A light cascade of snow started to come down. It was almost scenic in a dark and dreary kind of way. Stark's Pond was completely frozen over, but no one was ice skating or occupying the area tonight.

Every kid in South Park got the invitation for the North/South brawl going down outside Kenny's house. It was an open full-scale breeding ground where everyone can crowd in and massacre each other while the cops idly stood by and made bets on who would die tonight. It was disgusting and horrible and Eric didn't want to imagine his friends being there right now with chains and guns and the entire student body at their beck and call.

So why wasn't Heidi over there cheering her 'man' on? Eric followed them far enough to go undetected and, every time they stopped to look around, Eric would hide behind a tree or something.

This time, he crouched down behind a large stone trash can near a bench when Heidi turned and pulled out her phone.

"I think Middle Park got lost in the woods," she whispered. "Which is so buttfucking stupid because North Park got here faster than them!"

The unfamiliar boy smiled beneath his baseball cap. "Don't worry about it. By the time Middle Park gets here, South Park's numbers are gonna be thinned down. Then we'll spring them from behind and wipe them out. They're gonna wish they didn't fuck with us."

Eric grit his teeth and started to fish out his phone. He was in the midst of sending out a mass text to everyone he conceivably had on his contact list when something else they said caused him to still.

"I want Kyle," Heidi breathed. "You leave him breathing, Ron. That's the deal."

Ron scoffed. "It would be a hell of a lot better if he's dead. I wanna put his kike head on a pike and use it as a flag."

"Well that's not gonna happen, asshole! I wasn't gonna sell out half the school if it meant you weren't gonna hold up your end of the deal!" she hissed.

"What's your fucking damage? Find another dick to hound on."

Heidi's eyes darkened and her smile turned unhinged. "I just don't want my kid to grow up without a father."

"What?"

Eric's blood ran cold.

"I'm pregnant," she replied eagerly. "My parents can't afford the security system anymore. We'll be ruined without it. But the Broflovski's? They're fucking rich. Can you imagine the child support with their income? Kyle might even have to marry me. I'll be at the top of the food chain and you'll get your fucking turf or whatever stupid male shit you gotta do."

Heidi was pregnant. She was pregnant with Kyle's child. She was pregnant and she was going to kill all of his friends for a shot at the social ladder.

Eric began to tremble. She was going to use her body to ruin Kyle's life. The unwanted child would be her ultimate insurance policy.

What was worse was that he didn't care about the lives about to be lost down at Kenny's or the state of the town. He only thought about Kyle betraying him and sleeping with Heidi while they buried their friends and comrades. He thought about her swelling stomach and the look the Broflovski's would share before agreeing to a dowry.

He thought about Kyle unwittingly duped into marrying her and raising a child born out of power instead of love. He thought about Kyle leaving him for Heidi because of it.

Kyle would leave him.

He would leave him.

Something snapped in Eric that moment. The black mass that had been churning in his stomach was now leeching into every limb of his body like a disease. It slipped up his spinal cord and straight into his brain. It flipped the switch long since buried in his mind - triggering a dark part of him that finally belonged to this decaying universe.

Pupils blown, Cartman waited until their backs were fully turned and silently stood up. All he could think about was Kyle. Kyle. Kylekylekyle~

It wasn't Kyle's fault Heidi got pregnant. That was what his fucked up head believed. Kyle was perfect. This was all Heidi's fault. She wanted him to suffer. She was in the way.

The bat carried behind his back felt like a beacon, the answer to all of his problems. It was his salvation.

Fuck the charity drive. Fuck good will. Fuck Christmas. This bitch wanted to baby trap his man. She wasn't going to get away with it.

He casually caught up to them until they noticed. Ron stiffened at his large presence and moved to pull out his blade, but Heidi stopped him with a hand.

"It's just Eric Cartman. He's harmless," she said before offering Cartman a friendly smile. It was so adorable, so unassuming, his blood completely boiled over. "Hey, Eric. Isn't your telethon on tonight?"

"There's been a change of plans," Cartman said sweetly. "Would you like some Christmas cheer?"

They both shared a look.

"Um… not right now. We're kind of busy. You know, turf war and all," she replied.

Cartman took a pleasant step forward. "Now, now, it's the holidays! How about a song? I've been told my voice knocks people clean off their feet. It's quite amazing."

Ron lost his patience when Cartman started humming out the festive tune. "For fuck's sake, no! Now beat it asshole!"

When the boy turned towards the woods, Cartman pulled out the bat from behind and swung it as hard he could at Ron's skull. Heidi screamed when bat connected with a sickening crack and the boy crumpled onto snow pile. Spurts of blood sprinkled white.

