Chained Heart Chapter 9

AI's POV

Even though Gaara didn't bother me at all for the few weeks since we returned from the chunin exams I wasn't too comfortable standing in the tower and I usually took long walks to think about things. I felt kind of awkward with him around. We were eating together like a family but I still felt incredibly strange when he was around.

I don't know what to expect from him. Does he want me back? Does he like me or was everything just instinct? I was really confused…I mean…why would he want to be with me? I wouldn't even be with myself…I don't even know if I want to be with him anymore. It's all been so strange…What does he expect from me? To be mates again after some time? I don't think I can go through that again…I have to talk to him…to settle everything…I am very confused. On one side I don't want to be with him…but on the other I…love him…I don't know what I want…

After exactly a week it will be his birthday. Should I get him something? I didn't know what he liked since we never really talked…I sighed. What was the use? He only wants one thing from me and that is my body…I can't just give him my body…I can't.

I was looking through the stores for something I would think he would like and be of use to him…but I was clueless what to get him. I gave up for today. I decided to go home.

"Look who we have here. The Kazekage's little daughter."

"Leave me alone." People often treated me like this. I was still walking and he was following me.

"Since you like giving your brother a good time what do you say if you could show me a good time as well?"

"Take a hike." He was so disgusting.

He grabbed me by the hand harshly and turned me to face him. "Listen here you little disrespectful bitch! You're coming with me to show me a good time you filthy harlot. You screwed your brother and you refuse to do me?" He pushed me in the alley that was really close to us. The rumor of me being pregnant with Gaara's child spread through the village.

"Leave me alone! He is not even my brother!"

"He is still a monster-"

I hit him in the face. "You say he's a monster again and I'm going to castrate you!"

"Shut up!" He slapped me so hard I fell on the floor. He walked closer to me. People saw but didn't do anything as they passed by. "Now show me that pussy of yours." He pushed me on the cold ground and got on top of me and ripped my panties off.

"No!" I fought him and tried to get away, but as usual I was too weak. He touched me down there and slid a few fingers inside.

"You're so tight."

I spit him and he backhanded me. "Bitch. The only thing you were meant to do is to open your legs." I heard a zipper.

"No!" I fought him. I didn't want at any cost to be impaled by him.

"Stay still!" He ripped the top of my dress and fondled my breasts. I felt so weak and useless. I was being used by everybody and I could do nothing about it. He raised one of my legs. I tried to pull it but I did not succeed. "Be ready. I bet you haven't felt one like this before." I felt him at me entrance. I tried to kick him. I felt my lower body being dropped. I crawled in a corner and puked.

What happened to the bastard? I heard a scream beside me. I looked in my back and he was all covered in sand. Gaara came for me? He pushed the bastard covered in sand close to me but he was unable to hurt me.

"Tell the lady you're sorry and that you are a dirty fucker that deserves to die." Gaara gritted his teeth. The bastard hesitated. "Say it!"

"I'm sorry…I'm a dirty fucker and that deserves to die." Then he was squished right in front of me. Some blood drops fell on my skin. I looked at the ground.

I heard Gaara making steps towards me. "Ai, are you alright?"

"Stay away from me!"

"Ai, you are hurt. Let me take you home."

I began crying. "Just leave me alone…"

"I can't leave you here."

"Gaara…why do you care now? Why damn it?!"

"Because…I changed. I'm sorry Ai…I know all I did was bad, but I learned my lesson…I changed…"

I sighed. "What do you expect from me? Why do you follow me? How did you know I was here?"

"You are my mate. I will always know where you are and what you do. It's in my blood."

"So that is what you want!" I opened my legs. "Here it's your turn now! Come and get it while it's still warm!" I was losing my mind. Is this my use in this world? I felt sick.

"No, Ai."

"Why not? Because I was touched by another? Good. I don't need you anyway…I don't need anyone."

"Ai, we can talk at home if you want…Just let me take you home."

I rolled my eyes. "Fine." He took me bridal style and teleported us to my room and lay me on the bed. He then walked towards the bathroom.

"Gaara I can manage. You can leave." He turned to me one last time before exiting my room. Was it just me or…he was crying? "Gaara…" He was confusing me…

GAARA's POV

I covered my mouth after I exited her room. I was not sure what this feeling was but…I never felt so devastated in my whole life. I wanted to die. Ai was raped…and it was all because of me. I had to involve the angel in my overly complicated life. Something warm and wet came over my hand and cheek. I was…crying…I haven't cried in so much time…What should I do?

