Rated M for: Language and sexual themes and lesbians.
Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha and co. Rumiko Takahashi does. I do, however, own a Fooly Cooly t-shirt and look damn good wearing it. XD Cause wearing Takkun on your belly would make anyone look sexy.
Chapter 9: Secrets Of The Forest
I eventually slipped away from Sango after she fell back asleep shortly. It had taken nearly all of my willpower to stop watching her sleep. She was so cute when she slept- beautiful, even in rest.
I tread silently down the hall and into the kitchen, feeling cold the moment I left Sango's secure embrace. I immediately regretted not wearing slippers the instant my toes hit the icy peach and white tiles. Pouting I moved to the cabinet and removed two cups. After preparing tea for Sango and hot chocolate for me I headed back towards the room anxious to get back into her warm embrace.
"Kagome?"
I looked up to see Kohaku looking at me with confusion written about his face.
"Good morning, Kohaku," I said offering a bright smile.
"H-how are you feeling?" he asked, very hesitantly.
"I'm fine. I came with Sango to visit you," I told him, watching him carefully.
"That's cool."
He was behaving very awkwardly. You see, Kohaku was much like his older sister. He was quiet and very observant- he tried to be aware of other people's feelings. Which would slightly explain his odd behavior towards me, but why was he being so hesitant? What was making him act so oddly?
"How's that memory coming along?" he questioned softly. My eyes hitched onto his green-ish brown eyes and realization hit me. He was concerned about my memories.
"It's all back," I told him, seeing him visibly relax. "Which reminds me, happy belated birthday," I remembered his birthday was just a few days before.
"Thanks Kagome," he said with a wide smile.
I was surprised at how much he had grown over the short time I had last seen him with Sota. It had only been a month or two, but he seemed to have shot up another inch or so.
"You just keep getting bigger and bigger Kohaku," I smiled fondly and he smiled back.
"I'm really glad you remember everything Kagome," he said with sincerity evident in his eyes. "Sango kind of went crazy for a bit when you were in the hospital."
"C-crazy?" I stuttered after having this new information thrown at me.
"Yeah…. Nothing, like, officially crazy, but she wasn't acting like herself. She started doing all sort of odd things, like smoking, and drinking…. and… getting high."
I felt my jaw muscles clench uncomfortably.
"I… shouldn't have said that," he said, suddenly looking regretful, probably after spotting the look on my face. "Don't worry Kagome," he assured. "She's doing better with all the bad habits she picked up."
I nodded, not really able to talk.
"I guess I'll talk to you again later," he said, flopping down on the couch. "And I'm really glad to see that you've recovered everything."
I walked to Sango's door and stopped before it.
Sango had done all that shit? For what? What did it accomplish? Why? I was upset; she had… hurt herself. What good could come from that?
Suddenly feeling aggravated, I pushed myself into her room and sighed loudly.
"Are you ok?" a stuffy voice asked.
I jumped, a bit startled by her voice. Sango looked at me with questionable green eyes. I nodded, after recovering, and silently tread over to the bed. I set down her tea and sat on the edge, facing away from her. I tested my hot chocolate, making sure not to scald my tongue. After taking a few sips I was highly aware of the silence about me. Glancing over my shoulder I found Sango hunched over a ridiculously thick notebook which sat in her lap. She was writing vigorously.
"Sango?"
She finished up whatever she was writing at the moment and looked up.
We held each others eyes, not blinking. I looked away from them to examine the rest of her face; soft and gentle was her expression.
"Yes Kagome?"
I jumped, a bit startled by her sudden speech.
"Is that… a diary?"
She nodded and shut the book, probably instantly realizing where my interests were now.
"I never knew you had one," I said softly, not wanting to believe that maybe I hadn't gotten all of my memory back.
"I don't think you ever found out," she said with a gentle smirk. "I've hidden it quite well from you." She sniffled a little, and then took a swing from her drink, reminding me a bit of a pirate when she did. She set the cup down and looked at me for a response.
"How long have you had it?" I asked watching her cheeks flare momentarily.
"This is going to sound really corny, but it's the truth, ok?"
I nodded in response and she continued.
"I bought it the day I first laid eyes on you. Up until that point, I didn't think there was much special about my life- nothing interesting enough to record in a journal," she said with a distant look in her eyes.
"I don't understand, Sango… your dad was a celebrity," I said, seeing her expression not falter one bit.
