A/N: This is the final chapter, it's been a fun ride and I'd like to thank you all for sticking with me. As always, the final chapter has been a nightmare to writer. Which is part of the reason it's taken me so long to get it written and posted, the other reason being life. – But I hope this final chapter doesn't stink.
God Bless Us, Every One
James blinked up at the approaching figure, the pounding of his heart loud in his ears.
"Shhh, sweetheart, you're safe. You'll be just fine now." She whispered.
Slowly her face came into focus and James let out a whimper, "M-mum?"
Margaret Hathaway lowered herself down gracefully to kneel in front of her son, her dark blonde hair flowing around her shoulders, not a hint of grey, and her blue eyes clear and shining brightly. A warm loving smile pulled at her lips and James swallowed back another sob, she looked beautiful and happy, as she'd been in his youth, before everything fell apart.
"I'm sorry James." Margaret said softly, her hand reaching out to cup his damp cheek, "I'm so very sorry."
"Mum?"
She shook her head, "Everything I did, everything I said. I was wrong. You were such a happy brave boy and I crushed you. I tried to change you, because I was scared. Scared of what you'd become, but I should have known. I should have known you could never hurt anyone. - My baby boy." She dragged her thumb beneath James's eyes, wiping away fresh tears. "I failed to protect Nell when she needed it, and over protected you when you didn't. – I stopped you for being happy. I stopped you from finding love. – I should have accepted you instead of pushing you into a life you weren't suited for."
James's throat constricted painfully, his whole body shaking. He wanted to say it wasn't her fault. That it had been his choice, and part of him knew that was true. If he'd been stronger, less scared of becoming an outcast, he could have taken a different path. A path that led away from the seminary, and all the pain and misery that had come with that decision.
But the fact was, she'd had a larger influence on his life than he'd known. He'd blocked out so much of his past, rewritten it so as to shield her from whatever anger and hatred the truth would have allowed to grow between them. - And it had cost lives.
"I'm sorry, my darling." She whispered, fingers carding through his hair, "If I'd known..." She shook her head guiltily.
"We choose our paths." James muttered, eyes cast down to stare at the dirt beneath him. "I could have followed my heart. Gone to Cambridge and embraced who I wanted to be."
Margaret shook her head, "You were too good, too loving to rebel against my wishes. I knew that, and I used it to lock you away where I believed you'd be...restrained. Where you wouldn't be able to hurt anyone like Mortmagine had."
James's eyes widened with hurt and anger, "I could never..." he was cut off by his mother shaking her head, "I know that my sweet. Deep down, I always knew that, but...I was scared, and you know what James Steward said about fear, It's an insidious and deadly thing." she whimpered.
The corner of his mouth twitched at the memory of his mother's love for the old actor, and his namesake, then he reached out, pulling her into another hug. He pressed his face back into her shoulder and held on, breathing in the familiar scent of her perfume.
They remained like that for what felt like hours, just wrapped in each other's arms. Finally, Margaret pulled away, looking into her son's watery blue eyes, her hand cupping his cheek. "It's time to go how now, lovely." She smiled softly, "You have someone waiting for you."
James's heart skipped and he inhaled sharply, gaze dropping, "You know?" he shook his head at the ridiculousness of the question. Of course his mother knew. In a second his head snapped up, eyes fixed questioningly on her, "You did this?" he asked cautiously, "Why?"
Margaret's lip curled sadly, "Like I said, I want you to be happy."
"But…" James swallowed thickly, his hands beginning to shake, "Robbie… - Why Robbie? Why now?"
"Your accident gave me the opportunity to step in, to fix things." She informed him matter-of-factly, eyes one more brimming with tears, "As for your gentleman," her voice tightened somewhat, a hint of the displeasure remaining just beneath the survive, "You love him," she said, back straightening determinedly, "and I've been reasonably informed that he loves you. If it weren't for what I'd done all those years ago, what I'd continued to do up until my death, you would have followed your heart long ago. Instead you've both been miserable. It was only right for me to fix that." She leant forward, pressing her lips to James's forehead before resting her own there, "I want you to be happy, James. I want you to know love. I don't what you to wallow away on your own until the day you join me and your father here, never having experienced half of what we'd shared." Her voice was quiet and fragile, and James felt the dampness of her tears against his skin. "So go home James. Go home and tell him you love him, and have the life I should have always wanted for you."