I really wanted her back. With any price.

AI's POV

I felt incredibly dirty. Dirtier than when Gaara took advantage of me…It was like Gaara's touch was…supposed to happen…What am I saying? Not even after I took a bath I didn't feel any cleaner. I wanted Gaara's touch again…to erase this one…but how can I want that after…It just…feels like. I needed some guidance.

I applied some after shower cream and got dressed. Temari was always there for me. I decided not to knock this time since we were so close. I entered the room and my heart stood still. Temari was with Gaara sitting on the bed. Gaara was crying. My eyes were not playing tricks on me.

When he saw me he quickly wiped away his tears and made an excuse as he left.

"Gaara please…" He stopped. "Is there something you want to say?"

"Can we talk later, in private?"

I nodded even though he had his back facing me. "Yes, sure." He then left. I looked at Temari.

"Sit down." She said, and I did.

"What's wrong with him?"

"He…is sorry for what happened to you. He knows he is the reason it happened."

"I don't know what to say…I'm kind of shocked…I never saw him crying…but he should be sad about the loss of my child…"

"Ai, he really changed…I'm not telling you what to do, but I think you should spend more time around him and see for yourself. He is really sorry."

"Temari, do you think I should forgive Gaara?"

"I can't tell you what to do. I think you have to decide that for yourself…"

"The thing is…I want Gaara back…but I don't know because…I don't want it to be instinct…I want to have a relationship with him only if he likes me and he is willing to be with me forever. I don't want to be with him right now…I am still not over my baby's death…And all I want is to sit in my bedroom and cry…"

Temari cut me off. "He told me a few days ago…He mated you because he liked you."

"H-He did?" She nodded. "That really doesn't change anything…"

"I think you should wait a while before letting him in. Notice his change…then you can."

"Oh and another thing…I wanted to give him something for his birthday…Do you have anything in mind he could use?"

"I think his clothing is a bit…ragged…He wore it for a while…"

"Of course! I'll get right on to it! I'll make it myself." I giggled before heading towards the door. "Thanks a lot Temari!"

"Any time, dear!"

I got out of the tower. I needed materials. Thankfully I knew how to sew, and I had the model in my head already. I would only make the body. He could add the cloth and the leather band to it. I just hope I can finish it in time.

I reached the cloth store. The keeper looked strangely at me but I decided to mind my own business. I had to decide what color should I buy the cloth…maybe a dark blue…? No, it reminded me too much of Sasuke. I needed something dark…maybe a maroon towards red…I think that would do…Black suited him, but he needed a change. I bought the best material I could find.

I just needed one more thing. The measurements…That won't be too easy I think…I left the materials in my room, grabbed a measuring tape and hesitantly went to Gaara's room and knocked.

"Come in." I heard him say. I opened the door and walked in, closing the door behind me. "Ai." I looked at him as he whispered my name. He was looking out the window. "You came."

I nodded. "You said you wanted to talk…"

"Yeah…"

I walked closer to him and we both looked over the city. "Gaara, I want you to know you can tell me anything. You know I never judged you…"

"I know…Ai…I wanted to know if…I still have a chance with you…"

"You…want to be with me?"

He nodded. "The reason I mated you, Ai…is because…I never liked anyone as I liked you…you were always there…But I…I am so sorry…" I didn't know what to say. "I was afraid that…if I let you in…you would have destroyed me inside, just like Yashamaru did…"

"I don't think Yashamaru hated you, Gaara…" He didn't say anything. "Think about it…It would have been more likely if he hated your father…you had nothing to do with that, Gaara…You were just a child…"

"But then…why did he lie...?"

"I really don't know…maybe to test you…to see if you could control Shukaku even after everything you had has been taken from you…and you failed…That is why father wanted to destroy you…he was scared for the village…But it was still his fault because you weren't treated right…I'm sorry maybe you don't want to hear this. I should stop."

"It's alright."

I looked at him. "I'm so sorry it had to be this way…"

"It's not your fault…It's just the past…Don't worry…The future will be much brighter…Will you give me another chance?"

