Chapter 9: Leaving

Days had passed since their big fight... Since then, Nokoru rarely spoke to his surroundings. He closed his heart to everyone, and he didn't allow anyone to reveal his true feeling.

For he trusted no one, and he thought perhaps it would be the best for him to conceal the truth...

The truth that he was dying... Slowly but sure...

Because of the pain he was suffering...

Even to Idomu... Both of them still met in the boardroom, but Nokoru always refused talking about Suoh. About what had happened that 'day'. He just couldn't bear to feel the hurt feeling inside his heart every time Suoh's name mentioned before him.

When he was alone, working on his paper works, his mind was filled by the memories about him. About Suoh... How happy they were when they were still together... But the memories only made his heart hurt even more. His smoking habit grew even stronger. He smoked more frequently than before. But it mattered nothing to him.

He knew smoking didn't help him not to think about Suoh. But he couldn't stop it. He... enjoyed it. He knew he had to stop. But then again... why should he? It harmed no one, and as he thought about it before, if the smoke could make his life shorter, he'd pay it gladly.

Death...

Perhaps it was worth for him. Anyway, he was dying... He knew that every one would die sooner or later. It was just a matter of time. And he was sure no one would mind of his death. Not even 'him'...

In fact, if he died Suoh would be free...

Free from his stupid swear to protect him the whole time of his life...

Suoh might find someone else better than him to be his 'One'...

Anyway, every body would be happy if he had gone...

***

He was in the council boardroom now. Outside, the day was beautiful. Though it was autumn, and all the leaves were starting to fall leaving their twigs, and caused the sky seemed to turn into red rain, but to Nokoru it was just another ordinary day.

He was there. All alone. Working his paper works. Quite funny he could do them all on his own without any enforcement from Suoh. In the old times, he needed Suoh to push him to do the tasks on time.

He hated the paper works, he always did. Paper works filled his life. In school, even in his home, he never could get away from them.

What was he? A robot programmed to solve paper works automatically?

How he hated them... But at the same time he was grateful for them. Especially on these times, when he was confused with his life, they could easily made him forget his sorrow and concentrate to something else.

A knock at the boardroom's door distracted him from his thoughts.

'Yes... Come in, please...' Wandering who might be behind the door.

Idomu opened the door and entered the room slowly. There were stacks of papers in his hands to be handed over to Nokoru.

'Konnichiwa, Idomu-san...' Nokoru greeted him. He smiled when he saw Idomu put the papers on his desk. 'More works for me apparently...'

Idomu sighed. To Nokoru's surprised, he could sense this friend of his was not feeling happy at all. 'Is there something wrong? Are you not feeling well?'

Idomu shook his head. 'I'm fine, thank you.'

'But you look so sad... Something must has gone wrong...' Nokoru spoke up his argument.

Idomu gave the blonde a weak smile. 'I do feel unhappy. Since I have to deliver so many tasks to you to work on. I feel guilty about these...'

For a moment Nokoru stunned. He never expected that someone would say that the paper works would be a burden to him. Usually people thought they were his responsibility. It was his responsibility to get those paper works done. Seemed like if he didn't do it, he would die for sure. Even his Suoh emphasized it. It seemed like it was a responsibility that had become a reason for him to live his life now.

But then he shook his head slowly. 'It's okay... I'm getting used to it... Anyway, it's my responsibility as the Kaichou...'

'But when you have time to give yourself a rest?' Idomu asked. 'I know you, Nokoru. Your family business also required you to do the same responsibility, am I right? Your company?'

The blonde boy smiled. 'It's a cost... I have to pay...'

'But it's not worth enough.' Idomu moved his face closer to him and gave the blonde boy a gentle kiss on his lips. And them he whispered in his ear, 'I just want to you to be happy in your life.'

Nokoru's blue eyes were blurred. He was touched by Idomu's words. All these times he believed nobody ever cared about his happiness. Might be it was not their fault after all. Being an Imonoyama, he had to act as if he was always pleasant, confidant, and workaholic. Who knew what kind of life he had been living?

'I... I am. I am happy...' Nokoru replied.

'Don't lie to me... You can fool every body else, but not me...' Idomu sighed. He paused for few seconds, considering whether he would speak up his next sentence. 'And that's including your feeling to Takamura...'