"It's the most wonderful time of the year~" Cartman sang out with a psychotic grin. Heidi cowered as he advanced towards her, his bat dragging along the sidewalk in tune to his singing.

"I told you my singing would knock you off your feet."

She doubled over when he banged her right in the stomach. Then the bat came down over her head. Heidi let out a broken cry as her head made a sickening smack sound on the slick sidewalk.

Her screams through the chilled air were beautiful.

Cartman stomped hard on her fingers when she tried to reach for her switchblade. The strangled gasping sounds she made fluttered at his senses, igniting for more. So stupid trying to arm herself now. Perhaps it was her maternal instincts kicking in? Eric's lips pulled back into a snarl.

His first two victims lay sprawled before him. There was blood and items strewn about and it was a picture he wanted to paint into memory. With a heartless tilt of his head, he pushed down on her fingers until they were raw and bleeding into the asphalt.

"Can you hear me, Heidi?" he whispered. "I bet you can. Look at you. Look at your pretty face." When the bat came down sharply on her face again, she flipped to her side and whimpered. "Oh my. Well… when you had a pretty face."

When she didn't respond, he seized a handful of her hair and pulled. She let out a gurgle and blood was pooling out of her torn lips. One of her eyes were swollen shut and her nose was at an unfortunate angle. "Aren't you fucking ugly," he laughed hollowly. "Do you think Kyle would want your ghetto ass now? Don't you think that's funny, Heidi? Huh?! Where's your HOLIDAY SPIRIT~?!"

The boy he clobbered over hadn't stirred from his faceplant into the snow. Perhaps he was dead. Cartman spared little thought for him.

Heidi was oh so much more important. Wasn't she pregnant now? Cartman's fingers tingled when he picked up her discarded switchblade. His empty blue eyes drifted to her curled form and the creature in her stomach. He didn't see any bump, but maybe it was the angle.

The thought of her carrying Kyle's child literally made him sick. Sick enough that it was his divine right to intervene. She didn't have the right. It wasn't in the plan.

He dropped her onto her back. With a press of his thumb, the blade slid out of its sheath with a clean pop. It glittered under the glow of the moonlight. The way he was casually humming Christmas music under his breath he might as well have been baking cookies.

"Shh~ this might hurt a tiny bit, Heidi." Cartman consoled her shuddering form with a gentle hand. He wanted to see if Kyle's child was as evil as she was on the inside. Maybe she too had black stuff within her. Maybe, if he tore it completely out, it would slake his thirst for blood.

Just as he started cutting through her flattering coat his phone vibrated in his pocket. He let the tip dance across her bare stomach for a moment before he fished the phone with his free hand.

"Cartman?" Kyle's voice drifted into his ear like a calming balm.

Cartman sighed happily. "Hi, Kahl~"

"You sent a text earlier. Everyone and their grandma got it. How the fuck did you know about Middle Park?"

"Don't worry about it, babe." He kissed the receiver loud enough for Kyle to hear. "I'm taking care of everything." His gaze drifted to her bloodied face and the way Heidi was trying to breathe through a broken nose.

The call fell silent. "You're not at home are you?"

"Nope," Cartman said serenely. "Just… having a pleasant stroll with Heidi. She said a lot of things to me. We're super close~"

"Where are you?"

"Don't worry about it, Kyle. You just go and kick some ass."

"Cartman, what the fu-" The call clicked to an end.

With a deep sigh, Cartman rested his arms on his knees and gave Heidi a good once over. Was she still alive? Her chest was still rising, but not for long. He fucked her up pretty good. Her and her little traitorous friend. Power and control coiled through him like he was on a high. It felt so good, he could cry.

Man, he could use a cigarette or something.

That was when an idea hit him. He looked over his shoulder where the truck was still parked.

"Mmm… wouldn't it be so nice if we can do some good for the world~?" he sang to Heidi before dusting himself off. Cartman cupped his ear when she gurgled nonsensically. "What was that? You want to make amends and help me? Wow, you're so sweet and kewl, Heidi." His blue eyes glittered in the moonlight. "I'm sure you'll make a great mom. Maybe."

The set up didn't take long. He drove his truck up to the edge of the woods and then dragged them away before anyone caught wind of two bodies near the church. With a bit of rope, he tied both of them to a pair of trees and marveled at his handiwork.

"There we gooo~" Cartman said with thick pride. In front of them was a tripod and a camera rigged to his laptop - all of which were supposed to be used for his telethon. The truck's high beams bathed the entire area in light. It wasn't the sweetest set up, but it was all just so last minute…

This would just have to do.