James's throat closed up around a fresh sob. There was another kiss from his mother's lip and then she was stepping away.
"Tell your father, I'm sorry. That I love him and I'm waiting for him." She whispered brokenly, "I'll see him soon."
James's chest tightened as he watched his mother stepped back further, the bright light of eternity wrapping around her in a tight embrace. Reclaiming her soul. Then he exhaled a pain breath as she vanished completely, the world around him fading to darkness.
_(*-*)_
Robbie was half way back to his room when he heard the sound of running feet. Something inside him told him to stop, to look around. Holding up his hand to the nurse, stopping her, he craned his neck to look past her and felt his heart shatter as he saw staff rushing into James's room. "Back. Take me back!" he ordered loudly.
There were a few seconds of hesitation but eventually the young nurse turned the wheelchair around and pushed him back the way he'd just come. When Robbie reacted the room, the curtain had been pulled around the bed and a doctor was hurrying past him. "What's happening?" he yelled, but got no answer. Tilting his head back he looked up at his nurse, hoping she'd get the hint and go find out, but she just stared worriedly through the window, her lips a thin line.
Robbie sat there, his hand pressed to his thigh, trembling fearfully. It felt like forever before one of the nurses left the room, and Robbie didn't hesitate in reaching out and snagging her wrist. She startled, looking down at him. "What's happening?" he demanded, fear and panic clear in his voice.
The nurse's eyes softened and her other hand moved to grip his, slowly easing it off, "He's awake."
Robbie stared.
The words rolled around in his mind, never quite settling. He blinked and the nurse was gone. Tears pooled and he turned back to stare at the curtain, heart pounding. He was awake. James was awake, but what he alright. Head injuries were serious.
A thousand and one different scenarios played on repeat in his head causing him to jump when a hand landed on his shoulder. Looking up Robbie stared at the tired face of a young Indian doctor.
"Mr Lewis?" the man said, a surprisingly thick Scottish accent.
It took a few minutes for the world to right itself and his heart to stop pounding in his ears, "Uh, yes."
The Doctor, whose name was McDonald according to his badge, smiled understandingly down at him, "He's asking for you."
Robbie's heart practically exploded, "Is he alright?"
Doctor McDonald's lips thinned, "It's hard to say right now, we'll need to do some test, but he's wake and talkin', which is a good sign. You can go in, but only for a few minutes," he said, looking pointedly at the nurse before dropping his gaze back to Robbie, "It's late, and you both need your rest."
Robbie nodded, "Thank you doctor." He said gratefully.
The nurse took that as her cue and pushed him into the room and over to the side of the bed. James was laying on his back, eyes closed. The tubes had been removed but there was still the incessant beeping of the heart monitor, though it was a lot steadier now. Robbie inhaled slowly, biting at his lower lip. The second the chair stopped at the side of the bed, he reached for James's hand.
"James? Lad, its me." He said quietly.
"I'll be outside," the nurse said softly, backing away, "A few minutes, Mr. Lewis."
He didn't reply, his watery eyes fixed on the pale profile of the man he loved, "James? It's Robbie."
It was a few painfully long seconds before there was a gentle breath and the flutter of golden lashes, "R-Robbie." James breathed, voice so quiet that Robbie had to lean a little closer to hear it.
"Yes, it's me. I'm here. You're alright. You're going to be alright." His voice broke one the last few words and he squeezed James's hand reassuringly. "Oh God, James, I thought I'd lost you." He added brokenly a few seconds later.
Slowly James turned his head, blue blood shot eyes meeting Robbie's. "H-hey." He stammered, voice weak and rough from the tubing that had been in his throat only moments ago.
"Shhh, don't talk." Robbie insisted, his left hand moving from where it was clinging to James's wrist to cup the young man's cheek, his thumb rubbing cautiously across the stumbled flesh. "Hey." He smiled back.