Nokoru was startled. His eyes grew wider.

'Wh-What do you mean?' Obviously, Idomu could feel the nervousness in his voice.

'I know how you feel to him...' Paused. 'I know it very well...'

Nokoru smiled. Tried his best to hide the truth.

'I don't understand what you're talking about...'

'Nokoru... Stop fooling me... Stop fooling yourself too...' Idomu caught the panic in those blue eyes before him. 'I know you LOVE him.'

And that was it! Idomu had said it. Idomu had said what he had been keeping in his heart all these times. What he was afraid to say out loudly. Nokoru was very starled that he jumped out from his seat, and stepped backward away from his desk unbelieving what he'd just heard from Idomu.

Having predicted what Nokoru would react to his words; Idomu wasn't too surprised seeing the blonde fright. He knew since the 'big fight' between Nokoru and Suoh, Nokoru had drowned into silence. He rarely spoke; unless it was something necessary he wanted to talk about. Nokoru had changed a lot. He was not the cheerful boy he used to be.

He felt a pity for him, as he observed the blonde started to shiver. He hated to see it, but the curiosity in him forced him to make everything clear, before the three of them would be hurt. He had to be sure that Nokoru had forgotten all about that ninja. Which of course, it was impossible. But he had to try. At least, he didn't want to give up so easily...

On the other side, Takamura obviously loved him. He showed it already... But that didn't make Idomu liked the ninja better... Anyhow, Takamura was his rival in love. By the time he sighted the ninja slapped his Nokoru so hard, he almost was not able to stop himself from not breaking into the room, and gave that ninja some of his fists.

He loved Nokoru. Nokoru was the reason why he wanted to return to Japan. The only person he wanted to meet here. Not his family, not even his father. He hated his father. It was because of his father he lost his mother. He couldn't forgive him till now.

So... here he was... He would do anything to win Nokoru's heart. He didn't want to give up, at least not without a fight. Idomu came closer to the blonde, and looked at his blue eyes deeply.

Nokoru knew he couldn't escape from Idomu. Sooner later Idomu would find out. If he really didn't hide anything from him, why should he be afraid of him anyway? But that wasn't the fact. He was afraid. Afraid that Idomu might find out the reality.

If he found out, he would definitely lost him. And that was his biggest fear. He had lost Suoh, and he didn't want to lose Idomu. He didn't want to be alone. It sounded selfish, but let it be. He just didn't want to be alone. He could feel his body trembling greatly, but he couldn't stop it. He was afraid... totally afraid...

Not to Idomu... But to everything before him... to the fact that he had no power to hide anything. He almost couldn't bear it. He just closed his eyes. He was very sad... For he didn't want to hurt Idomu's feeling...

'Please don't be angry with me...' He whispered.

'Why should I?' Idomu stroke his fingers through the golden hair without letting go his eyes on him.

'I... I'm afraid you'll think I lie to you...'

He sighed. 'Is it still hurt?'

'Huh?'

'He hit you, right?'

Nokoru's blue eyes were widened. 'What? What do you mean?'

'That day... You fought with Takamura, right? I saw everything...'

'But h-how? How can you see us?'

Idomu just smiled. 'I was very worry about you, so I followed you to the Junior High Council. I stayed there, waiting for you, but I didn't expect you came there to fight with him...' He paused. 'I'm sorry I didn't help you at all...'

Nokoru looked away from him. //So he knew... he knew everything...//

'Nokoru... Are you angry to me?' He put a gentle touch on the blonde's shoulders, and then slowly returned him eye-to-eye again. 'Nokoru?'

There was no answer from Nokoru. Nokoru still refused to look at his stare. He was confused. For he didn't know what to do next after he found out that Idomu had known everything now...

'Nokoru... Please look at me...' He whispered gently, hoping the blonde would listen to him.

As he wished, Nokoru slowly lifted his elfin face. His blue eyes were blurred. Idomu understood his dear friend was suffering, for he almost could feel the pain.

'Nokoru, would you be honest to me and tell me everything inside your heart...'

'I...' It was hard for him to answer.

'You love him, don't you?'

'I...' His tears began to stream down.

'Nokoru... Just tell me the truth, I won't be angry...'

He shook his head. 'I... I don't know...'

'He loved you... Now, it's up to you to respond his feeling...'

