No I am not worried by her silence.

Ok maybe I am a little, but not because I love her. That I want made very clear.

I like her and not in that way, as a friend if she insists we must label our connection somehow.

As a friend I am concerned by her sudden disappearance and lack of communication.

She had reached the level of pest and now seems to have fallen off of my radar.

Having picked up my cell I have checked that I just haven't missed the notification of a message or perhaps an electronic mail from her. Obviously there is nothing, which I agree is strange but it doesn't bother me. Curiosity does get me though and a need to inquire takes over. I open a blank messaging screen and type out one that is strictly plutonic.

Are you alright?

You have been very quiet.

It is a simple question and observation. No obligation to reply, only a simple yes or no required if she decides to and absolutely nothing she can misinterpret for affection from me in that way.

There will be no more misunderstandings between us.

I have told her very clearly now on more than one occasion how I feel about this.

Friends?

Well we are sort of that still I suppose.

As I muse my cell beeps. Looking at it quickly I realise I have an almost instant response from her.

Yeah you? x

It is simply stated and then there is the little matter of the single kiss. I grit my teeth and ignore the unpleasant sensation it gives me to see it after the question mark. I think of the best way to reply and then type my answer out to her.

Yes

Nice and simple again. Nothing to blur the lines and nothing for her to reply to.

A second later in pops a reply.

Oh, that's good then

No kiss?

Intentional? I wonder for a moment.

I'm sorry. Are you talking to me again then now :) x

That message pops in. Great a kiss and one of those face thingys. So she is still trying. I take a deep breath and reply.

So you keep saying.

I expect she will reply, probably childishly with one of those sad smiley faces.

Sure enough a few minutes later in pops just that. A single one of those tiny little sad face thingys. No explanation for it and no words.

I frown.

What?

That is as simpler as reply as I can manage. It is the curiosity and intrigue getting to me again. Is she sad because I didn't answer her question in a straightforward manner, or is that sad face for something else?

The minutes tick by and I haven't received a reply yet. She must be writing an essay.


I have written this message now a thousand times. Ok that is a bit of an exaggeration but you know what I mean.

She has re-opened the channel of communication and it is so important that I get this right. I have so much I want to say but I don't want to bombard her with it all at once.

Gotta start slow.

Re-build the bridges I burnt.

Win her back.

Deleting what I have just typed out again, I start over.

Ok. Focus. Concentrate on what you really want to say. Remember what she said about your ramblings. She wasn't impressed, so don't do that again. Keep it simple.

Get it together! Come on!

God this would be so much easier face to face. I am deleting text from the screen again.

I take a deep breath.

Just ask. Just do it, just ask.

Can we meet and talk? Please x

I type and send before I can stop myself.

I exhale sharply realising that there is no way of undoing what I have just done now. I have bitten the bullet.

Now all I can do is wait.

Putting my phone down beside me I stare at it. Pushing the button to illuminate the screen everytime it threatens to go dark. I keep my focus on the centre waiting from the message box to appear on the screen.

My good guess would be that she says no, but still I will try to remain hopeful for a positive response.

It doesn't mean that the waiting and not knowing isn't torture though because it is!

Losing myself in thought for a moment, I jump when the phone vibrates beside me and pulls me back. As I look at it I can see all of the message in the box. Disappointment strikes, I knew it.

There is another buzz and another message jumps in and shows below the other.

I quickly pick up my cell and read it over and over. It's is only one word too but it holds so much possibility.

No.

That speech bubble ignore.

Why?

I stare at that one. It is a good of a question as any. Why?

I think for a second and then reply.

Because I need to explain properly x

I wait again then, and a second later as I exhale again out of relief another message appears.

I suppose. Meet me here at 2.

It is something at least and I can feel myself smiling a little for the first time in days as I read it.

She cares!

Woooooo