He cupped Heidi's jaw and lightly patted at the black bruises blossoming across her cheekbone. "Tsk, tsk, Heidi! Look at you! We're going live in five minutes and you haven't put on any make up!" Cartman dramatically sighed and let go, enjoying the way her head drooped forward. "We'll just have to make due with your glowing personality. Remember Heidi, do it for the vets!"

Already the viewers were pouring in with anticipation. Cartman eagerly checked his laptop. The chatroom was already full with people bitching and moaning… and why shouldn't they? His post on Facebook got so many likes.

He told everyone to tune into his livestream and find out who turned over the entire town of South Park to their rivals.

As his phone chimed for eight on the nose, Cartman turned on the camera. In five, four, three, two…

From his laptop, he can see himself on the stream, grinning for the audience.

"Good evening, South Park!" he greeted with a sly grin. "And welcome to our annual telethon! We're depending on your donations for the homeless vets out there, but who gives a shit at the moment? No, you're here for the dish aren't ya? I don't know about you guys, but I'm fed up of backstabbing little weasels fucking up this humble mountain town. Would you like to see the bitch who ratted South Park out?"

He moved out of the way for the camera so everyone could see Heidi and Ron drawn up like animals. The stream literally froze for a few seconds due to the explosion of bandwidth, so Cartman took the time to zoom in on Heidi when it finally buffered.

"Heidi Turner, ladies and gentlemen!" he trilled. "Give this sneaky bitch a round of applause!"

The chatroom zipped through with death threats and calls for her head. Cartman obliged and roughly pulled her hair up so she could face the camera. She was finally conscious, but just barely. Her eyes darted in panic at the camera.

"P-please…" she tried to say through her dislocated jaw, but Cartman dropped her head again. Instead, he pulled out a wallet he fished out of Ron's pants and started rifling it.

"And her lovely companion for tonight is North Park's own Ron Watkins! Oh my, isn't this… why I believe it is. Isn't this Drake Watkins' younger brother? For those in the audience unawares, Drake holds two-thirds of North Park's purge gangs-" He held up two fingers for the camera. "In fact, he was supposed to march at the McCormick territory tonight, wasn't he? Well, Drake, if you're watching right now, here's why your little whistleblower didn't check in." He picked up the bloodied bat and wiggled it for the camera. "Yeah… feels good, brah. Ain't that a bitch?"

His phone started ringing again. The ringtone belonged to Kyle. He ignored it. His lover really shouldn't try and kiss his ass now that he was oh so popular with his telethons now.

"Here's where we make this fun," Cartman continued with a bloodthirsty gleam in his eyes. "See, I singlehandedly saved South Park from getting razed to the ground. That's right me - Eric Cartman - your resident bitch."

He sneered. "You fuckers owe me. But then I thought, hey… I'm a nice guy. Fuck, I'm the nicest guy in this entire fucking town! I should do nice things, right?! So here's the deal. You assholes got the link to my kickstarter. Start donating. The highest donation gets to decide how I take care of Turncoat Heidi and Watkins. Sounds fair, right? Sounds Christmas-y? All the proceeds goes straight to my donation drive. You too can help vets and maim traitors in one fell swoop. Sounds pretty fucking sweet to me! You've got ten minutes to crack open your piggy banks, so don't take long!"

The donations came pouring in faster than Cartman expected. Fifty bucks, a hundred bucks, two-fifty - the police department actually threw in two grand into the kickstarter when he last checked.

"Don't you just love giving in this time of year?" Cartman asked the camera. He played with the bat a bit to pass the time. "Tick-tock! Oooh! Kevin Stoley just put in a hundred bucks for a beheading! How topical! And look, Heidi! Your best friend Annie put in a group donation with the other girls to get your tits cut off for three-fifty! My, my, you sure are losing popularity points with the cheerleader squad!"

At the nine minute mark, Cartman pointed at the timer on the screen. "One minute left! The Tweaks donated FIVE GRAND! Is that how much these lives are worth? Apparently!" Watkins was a hot ticket on their bounty, even a family member.

Ron hadn't moved since he tied him up. Cartman would have thought he was dead if he hadn't kicked him until he stirred before blacking out again. Must be one hell of a concussion.

"Three, two, one…" He dramatically threw down his wrist watch. "And time's up! Well, holy shit. We raised four times the target goal! Krampus isn't gonna invade South Park this year with all of you generous donators! And… oh my! Looks like the Tweaks beat out South Park High's donation pool for a whopping ten G's! Let's see their request, shall we?"

He read the terms aloud. "Heidi Turner must be scalped and gutted. Ron Watkins must have his throat slit and dismembered. Hmm… not very creative, but I suppose you can't slam the classics."