He shook his head again. 'No... You're wrong... He doesn't love me...'

'Why do you say that?'

'To him, I'm only his Kaichou. Nothing more...'

'To you?'

'To me?'

'Yes... What does he mean to you?'

'He...' There was a confuse in his blue eyes. 'He...' But then he was speechless.

Nokoru refused to answer it. Not because he didn't know the answer, he just refused to tell the truth.

'Idomu-san, please don't do this to me... Please don't force me...' His voice was weak. 'You've heard everything... To me, he was only one of my bodyguards.'

A smile blossomed on Nokoru's face. His smile was so fascinating that made Idomu drowned his protest he was about to speak. But he knew the smile was fake.

'I guess there's nothing more to talk about. We had to finish all the Council's paper works today. Especially the ones you've just brought just now.' Nokoru moved away from him, and got back to his chair. In a quick movement, he took some papers into his hands, and read it carefully. He seemed to ignore Idomu's presence behind him.

Idomu had no other choice than to return to his own seat, the Secretary's seat. He knew pretty well that Nokoru was quite stubborn. If he refused to talk about it, than there was no way he could force him. But his mind kept on thinking how to solve these all...

Soon, both of them were drowned into silence.

***

Suoh slammed himself to his chair. His chair since he was pointed to replace Nokoru as the next President of the Junior High Council. He still remembered how he disagreed of the assignment Nokoru gave him, but Nokoru's words by that time made him accepted the job whether he liked it or not.

//'Suoh, please... You're the only one I trust to have these responsibilities as the next President. Nobody else could ever do it, and in fact you might be better than I am.//

A smile blossomed on his face when he memorized the next words Nokoru told him.

//Consider it as my revenge on you, since you were always pushing me around to finish the paper works, now it's your turn to feel what I felt.//

And they both smiled by that time...

He accepted the task, not because he wanted the job, because Nokoru asked him.

He would do anything Nokoru asked him to do... Anything...

Even to jump into his death.

But he didn't know after everything he had done, the blonde still didn't understand the love he had for him. And that was hurt...

Very hurt!

'Why, Nokoru? Why?' His eyes blurred as he whispered the name. 'Why don't you understand me?'

But he knew the answer. It was not Nokoru's fault. It was his fault that he was born as a Takamura, as a bodyguard, as a servant... Nokoru must have been ashamed of him. That's the reason why he refused him. It had to be it!

If only he were richer, if only he were born as a noble, he wouldn't suffer like this. He would be equal to the Imonoyamas clan.

But that was the fact...

He should have known it...

Stupid Suoh!

***

Akira went home with a broken heart that night. His mothers had already returned from their trip with his father, but he showed no interest in their stories about the journey. His mind was filled by the vision of his beloved seniors. He knew he could do nothing about it. It was their personal matter, and of course, it would be rude trying to interfere between the two's business, but he couldn't help not to think it over and over again.

He had called Utako this evening, and since today was Friday, he informed her he would visiting her room as the '20 Masks' at night. It had always been his habit to have a date with Utako in this way, even when they had grown up, Utako refused the idea Akira stopped visiting her in this way. According to her, the way Akira dated her as the '20 Masks' every Friday night was very romantic.

He didn't mind, as long as it pleased Utako. He would do anything to please all the people he loved. And that included Kaichou and Takamura- senpai. He wanted so much to see them both happy. Might be by meeting Utako tonight, he would talk to her and ask for her opinion. Sometimes Utako was genius she could solve problems easily...

Here it was! He had reached Utako's bedroom's windows. He had to knock it to inform her that he had arrived. But apparently Utako had already noticed his presence as she hurriedly rushed to him, and gave her a big hug.

'Oh, sweetheart! I missed you so much! But I hate you too!' Utako was whining in his embrace.

'But why? Did I do something wrong?' Akira was confused.

'No... you didn't do anything. But I hate you for being so late. Don't you know I miss you so much?'

'I'm sorry... But I have to cook for my mother first..'

'See... That's one thing more I hate from you. You always ask for apology from someone else though it is not your fault!' Utako started her argument.

'Well...' Akira smiled. 'If it pleased you, I wouldn't mind to say sorry...'

Utako blushed. How she loved this man so much, and how she always been grateful to have this man love her the way she did.

