-Nine-

Road Trip

They started planning a trip to Avalon that afternoon. Liz was eager despite the fact that she couldn't remember the past Merlin had told her about – it was like hearing about an entirely different person, but somehow she knew it was the truth. The empty feeling had somewhat lifted. She knew that these were the pieces that needed to go back together, but the emptiness wouldn't go away completely until she remembered. She longed to remember being Ryll, but she was still Liz. She was tired of not knowing who she really was. Ryll or Liz, she just wanted to feel right. She could see the longing in Merlin's eyes every time he looked at her. He wanted so badly for her to remember, but it was clearly going to take time. Maybe she was crazy for believing him, but Liz could have walked out of that room at any point during the story. She hadn't. All Liz knew was that there was no going back. Something big was missing from her life and helping Merlin was going to help her get that back.

"I don't think I should come," Morgan said. She'd been quiet during their planning, and Liz had figured she was processing what Merlin had told them.

"Why not?" Liz asked, turning to look at her new friend – who was also an old friend, apparently.

"Because we don't know what he'll remember," she said, nervously tucking a strand of black hair behind her ear. "If I'm one of the first people he sees in this life… Well, he might get the wrong idea."

"But Merlin said you and Arthur were on good terms when Ryll – when I died." The words sounded strange on her tongue. She couldn't remember dying. That seemed like the sort of thing you'd remember.

"I know, but I don't know how to act around him after hearing what I did to him." Merlin had been hesitant to share the details of Morgan's past life, but Liz and Morgan had gotten the gist of it and they were familiar with the legends. At one point Arthur and Morgana had been sworn enemies. It was hard to believe, looking at the girl next to her. Morgan looked anything but an evil sorceress dressed in her meticulous outfit and heels. "I'll stay here and see if I can find out more."

"If you're sure," Liz said. She would have felt better with Morgan by her side, but she understood her hesitation.

"I'm sure. You two go and find him. It was meant to be Liz who finds him, I'm sure." Liz wanted to protest, but Merlin spoke before she could.

"Can you get time off at the pub?" Merlin asked her.

"Does it even matter? I mean, I might as well quit because it's looking like I've got a lot bigger destiny than working at a pub," she said realizing just how true that was. There was something terrifying and yet thrilling about the prospect that she was meant for more than wiling away her time in Ealdor cleaning out tankards and manning the taps. "Byron will understand possibly after some arm twisting. Should I tell him anything about his past?" she asked.

"Not yet," Merlin told her. "You can tell him when we get back if you want."

"You said he was a druid before?" Merlin nodded. "So he can do magic."

"Yes. He helped you a lot when you first discovered you had magic."

"Was he at the final battle too?" Liz asked. "Did he see me…die?" She was glad she couldn't remember that.

Merlin hesitated, and she could tell there was something he didn't want to tell her. "No, Byron…he did something…he went and confronted King Sarrum, the one I told you about." Liz nodded. It was not a name she would forget soon. She just hoped he wasn't given a second chance because this world was better off without him. "Sarrum killed him. It was the night before the battle. You were devastated…"

"Oh." Liz couldn't remember of course, but picturing Byron dead was enough to set her heart pounding unpleasantly.

"Are you two…close?" An unasked question lingered on Merlin's lips.

"Not like that. We're just friends." She narrowed her eyes. "Why do you ask? We're we ever something more before?"

"No," he said a little too quickly. "No, though I think he wished you were."

"Well we're not." She gave him a timid smile. She was still getting used to the looks he gave her. She could tell he was trying to rein his feelings in because the truth of the matter was, Liz didn't remember loving him. "I'll just go talk to him then," Liz said, starting to feel awkward. "Shall we leave first thing in the morning?"

"Yeah, I'll drive us. How about seven? We can meet here."

"Sounds good. Morgan can stay in my flat in the mean time and take care of Owl." Liz glanced at Morgan who nodded in agreement.

"Owl?" Merlin asked, looking confused.

"My cat."

"Oh! I was wondering how you were keeping a horse in your flat." At Liz's confused expression, he said, "Owl was your horse before."

"Really? I had a horse?" She grimaced. "Of course I did. Everyone had a horse in Medieval Times. But I picked the same name for my cat? That's kind of freaky."

"It means you do still have some memories even if they're buried deep within your subconscious." Liz thought back to her drawings. Had she been remembering all along? She just hadn't known what exactly she had been remembering. Now the waves of familiarity made sense.

"Hopefully I'll remember the rest because I don't feel like Ryll. I don't feel like the first female knight of Camelot. Wow, that sounds pretentious." She laughed nervously. "I don't feel worthy of meeting King Arthur."

"You were the bravest woman I knew – know," Merlin told her. "Arthur would never forget what you've done for him. You died so that he could come back again."

Morgan was looking uncomfortable and Liz knew she was thinking about her own role in Camelot. Liz reached out a hand and squeezed hers. "You were brave too," she said. "Remember you fought with Arthur in the end too."

Morgan gave her a hesitant smile. "I know I can make the right choices this time, but you're the hero Liz. That's never going to be my role."

"Maybe this time someone else can be the hero," Liz said softly. "After all, we all came back."

Merlin was looking between the two of them. Then he stepped forward to address Morgan. "You were once my friend," he said. "I believe you can be that person again. You have the chance to be whoever you want to be."

"I want to take that chance," Morgan told him.

She and Liz got up to leave, and Liz felt a little heavier than she had before like something had come to settle on her shoulders. At the same time she felt free too as if the clouds had lifted from her mind. She knew the truth now even if she couldn't remember her life as Ryll. The emptiness had shifted and purpose was beginning to fill that space.