Cartman popped open the switchblade with a serene smile. "Are you ready to be entertained, South Park?" he purred.

"CARTMAN!"

The bright lights from Kyle's van bathed him from the side. Picking up the bat, he straightened and swayed it in his palm when Kyle hopped out and scrutinized the scene.

And when those green eyes widened, Cartman smiled indulgently. "Are you finally treating my telethons seriously, Kahl?"

"Holy fucking shit." Kyle moved forward and stilled at the sight of Heidi and Ron drawn up. "This… this is real? The livestream…" His breath hitched when the thick end of Cartman's baseball bat slid under his chin and tilted his gaze upwards.

Cartman didn't like how Kyle seemed to care so much. "I had to, Kahl… she was gonna have your child. She can't have you." The chatroom was going crazy at the live drama. He ignored it.

Those beautiful green eyes flickered to the bat in Cartman's hand and then to his face. "I never fucked her."

"And you never will," Cartman promised, then laughed and pointed at Heidi's twisted mug with the bat. "Not with that face!"

Kyle snatched the bat from his hands and threw it aside. "You're stopping this. Right now!"

"Stop this? I've got twenty-five fucking G's that are going to the vets, Kahl!" Cartman bellowed. "I earned this!"

"This is blood money!" he snarled back. "Is that how you want your good deeds to end up? This isn't a charity drive, Cartman! It's a snuff film bet pool! What the fuck happened to you?! Why are you like this?!"

Cartman got right up into Kyle's face with unhinged anger. "I'M FED UP, KAHL! I'M SHOWING THE WHOLE FUCKING TOWN THAT YOU'RE MINE! NO ONE CAN HAVE YOU BUT ME! I CAN KEEP UP! I CAN KILL TOO! I CAN KILL ANY BITCH WHO TRIES TO GET THEIR HANDS ON YOU! I DESERVE TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU ON FACEBOOK!"

Kyle paled - seriously paled - at Cartman's outburst. "This wasn't I wanted! Not from you. Not like this! You put an end to this stream right now!"

To his surprise, Cartman held the switchblade threateningly at him. "I'm gonna finish this telethon, Kyle! I'm going to make my first kill for all of the internet to see! Then I'll understand! Then I'll finally be to everyone's level!"

He barely even blinked before Kyle suddenly pounced on him with a swiftness befitting his paranoia. Cartman let out a strangled gasp when Kyle twisted his armed hand in an unnatural angle and was suddenly gathered up into a desperate embrace.

"No…" Kyle's breath burned into his shoulder. "Not like this. You don't want this on your conscience, Eric. You don't! It fucking sucks, dude! Everyone in this fucking town is shit, but you're still whole! You're still pure!"

"The fuck is your problem?" Cartman sneered. "I grew some fucking balls, Kahl! That's what you wanted, isn't it?!"

"I DIDN'T WANT THIS!" Kyle pulled away and hysterically gestured to the bodies. "You don't have to kill anyone to prove shit, Eric! I just wanted you to be confident, not go fucking Mother Theresa on me!"

Before Cartman could scream back, Kyle slammed their lips together. He struggled until he felt Kyle's tongue press against his teeth. With a sigh, Cartman opened his mouth to the invasion, unable to deny Kyle anything. Even now.

"I wouldn't be with you if I didn't like the way you were." Kyle's lips felt pleasant against his jaw. "I wasn't afraid to tell the world about us. You were."

Kyle and his stupid, but beautiful gay speeches. The words struck a chord deep within Cartman. It turned him inside out. The madness in his blue eyes began to dim at his reassuring touch.

"Stop it," Kyle begged when Eric refused to respond. "Just stop it. They're not dead yet. I won't let them stain you. Do you hear me, Eric? Just stop."

His bloodlust crashed so hard from Kyle's words, Eric visibly flinched. Slowly, his even breathing turned into tiny gasps once he realized what he had done. He had attacked two people and nearly beat them to death. He sullied his own charity drive in blind madness.

Every soft press of Kyle's lips broke down the darkness that seethed within him, chasing it back into the deep recesses of his mind where it belonged. Eric suddenly sobbed and he clung to Kyle's jacket. He didn't want to see what he had done - what he almost did made his legs weak.

"Kyle…" he whimpered. "What have I done…? The fuck did I do?!"

"It's okay." Kyle's voice was strong and reserved. Eric desperately clung to the reassuring sound. "I'll take care of it."

The livestream was still going. Everyone and their grandma had just witnessed the rise and breakdown of Eric Cartman. Kyle flashed a disdainful look at the camera before reaching for it.

"Show's over," he snarled. With a press of a button, the livestream went dark.