Akira's smile didn't last long, as his smile replaced by a deep sorrow and worry. He was so naïve that anyone could read easily. Utako noticed her lover didn't act the way he used to. She sensed something had gone wrong.

'Why? Is there any problem?'

The black-hared boy's eyes were widened. 'N-No. I just...' He sighed. He knew there was no use to hide something from Utako. She was very clever and sensitive, she could sense anything. She cared too much for him, of course she would know if something had gone wrong.

'I just can't stand to see what happening between Kaichou and Takamura- senpai...' Akira closed his eyes. He just couldn't bear to imagine what had happened.

'Nokoru-sama and Takamura-senpai?'

'Yes... They have been fighting each other recently, and it's getting worse time by time. Yesterday, Takamura-senpai even slapped Kaichou's face very hard!'

'REALLY?' Utako was shocked. Unrealized by her, her voice was turning very loud, and it startled Akira very much. 'B-b-but how did it happen?'

'I don't know for sure too. I don't quite understand what they were talking about...' Now he was feeling so sad. Why every time something happened he was always the one who didn't know anything.

Utako looked at him deeply. She understood very well that Akira probably would try to blame himself for this. 'Listen... Whatever it was because, it's definitely not your fault.' Hoped Akira could be encouraged. 'Sometimes people fought each other...'

'But why? Why Takamura-senpai had to slap Kaichou? What did he do so wrong?' Now he was obviously distressed. 'I don't understand... They used to be good friends. No, not only good friends, but best friends ever...'

Utako was speechless. She knew very well how it broke Akira's feeling. Akira treated their seniors not only as his best friends, but more than that. He treated them as parts of himself. That was why it hurt him so much to see them breaking apart.

'Akira-san... It is not your fault... There's nothing you can do about it...' She tried to comfort him, which she knew it was useless. Utako could see her lover's big black eyes were filled by silvery pond of tears.

'B-but... Supposed there is something I can do for them... Supposed I can help them... What kind of friend am I? Why Takamura-senpai and Kaichou didn't want to tell me what's going wrong between them?' The boy looked both distressed and confused. 'Why? Is it because they don't trust me enough? Or am I so useless that I can't help a bit?'

'Well... Sometimes people had to solve their problems by themselves...'

The boy was silent. Utako felt a pity on him. But even she didn't know what to do. She also wanted to give her help in this matter, but it was totally out of her control. What ever happened between Nokoru-sama and Takamura-senpai was their personal matter. Utako didn't think it would proper for her to interfere their problem. But of course she couldn't say her thought to Akira. Akira cared for them greatly. He loved them so much, and their relationship was more than friends, more like brothers.

'Utako-san...' A call from Akira wakened her from her thought.

The boy looked at her sadly. 'I'm sorry to make our meeting felt weary... Honestly, I don't want to make you sad like me...'

'Akira-san...' She sighed. 'I thought you've understood... We supposed to share everything... Not only happiness, but we should share the sorrow, right?' She looked deeply to the eyes of the man she loved.

'On this planet, you're the only one I adore. And it is my greatest wish to share everything with you, your dreams, your feelings, and the future. How many times should I say to you that I'd be by your side in happiness and sorrow?' She smiled; a smile that made Akira believed for that smile he lived his life.

'I'm sorry I cannot help you all the times.' Utako paused. Tried to find the perfect word to speak to Akira. 'People live with their own problems... Problems that sometimes they cannot share with anyone... Not because they can't, but it is more because they choose not to share their problems.'

'But why? If they share it, may be there'll be someone who can help them...'

'Yes, may be there's someone who can help them... But what if there's no one who can help them? I'm sorry, Akira-san... If they told you their problem, if you've known their problem, are you sure you can help them?'

Akira frowned. Utako's question made him lost his words. For he didn't know the correct answer... 'I...' His eyes blurred. 'I understand now... I know I'm too foolish... Of course they choose not to tell me... Because it would be useless...'

'No... No...' Utako was in panic now for she didn't want to hurt Akira's feeling more. 'That's not what I mean...' She hold his hand to comfort him. 'Don't you see? They didn't tell you, because they love you very much...'

'They love me?' He looked confused.

'Yes... They love you the way you love them. They just didn't want to make your feeling's hurt.'

'But why? How can they make me hurt?'

