Annotation: A What-if AU. No prior knowledge required, you just should know that Blaze is a pyrokinetic purple cat and queen of some other dimension. Set a few years in the future. Just go with the flow in this case. :)
Chapter Nine: Nothing But A Name
„Sonic? What are you doing at my computer?" Tails was poking his head through the door of his living room and looked at the blue hedgehog quizzically. Sonic was sitting in front of the flat screen, his chin lying on one folded arm as he was staring up at the text with an annoyed, hopeless expression, head tilted slightly upwards. His other hand was scrolling down whatever website he was reading with sonic speed.
"Trying to find a name."
"A name? What na-"
"Tails, I´m gonna be a dad in a month! Blaze and I still haven´t decided what to call our kid!" the blue hedgehog had raised his head and was now facing the fox with the somewhat panicky expression all soon-to-be fathers seem to wear most of the time.
"And you´re looking in the internet for that?" Tails asked, a slight smile tugging at his lips as he stepped up and next to Sonic. "Are you that desperate?"
"Last resort," muttered his older friend, "but I´m gonna quit now, anyway. I even asked in forums for any suggestions, and anything I got was replies of squealing, disturbed people wanting to know whether it was Shadow or me that was pregnant."
Tails winced. "Ouch."
"Yeah. Sometimes I think I shouldn't bother saving this world the next time around." Sonic commented dryly, while Tails chuckled, knowing his adopted brother didn't mean that anyway. "Don't you have any suggestions, big guy?" the hedgehog asked finally, leaning back in his chair and looking up hopefully at the fox still standing next to him.
"Uh, well…boy or girl?"
"No idea. Blaze wants it to be a 'surprise'. Meaning I have to find two names." He scowled.
"Okay." Tails leaned with one hand on the desk, his expression thoughtful. "How about…'Anne'?"
Sonic snorted. "Don't be ridiculous. What kind of a name is that? Everybody knows normal people are named after objects, attributes, or, in your case, bad puns."
"Hey!"
"Maybe I should do what Knux' mom did. Wait until he or she's born, check whether they have any obvious deformities and then name them after that for the rest of their life."
Tails rolled his eyes. "In this case, I think every court would see patricide as self-defence."
"Huh? What are you two doing here?" Knuckles had just strolled into the room and cut off Sonic before the hedgehog could shoot back a reply, "I was just about to buy those spare parts I need in the city, but I think I heard my name."
The fox chuckled. "Yeah, Sonic just said something really funny about your mom, and he-"
"-praised her for her creativity. Yeah." Sonic's hand had clamped shut over Tails' mouth with lightning speed. "Tails, you ever considered the idea I wanted to be there when Blaze had that kid and not, I dunno, lie in the other hospital wing twenty corridors away?!" he hissed, while the kitsune had to giggle.
"Okay, whatever." The echidna looked at them with slight irritation. "But you still didn't answer my question."
"We're trying to come up with a name for Sonic's kid!" Tails grinned. "Any ideas?"
"Well…" the echidna had sat down, scratching his head. "It´s traditional to name someone for their attributes, I think."
"That's great, Knux. I'll just wait until they're a few years old and actually display any specific traits. Before that, who needs a name anyway?" Groaning, Sonic added: "This isn't going anywhere…"
Knuckles glared. "No need to become offensive. It would be only natural if your kid inherited anything from you – why not call them Speedo?"
Sonic's head hit the desk with an audible thunk, while Tails explained to the echidna the finer points of male human beach fashion. It was safe to say that Knuckles twitched more than once.
"How about 'Manic', then?" he asked, weakly.
"That sounds like my kid had permanent ADHD. No, thanks."
Knuckles scowled at the hedgehog, while Tails tapped his chin. "Well, if it's a male hedgehog, the name should start with an 'S', anyway. It's a nice tradition."
"Puh-lease, that already stopped being original when we were on dreamcast. 'Silver' is even worse."
"Are you talking about me?"
"What, is there a nest or something?!" Sonic stared up at the floating hedgehog, who had just materialized out of thin air.