"He was never home, Kagome," she said flatly. "The only time he stayed home longer than two days was when he finally decided to end his life."
She sighed, probably trying to shake the feeling she was getting.
"Besides; I never really told anyone he was my dad. I don't like that kind of attention."
We fell silent, and I decided this wasn't a topic we should dwell on.
"Are you going to let me read it?"
"What? You want to… read it?"
I nodded with a smile. "I'd love to see how your mind works; it seems so complex."
"Look who's talking," she mumbled with a sideways glance at me.
I gave her a faux angry look once I gained eye contact and a smile broke out onto her lips. I couldn't help but smile too- I laughed and she joined in. I stopped suddenly after hearing the familiar melodious sound. God, if only Sango laughed more….
"What?" she asked, looking concerned because I suddenly stopped.
"Nothing," I said shaking my head and deciding not to tell her.
"Ok, well, I'll let you read it if I can get a chance to look through your sketch book," she said, flashing a sly smile. Oh, she was getting playful was she? I'd say, two could play that game, but if my memories served correctly, I was a horrible flirter. I caved instantly.
"Fine," I mumbled with a harsh blush on my face. "But, promise me you won't lau-"
I was silenced by her sneeze.
"You're drinking that tea right?" I asked.
"Yeah," she gave a short answer.
"You never did answer my question about Shippo," I said, suddenly.
"Quit trying to get out of showing me that sketch book."
"I'm getting it," I said rolling my eyes with a light smile on my face. "But I still want to know about Shippo."
"I had to give him away to the local zoo," she said as I rummaged through my bag to retrieve my sketch book. "He was getting too…. frisky and he was beginning to become hard to take care of."
"So, he's still… alive right?" I asked handing her the book.
She took another swallow of her tea and nodded. "They haven't called me saying anything about death, and Kohaku was there a few days ago with Kanna; he said he saw him."
"Kanna?" I asked sitting and taking the book into my lap.
"His girlfriend," she said rolling her eyes. "When I was that young, I didn't even bother dating. They guys who asked me out probably only did because of who my dad was; I wasn't interested in men anyways….. I guess he's lucky- to get the shitty part of relationships out of the way early so he can have a better relationship with who ever he finally decides to love."
"Could it have been a possibility that they fell in love with you because of who you were?" I asked, hesitant to open the ridiculously thick book.
"Love doesn't work that way…. unless you get to know the person," she sighed lightly. "Until then, it's just physical want- lust."
"You should be a philosopher," I said smiling.
"I've thought about that option," she said opening up the front of my book.
"I think it'd be a good field for you," I said slipping my finger between the front cover and the first page.
"Damn, Kagome," Sango said throatily.
I looked up to see Sango looking intently through my book. A blush blazed across my face.
"I can never get over how good you are with this," she said shaking her head. "Man, I never thought all this time you were drawing pictures of me."
I blushed, at a loss of words and embarrassed beyond my wildest dreams.
"I really like these, Kags," she said, causing me to raise a questionable eyebrow. "What's with the look?"
"I don't know," I shrugged. "I thought you'd be… freaked out or something."
"Why would I be?" she asked, setting the book down and gently taking my hand. She was still very warm.
"I don't know," I repeated.
"Well I'm not, ok? I think it's hot that you think of me naked all the time."
I looked at her with a surprised look and she laughed. She was joking with me!
"My god, Kagome; you're so gullible."
I watched her stand and slip on her flip flops.
"Where are you going?" I asked, as she grabbed a coat from her chair.
"I nearly forgot that I had to drive Kohaku over to Kanna's house to pick her up and bring her back here. He's probably been waiting forever; I promise to be back as soon as I can," she said, bending over and kissing me on the cheek.
I smiled. "Ok, I'll be waiting."
She left and silence invaded my senses. I looked down at the thick notebook that lay in my hands. So many secrets were held within; the very essence of the woman I loved- of Sango. Did I really want to decode the mysterious woman- did I want to figure her out completely? I pondered over that for a moment and decided that I wouldn't. I'd only look for the information that would expose her self injury. I'd only look for her life while I was away- while I was asleep.
Randomly flipping the book open a page was revealed to me. This page was obviously opened a lot and the first thing that registered in my mind were the tons of numbers and the random right slashes. As I let my eyes run over the cryptic code I suddenly realized what it was. It was a page filled with hundreds of dates…. but dates of what- I had to wonder. The title of the page was, however, on the top left and I gasped when I read it.
