Shaky Ground

Sarek watched his wife packing for her day at work. He was more than concerned about her. T'Niye wanted to see and examine her that evening after Amanda's work day was done. She had already given her job notice that it looked as if she would be, at the least, confined to the house and at the most, on bed rest soon, just as a precaution. She was thirty-three weeks along and her stomach seemed to have enveloped her entire body. He knew that before the end, her stomach was going to become even larger.

"I don't know how in the world I'm going to be able to take much more of this," she remarked. She was responding to what she sensed in his mind concerning the size of her stomach. "And yes, it is starting to feel quite heavy," she answered his unspoken question.

Spock chose that moment to roll over and kick his little feet up as high as possible. She paused at the slight amount of pain. The baby was very strong! She nudged at her stomach with a little smile on her face. "Get your feet out of my ribs, baby boy!" She sat down on her bed with a tired sigh and then popped a meal replacement pill. T'Niye had finally gotten a safe working formula together just for her. Poor Mariana and Maya had been the guinea pigs for all the previous prototypes. It packed a whopping eight hundred calories and had a timed release of three hours. She was supposed to use them only on the days she went to work in between her real meals. She'd had a mini-meal an hour ago and just didn't feel like eating again. These days all of her meals gave her heartburn since the baby seemed to be compressing her lungs and ribs.

"Amanda, are you entirely certain T'Niye meant for you to take the meal replacements while you were not at work?"

"Oh, Sarek, I just ate. And I have to leave in less than ten minutes and the shuttle ride is an hour. I don't want hunger pangs while I'm on the shuttle. Do you want me to get air sick from an empty stomach or my stomach being too full from food?" she asked.

He saw from their bond that she was thinking as practically as possible about the situation. If it were up to him, she would have stopped working the moment she reached the six month mark. He seemed to be on the verge, at all times, of swooping in and declaring that he was going to take over her life so she would remain well. But he didn't. So he did the only thing that helped him cope with not being too pushy in his wife's life. He changed the subject. "I must see T'Pau today," he said out of nowhere.

She turned and just stared at him. She had been dreading this, but the clan mother finally wanted to speak to him, in person. "Oh," was all she said.

"I was summoned," he said with a tone that sounded suspiciously like excuse-making.

She was tired already though the day had only just begun. She knew she would take a nap on the shuttle on her way to work. "You have to do what you have to do, right?" she said. Truthfully, something in the back of her mind was in a panic but there was no way for her to express that feeling without sounding like a paranoid territorial mass of hormones.

He sensed her unspoken dread and wondered at it. She was having, what he remembered her calling it, a serious 'deep-seated instinctual reaction' to this news. Perhaps, he thought, it would have been better for him to simply go and see T'Pau while Amanda was at work. That way she would not have been distressed by the news at all. But no, he never kept anything from her involving the two of them. If T'Pau had her way, Sarek would be returning to Terra Prime only months after Spock's birth and it was only right that Amanda was aware of that.

On the shuttle to work, Amanda's sleep was obstructed. Something inside her was saying that something was terribly wrong with the situation of Sarek going to see T'Pau. But she didn't understand why she felt that way. She only slept half an hour as opposed to an hour, because halfway through her nap, her eyes snapped opened and she gasped, "Sarek!" out loud.

"T'Sai," she heard Zurel asking from the front of the shuttle. "You are unwell?"

She thought about his question. She could feel Spock sleeping peacefully inside her and her heart palpitations were finally beginning to subside. She chalked her feelings up to having had a nightmare she just couldn't remember. "I'm fine, Zurel. Keep going."

"As you wish, lady," he said.

But she couldn't go back to sleep after that.

####

"Maya, I'm telling you, he's acting strangely," Amanda insisted. She was in the back of the house on her PADD. She whispered, "He went to see T'Pau today and when I left my job I went to see T'Niye. After that, I came back home and he was here and he just…" she shook her head, confused. "He's not himself."

Maya frowned on the other side of the screen. "Not himself? What do you mean by that?"

Her face screwed up into a grimace and she looked up as if trying to snatch at a memory. "He's just…distant. And-" her face broke into a severe frown as tears appeared at the corners of her eyes. "Amanda he doesn't feel the same in the bond. He doesn't feel the same. I don't know who this man is."

"You can't mean that," whispered Maya. "What?"