_(*-*)_
James opened his eyes slowly on the third morning to the sight of a blurry figure beside his bed. "Robbie?" He croaked out weakly, smacking his lips together in a pointless attempt to create moisture.
"Afraid not, Jammy." Nell replied quietly, "Here."
He felt the plastic of a straw pressed to his lips and sucked as best he could, water filling his mouth to cool his throat and helping ease the dryness. After a few swallow, he lifted a trembling hand and pushed it away, blinking to better focus on his sister.
Nell set the blue tumbler down on the bedside cabinet, but didn't return to her seat, instead hovered beside him, her slim fingers curling around his wrist, careful to avoid his IV. "You seem more wake this time." She said with a warm smile, her eyes glistening with unshed tears.
"I am, " he grumbled, throat still not fully recovered from the breathing tube.
"I'm glad," Nell sighed, relieved, " You had us all very worried, baby brother."
"Us?" James frowned.
"Me, Dad and Thomas, not to mention your... - Robbie." Her lip curled up knowingly. "He's been here every day. "
James's head felt like cotton wool, he had a very vague memory of Robbie, sat beside his bed, hand on his cheek. "He's not..."
"He was discharged yesterday afternoon, so he probably won't be in for a while yet."
"Discharged?" James muttered, brows so tightly knitted together that a headache was beginning to take hold.
Nell quirked a brow, then pulled the chair forward, lowering herself down into it. "How much do you remember?" she asked him cautiously.
James thought back, the last thing he could remember clearly was being sat in the pub with a young woman. His date. He clawed his way through the thick cloud of confusion and fog, until he found another memory. "I was...in the car park of the Trout," he muttered shakily, eyes narrowing as he thought back everything was just a blank. "I... - I was with Lewis?"
Nell frowned at him, concerned. "Yes, James."
James nodded absently, "I don't remember anything after that."
Nell sighed, "The doctor said that might be the case. It's common for people to forget the events leading up to and during an accident. Especially one as traumatic as yours was."
He knew he'd spoken to the doctors in the last few days, had tests done, but he'd been still so out of it, that it was all mostly a blur. "Is... Is Lewis okay?" he asked, uncertainly.
Nell started at him for a long second before nodding slowly, "He's fine. You'll see for yourself when he comes back. He's been here every day."
"He has? " James muttered roughly.
"He was here with you when you woke up. Don't you remember?"
James's brows pinch together thoughtfully. He had a vague memory of Robbie staring at him with relived eyes and a soft smile. The warmth of a hand on his cheek. He swallowed, licking at his lips as a small blossom of hope settled inside him.
Ever since he'd woke, he had this strange sense. Like of as if he'd forgotten to turn the gas of at home, or had left his car keys somewhere he couldn't quiet remember. It was a heavy pressure on the back of his mind, driving him crazy.
"Jammy, you okay?"
James blinked, turning his attention back to his sister, staring at her for a long silent moment. "Uh…yeah." He finally whispered.
"You sure? Do you want me to get a doctor?"
With a shake of his head, James smile, "No, I'm fine. Still a little groggy is all. – How's dad?"
It was obviously she didn't believe him, but she didn't press the issue. "Okay," she sighed, settling back in her chair, "He's doing alright. I left him in the front room reading…"
"Keats."
Nell's brows pinched together, "How'd you know?"
"I…" James frowned, "Just a guess."
_(*-*)_
Being released from hospital wasn't as simple as it probably should have been. Usually when a patient is released, he goes home and is waited on for a few days. He gets to relax on his sofa and just wait for the pain to stop. For Robbie though, he didn't have a home to go back to. It wasn't as if Laura was going to allow him to stay at the house with her while he recovered, which meant that instead of R and R, Robbie was forced to take a room at one of the smaller hotels in Oxford until he could find a new flat.
Lyn had been an angel, organising things for him. She'd even gone over to Laura's place to collect his things. She didn't tell him what had happened, but when he saw her tired red-rimmed eyes he knew it hadn't gone all that smoothly, and he felt the weight of guilt at putting his little girl in that position. She'd liked Laura, they'd gotten on, and now if he knew his daughter, the pair weren't going to be on speaking terms.
