Thank you adryrules99 & Truewriter1995 for your reviews they make me happy :)
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About two hours later I woke up feeling blissfully happy. I felt Joe's jacket covering me but no Joe. I felt a wave of rejection wash over me, all the things he had said last night were lies and this had meant more to me than him.
I sat up ready to leave when I saw Joe sitting further down the beach looking at the sea. I felt my heart skip a beat when I saw him and I didn't even think that was possible so I couldn't stop myself going over to him.
"Hey Em," he said as I sat down next to him.
"Hey Joe," he seemed deep in thought when I looked at him and I was feeling nosy "what you thinking about?"
"Erm I was just thinking if you throw a water balloon off the Eiffel Tower does it pop in the air or once it hits the ground?" I started giggling that was so typical of Joe
"I honestly don't know." I managed to get out between giggles.
"We will have to go to Paris one day and find out." He said placing his arms around me and pulling me into a kiss.
After about half an hour it started to rain so we stopped making out on the beach and headed back home.
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We got back to the house at about three in the morning and made sure we were quiet as we tiptoed up the stairs. Just before we went our separate ways Joe took my hands in his and I felt him place something in them.
"I love you Ems" he said before capturing my lips with his.
"I love you too" I said once he released me and then walked into my bedroom.
I looked down into my hands and saw what he had placed into them. It was his promise ring I smiled as I placed in on my finger and then walked over to my bed.
I caught sight of myself in the mirror and it shocked me. I belonged to someone and the signs were all there. From the dress I was wearing to the hickey on my neck, from the jewellery I wore and to the jacket hanging loosely off me, all related to Joe. I couldn't tear my eyes away from the mirror and what it was showing me. This sight panicked me.
Could I do this? Could I be in a relationship and stay loyal the whole time? If Ash could do it so could I right?
I began passing up and down in my room, I was freaking out. I couldn't do this, I was Emily Manson and I didn't do love, hell I barely even did second dates. I couldn't leave Joe though I was here for another three weeks and it would make everything so awkward but I couldn't stay with him that just wasn't what I did. But there was no way out?
Or was there?
I grabbed a notepad and wrote down two letters, one to Joe and one to Ash. It was a coward's way out.
I placed Joes note on top of the dress and his jacket and then placed his ring and the bracelet next to it I read the note once more before leaving.
Joe,
I
can't do this I am really sorry
Em x
Then I went across the hall to Kevin's room and slipped the note under the door.
Ash,
You
were wrong before I don't feel anything, I can't stay here
anymore tell Mum I got the train home.
Love you Em x
I picked up my suitcase and stumbled down the stairs and out the door. I am surprised I didn't wake anyone.
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As I was walking to the train station it began to rain extremely hard soaking through my hoodie but I didn't care. I couldn't believe what I was doing was I that much of a coward that I felt the need to run? Should I have just stayed and let it work itself out?
As I was walking I saw Hershey running towards me, he made me think of that time me and Joe fought in the woods and I broke down crying. I fell to the ground and Hershey rested his head on my knee as if to comfort me.
"Oh god what have I done?" I cried to Hershey and call me crazy but he looked like he was listening. "I'm such a slut, I told Joe I loved him and that what happened between us wouldn't mean nothing to me and then I just run away. After all these years of complaining about Dad but I am just as bad as he is" Then I began to cry even harder.
I couldn't blame all this on Dad despite what he has done I was the one who ran away, I was the one who would break Joe's heart, I was the one who told him I loved him, I was the cow in all this.
I pulled myself together and walked on towards the train station with Hershey still in tow.
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I arrived at the train station at about five in the morning so I had a bit of wait. I placed my suitcase down on the floor and sat on it. My tears had finally dry but it was still raining so I was still miserable.
After about an hour I heard a car pull into the car park but I didn't bother turning to see who it was. I heard the car doors slam and the sound of someone running. Who could be late for the train this early in the morning?
I continued to ignore the person who was running it wasn't until I felt someone grab me from behind I realised they were running to me.