"Besides not even feeling like my Sarek, he doesn't act like my husband. The Sarek I know, he usually makes sure that I'm all right, makes sure that I'm eating enough, makes sure I'm safe in the shower. Tonight, none of that. He's barely spoken four words to me since I came back from T'Niye! Meanwhile, for the past few weeks he's wanted me at home on bed-rest and now that I go to the appointment that gives me the verdict on that, she's given me the doctor's order to not go far from home for now, he didn't even so much as ask me what she said for me to do."

"Oh hell no," whispered Maya frantically. "Do you think T'Pau did something to him?"

Amanda shrugged. "I don't know! I'm not a telepath. That's why I'm calling you. Could she do something like that?"

"No!" Maya shouted at first. Then she thought of all the times she'd simply 'suggested' to Mariana that she didn't need to drink anything more, of the time in custody when they were about to use the Mind Sifter on her and she 'suggested' that that would not be necessary…so they didn't. "Yes," she whispered slowly. "If I can do it, she can do it. And she can probably do it much better since she's been at this much longer than I have."

"What do you mean you can do it?" asked Amanda, alarmed.

"Only in cases where my life's been threatened…or I thought Mariana was about to drink herself into the hospital, that's when I've used it. There was also that one time, remember when I was afraid Mariana was going to drink too much and spill our plans to Cassie? I've never used it other than those circumstances. Not ever. Not even to get a better grade in school, not even to change my mother's mind when I hit about 17-ish and figured out I could do it." Maya sat there, thinking. "But T'Pau…this is the same woman that tried to maneuver Sokam and I away from one another. Why would she not do something to Sarek to get him to…I don't know, be cold toward you? To drive you away? If I only knew what that woman had planned."

"But Sarek is strong!" Amanda said, clutching at something, anything. "He couldn't let something like that happen to him unless he wanted it to!"

Maya saw her friend was overwrought. "Amanda, you're tired. You just found out today that you have to be confined to your house constantly for your baby's safety. Maybe you're just stressed the hell out and you're seeing more into this than you should be. Maybe she just told him something that distracted him so badly he isn't acting like himself. How about you sleep on this and wait until tomorrow. If he's still acting screwy…"

"What? I should do what? I'm confined to home!" she shouted.

"Shhh!" Maya said with her finger to her lips. "Amanda," she whispered. "Be careful."

"But if she's done something to him, what am I going to do?" she whispered with tears streaming down her face. "I love him so much and she might have taken him from me. If he doesn't love me anymore-"

"Amanda, no amount of fooling with Sarek's mind is going to take away the love he has for you. T'Pau may be able to temporarily shield it in his mind, but eventually it is going to break through that barrier, all right?"

She swallowed back her tears. "All right."

"I'll talk to T'Niye about this. She can tell us for sure if a clan mother can-"

"No! I don't want anyone else to know!" insisted Amanda.

"But why?" asked Maya.

"Remember when you and Sokam were on the outs? You only told me what was really going on. I went with my big mouth and told my husband our friends. I realize now I shouldn't have done that. But Maya, this is worse. My husband might not want me anymore. And what if he doesn't want this baby, either? What if she's messed him up so badly that-" Amanda's tears worsened and she wasn't able to speak.

"Amanda. Oh God, Amanda please stop," said Maya as she felt her own tears rising to the surface. She couldn't stand seeing her in this much misery. "You're pregnant, you shouldn't be feeling like this right now," she said angrily. "Damn T'Pau!"

"Promise you won't talk to T'Niye about this," said Amanda.

"Please don't make me promise not to-"

"Promise me!" she nearly shouted.

Maya sighed. "I promise."

"And shield it in your mind when you two meld."

"What?"

"I know you can do that. I know you're talented. I don't want her picking up the echo in your mind. Just don't let her see it."

Maya sort of understood that Amanda was embarrassed about the situation, but she didn't know why. "Why won't you let anyone help you?"

"I have to believe that with time I can undo whatever she's done. I have to believe that that love between us is enough that, just as you said, it can break through whatever she might have put in there. I have to believe that. At least let me try first, okay?"

Her friend agreed. "Okay."

####

"Please," Soryn was begging. "Speak with me, Patricia. Ashayam…"

Patricia was on the floor of their bathroom sobbing her heart out. She couldn't face Soryn now, not now. The past few days had been a wonderful blur that became a horrible nightmare.

Five days before:

She'd awakened not feeling like herself. She was so nauseated. She knew exactly what was going on. "Soryn," she said aloud.

He turned and looked at her. "My wife?"

"I'm pregnant. I know I am."

He could see the joy on her face. He did not welcome the news. "I see," he said after a pause.