I looked down. I didn't know how to respond to that. "So…I take that as a no…"

"No, no! I was just thinking…"

"Please don't lie to me…"

"The thing is…I want to but…not now…" He looked at me full of hope. "I don't know if I can trust you anymore…what you did to my baby…In the future I would like to have a lot of children…but…I don't really see you as their father…"

"I just want one chance…You know the reason why I did that…That was not me. This is me, the person you are speaking to…I wouldn't hurt your baby…"

I sighed. This made no sense. "I need time, Gaara…"

"I will wait for as long as it takes, but until then, do you want to be…nevermind…"

"Tell me…Don't be afraid to ask me…"

"I'm afraid of rejection…"

"I can't promise you anything."

He sighed. "Would you like to be my friend…?"

I looked at him. "I…really don't trust you…" I sighed. "I can't…"

"Oh…" He sounded heartbroken.

"I'm sorry Gaara…"

"It's alright…I still have time to prove myself…" I looked at him as he looked out the window. He had some kind of warmness in his eyes…

"Is there anything else you want to talk to me about?" I asked.

"How are you feeling after what that man…" He didn't continue the sentence but I got the idea.

"I don't really feel good…I feel dirty, like I want to wipe away his touch with…" I looked at his lips, then his eyes…

"With what?" He asked.

"A sponge…uh…Can I take your measurements?"

"Measurements? For what?"

"It's a surprise…"

"Sure."

I smiled. "Great, just stretch out your hands like this…and I will do the rest."

He did as I said.

"…I have to go…"

"Sure."

I smiled. "Good…"

I left awkwardly…I can't believe it …He was so…understanding…I…I couldn't believe it…He was so…sweet and calm…This had to be a trap…

The night came fairly fast and we all prepared for bedtime.

The next day I began working on the costume in the attic. I would not be interrupted here. I don't know why I am doing this for him really…All he did was make my life hell…but there was this fire inside me that…made me do nice things for him. Was it because I am his mate? Could he remove it? I could ask him this…if he wanted to do me a favor…

A tear slid down my face. My life was all so incredibly broken and I didn't realize it by now…I was not…needed…

As I sewed the costume…I kept thinking about what recently happened to me…and tears kept pouring…

Five days later I finished the costume. I put it in a bag and left it near the door to my bedroom. I threw myself on the bed and began sobbing. When I thought about how my life with my baby would have been…Sure I was young…but no one had the right to take my baby from me. I didn't know if I could ever forgive Gaara…This mating thing was making me sympathize him. What if he can't remove it? What if I decided to move on? How would he react? I cuddled deeper in the covers. Life was hard, and I learned it on the hard way.

I heard a knock on the door. It must have been Temari. Gaara did not dare knock at my door.

"Come in." I said from under the covers.

I heard the door open and a person standing on the edge of the bed. "Can we talk?" I knew this voice. I shot open from under the covers. Gaara. I startled him as I got upp from under the covers. I sat down and I kept my distance.

"Gaara…What is it?" I wiped away my tears.

"I just wanted to know how you are doing…you never come out of here often…"

"Yeah…I don't feel like it…"

"It's because I'm in the house isn't it?"

"Gaara…you don't have to leave…It's not because you're in the house…it's just…I guess you wouldn't want to see me crying everywhere…"

"Ai…"

"Gaara, can I ask a favor?"

"Sure."

"Uh…can you remove the mating thingy?"

"I…I can't…It's irreversible…Why do you ask?"

"Because it's making me forgive you easier…It's mixing with my feelings…And I was thinking…what if I wanted to move on?"

"You…you don't want me anymore?"

"I don't know if I do…"

"Ai…"

"I don't even know what I want!"

"Ai please…"

"I mean why should I forgive you?! Do I owe you something? Did you prove to me that you are worth forgiving? No! Why should I forgive somebody who raped me every day for the last months? I deserve to be happy for once in my pathetic life! You can't give me what I want, Gaara! Even if you changed, you- Stop looking at me with that fake hurt in your eyes!"

I saw a tear fall on my sheet…It came from Gaara. My heart gave a painful thud. He looked at me with tears on his cheeks. I put my hand on my chest. My heart hurt. "Stop looking at me like that! Stop making me feel sorry for you!"

With that he got up and left the room, gently closing the door. I gripped my shirt. My heart hurt so much…I felt so guilty…

Tomorrow was his birthday. What was I going to do?

I feeling of guilt washed over me. Why am I feeling like this? It's his fault I am like this. It's his fault I lost my baby. I feel so…Do I love him…do I pity him…do I…hate him…which is it?