"Stoned" was scrawled in light handwriting on top.
I felt my eyes tingle with tears when I realized exactly what the page was. I was unable, for minutes, to flip to another page due to the shock. After a few deep breaths, however, I flipped a page back.
-You won't believe the shit I've gotten myself into now. Who would've known a little trip with Kohaku would get me caught up in the fast life. He was sick of seeing me mope, he said. Sick of seeing me waste away in my room whenever I came home to visit; so he insisted I go to this party his girlfriend was hosting. I decided to; what could one night hurt? I'd just go back to my dorm and get on with my boring life all over again anyways- that's what I reasoned at least. I never knew what I would get tangled up in that day.
When I arrived, I realized I was far from the mood to be partying. It irritated me to no end to see all these people having a blast when my life figuratively ended many months ago. My life ended when I landed Kagome in the hospital. Now I'm just trudging along because I'm not going to be like my asshole of a cock sucking dad. No; I'm better than him. I'll live. I'm worth it. Kagome's worth it- she'll come around, and then we can continue our life…. at least, that's what I'm repeating in my head. That's my mantra, because I believe I've lost faith and I'm frightened by that thought.
So I sat my ass down in the corner of a room in this massive house. It was kind of quiet, and pretty dark; secluded from the rave. I could just fall off there and nobody would notice. Unfortunately, someone did notice me. A tall dark haired guy with shady eyes. Yes; this guy was vaguely familiar and I realized as he introduced himself as Naraku, Kanna's older brother. He invited me to chill with his friends. I said I wasn't in the mood, but he promised me something to boost my spirits.
I was looking for a light, but I got so much more.
Weed…. Who would've known how potent it was. It was like dancing with the devil- you know it's dangerous, but you can't help but want to do it… just to feel the rush. I need that rush but... would Kagome approve of that? Would she want me to hide behind drugs just to feel better about myself? Would she want me to hide behind the drugs to create a false sense of security- a false sense of happiness?
I swore on my life that would be the first and last time I lit anything that potent, but as I sit here now, writing this… I'm craving it; I'm craving another smoke- I'm craving the feeling it gave me. I had been happy for the first time in months. Giddy, excited, happy to an unreal extent- endorphin educed fun. My brain was sizzled, my mind just leaked from my mouth. I loved that feeling…. I loved feeling free.
So, I apologize now, for anything dumb ass decisions I make along the way, because I know I'll go back to Naraku and his long black hair. I know I'll go back to the dangers he hides in his leaves. I'll record every day I find myself high beyond recovery and I know I won't care. I really don't have anything to lose… nothing to lose except this addiction to death.
I closed the book and set it on my lap, feeling cold all over. I lifted my quaking hand to pinch the bridge of my nose to relieve the pressure that was building in my head. I was confused- I didn't even know how to reply to that…. What the hell was I suppose to feel anyways? My best friend- no, my girlfriend was addicted to drugs.
… Or was she? Was she still in its hold? I could only wonder… She had so eagerly jumped at the chance to head over to Naraku's house. Maybe she was picking up a little bit of the goods. Technically, the only reason she did do the Mary J was because she was depressed. She was happy with me, right? It made her happy to have me back, right? If that were the case though, she probably was still smoking it when I started to stay with her in the dorm. I know she was ridiculously depressed to find that I didn't have my memory back. Hell, she could've smoked a little grass yesterday before I even decided to come on the trip with her.
I was startled by sudden movement out of the corner of my eye.
Sango's grandmother was silently setting down folded clothes, and that's when I realized that my laundry had been missing.
"Good morning Kagome," she said with a light smile on her lips.
As I looked over the small gray haired woman I allowed my mind to fester on her injured eye. What had happened to the old woman for her to lose her sight? I never bothered to ask Kaede or Sango…. I'm sure it would've roused bad memories.
"Good morning," my voice broke. A blush raced across my cheeks and I looked down at the book resting in my lap.
"Catching up with Sango, I see," she said, rearranging the already perfect pile of folded clothes.
"Yes," I said softly. "I… wanted to know what I missed."
She was silent for a while before continuing. "You missed the worse part I suppose. As much as I don't want to admit it, Sango's a frail girl."
I thought back to her pleading- begging me to take her back just the night before. I knew that Sango, despite her demeanor- her cool relaxed attitude, was still human. I knew that Sango had human emotions like sadness and loneliness. I knew she could lose faith- I knew she could lose faith in life. But I also knew she had human emotions like love and kindness. I knew she had hope as well.
