Chapter 9: Happy Birthday
Tsuna knew things he shouldn't. He knew when someone was lying, he knew what people felt, whether they were a good person or not, when to dodge, and he especially knew when something bad was going to happen.
He wasn't sure why, or how, for that matter, he knew. He just did. Call it a gut feeling, a good guess, heightened observation, intuition.
But sometimes it wasn't easy to understand. It was tug in his chest, a shiver down his spine, a rush of adrenaline, an automatic reflex, or a whisper in his ear that only he could hear. Telling him secrets, secrets he shouldn't know. Secrets he didn't always want to know.
But it was there. He could ignore it as much as he pleased. But he learned, he knew, to trust it. It wouldn't lie to him. It was always right.
And that's what scared Tsuna the most.
He was useless. Dame-Tsuna. He shouldn't know anything, so why? Why him? But the tug, the feeling, the voice- it never answered. No, not that question. It never seemed to tell him what he wanted to hear.
But Tsuna was used to that. It was okay. He didn't mind.
'But it's not okay,' it would say. Tsuna didn't want to hear that. He wanted to believe, to delude, that maybe- just maybe everything was okay.
Maybe. Just maybe.
But Tsuna never got his way. Things were always trouble, trouble, trouble.
Like the bags he was hauling down the streets of Namimori. Trouble.
Annoying, heavy, excess baggage pulling him down.
But not unnecessary. No, unlike him, the useless waste of space that should just disappear- they were necessary. He needed these bags, these groceries. They were his food. His dinner still not yet cooked, not yet prepared. A heavy baggage that pulls you down, a bag of ingredients. They still need to be cleaned, prepared, and cooked. Tsuna was like them- maybe, just maybe- a baggage that pulls the others down. Feels so unnecessary, so heavy on your shoulders. Slowing you down, making you work harder to get to your goal. But if he was just given the time he needed, he could be prepared, cooked, and made into a nice dinner.
Something useful.
But these were just the rambling notions of a useless eight year old. A very, very, useless eight year old. A tired, exhausted, overworked Sawada Tsunayoshi, to be exact.
A break sounded nice. Very nice.
Tsuna stopped walking, if you could call that turtle-paced, self-dragging walking, and repositioned the straps of the bags. They were gnawing at the skin, and it was becoming painful. Mostly because they were situated right on top of his most recent bruisings.
Beating, thrashing, stifled yelps-
No, he shouldn't think about that, not right now.
A shop. An odd little antique store. Unfamiliar. Tsuna's mind was satisfied with the subject change. Think about something else, something else, something other than that. Get it out of your head. Forget, forget, just think like a normal person, Tsuna!
Unfamiliar. That's right. But how? He's been down this road enough times to have memorized each passerby individually. Although the weight weighing him down hasn't lightened much. But how could he have missed this? He was tempted to go in… But he also had the groceries. Maybe- no. But- no.
Too bad.
His feet had moved on their own, but Tsuna knew better. He knew that his feet hadn't moved on their own, nope, that intuition, that voice, that goddamn feeling did it. It better have a good reason, too.
Oh, it did. A great reason, actually.
Tsuna, and his hoard of grocery bags, somehow, someway, made it through the front door. He looked like- no, was- a big cluster of white, rustling bags.
Kawahira, noticing this, helped the poor boy set down the load and gave him time to catch his breath. Once he thought that Tsuna was breathing normally again, since he had been suffocating under that mountain of groceries, he did what any gentlemen should do. He introduced himself.
"My name is Kawahira," he began, "and you are?"
'More than he seems,' it whispered. 'But a good person. For the better of the world, sad, sad, he doesn't want to-'
Tsuna blinked his big doe eyes once, twice. "S-Sawada Tsu-Tsunayoshi," he stuttered.
The man, Tsuna presumed him to be the owner, smiled kindly. No warning bells. It was sincere. Sincere? Since when did anyone smile sincerely at him, Dame-Tsuna? His mother's smiles clouded his thoughts. No, those weren't sincere. False, fake, broken. That's what they were. Forced. Gone. When had he last seen her smile at him? Heard her voice?