I wanted to go after him but my feet did not budge…God…why did I…That look in his eyes, it was like he meant it. He was serious. He was seriously hurt.

I got under the covers and began sobbing uncontrollably. What am I doing with my life?...his feelings…What in God's name possessed me to say that?

I fell asleep after a while and didn't wake up until the next day.

I woke up in a cold sweat and a huge headache. Maybe because of the nightmares and because I slept with the cloth on my head. My mind was foggy and all I ever wanted was to continue sleeping. And so I did. I continued sleeping for a whole lot of time, feeling unworthy, guilty and helpless. I was a wreck. I had no appetite. I just wanted to die. Nothing made sense for me…I thought about my dear Aiko…about Gaara and Temari…would they be happier if I was gone? I was pulling everyone behind. I was nobody.

I discovered…I hated life…

I was woken up by a knock at the door. I lost track of time. I don't know how much it has been.

"Who is it?"

"It's Temari. Can I come in?"

"Sure…" I more like whispered. She walked in and took a seat on the bed. I uncovered myself from the sheets.

"What's happening to you? You don't come out at all…I haven't seen you in two days."

"I am in no mood for anything…I just…want to die."

"Ai…Please don't say that…Look…I came because I was concerned about Gaara…"

"W-what's wrong with him?

"I can see something is bothering him, but he says it's alright…do you know why he is like this?"

"Actually…I think it's because I kind of…yelled at him…but I'm sure he is faking it. He will be over it in a few days."

"No. Ai, you have to make things right. I know you find it hard to accept that he has changed but-"

"He never changed. I refuse to believe he…changed…just like that."

"Ai, I love you, but if you keep insisting with this I will get very angry with you. What did you tell him?"

"Things like: why should I forgive you, and I don't owe you anything, stop making me feel sorry for you…" I felt something hard on my face. She slapped me. Temari actually slapped me.

"Why did you say that to him? Ai, for the millionth time, he changed! He turned into the most caring and gentle person I have seen. Indeed I doubted at first also…but Gaara…he…he can't pretend to be something he isn't. It's his nature. I know he was very bad with you, but he…he doesn't know how to prove he is sorry. He was rejected many times when he tried to show, not only say…please try a different approach. Please trust me if you do not trust him…he really has changed…" I put my hand on the place Temari slapped me. I flinched. "I'm sorry for that but…he is my little brother…he went to hardships as well…and seeing him like he is now…I only feel like protecting him…because I don't want him to be like before…" she took a small break. "Please go to him and make things right…don't let him in if you don't feel like…but at least…make him come out of the room. I don't know what's happening in there…I am worried for him." What about me? Isn't anyone worried about me?

"It's always about him…" I mumbled.

"What was that?"

"It's all about him!" I yelled. "I stood here for two days without food and water, I feel guilty, I am miserable. I HATE my life with passion, and everyone is concerned about him! I don't matter! I never matter! I am just a…a…an annoying little girl…that no one wants to deal with…I am unnecessary."

"Gaara needs you! He always needed you!"

"He only wants to fuck me! That's all he ever wanted from me!"

"THAT was the demon! Gaara let the demon control him! He only listened to the demon! But now he has his own will, his own dreams!"

This was too much. "He wants me to fall into his trap and make me his little slave! He doesn't have serious thoughts with me!"

"Ai please…you saw how calm and peaceful he is now…please…just go and talk to him…please…Only you can do this."

"Temari…when I looked into his eyes when I said those things…I saw the hurt into his eyes…but I couldn't believe it…and his birthday…"

"His birthday was yesterday…"

"I made him that suit…but I don't know if he will accept it…"

"He will…just…try." Temari took the bag beside the door and handed it to me. She had a hopeful look.

"Put it down." She looked disappointed. "No, I will go…I just have to take a shower."

"Thank you so much! You won't regret it."

"I hope…"

Temari left and I went to my business. I showered and dressed in a new set on undergarments and a new gown. I took the bag and sighed. Here goes nothing…I got out of the room and walked in front of his room. I looked down at the space between the door and the floor. The lights were out…or he wasn't in there. I gave a shy knock and got no answer. I continued with a louder one. I heard something drop and break…a vase or something fragile. I decided to speak.