'Akira...' She sighed. 'They didn't want you to be sad with their problem, so they believe it is better not to tell you what's going on. Because they want you to be happy all the time.'

'But don't they know that I'll be more hurt since I don't know the truth? Since I can't help them?'

'Akira... People have reasons... Nokoru-sama and Takamura-senpai must have their own reason...'

'Is that why? Is that why they're always leaving me behind all these times?' The boy began to raise his voice.

'What?!' Suddenly Utako realize where the conversation was heading.

'Yes! They're always forgetting me behind... They thought I won't understand anything... They never consider me as one of their friends...' Now Akira was really distressed. He started wandering around the balcony. This was not supposed to be their topic. But he couldn't help it. He was definitely angry... very angry knowing the fact how his seniors treating him...

Utako was very worry. She never saw Akira acted like this. He used to be a calm and pleasant person. It terrified her so much to see Akira in his anger.

'Akira-san... Please don't be like this... Nokoru-sama and Takamura- senpai also...'

'Utako-san, you don't have to talk about them anymore...' He glared to the girl. 'I understand now... Really. I understand everything now...'

Akira took his hat, and put it on ready to leave Utako's mansion. 'I'm sorry I have to go... I just don't want the situation become worse than ever...'

Utako was speechless. She didn't know what to say anymore. She was afraid.

'Good night, Utako-san...' And so he fled away from the scene the way he came. Just like usual, nobody knew how or when he would appear and disappear.

Utako could do nothing except watching the shadow of her lover gradually dissapear into the darkness night. She wished she could do something. But she knew there was nothing she could do. If truth to be told, she would be angry as well the way Akira was angry. She thought all these times Nagisa considered her as her best friend, and that Nagisa would trust her. But on the contrary, Nagisa refused to tell her a single word about his problem with Takamura-senpai. She chose to remain silent about her problem. And it made Utako drew more into her curiousness. What was it? What was going on anyway?

She was very worried about Nagisa... About Akira... Nokoru-sama... and Takamura-senpai. She was worried about the five of them.

Utako thought there was no other way than to ask Nokoru-sama or Takamura- senpai about what was going on. After all, like it or not, it was them who caused all the troubles. But talking to Takamura-senpai wouldn't do any good. He would act the way Nagisa acted. Utako knew very well that Takamura-senpai was a silent person. He was an introvert person that nobody could tell how he was feeling, except he allowed that person to know.

So... That made her had no other choice, except to talk to Imonoyama Kaichou. Perhaps she would know what was going on actually...

And wished she could do something...

***

Nothing he could do now, only regrets.. Regretting why he had to do all he had done. His heart was hurting more than ever. He knew he would lose him some day in the future, but he never thought he would lose him this soon.. Why in the first place he had to do it anyway?

He remembered all the memories he had with Suoh before, but it kept hurting heart more..

If only he had the guts to commit suicide, he would do it. But he just couldn't. He was a coward. He wasn't afraid of the death, but he was terrified of what would happen after he had died. To his family, to his friends.. And especially, to Suoh.. Suoh would blame himself for his death for sure.

And he didn't want it to happen. He just wanted all his friends to live happily. ever after.

Just like the fairy tales always told..

But how beautiful life would be if it ended like in the fairy tales..

Nokoru curled himself on his bed. Suddenly he lost his temptation to live for another day. He lost the desire to greet another new day. He seemed to wish that his life would stop there. That moment. Wishing his wish came true. He didn't cry anymore. He had run out of tears. He was tired sobbing. Now his usual blue eyes shone nothing but sorrow. He wanted to sleep and had a dream. Any dream.. But he couldn't.. There were so many thoughts running around his head.

This would never end..

***

'What is this, Ijyuin?' Suoh seemed to be so shock as he was holding a letter given by Akira this morning.

Akira didn't look at him. He averted his eyes downward. He didn't want to see this senior of him. He was afraid even to pay a glance at him. But he had taken a decision. A decision he had thought about it over and again.

'Do you really want to resign from your responsibility?' Suoh asked him slowly. Never in his life he would imagine that Akira was leaving him like this. He just couldn't believe it. 'As the Council's Treasurer?'

Akira remained silent. He answered nothing except a nod as occurrence.

'But... Why?' Suoh's eyes showed a great terrified.