David had been amazing too, though it hadn't gone unnoticed that things were tense between him and Lyn, and that just added to Robbie's sense of guilt. He was causing so much agro and pain for the people he cared about. That said however, he wouldn't change his mind now, even if he could. He wasn't going to keep pretending he wasn't in love. Not only because he'd promised Val, but because he was just tired of it.
While he was carrying a lot of guilt for the pain he was causing, it had also released him from so much more. The pressure on his heart had lifted the moment he'd accepted the truth and stopped hiding.
Now he only hoped he could convince James to give it a try.
A knock on his hotel room door announced the arrival of his ride, and he struggled up off the leather chair by the window, grabbing his crutches, and hobbled over to answer it. Lyn had smiled at him, Matty in her arms, eyes red and teary.
"Oh, lad, what's wrong?" Robbie cooed, reaching out to cradle his grandson's head.
"He's just restless today." Lyn told him with a tired sighed.
"Missing ya dad, are you, lad?" he looked at his daughter, "I told y'Lass, you should have gone home with Dad."
His son-in-law was forced to return to Manchester the previous evening due to work commitments, but Lyn had refused to go with him, insisting on staying around to help Robbie. He'd taken the train back, leaving Lyn the car, which made it easier for her to get around the city with both Matthew and Robbie.
The look she shot him could have taken down an elephant, "We've been through his dad, I'm not leaving until you're settled."
Robbie exhaled warily, shaking his head and turned back into the room, grabbing his jacket. "Okay, let's go then."
It took them a few minutes to manoeuvre their way down to the car, between a struggling toddler and Robbie hobbling along on his crutches, but finally they had their seatbelts fastened and where heading alone the high street towards the hospital.
They chatted casually about nothing important. After all, there was little left to say after almost five days. When they reached the hospital, Lyn dropped him off at the front entrance then headed off to find a parking space.
Robbie had gotten surprisingly good at manoeuvring his way around and quickly found himself outside Jamie's room. He paused to fuss with his hair, picking a stray piece of lint off his sweater. He didn't know what he was fussing really, James was barely aware he was there, let alone care what he looked like.
Brushing his hair back one more time, Robbie gripped the hand rests if his crutches and asked a passing nurse to grab the door for him.
He almost stumbled over his own feet when he hobbled over the threshold and found James sat up in his bed, looking chipper and wide away. "You're awake." He stated out loud, utterly pointlessly.
James smiled, eyes warm with amusement. "Excellent observation. Have you considered becoming a detective?"
Robbie narrowed his eyes sternly at the younger man, even as his heart was soaring with happiness. "Have you considered not being a smart ass." Robbie countered, hobbling closer to the bed, his gaze never leaving James's face, with its bright smile and healthy glow. The sight had his heart beating faster and he felt as if his palms were sweating, which something he hadn't experienced since he was a teenager.
The loud clearing of a throat across the bed had Robbie looking up and flushing as he found Nell staring at him with that amused knowing look on her face. "Morning Nell." He returned her warm grin, "How are you today?" He asked automatically.
James's sister let out a soft laugh, "Same as always," she replied lightly.
"And your father?"
Nell's smile faltered slightly, "He's doing better today, thank you Robbie."
James was looking between them when Robbie turned back to him, his brows pinched. "So, you two seem…friendly."
Nell chuckled as she turned back to her brother, leaning over to pat his cheek, "Now, now, baby brother, don't be going and getting all jealous." She winked.
James stiffened and glowered at his sister and Robbie's heart stuttered a little. Clearing his throat, Robbie looked around for the extra chair that he'd been practically living in the past week.
"The nurse took it out," Nell informed him helpfully, "but here, you can take this one." She grabbed her back and moved around the bed, shooting James another wicked knowing grin, "I'll leave your boys…alone."
Robbie couldn't avoid the blush that crept up his neck and onto his face, "If you see Lyn…."