"'I see'?" she asked while imitating his voice at the same time. "Oh, you don't believe me, do you?" she asked.

He had to contend, "I do believe you. I simply think that first you should confirm-"

And before he could finish his sentence, she was out of bed grabbing the scanner. She ran it over herself, but when the thing beeped and she looked at the results- Having it confirm what she already knew was more emotional than she thought it would be. "Oh my goodness! I am pregnant!" she shouted.

He practically snatched the scanner from her hand to look at it for himself. And there it was. Early days of gestation. She was indeed pregnant with his child. "I did not expect that this was possible without T'Niye's assistance."

But she knew him well enough to know what he really meant. "You're not happy about this, are you?"

"Patricia, happiness is an emotion. I am a Vulcan. I do not-"

"Bullshit!" she yelled at him at the top of her lungs.

He physically startled. "My wife, you never swear!"

"I do today, you horrible horrible man!" And she was grabbing her things as she dressed as quickly as possible.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"I'm going to T'Niye to make sure this pregnancy is all right, no thanks to you."

"You are perhaps being made unreasonable by your hormones, my wife. I do no think it is wise for you to travel in such a state of agitation."

"Oh you don't, do you?" she asked as she pulled her hair up into a loose bun. "Well I should leave the house anyway so I can get as far away from you as possible!" she shouted.

They barely spoke over the course of the next three days. Patricia could tell through their bond that Soryn was not at all welcoming toward her pregnancy. She couldn't understand, this was his baby. Why was he being so resistant to the idea of it? As far as she knew, it was a duty on Vulcan to produce at least one heir between a married couple. She had her own dark thoughts over why her husband would be this way about this child, but she didn't speak on them, in fact refused to believe them.

On the fourth day, Soryn noted that his wife had ventured into the city. For what reason, he did not know. She had not communicated with him that she was going or why. He only knew because she took one of the school shuttles and piloted herself when she left. The only reason she ever took one of the shuttles was when she ventured into the city. He was not at all pleased with her. His wife knew he did not want her venturing to the city on her own, yet she had done so anyway.

When night fell and she still hadn't returned home, he attempted to contact her through their bond. He was alarmed because not only would she not answer, she then went and shut things down between them. He then tried calling her comm link. This, he thought, was entering the realm of the ridiculous. She should be at home, by his side, as was proper. Someone answered, but it was not his wife that picked up. The face of the healer, T'Niye, was on her screen. "Soryn, your wife would not allow me to contact you. But now that you are the one who has made contact, I have grave news."

"My wife, is she well?" he asked as his heart turned in his side.

"I grieve with thee, Soryn. She has lost the child. She is here at the Vulcan Academy Hospital. I have kept her for observation."

He realized then what she had said at the beginning of the conversation. "My wife did not wish you to contact me about this?"

"No."

He didn't speak at first. "Was anything more said by her?"

"No."

He swallowed. "Is she well?"

"She is in deep distress. She will not allow me to help her with her emotions. She has kept them inside. But I have been in contact with Terrans enough to know that I see the condition of anger building within her."

He attempted again to get to her through their bond. It was a tight, impenetrable shield, the sort he never knew she was capable of producing. The Healer was correct. It was being reinforced by deep anger. "I will come now."

"Perhaps it is best if you do not. She-" the Healer paused. "When I asked if she wished to have me contact you so that you could come here, she said that having you here wasn't necessary or logical."

A kick to his stomach would have felt better at that point. His insides clenched. "I will come nonetheless. She may tell me herself that she does not wish me to be there."

"If that is what you wish," said the elder woman.

When he arrived at the hospital and went to her room, his wife was in her bed balled up in a fetal position. She was hugging her knees to her chest. He expected tears or perhaps even hysterics. But when her eyes lifted and she looked up at him, all he saw was the redness in her face of one who had cried until tears were no longer possible. And anger. Her eyes were full of contained rage…at him.

"Ashayam," he began.

"Don't you call me that," she said as she rolled over and turned away from him.

"My wife-"

"I don't want you here!" she said as she raised her voice slightly. Her voice went back to normal. "I told T'Niye that I didn't want you here."

"I thought perhaps she was mistaken and that I should come and see for myself if this is so."

She didn't answer him after that, only remained curled up in a ball. Then, with one hand, she pulled the blanket up over her head.

"My wife, please speak with me. It might be better if-"

"Go away," she said from under the blanket in a low voice. "Just go away."