"Gaara…are you in there…It's…Ai." It was silence. "If you are there…please open up. I need to talk to you…please…" Still no answer. "Well…I'm not leaving until you answer...I'll be right here, ok? Whenever you are ready…" I sat on the flood with a loud thud just to make him sure I would be there. After a while the door opened. I got up. I didn't see anyone since it was still dark inside. "Gaara, are you in here? Can you turn on the lights?"

Suddenly I felt a presence coming towards me from the darkness. I saw Gaara's face. He didn't say anything. He looked to the ground…like he was about to get punished. This wasn't the Gaara that tormented me for so long…He would never look like this…present himself like this in front of anyone. He only had his black full body suit on. I didn't know what to say…

He kept looking at the ground. "What is it?" He whispered.

"How long have you stayed in this room?"

"Why does it matter?"

"Because I can see it's hurting you."

"Big deal…" There goes the feelings again…

"I want to apologize for the last words I shared with you…I am so sorry…I didn't mean it."

"You were right." Huh?

"What do you mean I was right? I wasn't…I'm so sorry…"

"No, you were right…I can't give you what you want…"

"I take back those words." He was still looking to the ground. "Look at me." He still looked down. "I said look at me." I raised my hand to his face and he actually flinched. Did he think that…I was going to stoke him? I touched his chin and pulled his head upwards trying to look him in the eyes. His eyes were red from crying and his cheeks were soaked in tears. I felt like I was about to fall to my knees. "Gaara I want you to forget what I said to you the other day."

"I can't…because they spoke of truth…Ai…you are free to move on if you like…you are not my property…it is your life…and I am sorry if I expected something I shouldn't have. I can't control your life…even though I would have given anything to be a part of it…" I wiped Gaara's left cheek with my thumb.

"Gaara…please don't say this…"

He took my hand from his cheek with great carefulness and placed to my side, out fingers caressing as he let go. "Please don't worry about me."

"And I beg you not to shut me from your life. Yes, you hurt me, but I do not wish to…never see you again…please…"

"I think you will do better without me."

"Gaara don't do this…this is foolish."

"This is the right way…"

"Ever since I was small…I knew I had a bond with you…and I will always have that inside my heart, and keep it forever within me. If you care about me you will forget what I said…because I wasn't thinking when I said it…I'm sorry. I do not feel that way about you…you changed Gaara, I can see that…you are so calm and…gentle…If I am not ready to accept you now, does not mean I will not accept you later…Don't do something we both know you will regret…show me…you want me…for who I am…Not some mating instinct. Will you do that for me? Will you wait for me?"

"I can't do that…It is your life…maybe you will meet someone else who will make you happy…much happier than I would ever make you…I can't take the chance again…I simply can't. You don't deserve to be more hurt than you already have been…not even a little…"

"Gaara…I…"

"Please do not worry about me…I have gone out this whole time, but I did not use the door…I will be fine. I am strong and will be stronger as time passes…I want to be the Kazekage of Sunagakure…I will be strong for all my villagers…and protect them…"

"Gaara…I didn't know you…"

"Ever since Naruto Uzumaki beat me…he showed me…I can make my own path…I can be needed…I can have…friends…maybe I will…"

"Gaara…you…" I was close to tears…This was not the Gaara that treated me like dirt…This was the same Gaara as before…but he did not look lost anymore…he knew what he had to do…

"Again…I am sorry for all the things I did to you…I'm sorry I can't take everything back…"

"Don't worry about it…This…" I handed him the bag. "…is something I made for you…I hope it fits…Happy birthday."

He was hesitant at first but he took it eventually. "You got me this?"

I nodded. "I made it myself…You don't have to wear it if you don't want to…I just though…you are growing and…you needed new clothes…" I looked at him. "I'm glad we had this conversation…You will grow to be an excellent shinobi…I am sure of it…Don't be a stranger now, alright? You can come whenever you want to see me…friend…" He was studying the bag but when he heard the word 'friend' his face shot up. He wasn't smiling or anything but his eyes widened.

"Friend?" He said and I nodded to reassure him before I went into my room without another word.

I jumped into my bed and had a warm feeling inside…it must be…

Love.

Hey everybody. I hope you like the new chapter. I am sorry if I seem to be rushing things…I know how depression is…but I don't know how long I can write without being affectionate towards Gaara. My baby has been neglected lately…and that doesn't have to change right now. They won't copulate until a very looooooooooooooooooooong time. See you next time and don't forget to comment.