"I'll drag her off for lunch." Nell said, her face beaming, "Now don't do anything I wouldn't do."
"Which doesn't leave much." James shot back.
Nell stuck her tongue out and yanked open the door, pausing to look back at Robbie with a playful wink, "Remember he's still recovering." She ducked just in time to avoid the tissue box James lob at her head. The woman's laughter pleasantly filling the room as she vanished.
"Sorry about her, Sir."
Robbie frowned, "Sir? – What happened to Robbie?" he asked lightly, ignoring the twitch of fear in his chest.
"Uh…" James swallowed thickly.
"I'm not your boss any more lad." Robbie reminded him, "And you've been calling me by my name for the last couple of days."
"I haven't exactly been fully aware of my surroundings the last few days, si…Robbie."
"Right." Robbie muttered, lowering his eyes to his lap, "So you don't…remember what we've talked about then?" he looked up briefly to see James staring at him, blue eyes shimmering with a strange look.
"I'm…." he shook his head, his long fingers plucking at his hospital gown, "I mean…it's hard to tell what was real and what's a dream." He added quietly, and Robbie's heart flip-flopped.
"Well, how about you tell me about your dream, and I'll tell ya if its real?"
James looked doubtful and uncertain, "I'm not sure. I mean..."
Robbie reached forward instinctively, after days of holding on to James, and wrapped his fingers around the younger man's hand, "I promise, I won't think you're crazy, no matter what y'tell me."
James's gaze was fixed on their hands, and Robbie smiled softly at the gobsmacked expression on the younger man's face. Robbie would happily admit he liked the way James's fingers felt against his palm, and with any luck, it was making his intentions clear. "James, lad?"
"Uh," James stammered again, his head snapped up, eyes wide and somewhat startled.
Or maybe Robbie was moving ahead of himself. He hadn't even told James how he felt. Well, he had, but apparently the lad didn't remember. So slowly Robbie began to withdraw his fingers only for James to tightened his hold. A breath caught in Robbie's throat and he smiled softly.
"It's going to sound weird but..." he took a breath, "I dreamt I was visited by three ghosts."
Robbie smirked, "Last I checked, Lad, Christmas is months away."
James rolled his eyes and dropped them to stare at their hands again. "I'm serious. First was Will."
"Will?" Robbie frowned, "Will...McEwan?"
"Yes," James nodded, meeting his gaze, "He showed me things. Things I didn't remember about my past."
Robbie rubbed his thumb against the back of James's hand, "Okay."
"I..." James took a breath, "I had it all wrong. What I thought happened between him and I, it's not...it didn't happen the way I thought. And then I... - This is going to sound...I dreamt your wife came to see me."
Robbie froze. Over the last few days he'd come to the conclusion that what had happened with Val had all been in his mind. His subconscious giving him a kick in the arse so he'd fix what was wrong with his life. "Val came to see you?" he asked slowly, eyes searching James's face.
James nodded, "It's ridiculous I..."
"No. No, it's not." Robbie shuffled closer to the edge of his seat and gripped James's hand a little tighter. "I... I saw her too." he whispered, as if he were scared the doctors would come and drag him off to the funny farm.
"What?" James frowned.
"I saw her." Robbie insisted, eyes wide and beginning to brim with tears. "Before I woke up, I was in our old house. I was on the sofa and she was there."
There was a heavy silence as the pair watched each other, their linked hands growing hot and sweaty.
"She showed me your past." James finally muttered, his voice thick with emotion. "Newcastle." he added carefully.
Robbie's heart began to race. There could only be one reason why she'd take James back there, to show him...
"I'm sorry." James whispered softly, giving Robbie's fingers a remorseful squeeze. "About your..."
"Rory." Robbie finished. "My Rory." his throat closed around the name and he felt a tear roll down his cheek. He scrubbed at it with his free hand and sniffled back the others waiting to take its place. "Did you see what...happened to him."
James shook his head, "No, just your two..." his face turned red and Robbie shifted awkwardly, clearing his throat. "Then she brought me back here."
"That's when you woke up?"