His shoulders sagged. It was the most defeated he had ever felt. "I will leave the room, my wife, but I will be just outside. Whenever you need me, I will be here."

He took her home the next day when she was certified as well enough to return with him. She hadn't been rude or much of anything toward him. She simply pretended he was not around. And she still hadn't reopened their bond.

He decided that he should try and speak with her about what was happening between them, what had happened to their child. "My wife, I know you are in deep distress concerning the loss of our child-"

"Our child?" she cut him off as she finally looked at him for the first time in over a day. "Our child?" she asked. "MY child!" she shouted. "You didn't want the baby, so it was MINE!"

"Patricia, you do not need to shout," he said.

"No, I don't need to!" she said as she jumped up and ran for their bathroom. She locked herself in. "I don't need to speak with you at all!"

"Patricia," he said through the door. "Please, allow me to enter. There is much we should discuss."

"You didn't want him, you didn't want him!" she screamed at the closed door, full of rage. "So he's mine, mine! Not ours! Mine! Because you didn't want my child! And the only reason you wouldn't want our child is because you don't want my child!"

His heart fell through the bottom of the floor as he finally heard what his wife was thinking about his not wanting them to have a child.

"You never did want my child, that's why you never cooperated with what I wanted. It was always about your thoughts, your opinions, your logic! Well you can take your precious logic and stick it up your Vulcan ass! Your Terran wife, your Terran wife that you only married because you had no choice! I should have seen what was really going on! You just didn't want to die! You didn't really want me! You just needed a wife and I was the only thing available that you already knew. Always telling me where I could go and not go. I mistook that for love! No, no, no, that was not love. That was trying to ensure your life-ticket until something better came along. Well I don't want you anymore! I want out, I want OUT! I don't want a man that doesn't want me or my babies. I don't want you anymore if you don't want me!" she sobbed as she fell to the floor.

"Please," Soryn was begging. "Open the door. Speak with me, Patricia. Ashayam…"

And she was crying like her heart was breaking. "He doesn't want me. He never wanted me," he heard her sob to herself, and yes, she sounded so sure of that.

He was frantic. He could not allow this to continue. He realized what she had said during her very emotional tirade. His wife had declared that she wanted out. She wanted their bond to be dissolved. No. No! Before he could stop himself, he was physically breaking down the bathroom door that stood between them.

As the door crashed inward and he caught it so that it wouldn't hit her by accident, she looked up, shocked that he'd done such a thing.

Throwing the heavy door aside as if it were a piece of nothing, he crossed to where she was at on the floor and lifted her straight up by the shoulders almost harshly. "You think I didn't want you to have our child because I didn't want it?" he said in a most unstable, hard tone. And he was no longer speaking Standard, he was speaking in his mother tongue, his emotions were so thick and charged. "I did not wish for you to become pregnant with our child because I have seen what the Lady Amanda has had to contend with. And I did not wish to lose you, even to have our child! It was your death I saw if you ever came to term with our child and I cannot risk that, even for an heir, I will not risk it!"

Even thought it took a few seconds for her to understand what he'd said, she saw in his eyes that he meant what he was saying. "What?"

"I will not allow you to leave me!" he said, finally speaking in Empire Standard, again. "I will not allow the dissolving of our bond. I will not let you go," he said, his voice full of emotions he should not be having.

"It only takes one, the last I heard!" she snapped back at him without thinking.

He crushed her to him in a hug then. "Please…please do not allow what has happened to come between us. We only need to better our communication. These thoughts you have had, about my not wanting you, they are untrue! Lift the barrier between us and see into our bond, see for yourself, I want no other, Terran or Vulcan. There is only you in my mind and that is how I wish it to remain."

The barrier between them in her mind came crashing down as she sobbed against his chest. He felt the waves of anger wash over him and couldn't believe his wife was capable of such strong anger, especially toward him. "I wanted that baby so badly and I finally had it and now it's gone!" she said as she punched his chest as hard as she could. "Just gone, gone!" she shrieked and cried.

He held her to him and let her emotions wash through him. Finally his true thoughts on the child came to the surface. He had wanted the child, her child, yes. But he could not pretend he was not relieved that his wife's life was no longer in danger. He held her closer to him. "Please do not fault me for prizing your life above all others. And I do grieve the loss of the child. I do grieve."

Finally her arms went up around him as she cried herself into exhaustion. After a time, finally spent, she collapsed against him. She allowed him to lift her into his arms and put her into their bed to sleep.

A/N - This chapter put me through the wringer, emotionally. I rewrote it several times. - J.S.