"No, I actually just came from the future to warn you. Again."
Sonic stood up, alarmed. "What, is it Solaris?"
Silver shook his head. "Nope. You just gave your kid a terrible name there. I'm here to prevent that."
Sonic idly wondered whether curling up in fetal position would mean falling off his chair.
"That's great, Silver!" Tails piped up, "We're just here to choose one."
"You know, maybe we shouldn't-" Sonic tried to interrupt, but to no avail. Everyone else seemed to find the whole thing rather entertaining.
"A fur colour is also quite common," Tails went on, "Names like Amber, Ebon, or Aqua can be quite pretty."
"Yeah, but with Blaze's genes involved in the end I´d probably end up with Mauve or Violet and they either sound like a 100-year-old granny or some prissy fanchar."
"Huh, you're picky. Maybe we should ask some of the others? A little bit of female influence, perhaps?"
Sonic grimaced. "Already did that."
Knuckles raised an eyebrow. "…and?"
"Well…Amy suggested a few names. Most of them were for Blaze and none of them repeatable in polite society, though."
Silver mouthed a silent 'O'. Then: "Well, what about Shadow?"
"He suggested a double name. Maria-Maria."
"Single-minded guy, huh?" Knuckles chuckled, before suddenly adding: "By the way, have you thought about ' Martha Emerald' as a name?"
"The thing that scares me is that this is the sanest suggestion I've heard so far." Sonic sat down again, sighing.
"What about Rouge?" Silver wondered and Knuckles cocked his head in interest.
"Gave me a gem dictionary. And said I'd have to pay for it."
"Eh…Big?"
"I´m not that desperate."
"Well, what did Chris suggest, then?"
"Omgpleasesavemesonic."
"What?" the three other Mobians asked simultaneously.
"Do I know? That's what he always says when he sees me, though, isn't it?"
"Yeah..."
They all stared into space for a moment, wondering whether they could suggest anything new.
"Hey! How about something exotic, foreign?" Silver asked enthusiastically, his hands spread wide.
"A name from another language?" Sonic was intrigued. "Like what?"
"Wiener Schnitzel. Or maybe Pretzel, if she's acrobatic."
Sonic gave the metallic-hued hedgehog the staring equivalent of 'wtf', while Knuckles and Tails fell from the couch laughing.
"Dude? Are you insane?"
"I apologize. I admit, I was getting hungry."
"…they should have called you 'Psycho' instead, you know?."
"They planned to, but wanted to keep that game K-rated." The time-traveller shrugged. "Anyway, we're getting off topic. How about we go grab something to eat? One thing I always love about this era is the food."
"Which is why you always show up at lunch time to warn about future destruction, yes." Sonic smirked, his arms crossed and head tilted to the side.
"What can I say? There's only so much Soylent Green a psychic hedgehog can take. Shall we hit the burger joint?"
"I guess we might as well," Knuckles replied instead of Sonic, "Maybe we'll find some inspiration there?"
"I vote yes!" Tails said, smiling and already hopping down from his chair to lead the way to the door. Sonic, who could see he was outnumbered, sighed. "Alright. But what inspiration we could possibly get from stuffing our faces with our favourite food is beyond me."
--
Approximately one month later, there was a huge celebration at the royal castle as a proud mother and father presented the first hedgecat heir of the throne to the people. Everybody had fallen in love with the princess immediately, and only a few stuffed-up nobles muttered behind their hands that in their humble opinion, 'Chili' was so not appropriate.
Fin
Well, short and strange, what do you expect in this collection? XD Credit for part of the inspiration of course goes to 'Who's your Daddy?' by Dragonbreath1, an excellent story in its own right, which made me adore the Sonlaze pairing. Go read it! …and please review beforehand? ;)
Also, if there's no further updates from now on, it probably means that I have fallen off Mt Warning that I'll attempt to climb on wednesday and it is friggin raining. I'm really looking forward to going to Queensland, but didn't plan on drowning while I was there...gods, for the first time I understand Sonic. ;) Reviews to cheer me up? :P