"No." James frowned, staring once more at their hands thoughtfully. "I... it's still a bit of a blur in places. You know, fading, but..." he lifted his gaze and asked, "Did you break up with Laura?"
Robbie inhaled sharply, straightened at the question. "Aye, lad." he nodded.
There was a long silence before James breathed out, "For me?"
Robbie's face lit up with a wide watery smile. "Aye, lad, for you."
"Oh." James gapped, eyes wide.
Robbie pushed himself off the chair and stepped up to the bed. It was a struggle but he perched himself on its edge, James's hand resting in his lap. "That's of course, if you're willing to have an old goat like me, lad."
_(*-*)_
Willing to have him? Was the man insane? That was all James had wanted for almost a decade. His heart was racing as he stared at Robbie, the man's warm hands clinging to his own. James swallowed thickly, and licked nervously at his lips. It should be easy saying yes, shouldn't it? One simple word that could make his whole life worth living. Yet it remained lodged in his throat. "Lyn." he said instead, the name quiet as it tumbled out of his mouth.
Robbie frowned, "What about her?"
"I… I know she's not happy about…whatever this is," he waved between them with his free hand, "I don't want to come between you."
The look on Robbie's face was all too familiar to James. It was the look he got when James disappointed him, not by letting him down but by not believing in himself. It was the look he'd given him when he'd found Monkford. "Whatever the issues are between me and my daughter, or my son when and if I get see him again, are not on you, James." He stated firmly, "If they can't accept that I love you, then so be it. They're adults, they make their own decisions now. They don't answer to me, and I certainly don't answer to them."
James's heart was beating in his throat and he felt the all the air had been sucked out of the room, "You… you love me?"
Robbie's lips curled up softly, "I've been telling you that for almost a week, Lad."
"Are you sure?" James whispered.
"Pretty sure, aye." Robbie shifted closer and lifted a hand to cup James's face, his thumb rubbing gently across the dark bruise on his cheek. "I've been in love with you for a while, but every time tried to…ask you out, you always shoved me in Laura's direction. Eventually I got the hint." He shrugged.
"I thought that's what you wanted." James insisted, "I thought it was…Mrs Lewis that was holding you back."
"At first, aye, it was." Robbie sighed, "But even then… It didn't stop me wanting you, James." His eyes travelled around James's face.
"Why didn't you just…say something. Do something."
"It would have been inappropriate; I was your boss. I didn't want to risk our working relationship on the slim off chance that you felt the same."
James closed his eyes and sighed, "Snap."
Robbie huffed out a brittle laugh, "Right pair we are, hey?"
"That's what makes us such a good team." James replied softly, his lip curling.
"Aye."
They sat in silence just watching one another until James couldn't take it any longer. He'd waited long enough. Years. Decades even. Pressing one hand into the pillows behind him, he used it to push himself forward. Untangling his other hand from Robbie's grip he slid his hand around the man's neck and pulled him closer until their mouths met.
The kiss was everything James had dreamed it would be and so much more. Robbie's hand rested on his bicep, squeezing the muscle when he opened his mouth and invited James inside. The first touch of their tongues sent his heartrate sky rocketing and his head spinning. There was a loud screaming sound off in the distance, but it wasn't enough to draw him away from the man he'd waited a life time for. Tightening his hold on Robbie neck, James pulled himself closer, ignoring the blinding pain in his ribs and back. He didn't care. Nothing mattered in that moment. Nothing but him and Robbie, Finally.
It felt like an eternity before Robbie broke the kiss, pulling away breathlessly, to blink owlishly at James. James meanwhile fell back into his pillows, pain tearing through him.
When he opened his eyes, it was to find a nurse stood beside the bed, "I hope it was worth it." She huffed, and he couldn't tell if it was amusement or annoyance.
Grinning, wide and bright, James looked over to where Robbie had repositioned himself back in the chair, face bright red with embarrassment. "Every second." James chuckled, "God bless us, everyone."
Robbie rolled his eyes, shaking his head and lent back. "You're incorrigible." he muttered with a laugh, rubbing at his knee.
A/N: Not quiet the end yet, just a short epilogue.