'I'm very sorry, Takamura-senpai... But I have my own reason, and I don't feel I can tell you right at the moment.' His voice was trembling. If truth to be told, he was also very sad and terrible with the decision he made. But he just couldn't bear it anymore.

He just couldn't stand to watch his Kaichou and Takamura-senpai fighting each other like this. He didn't want to see his seniors hurting each other without anything he could do. He loved them both, and he loved to have the bond like they had before. He valued every moment they had spent together, and he respected them both. He learned a lot from them. He even promised himself never ever to leave his friends. But now he had to break his own promise.

'But, Ijyuin. I-I-... I need you to help me. I can't do all the Council works on my own.' Suoh was confused. Very confused.

'Takamura-senpai, I'm very sorry... I just can't help you anymore...' There was a guilty feeling in his eyes.

Both of them turned silent. Suoh closed his eyes. He couldn't believe this. He had just lost Nokoru, and now Ijyuin was going to leave him also. Was it true that it was all because of him? Was it true it was all because of his fault? He must have done terrible mistakes that his friends left him one by one.

'Ijyuin, is it because of me?' He asked in a low voice. 'Am I so selfish?'

Akira's eyes widened. 'No... no... of course not! I-I-I-...' Akira stopped. He seemed having trouble to find the right words. 'I never think Takamura-senpai is a selfish person... Never.'

'But then... Why do you want to leave me now?' Suoh was very distressed at the moment. The pressure on him was getting too much for him to bear now. 'Is it because my fight with Nokoru?'

Akira couldn't say anything.

Suoh closed his eyes again. //So it is true..//

'Takamura-senpai...' Akira looked at him. 'The first time I joined the Council with Kaichou and you, I was so happy. In fact, I was so proud to have a chance to join both of you in the Council. I met Kaichou, and then you... ' He stopped. Memorizing the moment they first met, a smile blossomed on his face.

'The first time I met you and Kaichou, I...' He sighed. 'I was a little jealous of your friendships. You looked so... closed, and... I wanted to be like you. To have such a close friend like you have... Which I know I will never have such a friendship... I was always left behind...'

'Ijyuin... We never meant to leave you behind... We never did... You're a part of us...' Suoh was very afraid Ijyuin would have such a thought, and now his fear had become a reality.

Akira smiled, but Suoh could see very clearly that tears filled the younger boy's eyes.

'I know that... And I thank you for not forgetting me behind. Even though I know very well also that in fact I'm useless.'

'Ijyuin... No, you're not useless! We need you before, now, and always...' Now Suoh felt he wanted to cry for real.

'Takamura-senpai... I always support you, and Kaichou... I know you were always arguing each other, fighting because of the paper works, but you were still close friends. We were always together, and we tried our best to uderstand each other. Being with both of you was the happiest moment I've ever had.'

'Ijyuin...' Suoh felt his sight blurred.

'But now... Now it's very different... You hurt each other. You're breaking apart... We're breaking apart, and I can't stand it...' Akira's tears began to flow down from the corner of his eyes. 'I'm sorry, Takamura- senpai... I cannot stay here and watch you like this... I don't want to see any of you in this condition...'

'Ijyuin, I... I... I'm sorry...'

The black-hared boy shook his head. 'No... It's not your fault... It's my fault, I can't do anything... I'm so useless... I guess I am not worth enough to be your friend anymore. That's why I resign. I'm sorry, Takamura-senpai...'

The black hared stepped backward slowly, and then he bowed to his senior, turning away, and started to leave the boardroom. Forever... But just before he opened the door, Suoh called him.

'Ijyuin... Please... Is there nothing I can do to make you stay?'

Akira smiled to the door. 'I wish there is.' And he went away, leaving Suoh all alone in the boardroom.

'Is this it? Is this the end of our friendship?' Suoh was murmuring to himself. He was so angry that he threw away the resignation letter from Akira. Not only that letter, but all the papers on his desk, the President desk, were soon be found all over the boardroom's floor. After he satisfied himself by flying all the paper works in the air, he slammed the desk, and threw himself right on his chair.

He was out of control. Never before he couldn't manage his anger, but who cared? He didn't care... Nobody would care anymore. For he was alone now...

Without friends, without anyone beside him...

For finally he knew what the meaning of being lonely... For finally he knew what the meaning of being left behind...

Now he was lonely... And he was left behind...

To be continued -