he made his way to the morgue, his every step was accompanied by questioning looks on his lab techs' faces. He chose to ignore it but deep down he knew he had caused shame to himself.


Alexx pulled the covers off the body for Horatio to see and showed him the bullet trajectory. "The angle of the trajectory proved that this isn't suicide and there wasn't any powder burns on her temple. And she didn't die from the bullet to her brain. She died before the bullet went through her brains. The blunt force trauma on the back of her head caused internal bleeding and she bled out in merely minutes. The killer must have shot her while standing over her body."

"Was there any evidence she fought back?" The lieutenant asked as he watched his ME pulled back the covers.

"There wasn't any marks on her or any traces of DNA under her fingernails."

"But the place clearly showed there could be a fight or an argument.

"Yes but she didn't fight back with her attacker. Either she didn't see him coming—"

"Or she was afraid of him." Alexx nodded at him. "I guess I'll have to call the team to see what they have on the case; apart from the Ace Killer."

"Honey, if I'm not intruding, I think you should go see Caitlyn." Horatio looked at Alexx with a resigned look and gave a dry smile. "She passed me these when I met her at the elevator. I didn't open it." She handed him the brown envelope.

"Thank you Alexx."


Seated back in his office while waiting for his team to update him on the case, he opened the brown envelope Alexx passed to him. Inside it were other smaller envelopes and some other papers. He bottomed up the envelope then picked one of the smaller envelopes. As he read it, he learnt that her relationship with the man they were hunting were far more than just friends. They were young lovers and they were very much in love; until she left him for college in London. He picked another. She never told him about herself but by giving him these letters, she was revealing the secrets of her past; some things that were never meant for anyone else's perusal. One by one, he read those letters and slowly, he understood why she had always been so reserved about herself and why she had trouble letting him into her life. He now knew why it wasn't easy for her to allow someone to tell her what to do. She was afraid of losing control. He now understood why she reacted the way she did earlier. He had hit a nerve and even though it was his intention, he never meant to hurt her the way he did. At that very moment, he realized one thing. She was insinuating that giving him a chance was also part of her bad judgment.

Timothy Harris was the man she fell in love with and now he was also the man they were hunting for killing innocent teenagers. Being compared to a psychopathic killer, Horatio felt a new low. He would have fit the description if she had known the number of lives he had taken with his gun and even though he always told himself it was for the safety of others, he knew that he was just hiding behind his golden badge. She was right. He was just like Timothy Harris, except he was using his badge to justify his actions. Now he knew what she meant by her questionable judgment.


Caitlyn McCarthy crossed her legs at the knees, pen and notebook in her hand, she waited for her patient to settle down comfortably. When she noticed he was comfortable in his position, she set aside her pen and notebook.

"So Mr. Louise, since this is only your first session, how about you tell me a little bit about yourself?"

"I lost the love of my life."

"Okay and how are you dealing with that?"

"I help people. Especially the ones in distress. Me and her…we share a similar past and I'm doing it for her. I'm doing it to honor her and her memory." Feeling the familiarity of his story, she tried to sway the topic into a different direction.

"That is very noble of you Mr. Louise. How's your sleeping pattern? Are there any changes?"

"I sleep just fine. I feel at ease knowing the people I help are now released from their suffering. That's the least I can do."

"I see. And how exactly are you helping them?"

"I don't know. I just do. I bring peace to them. I wished I had done that for her. Ended her misery. But I couldn't. I was too busy protecting myself that I forgot about her."

"Alright Mr. Louise. I think we should work on how you deal with things. And for our first session, I think you have done pretty well to help. I will see you at our next session." Caitlyn picked up her notebook and pen, scribbled some notes as she waited for her new patient to leave her room.

His story had spooked her a little but she was not going to judge him based on that first session. She packed her bag and files then went directly to the front desk.

"Susanne, I will be off from work till tomorrow morning. If anyone calls, tell them I'll get back in touch with them tomorrow. And don't transfer any calls to my phone. I need some time off."

"I bet you do. Especially after the day you had." Caitlyn turned around and immediately sneezed. She kept on sneezing for a little while until she stepped away from the man in front of her. She then took her jacket and covered her face, went to grab the flowers from his hand, shoved it into the bin and slapped his face; hard.

"Don't you dare come into my clinic after what you said to me. Now get out of here before I call the cops."

"You can call the cops but I am one of them," Caitlyn glared at the red-head with glassy eyes. Her jaws tightened.

"I have had enough of you trying to be smart with me. I don't think I can work with you and I especially cannot be with someone who's going to be very condescending towards me. I just can't live in fear of you snapping and saying things like that. So just please. Go."

Sighing dejectedly, Horatio nodded. "I just you to know that I'm sorry for being very insulting towards you like that. I never meant to hurt you. I didn't know about your past."

"Not knowing my past doesn't give you the right—"

"I know Caitlyn. I know. And I'm really sorry. I read the letters you passed to Alexx and I understand—"

"Horatio, you don't know and you don't understand what I've been through. What you read is merely just a glimpse of my past. You don't know a single thing about me. So don't ever say that you do." She tensed up, her fingers curling tight around the handle of her bag.

"But I know you hate losing control. I know you have trouble letting anyone into your life."

"So do you." Her jaw clenched.

"But I let myself lose control with you. I let you in. And I want you to stay." Horatio lowered his tone, speaking in a gentle manner. He looked at her with such a soft look his face but she wouldn't bat an eye at him.

"But I can't. It's useless Horatio. Because it wouldn't work. Us…it's impossible. We're two different people with different needs to survive."

"We have one thing in common." She looked up at him with a questioning look on her face. "We need to let go of our past and look towards our future. I know it hasn't been long for us but I think we can find a common ground to work this out. It's going to take some time but it's going to be worth it."

"I like you. And all the time we've spent together, they've been lovely. But I don't know how to work this out Horatio. I can't. I can't do this. I'm not good enough for you. I really hope you find someone better. Someone who's better at taking care of your heart because I'm afraid I can't love you. I am too damaged for that. And based on experience…" Her voice cracked as tears trickled down her cheeks. "Based on all the men I've been with, I am very confident I can never love again." Using her free hand, she wiped the tears on her face and continued, "I am really sorry but these few days have made me realize that."

"Okay." Horatio answered along with a small nod, avoiding any eye contact with her. With a bitter smile, he fiddled with his sunglasses restlessly. His shoulders dropped as he walked out from her clinic.

"Horatio…" He stopped for a moment. She took a few steps towards him, leaned slightly towards him and placed a soft, gentle kiss on his rough cheek. "I'm sorry."


Author's note: Any comments/reviews/feedbacks/critics? Feel free to tell me to help me better it.