"I'll see you tomorrow then," she told Merlin.

"Tomorrow," Merlin said. "Oh, and lose the nose ring," he added with a smirk.

Liz put a hand to her nose. "Why? Ryll would have liked it. She would have thought it was edgy."

Merlin raised an eyebrow. "What is Arthur going to say when he sees it?"

"I have no idea! This is the twenty first century. He's going to have a lot of surprises. Good luck explaining indoor plumbing to him."

Merlin grimaced. "Right. Well, we'll cross that bridge when we get there."

Morgan was troubled and silent on the walk back to the flat. "Are you all right?" Liz asked.

"I don't remember doing any of those things," Morgan said. "But I believe him. I just can't imagine how I could be so cruel. To my friends…to my family."

"That was before. You have a new chance now like Merlin said."

"But once I remember, what if I can't change?" she asked, looking fearful. "What if I go back to being the evil Morgana who pushed all her friends away?"

"You can always change. If there's anything I've learned in this short life it's that we shape our own lives. No one can tell us who we're supposed to be, not even legends. We're going to prove those legends wrong because they're just stories. We're the real thing."

Morgan smiled. "Thank you, Liz. That's just what I needed to hear."

"Should we call each other by our real names or would that be too weird?" Liz asked.

"I'm not sure. How do you feel about being called Ryll?" Morgan asked.

"It feels like it's someone else and not me. Maybe it will feel different when we get our memories back. If we get our memories back."

"I'm not sure I want to," Morgan said softly.

Byron took the news that Liz was taking a week's vacation about as well as she thought he would.

"You're taking off? And who do you suppose is going to do your work?" he asked. His Irish accent was coming out strongly like it did when he was agitated.

"This is important, Byron. Soul-searching. I've got to do this," she insisted.

He gave her a hard stare. "This doesn't have anything to do with that boy who came looking for you, does it?" he asked suspiciously.

"No, not directly. Okay, sort of." She wasn't explaining this well, but she thought telling him that she was going off on a quest to find King Arthur and his lost sword Excalibur would sound a little far-fetched even if it was the truth. Byron clearly didn't remember that he had been a druid in a past life. "It's about my past."

"I thought you grew up in Wales, lived a happy life, then moved here for a change. That is your life."

"No. I thought it was, but it isn't. There's a lot more to it. You have to trust me. I need this time off. I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important," she pleaded with him.

He looked at her for a long moment then nodded his head curtly. "You have one week. Any longer and you're out of luck."

"Thank you so much!" She hugged him.

"Just do us a favor and get rid of that ring while you're out soul-searching," he told her gruffly.

Merlin waited anxiously the next morning. He had woken up long before seven, but now he was packed for the trip and waiting for Ryll to arrive. He was lugging his bag out to his car when Ryll appeared, backpack over one shoulder and nose ring still in place. Morgana had accompanied her, dressed in a dour black raincoat and looking as if she hadn't slept well. He couldn't see any of the old Morgana in her. Her eyes were cautious as they met his.

"Keep her safe," she said.

"I will."

"Are you sure you're okay staying by yourself?" Ryll asked her. Morgana nodded.

"I'll be fine. You go. Find Arthur. I'll watch over things while you're gone."

"Remember that if anyone suspicious comes into town, keep away. We don't know who else is out there," Merlin told her. "There are still too many questions that need answering."

"I will."

"I'll call you if we find anything," Ryll told her. She hugged Morgana briefly before getting into the car and tossing her backpack onto the back seat. Merlin turned on the engine and backed out of the space. He watched Morgana get smaller in the rearview mirror until she turned and walked away.

"Well, road trip!" Ryll said, clapping her hands together. "I see you learned how to drive."

Merlin lifted a brow. "What did you expect? A horse and carriage?"

"Well, I apparently had a horse."

"You were quite fond of her. You trained her yourself."

"I haven't ridden a horse since the pony rides at the county fair which apparently didn't happen at all since my childhood is a sham. So I guess it's been nine hundred years."

"You were pretty amazing riding into battle. Owl was a small horse, but you always refused to ride a battle horse."

"That sounds like me." She smiled trying to picture herself riding into battle. "So how long of a drive is this?"

"Six hours," Merlin said.

Ryll sighed. "Long ride. Do you have any music?" She fiddled with the CD player and indie music began to play softly from the speakers. Ryll turned it up. "The Postal Service," she said. "Nice." She hummed along while Merlin pulled out of Ealdor and turned onto the road leading south along the coast. "So," she said after ten minutes of silence. "We were…together in Camelot? You said you loved…Ryll, but you didn't expand on that."

"Yeah. I suppose you could call it that." Merlin didn't look away from the road. This was a touchy topic. He didn't want to make Liz uncomfortable, but he still loved her. She was still Ryll even if she didn't remember how she'd felt about him.

Ryll looked thoughtful. "We weren't married were we?" she asked, looking a bit startled at the thought. She fingered the ring around her neck absently, and Merlin's reply got stuck in his throat.

He shook his head. "No," he finally said. "We spent all the time we could together. We were best friends." He couldn't tell her they were engaged…couldn't talk about their wedding that hadn't happened. It was so long ago and yet it still hurt like it was yesterday.

"I'm sorry I don't remember that," she said softly, drawing his attention back to the present. "It must be weird finding the person you've been searching for for nine hundred years and having them not even remember who you are."

"It's hard," Merlin said. "But you'll remember in time."

"And until then?" she asked.

"Until then you're Liz," he answered with a forced smile. "No pressure."

"Yeah," she said, laughing softly. "No pressure."