"What are you doing?" I turned round to see a very angry Ash looking at me, she softened a bit when she saw my red, puffy eyes.
"What does it look like I am doing? I am going home, I thought I could handle it but I can't."
"Handle what?" she said sitting down on the suitcase next to me.
"Me and Joe, I have to leave before I hurt him anymore."
"The only way you will hurt him is by leaving" she sighed.
"Ash, he told me he loved me" I said looking down.
"How is that a problem?" she said taking my hand in hers. I couldn't stop myself from the lies pouring out but it was easier than facing up to the truth.
"Because Ash I don't love him," I said letting go of her hand feeling ashamed of myself "I only slept with him for fun there was nothing more to it than that but I know it meant more to him so I can't stay."
"Em, I know and you know that's not true and what you feel for Joe is a lot more than a little fun, I know how you feel Em," she took my hand in her again "I was the same with Kevin trying to deny it but you have to face facts Em." But I just couldn't do that.
"No Ash this is nothing the same," I said rising up off the suitcase "I'm not in love it was some little phase but now I am over it, end of." Ash was back to being angry again, I could tell she could see through my lies. Why couldn't I just tell the truth.
"What are you so afraid of Em? Afraid to let someone in and for them to see the real you? Afraid that maybe they will like what they see and stick around when they realise that you aren't such a bitch? Afraid that if something goes wrong you will feel a human emotion for once in your life? Afraid to put yourself out there in case you get hurt? Afraid to let someone love you? Or just afraid to love them back?" She was right, everything she said was true but I couldn't let her know that.
"No Ash I'm not afraid, why do you act like you know everything there possibly is to do with love? Just because you're with Kevin doesn't make you an expert. What about next year when he goes off to college? Do you really think it's the real deal and he is going to stay with you?" I know what I had said was horrible but I couldn't let her know how true everything she said was.
"Okay Em," she sighed while getting up "go home see if I care but don't say I didn't warn you, you will end up regretting it." I rolled my eyes at her and then watched as she walked away.
I watched her walk into the train station car park and then saw her shake her head at Kevin before he wrapped his arm around her and lead her back over to the car.
I sighed as they drove away reassuring myself I had made the right decision.
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About half an hour later I heard the sound of someone running again. Why couldn't Ash just leave me to make my own decisions? I turned round to tell her to go home but who I saw was much worse. Joe.
I just stared at him unable to say anything. Looking at his face I couldn't tell if he was angry or not.
"After what happened last night you think 'I can't do this sorry' is good enough?" he said throwing the note at me, yeah he was angry.
"Look Joe..." I started to say before he cut me off.
"You told me you loved me was that true or just some joke?" I didn't know what to say that wouldn't hurt him even more.
"I do love you Joe but ..."
"But not enough to stay. Do you realise how long I have loved you and then when you said it back it was one of the happiest moments of my life and then you had ruin it being typical Emily who fucks and runs." I winced when at this I had heard that from a lot of people but I never thought I would hear it from Joe.
"Joe last night was great but," he opened his mouth to say something but I put my hand up to stop "but we couldn't make this work, we couldn't start a whole relationship based on one drunken night."
"So last night meant nothing to you?"
"It didn't mean nothing but not enough to make me stay." It was a lie and as I said I could feel the tears start to fall again.
"Em you can't go," Joe said taking my hands "the fact that it meant something has got to be worth a little bit, we could work from there."
"No Joe we can't I don't want a relationship that's why I am leaving, I'm sorry." I said glancing down the track to see that my train was coming.
"Em you can't go," he said taking my hands in his "I love you doesn't that count for anything?"
"I'm sorry" was all I managed to get out before my tears took over. The train pulled to a stop and without looking back I got on.
I can still see Joes face as I rode away on the train I couldn't stop the tears falling the whole journey home. As Ash said there isn't a day that goes by that I don't regret what I did and to this day I still love Joe I just never had the guts to tell him or to even face him. Until now.
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Ok that was the last chapter set in the past the rest of the story will all be in present day :)
I am going on holiday soon so I won't be able to update for quite a while sorry :(
But anyway please review :)