I chanced a smile. "That's why I love her. She's strong when you need her to be and she won't break down unless in her quiet moments; but it's frustrating when she wants to handle things on her own and not seek help."
"All you need to do is talk about it, Kagome," she said pointing at the book that lay in my lap. "Make sure things are clear between you two."
"I will," I replied as she exited.
I sighed lightly, thinking about what she said. I had to wonder what Sango was thinking now. She was probably worried about how I'd react to her inner thoughts. She was probably worried about what I'd think. Sango had acted all nonchalant about the whole thing, but in reality she was probably scared to death about how I'd react… or was she? Maybe she knew that's I'd love her anyways.
I smiled at the last thought and stood up deciding that I'd wait until Sango returned before even opening another page.
After a few minutes, however, I found myself bored beyond imagination. I wandered around the room, searching through her things, just out of lack of anything better to do after getting dressed. In her closet I discovered a mysterious gray lock box, two guitars, a Frisbee, and a bicycle. Sighing tiredly I flopped down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. I felt really stupid because it felt like I was playing detective.
An audible sigh escaped from my lips. If I had known any better I would've kept my sketch book- that would've at least given me something to do.
"What's your deal?"
I jumped at the masculine voice. How was everyone sneaking up on me? Had I really been that lost in thought?
"Really Kags, why so jumpy?"
"InuYasha!" I exclaimed, jumping up to give him a hug. For some odd reason, I felt like I hadn't seen him in days.
"Happy to see me?" he questioned with a smirk on his handsome face.
"Of course," I said pulling away. "But, why are you here?"
His eyes seemed to smolder as he said, "I was worried that you… might not be having as good as a time that you hoped. So, I came just in case."
"Everything's fine now 'Yash," I said looking away from his burning amber eyes. I sat back down on the bed and lay back with another sigh.
"If everything's fine, then what's wrong with you?" he asked, taking a seat.
"It's you, InuYasha," I said looking up to see him give me a perplexed look.
"I don't understand," he said leaning on the arm he set beside me. I suddenly felt a bit uncomfortable with how close he was to me.
"My memory's back 'Yash," I said causing him to sit back up.
"Oh," was his simple reply. He refused to meet my eyes for a long moment.
"I'm sorry," I said causing him to look back up at me. His expression was guarded and I felt my heart ache just a little.
"It's ok," he said with a smile. A fake smile. "I kinda already knew you had this serious thing for Sango," he said jokingly, obviously trying to play off his pain with humor.
"InuYasha," I tried.
He shook his head. "Hey, don't worry about it. You're happy right? That's all that matters to me."
"You don't have to-"
"Kagome, just stop. Don't make this any harder for me."
At those words I felt my eyes fill with tears.
"Please, Kagome. Just, don't cry- that's the last thing I want to make you do," his arm was around my shoulder in seconds.
I held my breath, trying to figure myself out. Why was I crying?
"I'll be fine, Kagome," he said again releasing me from his hold.
He wouldn't even hug me the way he used to. It was as if he didn't want to touch me.
"Where's Sango anyways?" he asked.
"She took Kohaku over to his girlfriend's house."
"Ok. Well, when she gets back, tell her I'm in the area and we should chill- if you guys aren't doing anything special that is," he stood and left.
I knew from that moment that my relationship with InuYasha wouldn't be the same.
A/N-
Don't you hate that when you have a certain page open in a book for a certain amount of time, that everytime you open that particular book, it'll open up to that exact page... That's pretty much what happened for Sango's diary.----So, yeah... Shippo's not dead! yay. but InuYasha seems to be, just a little. It's kinda sad, but not really. It'll cause a few problems, however. Um, yeah, sorry I made Sango a stoner. I just recently discovered one of my friends has this problem... well, I kinda knew before, but I didn't want to believe it. :( yeah. he's a dumbass because I kind of liked him before(cause he's hot and a really cool anime lovin guy), but yeah... that's definately a turn-off for me. smoking too; I hate the smell.
anyways... I think this was a crap chapter. I was home sick today, so I decided to finish it and it came out like this. D: Yes, very saddening. However, I still have wondeful reviewers, so I'm pretty happy despite my shitty writing. The next chapter seems to be much better( because I've already started writing it.) so I'll be excited to update, but that all depends on my reviewers. so review my friends, review. XD You'll be in for a great chapter my next update...