Too long…
Tsuna smiled back at Kawahira. Kawahira-san? Tsuna wasn't sure. Technically he was a stranger, and older than him, so Kawahira-san is what he should refer to him as. But he seemed nice, so maybe- no, he didn't want to ruin this. This could be his chance to make a friend.
Kawahira laughed gingerly at the small boy. His determination was not to be trifled with. Tsuna blushed, his shyness showing through. Then he remembered.
"U-um," he said, breaking the surprisingly comfortable silence between the two. "Y-you c-ca-can call me T-Tsuna." Then he speedily tacked on in a jumble, "B-but only if you want to!" He squeaked and shut his eyes. Tightly.
"Of course, Tsuna," he said. "Or would you rather Tsuna-kun?"
"No!" Tsuna covered his mouth. He didn't mean to yell! But he really wanted to be friends with the nice man, even though he knew there was also something he was hiding. But Tsuna-kun was just too formal. "Tsu-Tsuna's just fine," he reassured.
"Then Tsuna it is," he said. "Would you like some tea? I was just about to brew some."
Tsuna shook his head, his short caramel hair flinging side to side. "N-no, I, u-uh- I don't want t-to be rude."
Kawahira laughed once more. "It wouldn't be rude at all," he said. "I was offering, after all."
Thinking it wouldn't be such a bad idea, Tsuna decided to go along with it. The nudge in his chest seemed to agree, telling him, 'stay here. Happy, happy,' followed by a chorus of other broken sentences.
That's how the voice always spoke to him, which was one of the reasons he didn't always understand it. Eventually it would make sense, though. Eventually.
Over time, visiting Kawahira's shop became a regular phenomenon. School, bullying, his mother doing her own thing, more bullying, the less frequent kidnapping, even more bullying, then finally the weekend where Tsuna could go shopping and just relax. Kawahira was an understanding person, cultivated from his many years of experience, and knew as soon as he looked into Tsuna's eyes of his underlying suffering.
He listened when Tsuna was willing to talk, which released a burden he never realized was placed on him. He felt lighter and just overall better. They spoke about everyday topics to just basking in the silence between them. Tsuna never once found himself uncomfortable. It was a miracle to him. Someone willing to listen to him, some who actually cared. He couldn't thank Kawahira enough.
So when Tsuna's birthday rolled around and he was expecting a normal day like any other, that's when he felt that, yes, he would never, ever be able to thank Kawahira enough. Because that surprise was one worth having.
Tsuna wasn't sure when he began expecting the worst. It just worked itself into his thought process.
You're useless, so nobody will like you.
You're Dame-Tsuna, so of course you can't do anything right.
You can't have friends. You can't be happy. You can't have anything good happen to you. No gifts, no presents, no good will- it's all a farce. They're faking it. They want to trick you. No one would be nice to Dame-Tsuna. You're useless, useless, so goddamn useless.
When did I begin thinking like that?
Is all of that true?
…
No, it can't be. Because Kawahira-san is kind to me. And I know it's not fake. He's even gone through the trouble of celebrating my birthday. If I really was worthless then he wouldn't have done this for me. Calling myself useless would be the same as insulting him.
And I can't do that. I won't.
Kawahira just grinned at Tsuna's resolve. So pure for someone who's been through so much… he's truly one strong boy.
Maybe… Just maybe, no, he couldn't burden this boy with the world's troubles.
But was that really what stopped Kawahira from telling Tsuna? Or was it for a more selfish reason? Was he scared that Tsuna would hate him?
Maybe. Maybe he was.
But that was for another time. It was his birthday after all. The boy, Tsuna, should be happy at least on this day.
Kawahira, shaken from his thoughts, smiled his brightest smile yet at the innocent yet strong boy.
"Happy ninth birthday, Tsuna."
Author's note:
...
Seriously sorry. Updates may be slow.
I've been sick for the past week (still am) and the week before that I had some medical issues. It's been hard to write/concentrate because of that. Hopefully I can get the next chapter started soon... we'll be going back to the present hehe. More flashbacks will come later~
Please tell me if the you think anything should be fixed or if the chapter isn't any good~
